A Love Born From Steel
by MaineWriter
Summary: When Jack came to see Ennis after his divorce, Ennis said, See ya in a month. This story is my take on their experience, beginning with that fishing trip. Warning: mature themes and language. Comments welcome.
1. Chapter 1

17

A Love Born From Steel

_May, 1976_

Ennis Del Mar leaned against the side of his truck, smoking a cigarette, and staring down the long expanse of SR-789 that lay in front of him. He was in a tiny rest stop—parking lot, really—with three painted white lines to mark the spaces and a large yellow trash can emblazoned with a "DO NOT LITTER" logo. Ennis was waiting for Jack Twist, his "fishin' buddy" and best friend who now lived in Childress, Texas. Ennis and Jack got together two or three times a year to fish or hunt, but in reality, their time together was all about sex, with a fair amount of drinking thrown in for fun.

Ennis crushed the cigarette under his boot. Where the hell was Jack, anyway? Usually it was Ennis who ran late. He never wore a watch and had no concept of time. Since he had gotten divorced from Alma, he paid a bit more attention, since he had no one to ask what day of the week it was. Now, as Ennis leaned on his truck, he realized he had no idea what time it was, but he felt like he had been standing there long enough to understand that Jack was late.

He lit another cigarette and debated whether or not to pull a beer out of the cooler that was behind him in the truck bed. The beer won out. The spring sun was warm, Ennis was hot, and he realized he was thirsty. As he sipped the beer and smoked, he let his mind wander.

He had a series of mental images of Jack that he liked to flip through in his brain, as if he was looking at old photographs. As he ran through them, he realized that many of the pictures came from the summer of 1963, herding sheep up on Brokeback Mountain. Jack when they met; Jack playing the harmonica; Jack complaining about the tent that smelled like cat piss or worse. Jack, with a special look of tenderness and concern when he wiped the blood off Ennis's face after he'd been thrown from his horse. Ennis liked that picture. That was the first time he saw that look in Jack's eyes—a look that conveyed a thousand different emotions. Ennis was still trying to figure them all out.

A more recent picture came up in his mind—Jack last month. Ennis didn't like this one. He saw the hurt and confusion on Jack's face, the puzzlement as he said, "But En, I thought?…"

Ennis's divorce had been finalized in November. He sent Jack a postcard with the news and when Jack received it, he jumped in his truck and redlined it to Wyoming. Ennis was surprised when he pulled up at his line house—they had this fishing trip planned, so why did Jack show up a month early? As much as Ennis would have liked to let Jack stay, he couldn't—he had his daughters for the weekend, and needed to put in some extra hours at the ranch to cover the board for his horses.

Ennis knew Jack had been hurt by his rejection, which is why he tried to do something to make this weekend extra-special. He had a ranch hand buddy, Don Wroe, who had a cabin up in the Owl Creek Mountains. Three years before Don had let him use the cabin for a week of hunting with Jack, in exchange for helping Don replace the roof on his house in the summer. Ennis and Jack had a great time on that trip. They had gone hunting and bagged a big elk and played in the snow like a couple of school kids. It made Ennis realize the creature comforts of a cabin versus camping. They didn't need to worry about the fire as much, and since they could drive to the cabin, he didn't bring the horses. While he loved riding in the mountains, the horses were work, no matter which way you looked at it. Ennis had memories of putting their extra free time to good use in the sex and screw department.

A few weeks before, he'd asked Don if he could use the cabin for a fishing trip. "Sure," said Don, "I ain't plannin' on goin' up til Memorial Day, at the earliest." When Ennis asked what he could do in trade, Don told him that opening the camp for the season was enough. "I ain't been there since November," he said. "Make sure there ain't no varmints in the chimney or the walls, chop up a nice supply of wood for me, and yer all set." Ennis was grateful for his generosity. He didn't know many folks who would do something like this for him.

Jack and Ennis had been fishing together for nine years—ever since they got back together in 1967—but in reality, their lines never touched water. Not that Ennis didn't like to fish—he did—but when he was with Jack, they both found better things to do with their time. Yes, sex was a big part of it but sometimes it was just sitting around the fire and telling stories, swapping jokes. Jack was the only person in the world that Ennis felt truly comfortable with, no pretenses, no lies. While Ennis hadn't totally figured out where Jack fit in his life, one thing he knew—Jack was the best friend he ever had.

Since Alma wasn't around anymore to watch Ennis pack for his trip, he hadn't even bothered with the fishing gear this time. He knew they'd have the cabin, knew they would be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground in a tent. Ennis sometimes fantasized about screwing Jack so long, hard, and often, that they'd just pass out from exhaustion. What would that be like—covered with sticky sweat and spunk, lips bruised and sore from kisses, faces red and chapped from stubble burn. He felt himself getting aroused as he thought about it. "Hmm, Jack Twist," he thought to himself, "mebbe this will be the week I finally get to fuck your brains out."

He looked at the road again. He thought he saw a small dot shimmering in the distance, growing larger as he watched. "Please be Jack," he said. "I just want t'get the fuck on the road." He tossed the empty beer bottle in the trash can and stood up straighter in anticipation.

It was Jack. Ennis watched the blue Ford F-series pick up truck drive up, then turn off the road into the parking lot. Ennis strode over to the driver's side and pulled open the door. "Jack fuckin' Twist!" he yelled, his usual greeting.

"Sonofabitch," said Jack, somewhat less enthusiastically than Ennis. Ennis pulled Jack out of the truck in a big bear hug, then held his face and it pulled it towards him for a kiss. Ennis pushed his lips down on Jack's, but Jack twisted away. "Not here, En, we're out in the open."

"What the…? Fuck Jack, you're the first vehicle that's drove by in an hour, and I sure as hell know there ain't no other people around." He leaned in again and Jack submitted, but his lips felt cold and lifeless.

Ennis shook it off. "I ain't gonna worry," he thought to himself. There was always a bit of awkwardness between them when they got back together after their months apart. Sometimes it lasted hours, once—a day. Ennis liked it best when they found their groove early in their get-together, but he was willing to be patient. He realized he had the "divorce postcard visit" to atone for.

He looked at Jack's face. "Bud, you look exhausted." He noticed deep circles under Jack's eyes, which were bloodshot and bleary.

"I am," Jack replied. "I slept for an hour at the Colorado-Wyoming state line. I thought I'd drive off the road if'n I kept goin'."

"Well, then, gimme the keys, I'll drive." Ennis reached out his hand.

Jack looked around and it registered for the first time that Ennis didn't have his horses. Ennis picked up on his confusion. "Got us a treat, bud," he said, "I was able to borrow Don Wroe's cabin again. Remember that week when we used it before? We can have us a nice soft bed, a warm fire. Not hafta worry 'bout it rainin' or snowin'."

"Well, that's great, Ennis." Jack managed a weak smile, "Fuckin' great."

Ennis started transferring the gear from the back of his truck to Jack's. Cooler, duffle bag, a few bags of groceries. Jack usually brought the camping gear, but up at the cabin, all they'd really need were sleeping bags. It was pretty well equipped with everything else. Once everything was loaded, they turned towards the cab, but Jack paused. "Ya got some beers in that cooler?"

"Sure thing," said Ennis.

"Can I have one for the road?"

""Course, Jack, you don't need t'ask. Help yerself." Jack reached in and pulled out a cold one, twisted off the cap, and climbed into the truck next to Ennis. Ennis put the truck in gear and headed north on SR-789, towards Owl Creek.

* * *

Jack awoke to the feel of a large hand rubbing his cock. The room was pitch black and he was completely disoriented. Lureen rarely initiated sex these days, and if she did it wasn't in the middle of the night by massaging his dick. But he reached out a hand and felt the soft mattress and realized he was in a bed. Sex plus hard ground equals Ennis. Sex plus soft bed equals Lureen. Ergo—he said her name.

He heard a deep chuckle. "You callin' me yer wife's name?" said Ennis. "That's a first."

Jack was confused. "Where are we?" he asked.

"Don Wroe's cabin," said Ennis.

"And what time is it?"

"I dunno, late," Ennis replied.

Jack thought back, and then he remembered. They had gotten to the cabin in the late afternoon. After unloading their gear and putting their stuff away, Jack told Ennis he was going to take a little nap. "I'm tired from all the drivin'," he said. "Wake me for supper." Now he said to Ennis, "I thought I told you to wake me up."

"Cowboy, the way you was sleepin', I don't think a cannon goin' off in the cabin woulda woke you up. Besides, you looked so peaceful and restful-like, I thought it was better t'just let ya sleep."

"Oh." Jack removed Ennis's hand from his cock. "Hold on, bud, I gotta take a leak." As he sat up, he realized he was hungry. "You eat any supper?"

"I made myself a few sandwiches. Since you was sleepin' I didn't figure it was worth it t'dirty up a pan for just me. Why, ya hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm starving, as a matter of fact."

"Okay," Ennis sat up. "You go piss, I'll get ya something to eat." He stood up and walked to the center of the room, and lit the kerosene lamp that sat on the table.

Jack watched Ennis. He was naked and the shadows flickered over his body. Jack thought he had never seen a more perfect specimen of a man. He had broad shoulders and a muscled back, coming into a narrow waist and tight little ass. Jack knew he liked looking at men, but for him there was nothing finer than Ennis Del Mar.

Jack got up and walked out of the cabin. He was still dressed but his belt was unbuckled and fly unzipped. He stood on the front porch and pissed into the pitch black night. He came back in and saw Ennis putting a plate on the table that held a couple of sandwiches with some chips on the side. "Man, it's fuckin' freezin' out there," said Jack.

"Ain't Texas," replied Ennis. "Cold up here in the Wyoming mountains."

"Yeah, I know, I grew up in Wyoming," Jack said, sharply.

Ennis was taken aback at the edge in Jack's voice. "No need t'pick a fight, bud. I was just commentin'."

Jack sat at the table and started wolfing down the sandwiches. "These taste good," he said.

Ennis came over with two beers and sat down next to him. "Campin' food," he said.

"What?" asked Jack.

"Campin' food—peanut butter and jelly. Always tastes good in the woods." He smiled at Jack.

Jack picked up the beer and took a big swig. He looked at Ennis. To Jack, Ennis was the handsomest guy he ever met. The combination of blonde hair and brown eyes, lips that gave a quirky little smile—like he was smiling now—all combined to be one good looking sonofabitch. Jack thought to himself, "I'd die if I could never see his face again." Then he said out loud, "En, I….," but stopped.

"What?"

"Never mind. It's not important now. Mebbe later." Jack paused. He had come on this trip, planning to force the issue of being together or ending it completely. He had finally admitted to himself he couldn't go on living his life the way he had been. He needed to bring this up, but looking at Ennis with his puppy dog smile, Jack realized this wasn't right moment.

For Jack, the past month had been a living hell. After getting the brush-off from Ennis in Riverton, Jack had hopped into his truck and headed back to Texas. Instead of stopping in Childress, though, he had continued straight on through to Juarez, Mexico. There he picked up a guy on the street for some anonymous sex. But the act didn't provide any relief and just filled Jack with a feeling of self-hatred and despair.

He had gone back to Childress and basically spent the month drunk or stoned or both. He'd found some painkillers from an old prescription in the medicine chest. Washing two of those down with a pint of whiskey gave Jack a nice buzz before he passed out in bed. He came to work late and left early, and started drinking as soon as he got home. One day he came to work in the same shirt he had worn for three days. Lureen sent him home to change and he used that as an excuse to start drinking at 2 pm. He was passed out on the couch by the time she got home at 6.

Earlier that week, he realized he needed to sober up if he was going to get to Wyoming in one piece. He pulled himself out of bed at noon, took a long hot shower, then headed into town for a haircut and shave. He had a late lunch at the café on Main Street, then drove out of town and spent the afternoon smoking in his truck, watching the wind blow the dust across the west Texas prairie, thinking about Ennis, thinking about his life.

He got home in the early evening and started packing his gear for the trip. Lureen noticed how he looked better than he had in weeks. "Just in time to see your fishin' buddy," she commented, sarcastically.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Lureen," he said. "This has been a bad month. We'll talk when I get back. We need to."

She nodded. She wasn't sure what had set Jack off on this bender, but figured it was better to just wait it out. She had a feeling that Jack would finally come to his senses, and it looked like he had. Jack loaded his truck, gave Lureen a peck on the cheek, and headed north into the night, listening to the AM station that came in on a clear signal from Denver.

"Penny for yer thoughts, bud," said Ennis, pulling Jack into the present. "You look like yer a million miles away." Jack shook his head. He still had that slightly dazed and disoriented feeling, like he didn't really know where he was. Ennis stood up and picked up the plate and empty bottles. "Want another beer?" Ennis asked.

Jack shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

Ennis looked at him. "Well, then, rodeo, since yer done eating, and ya don't want to talk, and you don't want to drink, I guess there's only one thing left to do, if ya catch my drift." He winked at him. Jack smiled back.

"Okay, cowboy," Jack said, as he removed his clothes. They climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers up. Ennis positioned himself as he always did, behind Jack, his arms around him a close embrace. He reached down and once again, took hold of Jack's cock, massaging it with his long fingers. Jack started to feel the warmth of arousal flow through his body. But before they got to the point of some serious screwing, Jack fell back into a deep, deep, sleep.

* * *

The next evening, they were sitting in front of the fire in two worn easy chairs, Ennis sipping whiskey from a cup, Jack from the bottle. It was a measure of the disconnect between them that they were sitting separately in two chairs, not in each other's arms, or laying naked on the floor, or screwing in bed, any of which Ennis would have preferred at that moment. But he was taking his cue from Jack, who seemed inclined to just sit and stare into the fire.

The day had been…odd. They woke up in the morning and Jack still seemed to have no interest in sex, or even a little cuddling and making out. They'd eaten breakfast and Jack suggested they go for a hike in the woods, maybe pack a picnic. They set out on a trail that started behind the cabin, but it was too early in the season for hiking and the trail was muddy. Black flies and mosquitoes buzzed around their heads. After an hour they turned back and ended up eating their lunch on the porch.

After lunch, Jack had said he was going to take another nap. Ennis, bored, rummaged around the cabin and found some fishing tackle in the back of a closet. He recognized the irony of actually fishing on one of their fishing trips, and now wished he'd brought his own gear. He spent the afternoon standing next to the small stream that ran by the cabin, and managed to catch a few brown trout, which he fried up for supper. Supper, like lunch, was a mostly silent affair, and it seemed the silence was going to continue on into the evening.

Jack stirred and ended the stillness, his voice low, but clear. "Ya ever listen to th'words of songs on th'radio, Ennis?" he asked, idly.

"Not really. Don't listen t'much music, y'know."

"Yeah—well, while drivin' up here there was this one song that kept playin' over and over. Must be number one on the charts or somethin', must've heard it a dozen times, so I started listenin' t'the words. It was interestin'…'bout this guy and girl who wanta t'kill themselves…the guy tryin' to persuade the girl it was okay, nothin' t'be afraid of…."

"Jesus, that's depressin'," said Ennis. "What happened to sex and drugs?"

"Yeah, sex," said Jack, with a rueful laugh, "no, he was singin' 'bout Romeo 'n Juliet, bein' together for all eternity…" He turned to Ennis and looked at him directly, "We could do that, y'know."

"Do what?" said Ennis, not fully following Jack's train of thought.

"Kill ourselves. Like in the song. Be together for eternity."

"Fuck, Jack, don't talk like that," said Ennis, a mild panic rising in the back of his throat. "I don't wanta kill myself."

"Why not?" said Jack, turning back to the fire. "Why not? We're grown men, we could do it." His voice had this lazy, idle quality, which Ennis found alarming. In another conversation, he might have been talking about sports scores or the weather but here he was talking about committing suicide. "It would be a way for us to be together."

"Goddamn," said Ennis, "y'don't know where ya go when yer dead. Don't say we'd be together like some fuckin' song. We could be roastin' in hell or frozen in the ground. We wouldn't be together—don't say that shit."

"Well we ain't together now so what difference does it make whether I'm dead or alive?" said Jack, taking a sip from the bottle.

"We are together, Jack," said Ennis, "but yer fuckin' ruinin' it with all this talk about killin' yerself."

"I'm ruinin' it Ennis? I'm the one that's fuckin' ruinin' it?" asked Jack, with a cruel edge to his voice.

"And what the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?" said Ennis, his panic coming through, even though he tried to remain calm.

"Y'know what it means," said Jack. "I don't need t'explain it."

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, then Jack spoke again, the same lazy, eerie voice. "I'd do it with a gun," he mused, "put a gun in my mouth. I'd bet it would be quick, wouldn't hurt. Prob'ly sorta sexy, don'tcha think? Cold, hard, steel in my mouth? I could pretend it's you."

Ennis felt his panic overtake him. He had no idea what to say. In his fog of confusion, he wondered if there was a gun in the cabin. He hadn't brought one because it wasn't hunting season, but who knew what Don Wroe kept stored away. "Holy shit," he thought, "I hope he has a gun closet that's locked." Then he remembered that they drove up in Jack's truck. What the fuck, could there be a gun in the truck? "Sweet Jesus," he silently prayed, "please don't let there be a gun in the truck."

Ennis stood up, crossed over to Jack's chair, and took his face in his hands, "Stop sayin' this shit, Jack," he said, "Yer scarin' me. I know ya don't wanta kill yerself, stop talkin' like this."

Jack looked at him, a cold, hard glint to his eyes. "Y'know I don't wanta kill myself? How do you know what I want?"

"Because Jack," pleaded Ennis, not sure what to say, "because…"

Jack took Ennis's hands off his face and gripped him roughly by the wrists. "Well, lemme tell ya what I want, Ennis. What I want is to be with you, that's what I want. And you fuckin' well know it but won't do it, so now mebbe what I want is to be dead."

"Oh, Jesus, Jack, we are together," said Ennis, who felt tears coming to his eyes. "Can't ya understand that?"

"No, Ennis, we ain't together. Being fuckbuddies for a week once or twice a year is not bein' together. I want you, I want all of you, all of the time. I want you in my _life. _I want you to _be_ my life."

Ennis bowed his head. He felt tears dripping down his cheeks, but Jack still gripped his wrists so tightly that he couldn't use his hands to wipe them away.

Jack looked down at Ennis, kneeling in front of him. Jack felt like an iron hand was gripping his heart, squeezing all the life out of it. "That day last month was the worst fuckin' day of my entire miserable life," he said.

"What day?" whispered Ennis.

"You know what fuckin' day, you asshole." The hatred in Jack's voice ripped at Ennnis's soul. "You send me a postcard that says you're divorced. I drive fourteen fuckin' hours and you turn me away like I'm some fuckin' door-to-door salesman. Can't even find it in you to give me ten fuckin' minutes of your precious time."

"Jesus, Jack, don't say this," said Ennis, tears now pouring down his face. He ground his fists into his eyes as if gouging them out would stop the crying.

"I am goin' to say it, Ennis, because you need to fuckin' hear it. Ev'ry time I said let's get together, it was always your life in Riverton, Alma and the girls. Well, the way I see it now, you ain't got no fuckin' life in Riverton but you still say fuckin' no to me. What's yer excuse this time, Ennis? Money? Your job? It's finally become fuckin' clear to me where I am on your list of priorities and it ain't at the top."

"Guys can't live together, Jack," croaked Ennis, his voice barely audible, "y'know that. I told ya 'bout Rich and Earl. We'd be killed."

Jack threw the whiskey bottle at the hearth—it shattered in a million shards of glass, the whiskey pooling on the granite stones. He stood up and grabbed Ennis by the shoulders and pulled him to his feet. "Listen to yerself, you goddamn fuckin' asshole. At least fuckin' Rich and Earl had a life together before they ended up dead. We ain't got no life and I'm dyin' anyway. And yer the one who's fuckin' killin' me!" He whirled away, leaving Ennis to stagger backwards on his heels.

"What?" said Ennis, confusion in his voice.

"You always thought that if we fuckin' got together, some stranger would come in the dark of night and beat us dead in our bed, right? Well, it's fuckin' ironic that it ain't no stranger, it's you. Yer breakin' my heart, Ennis, breakin' it one piece at a time, and it's killin' me, just as surely if you stabbed a knife in it. I could put a gun in my mouth and it would be over and done with and be a whole hell of a lot less painful than what yer puttin' me through." His shoulders slumped as his energy drained out of him. He felt the dark cloud of depression begin to fill the space behind his eyes. He sighed, and looked around the room. "What the fuck am I doin' here?"

Ennis came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close. He leaned in and whispered, "C'mon, let's go to bed, you'll feel better after a good night's sleep."

Jack snorted, "Yeah, sleep. Like that'll fix it and make it all okay. Let me tell ya, Ennis, sleep doesn't make the pain go away because ya wake up in the morning and it's still there. Drinkin' don't make it go away neither—I feel like I've been drunk for a month and the pain is still there. Goin' to Mexico and fuckin' prostitutes don't do it either," he said. "Maybe a gun is the solution."

Ennis stiffened. He wasn't sure what he had just heard. Mexico? Prostitutes? He felt a flush of anger creeping up his neck and face. "Ja…" he started, then clamped his mouth shut. "No need to go there," he thought, "at least not now."

Jack felt Ennis stiffen, heard the 'ga' in his throat. Jack realized he could turn around, he could say to Ennis, "Yeah, hell, I've been to Mexico, I've been fucked by guys in Mexico and it wasn't ever like bein' fucked by you, Ennis," but he didn't. He couldn't. There was an invisible line, a line that Jack wouldn't cross because he knew that would be going too far.

He stood there, slumped, in Ennis's arms. "C'mon Jack, yer exhausted. Lemme help ya get ready for bed." Ennis unbuttoned Jack's shirt, pulled it off his shoulders and arms, and laid it on the back of the chair. He unbuckled Jack's belt, unzipped his fly and started to push his jeans down around his hips when Jack elbowed him, hard, in the ribs. "Get the fuck off me, I can undress myself." Ennis stepped back, stunned. He felt the anger start to rise, this time in his chest and spreading through his body. He stood there. Jack ripped off his jeans, threw them angrily across the floor and walked towards the bed. "Just leave me the fuck alone," he snarled. Then in a voice laced with sarcasm he said, "No sex tonight, honey, I have a headache."

Ennis stood there, stricken. He squeezed his temples with his right hand, pulled his hand tightly down the bridge of his nose. He watched Jack pull the covers of the sleeping bag over his head, then turned and walked back to the worn easy chair in front of the fire. He pulled out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket, picked up the cup with an inch of whiskey still remaining, and took a sip. He slumped in the chair, staring at the dying embers of the fire.

* * *

Jack woke the next morning to brittle sun slivering through the glass of the window. Every muscle in his body ached. He rubbed his eyes, ran his tongue over his teeth, which felt thick and fuzzy with the detritus of the night. He rubbed his head but realized he didn't have a hangover—one of the few times he had awakened clear headed in the past month. But then his words of the night before came rushing back to him. He remembered them all. "Aw fuck," he thought, wishing he had drunk enough to forget everything.

He turned—Ennis wasn't in the cabin. He pushed himself up on his elbow and saw Ennis loading some of their gear into the back of the truck. Jack fell back against the bed, despair flooding through him. "That's it," he thought, "It's over." He knew he had come on this trip planning on ending it with Ennis, but now that it appeared to be happening, he was filled with sadness. "What the fuck have I done?" he cried in his mind, as he buried his face in the pillow.

He laid like that for a long time, listening to Ennis moving around outside. He heard him chopping wood, the chunk-thunk of the axe moving in a simple cadence. Jack pushed himself up again, and this time looked around the cabin. He saw that the broken glass on the hearth had all been swept clean. His eyes drifted over to the table, where Jack saw a bowl, a glass of juice, and a carton of milk. A spoon was laid neatly next to the bowl. "What the…?" thought Jack. The coffee pot was hissing on the woodstove, and a small fire was burning in the hearth.

Wearily, Jack pulled himself up out of bed. He retrieved his pants from the corner where he had thrown them the night before, and lifted his shirt off the back of the chair. As he buttoned up his shirt and walked towards the table, he saw that Ennis had poured Cheerios into the bowl. "What the…?" he thought. Ennis never made breakfast and although it could be argued that pouring cereal into a bowl wasn't exactly gourmet cooking, it was a small act of kindness that Jack wasn't expecting.

He sat down at the table and poured some milk over the cereal. He picked up the spoon and began to eat woodenly, taking big gulps of orange juice between bites.

Ennis walked into the cabin. "Oh good, yer up," he said. He was smiling.

"Ennis…?" Jack said.

"We'll talk in a minute," Ennis said, nodding at the table. "Eat yer breakfast. I gotta few more things to do." The screen door slammed as he walked back out of the cabin.

Jack felt a misery growing through him like a cancer. "He was fuckin' smiling," he thought. "He's so glad to be rid of me, he's smilin' like the cat that swallowed the canary."

A few minutes later, Ennis came back into the cabin. He emptied an armful of chopped logs in the woodbox, then walked over to the cabinet and took out two heavy ceramic mugs and filled them with coffee from the pot on the woodstove. He walked over to the table and put one mug in front of Jack. He then stood there, sipping his own coffee, looking at Jack.

Jack looked at him, puzzled. "What's goin' on, Ennis? We leavin' early?"

"Yup," said Ennis, sitting in the chair next to Jack. "We've got a lotta drivin' t'do."

"But it's not so far to yer truck, just 'bout two hours."

"Yeah, but bud, we're goin' t'Texas." Jack was puzzled. Texas?

Ennis turned his chair to face Jack and pulled up close, their knees touching. "Okay, now we're gonna talk." Jack noticed that Ennis was no longer smiling—his face was serious. "Y'know Jack, I sat in that chair all night," he nodded towards the chair by the fire, "and did a lot of thinking. You said some right hurtful things to me, things that were downright cruel."

Jack started to say, "I'm sor…" but Ennis held up his hand and shook his head.

"Lemme talk." He paused, then continued, "I thought long and hard about what ya said, Jack. I think I can recite ev'ry word, they're branded on my brain." Jack's eyes fell. He knew he had been hateful.

Ennis reached forward and put his hands on Jack's thighs, gripping them tightly in his big hands. His voice dropped a notch. "I thought you said all those things to hurt me, and you did. I thought you was bein' cruel to drive me away." Ennis shifted his weight, "But then I realized, Jack, that even if mebbe we haven't been the best to each other, you ain't ever lied t'me. At least I don't think ya ever lied to me."

"No, Ennis," whispered Jack. "I ain't ever lied to you."

"And I ain't ever lied to you. And so as I thought about it, I realized that last night was prob'ly not the night when you was gonna start lyin'—and then I knew then that ev'rything you was sayin' was the truth." Jack nodded, still not looking Ennis in the eye.

Ennis leaned even further forward, and now took both Jack's hands in his own. "Jack you was talkin' about killin' yerself. I couldn't believe it, Jack—but there was a gun—"

Jack interrupted him, his voice still a whisper, "There's a gun in the glove box in the truck."

Ennis nodded, "I know Jack. I found it. It ain't there now." Jack looked alarmed. "Don't worry, it's safe, it just ain't somewhere where you're gonna find it easily."

Again, Ennis hitched forward, moving even closer to Jack. He held Jack's right hand with his left, and used his right index finger to push up Jack's chin. "Lookit me, bud." Their eyes fixed together. "Jack, if you died, I couldn't live. And if you killed yerself because of me, well then, I'd hafta kill myself, because I could never live with that weight on my shoulders." He paused. "And I realized that if we're gonna start killin' ourselves and endin' up dead, we might as well try livin' together before we do, because what's the point of being dead if we haven't done the thing that was gonna get us killed in the first place?"

Jack looked puzzled. "Ennis, what the fuck are ya sayin'?"

"I'm sayin' yes, Jack. I'm sayin' yes to the question you've asked me ev'ry time we've been together for the last nine years. I'm sayin' yes to some sweet life, yes to a cow and calf operation, yes to whatever other crazy fuckin' idea ya might have."

"Oh, Ennis," Jack breathed, "don't be cruel."

"I ain't being cruel, Jack, I'm tellin' ya the truth. You said last night, 'I want you, I want all of you, all of the time. I want you in my _life. _I want you to _be_ my life.' Jack, that's what I want, too."

"Oh, God, Ennis." Jack felt himself starting to tremble.

Ennis took Jack's face in both of his hands. "I love you, Jack. It's that simple."

At that point, Jack truly lost it. He fell forward into Ennis's arms, his breath rasping and chest heaving, thirteen years of bottled up emotion exiting his body. Giant sobs escaped from his mouth and tears poured down his cheeks. Jack almost felt as if he was going to piss himself. "Oh God, Ennis, oh, God…."

Ennis pulled him close, stroking his hair, "It's okay cowboy, I'm here and I ain't ever goin' away." With his other hand he made rhythmic circles on Jack's back, "It's okay, lil darlin', it's okay babe, I love you."

Jack thought he would die at the sound of the words coming out of Ennis's mouth. Ennis, usually hard pressed to tell someone the time of day, was now reciting endearments and I-love-yous as if they were a mantra. "Oh, Ennis, I love you."

"I know you do, cowboy. I love you." They sat there like that for a long time, Jack alternately crying and gasping, while Ennis continued to murmur in his ear. Finally, Jack pulled himself back from Ennis's embrace and took a deep shuddering breath. He looked at Ennis, his face tear streaked and his eyes red. "So what happens now?"

"Well, I figured we could head down to Texas and pick up yer stuff. We can talk to Lureen, tell her what's goin' on, you want t'get divorced."

"We? We tell her I want a divorce?"

"Well, you can talk to her 'bout that, I s'pose, but I thought it was right to give her the opportun'ty to meet the guy that's busting up her marriage." Jack's head was spinning. "Then, we'll come back to Riverton, pack up my stuff. Won't take long, I don't own shit and the line cabin I'm in is a month-to-month rental. I'll need to talk t'Alma, make some arrangements 'bout the girls."

"Then what?" asked Jack.

"Well then, I figured we could go up t'yer daddy's place. You always said he needs help."

"Yeah, but…" Jack was still having a hard time putting thoughts together.

"For the summer, Jack, not forever. It's May. It's the time a'year when he's gonna need some help and we can give it t'him. How big's the ranch?"

"Not that big…"

"Yeah, but he must have a north 40?" Jack nodded. "With a cabin?"

"Yeah, but it's fallin' down."

"Well Jack, I figure that's one of the advantages of two guys fallin' in love. We're big strong fellas, we know how to hammer nails—we can fix up the cabin, live there for the summer—not right under yer daddy's nose, but still give him a hand with the cattle and mending the fences. Do some of the work he ain't managed to do all these years." Jack felt himself start to tremble again and Ennis laughed, "You feel like a newborn colt, all shaky like that." Jack nodded, held tight in Ennis's arms. The description was apt.

Ennis continued, "We'll have the summer to figure out what we're gonna do, where we're gonna go."

"But money, jobs…" Jack mumbled.

"Like I said, Jack, we've got the summer. That's plenty o'time to figure out the rest of our lives, or at least the next step."

They sat a minute more, then Ennis stood up and cleared the table. He washed the dishes at the pump outside the door then came back in the cabin. Jack looked at him, "So we gotta leave today?"

Ennis shrugged, "The way I figure it, this cabin, our fishin' trips—that's our old life. What's starting today is our new life. And frankly, now that I've made up my mind, I want to get goin' on the new life. I think it sounds pretty excitin'."

"I do too," said Jack. "But can't we have one last fuck here to celebrate before we leave?"

"One last fuckbuddy fuck?" asked Ennis, raising an eyebrow. Jack nodded.

"Sorry bud, no more fuckbuddy fucks. Those days are over. Now we have lover fucks, and I can guarantee you, they are going to be a whole hell of a lot better than fuckbuddy fucks ever were."

Jack finally laughed. "Fuckbuddy fucks, lover fucks, who gives-a-shit fucks, Ennis, can we just have a good screw before we get on the road?"

Ennis pushed Jack backwards across the room as he unbuttoned his shirt, "I thought you'd never ask."


	2. Chapter 2

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 2

They ended up staying at the cabin for an extra day. The "celebratory fuck" turned into an ongoing event, and Ennis finally achieved his dream of "fuckin' Jack's brains out." To be honest, at the end of it, Ennis wasn't quite sure where his brains were either. Like a pair of horny teenagers, they lunged at each other with a ferocity born of passion, and a hunger born of years of repressed emotion. "I think we let the genie out of the bottle," said Jack.

"I told you that lover fucks was gonna be diffr'nt," replied Ennis. They screwed on the bed, on the floor, in the worn easy chair, and even on the porch, which happened when Ennis grabbed Jack from behind when Jack had gone out to piss. When they got hungry, Ennis made more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Ennis took a big bite of one and suddenly, Jack pulled him in for a kiss, and with his tongue, fished the bite of sandwich out of Ennis's mouth. "What am I, the mama bird?" Ennis drawled.

"Yup, feedin' her little baby chick," said Jack, as he broke off another bite of sandwich and put it in Ennis's mouth.

Jack found other uses for the peanut butter, too, slathering it on Ennis's erect cock and then slowly, slowly, licking it off. Ennis groaned in pleasure, "Jack, please…"

"Hold on, cowboy, I gotta get it nice and clean," said Jack, "I ain't letting you shove no peanut butter up my ass."

But even with the games, the playing, and the rough and tumble sex, they both knew that there was a difference—no longer just fucking, it was truly making love, and they felt as if they were trying to merge their bodies and souls into one as they pressed ever closer. Jack looked deep into Ennis's eyes and saw an intensity and ardor he had never seen before. "Is that what love looks like?" he asked and Ennis pulled him close.

"I don't know what it looks like, but I can sure as hell tell you what it feels like, and shit, it feels good. Rodeo, I love you," he said.

"I know," said Jack.

"And it's kinda fun tellin' ya, too."

"I can tell," laughed Jack. Later, in a playful moment that turned serious, Jack asked Ennis, "You ever tell Alma you love her?"

"Not much," said Ennis.

"Did you love her?"

"Truth be told, Jack, the way I feel now makes me think that no, I'm not sure I ever did. I was fond of her, sure, and if'n I hadn't met you and just married her I prob'ly would have gone on thinkin' it was love…" his voice drifted off. "What 'bout you, you love Lureen?"

Jack shook his head, "No…she was a right fun li'l gal and we got along—at least at the beginning. She was cute and sassy and had a good sense of humor, but I never loved her. How could I, Ennis? I was in love with you."

"You was in love with me?"

"Ennis, I fell in love with you up on Brokeback Mountain. Hell, there are some days I think I fell in love with you the day we met, outside Aguirre's trailer. Love at first sight and all that shit." Jack could see that Ennis was digesting this bit of information, turning it over in his mind. "What 'bout you?"

"Hell, Jack, I dunno…I think back to Brokeback and remember bein' really happy and havin' such a good time with you. But I didn't have the words for guys bein' in love so I don't think I let myself feel it as love. I spent a lot of time pushin' the feelings away."

Jack took Ennis's face in his hands. "Well, I'm glad you found the words last night," as he leaned in for a ravenous kiss. Ennis broke away and gave him a wink.

"You get all mushy on me, I think I need t'teach ya a lesson," he said, as he flipped Jack over and pulled him up on his knees. He spit into his hand, "We're gonna do it the ol'fashioned Brokeback way," he said, as he eased his cock into Jack's ass. "Like that cowboy?" he said.

"Y'know I do," moaned Jack, as he moved in rhythm with Ennis. Their release was simultaneous and they collapsed, Ennis on top of Jack, sticky and sweaty, their consummation, for the moment, complete.

Jack woke a little while later to the sight of Ennis rubbing a spot on the skin above Jack's collarbone, and chuckling to himself. "Whatcha laughin' at, cowboy?" he asked.

"I branded you."

"What?" asked Jack, confused.

"I branded you. You got a great big ol'hickey, right here," said Ennis, massaging the spot with his finger.

"What!" said Jack, leaping up, and trying to look at his reflection in the glass of the window. "Lureen sees this she'll shit a brick!"

"Hold yer horses, cowboy," laughed Ennis, "She ain't gonna see it, it'll be under yer shirt. Besides, you tell her yer leavin' her for me, I think she'll figure out it ain't poker we been playin' together." Ennis leaned in, and started licking and sucking the skin on the other side of Jack's neck.

"Whatcha doin' now?"

"Givin' ya another one," mumbled Ennis, his head buried in Jack's neck. "Circle E Ranch."

And so it went, both of them pouring themselves into each other, as if they were empty vessels that needed to be filled. The day faded into evening, the evening faded into night, and finally, spent and exhausted, they fell asleep, a tangle of arms, legs, and blankets, twisted on the bed.

* * *

They woke up the next morning to overcast skies and a persistent drizzle. Jack pushed himself up on his elbow, looked out the window and said, "Oh, what a beautiful mornin'!" Ennis pointed out hat it was raining and Jack replied, "It could be a fuckin' blizzard out there and I would think it was a beautiful morning." He leaned in for a kiss and then said, "Ennis, I am the happiest man in the world today."

Ennis smiled. "I feel pretty good myself," he replied.

Jack stood up and stretched. "Man, I'm starvin'. Did I see some bacon and eggs in the cooler?"

"Sure did."

"Well then, I'm gonna fry us up a big ol'west Texas breakfast."

They both got up and started on the chores of the morning. Ennis stoked the fire in the woodstove and heated up a pot of water. They tried to clean up—as much as was possible—with the little rag that passed for a washcloth. Ennis shaved but Jack, rubbing his face, said, "I hate shavin'. Mebbe I'll grow a beard."

Ennis handed him the razor. "Don't you grow no fuckin' beard, cowboy. I like you just the way you are." Jack laughed and acquiesced.

They lingered over their breakfast of eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes, smoking cigarettes while they drank their coffee. Jack said, "Y'know, En, I've been thinkin' 'bout this trip ya got planned."

Ennis looked at him, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, well, it's prob'ly gonna take me more'n a coupla days to straighten out ev'rything with Lureen and my job and all…I'll prob'ly need to be there for a week or two, mebbe more."

"And…?"

"Well, what I'm sayin', Ennis, is if ya don't wanna go to Texas for a coupla weeks, ya don't have to. You can stay in Riverton and I'll pick ya up on the way back."

"Here we just got together and now yer tryin' to get rid of me?" asked Ennis, with a wink.

"I'm not tryin' to get rid of you...you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Ennis, "but the fact is, Jack, I wanna go with you. I've never been to Texas."

Jack snorted. "Texas ain't so great." He paused and then looked at Ennis with a sly expression. "It ain't about Texas, is it?"

Ennis looked down, a flush creeping up his cheeks, and nodded. "No, it ain't about Texas. I wanna be with you."

Jack crushed his cigarette in the ashtray and pulled Ennis to his feet. "Well, that deserves a kiss," he said. "Cowboy, I wanna be with you too."

Later, when they had finished packing the truck and cleaning the cabin, they were sitting side by side on the edge of the porch, smoking one last cigarette before they got on the road. Ennis said, "Jack, can I ask ya somethin'?"

"Shoot," replied Jack.

"Well, yesterday, when we was talkin'…when you was talkin' about Brokeback Mountain and love at first sight and all that…and ya didn't even know me…" Ennis let his voice trail off, hoping Jack would catch on, which he did.

"Ya mean, I must've known I liked guys?"

Ennis nodded. Jack thought for a minute, thinking back to that summer. "Well, I had started to figure it out, I think." He paused, then said, "The summer when I was fifteen, my daddy hired this ranch hand, a guy named Steve. I thought Steve was the best lookin' fella I had ever seen." He looked over at Ennis. "He looked sorta like you, in fact, 'cept his eyes were blue, not brown." Jack poked Ennis in the ribs. "You must be my type," and Ennis gave an embarrassed little laugh.

"Anyway, one night I was layin' in my bed and I started playin' with myself and I realized I was picturin' Steve. I got real hot and well…" Jack shrugged.

"He ever do anythin' to you?" Ennis asked.

"Oh no, nothin'," Jack shook his head. "I think he thought of me like a little brother. He taught me a bunch of stuff, was real nice to me. I had a crush on him, but I don't think he knowed it. I'm not sure I ever felt his skin, even touched his hand, t'be honest."

"Well, okay then, if you were figurin' it out, why did ya marry Lureen?" asked Ennis.

Jack smiled ruefully, "Ain't _that_ the $64,000 question. Why…'cause I was s'posed to? 'Cause I was tryin' to get over you? 'Cause I thought I could cure myself?"

They sat quietly for a minute, then Ennis said, "See Jack, that's what I don't get. I ain't looked at other guys, I ain't interested in other guys. It's just you."

Jack picked up Ennis's hand, and began massaging his long fingers. "I know, En, it's confusin' and I ain't got all the answers." He paused, "I do think we was meant to be together…" They lapsed into silence. Jack thought there probably was a fundamental difference between them, in that Ennis could give his heart to only one person and that it was a lifetime commitment. Jack was profoundly grateful that he was that person. But Jack also realized that if Ennis had rejected him and sent him away, he would have tried to find someone else. Ennis, on the other hand, probably would have accepted his lot in life, and ended up spending his days alone. Jack understood that he needed love and a stable relationship, and he wanted it to be with a man, while Ennis simply needed… Jack. At that moment, Jack's realization of the role they played in each other's life was both humbling and awe-inspiring. As these thoughts came to the forefront of Jack's mind, he was suddenly engulfed by a feeling so powerful and intense that it brought tears, unbidden, to his eyes. He tried to brush them away before Ennis noticed, but wasn't quick enough.

Ennis wiped Jack's cheek and gave him a puzzled look, "Why yer cryin', rodeo?" Jack shook his head, unable to speak. Ennis chuckled and in a low, soft voice said, "I think it's time for an 'I love you, cowboy,'" and pulled Jack close in a warm embrace. They sat that way for a long time, the drizzle collecting wet on their shoulders.

* * *

They finally got in the truck and started driving south, heading towards Riverton and points beyond. While they were driving, they discussed the trip, and Ennis came to agree with Jack that probably a few weeks, at least, in Texas, were necessary. Ennis said that wrapping up his life in Riverton wouldn't take long, so they decided to make that the first stop, and then leave for Childress. Ennis picked up his truck at the rest area and Jack followed him the rest of the way to his little line house, ten miles out of town.

Ennis decided to go see Alma that afternoon. "Ain't lookin' forward t'this, might as well get it done and over with." Ennis pulled a coffee can off the shelf, counted out some bills and put them in an envelope in his pocket. "Child support," he said, by way of explanation. Jack nodded and offered to start cleaning out the kitchen. Ennis said he'd bring back some empty boxes to pack his stuff. "I'll pick up somethin' for supper, too, while I'm in town. Ya like ribs?"

Jack laughed. ""Course I like ribs. Who doesn't?"

Ennis gave Jack a quick hug, and climbed into his truck. "See ya in a coupla hours, cowboy," he called out, as he drove away.

Ennis parked his truck behind the laundromat and climbed the stairs to the apartment where Alma still lived with the girls. He knocked on the door and called in, "Alma, ya home?"

"Door's unlocked."

He entered the apartment and found her in the living room folding laundry. "Didn't expect t'see you today, Ennis," she said.

"Yeah, well, we need t'talk. I'm makin' some changes, leavin' Riverton." Alma looked very surprised at this bit of news.

As she held up one of Jenny's shirts, Ennis noticed she was wearing a gold ring with a tiny diamond on her left hand. He pointed, "What's that?"

"Oh," she said, "Monroe's asked me t'marry him."

"Well, congratulations, then," said Ennis. "You happy?"

"I s'pose." Her answer filled Ennis with a profound sense of sadness, as well as a little guilt. He realized he hadn't been good to Alma, had been a lousy husband and a mediocre father, and knew she deserved more. And now, knowing what the feeling of blazing love in his heart felt like, he wanted that for her. Monroe was a decent guy, a little boring perhaps, but Ennis knew he would be attentive to Alma and the girls and be a good provider. But Alma's dejected "s'pose" didn't seem to carry much weight of love, and no passion at all.

"Ya set a date?"

"We're thinkin' July 24th. It's a Saturday." She put the folded shirt in the basket and picked up another. "So, y'said yer leavin'?"

"Yeah, goin' to Texas, for a few weeks, mebbe a month, not sure…then back to Wyoming, maybe head up to Lightning Flat."

"And yer doin' this alone?"

Ennis shook his head. "Here comes the hard part," he thought, and then said out loud, "No, I'm goin' with my buddy Jack."

Ennis saw Alma's lip curl in distaste at the mention of his name. "Jack Twist?"

"Yes, Alma, Jack Twist. He's the only Jack I know."

"Whatcha goin' with him for?" she asked.

"He's gettin' divorced, like me. I'm goin' to give him a hand."

"What's he need a hand for?" Alma asked, her voice petulant and bitter. "He didn't give you a hand when you got divorced."

Ennis sighed. He didn't like they way the conversation was going, and thought it best to change the subject. He pulled the envelope out from his pocket and handed it to her. "This is $250," he said, "child support for June. I'm payin' ya early." Alma took the envelope and nodded. "When I figure out where I am in July, I'll either mail ya the money, or bring it by, dependin'."

She nodded again, then said, "You didn't answer my question."

"Which question?" asked Ennis, knowing full well which one but still hoping he could avoid the subject.

"Why does yer buddy Jack Twist," she said, almost spitting out the name, "need help gettin' divorced?"

Ennis thought for a moment. He realized he could lie, or tell the truth. He also realized that lying would diminish his relationship with Jack and given all they had been through in the past few days, he didn't want to do that. He opted for the truth, "Alma, Jack and I are gettin' together."

Her eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"

Ennis bit his lower lip. Was she being dim on purpose? Or just mean? He said, "We've decided to ranch up together," he said. "We're in love."

"That's disgusting," she said, her face twisted in an angry scowl.

"What's disgusting about it?" he said. "Aren't you in love with Monroe?"

"Y'know what I mean, Ennis," she said, "Two men…two men…" She seemed unable to finish the sentence.

Ennis sighed again, feeling weary and tired and just wishing he could end the conversation and get out of the tiny apartment. Alma stepped around from the laundry basket, and moved close to Ennis, poking her finger in his chest. "I've known all along," she said, "I saw you kissin' him that first day he came 'round, kissin' him down on the stairs."

"Well if y'knew, why didn't ya say somethin'? Could've saved us both a lot of misery."

"Because it was disgusting and I didn't want to know that I was married to a queer and a faggot."

Like a white hot bolt of lightning, anger poured through Ennis's body. He grabbed Alma by the shirt and pulled her close to his face, "Now you listen to me, and you listen good. I don't want you to ever call me one of those fuckin' names again. You can call me Ennis, you can call me yer ex-husband, or you can call me the father of yer daughters. But I don't ever want to hear those goddamn fuckin' words ever comin' out of yer mouth again, ya understand?"

Alma was trembling, but managed to say, "You won't be here, Ennis, so how will ya know what I'm sayin'?"

Ennis felt his hand ball into a fist, but used all his energy to control his temper. He knew he was quick to hit and prone to violence, but it was a point of personal pride that he had never hit his wife. "Since I won't be here, whoever yer talkin' to, it's none of their fuckin' business where I am or what I'm doin' right? So you don't need to say anythin', just say, 'My ex-husband Ennis moved to Texas,' and leave it at that." He stepped back, letting go of her shirt with his right hand, flexing the fingers of his left, trying to exorcise his anger.

"Tell ya what, Ennis, you pay your child support on time, like yer s'posed to, and I won't say anythin'. But the minute yer late—one day late—I'm goin' back to the judge and demand that you never be allowed to see the girls again. I'll tell the judge what kind of man you are and why you shouldn't be allowed around Alma and Jenny."

The white hot anger flowed through Ennis, but once again, he managed to rein in his temper. He realized that what she said was a cheap shot, but it was the only ammunition she had to work with. Ennis loved his daughters and the thought of never seeing them again was more than he could stand. He knew his life would be erratic for the next few months, but once things were more established, he knew he had to figure out a way to keep them in his life. He would be devastated to not see them. "Have I been late yet, Alma? Huh?"

"It's only been six months. You've gotten behind on bills before."

"Listen, Alma, I made a promise to the judge and I'm makin' a promise to you. I won't be late, but don't threaten me with not seein' the girls. This ain't their problem. Don't bring them into this."

Alma shrugged, "It's your choice, Ennis. I told ya what I'm goin' t'do if'n your late, and I mean it."

Ennis took a deep breath. "What time do Junior and Jenny get home from school?"

"Around three."

"And what time is it now?" Alma rolled her eyes and pointed to the clock on the wall. Ennis saw that it was 2:45. "I'm gonna go wait for them in my truck. I want t'talk to them—alone—when they get home. Mebbe I'll take 'em to the Rexall store for an ice cream cone."

Alma shrugged and Ennis left the room. It was clear they were both still angry and wanted to get away from each other. He was upset that their conversation had ended on such a bad note, but didn't see any other way around it, at least not at that moment.

Fortunately, his conversation with his daughters went much better. They were thrilled to see their daddy waiting for them when they got off the school bus. The three of them walked down to the drug store and bought ice cream cones at the soda fountain.

"Strawberry still yer favorite?" he asked Junior, and she nodded, delighted that her father remembered. "And chocolate for you?" he said to Jenny, who asked if she could have sprinkles on hers. "Of course, darlin'," said Ennis.

Ennis explained that he was taking a trip—not sure for how long—and might not see them for awhile. They made him promise to send postcards from towns he visited and he said he would. They all shared lots of hugs and kisses, and Ennis called them his little angels as he said good-bye.

"Bye, daddy, I love you," said Junior.

"I love you too, daddy!" said Jenny.

"And I love both of you," he said, kissing the tops of their heads and waving good-bye as he drove away in his truck. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

Ennis came back with ribs and cole slaw, as promised. He and Jack had a hearty dinner, licking their fingers and washing it all down with a couple of bottles of beer. Afterwards, they sat on a rock outside the house and watched the sun set. Ennis took Jack by the hand and pulled him towards the house. "Time for bed, cowboy. It's been a long day." Jack let himself be pulled.

As they settled themselves in the narrow bed, Ennis said, "I hafta say, this is a sight I never expected."

"What?" asked Jack.

"Me sleepin' with you, in my own bed, in my own house."

Jack smiled, "Ya ain't worried 'bout the tire iron guys?"

"Even if they come, I'll die a happy man." Ennis reached over to turn out the light, but Jack stopped him.

"Wait. I wanna look at you." They lay looking at each other. Jack traced his finger along the edge of Ennis's jaw, moving it across his lips, then down his chest. They slowly began to explore each other, using their hands and tongues. They moved in closer and Jack thought he could feel every muscle in Ennis's body, his chest, his thighs. Their cocks and balls rubbed together as they moved in a sensual rhythm. They took their time—finally, no need to rush—secure in the feeling that they knew they had all night to make love, if they wanted. Their mutual release was long, slow, and satisfying, and they finished with a kiss that Jack wished would never end.

When they were done, Ennis looked at Jack. "That was nice," he said, almost sounding surprised.

"It was different," said Jack.

"Yeah, but still hot." This time Ennis did turn out the light and pulled Jack in close. For the first time in their lives they fell asleep face to face, Jack's head fitting naturally in the spot on Ennis's shoulder.

In the morning, they finished packing. Jack had gotten quite a bit of cleaning done, clearing out the kitchen and bathroom, but didn't want to get into Ennis's personal stuff until Ennis was there. Ennis had said, "I don't own shit" and it was true. Jack was surprised—and a little saddened—to realize just how poor Ennis was. A few pairs of jeans, some worn shirts with frayed collars and cuffs, a bolo tie. The few sticks of furniture came with the rental and the dishes and glasses came from Goodwill. Besides his three guns and fishing gear, the rest of Ennis's worldly possessions barely filled two cardboard boxes.

Jack picked up a prayer book from the shelf and started to put it in one of the boxes. Ennis noticed and said, "That was my mama's. My sister gave it to me when I got married."

"Oh," Jack said. He opened the front cover and saw a collection of postcards and realized immediately what they were. He looked at Ennis and smiled, and Ennis smiled back.

"Yup, I saved 'em all," he said.

"I saved yours, too," replied Jack. "Closest thing we'll ever have to love letters, I s'pose."

Ennis gave him a wink, "Now, don't you go gettin' all mushy on me, otherwise you know what I'll hafta do." Jack laughed and laid the book in the box.

On the shelf in the closet, Jack found an old cowboy hat and recognized it as the one Ennis wore during their summer on Brokeback. "I remember this hat."

"Yeah, looks like shit now, all dented and dirty," said Ennis, "but I just can't get rid of it. My sis gave me that, too—for my eighteenth birthday. First nice hat I ever had, I know it cost her a lot of money. Wore it for years," he took it from Jack and rubbed the brim. "Brings back a lot of special memories."

"Maybe we could get it cleaned, you could wear it again."

"Nah," said Ennis, "I'll keep it, but I don't want to wear it. Y'know, Jack, sometimes ya just need t'move on."

As they finished up, putting the last bits of trash into a big black bag, Ennis turned to Jack. "Bud, there's one last thing I haven't figured out."

"What's that?" asked Jack.

"My horses. I s'pose I should sell 'em."

Jack, having seen just how little Ennis owned, and knowing how important his horses were to him, said, "No way, cowboy. We'll take 'em with us."

"Ya sure? It makes ev'rything more complicated…"

"Ennis, there are ranches 'round Childress. We can find a place to board 'em, no problem. Shit, I've been sellin' farm equipment down there for nine years, I know all the owners."

Ennis looked relieved, and grateful. "Well then, I'll hafta take my truck, 'cause the horse carrier's in the back."

"Ya think it'll make it?" Jack laughed.

"Let's hope so," Ennis replied. "Otherwise we might hafta ride the horses to Texas."

Ennis tied the trash bag shut, and threw it in the back of Jack's truck along with the rest of the boxes. "We can stop at the dump on the way to the ranch," said Ennis. "After that, I'm done with Riverton."

* * *

Once they got to the ranch, Ennis squared it with the foreman, quitting his job and getting his back pay. They walked down to the south paddock and found Don Wroe, who was breaking in a young colt, training him to the rope. Ennis and Jack leaned on the fence and watched him for a few minutes. Don noticed them and walked over. "Ennis, yer back early. I thought you was goin' up fer a week."

"Yeah, well, it started rainin'," said Ennis, "but we still had a good time for the days we were there." He handed Don the keys. "Thanks again for this, bud. I really 'preciate it."

"Anytime, Ennis. It's just sittin' up there unused."

"Well, I'm not goin' to be around, actually. Goin' down t'Texas with my buddy here." He nodded at Jack.

Don looked surprised. "Leavin' yer little girls?"

"Yeah, for a few weeks at least. Jack's gettin' divorced, I'm givin' him a hand." Ennis wasn't quite sure why he was telling Don all this as it really wasn't any of his business, but he had always liked Don and felt that somehow he could trust him.

Don looked at Ennis, then Jack, then back to Ennis. He stuck out his hand, "You take care, Ennis. Good luck t'you."

Ennis shook his hand, "Thanks, Don."

Don shook Jack's hand too. "Good luck t'you, too," he said. "Divorce is a bitch."

Jack laughed, "Yeah, but my wife is more of one. I'll be glad to be done with her." They all laughed together for a few seconds, then Jack and Ennis turned away and started walking back to the barn. Jack leaned into Ennis and said softly, "He knows."

"What?" asked Ennis.

"He knows—about us. He figured it out," said Jack. Ennis started to turn but Jack said, "Don't look back." They kept walking up the road and Jack continued, "See? It's okay. He didn't start yelling at you or saying anything. In fact he wished you good luck." They got to the barn and stopped. Jack turned to Ennis, "It's gonna be okay, cowboy. We're gonna make this work." Ennis gave him a little smile. Jack knew how hard this was for Ennis, realizing that it's not possible to wash away a lifetime of fear in a few short days. He knew it would take time. He wished he could reach out and hug Ennis, show him physically how he had his support, but this was not the time or place. So he just smiled and nodded. "It's okay, cowboy."

Ennis took a deep breath and pulled himself up straighter. He nodded at Jack in silent understanding, then said, "Let me get the saddles and shit, and then I'll get the horses." He disappeared into the barn, while Jack stood outside, smoking a cigarette.

Jack watched Ennis make a few trips in and out, bringing the saddles, the blankets, and the rest of the gear. Then, a few minutes later, Ennis came out of the barn, leading two horses behind him. Jack recognized Sioux, a pretty bay mare that he usually rode. But the other horse was new, a gleaming black stallion, probably eighteen hands high, with a blaze of white on his forehead.

"What happened to Banshee?" asked Jack.

"Oh yeah, poor ol'Banshee, I had t'put her down this winter. She got a twisted gut, vet said the merciful thing t'do was to put her t'sleep, so we did. After that, I went out and got this big guy. Ain't he somethin'?"

Jack watched Ennis, nuzzling the horse's forehead, feeding him biscuits from the supply in his pocket. Ennis leaned in and even gave him a little kiss. Jack couldn't believe his eyes. Ennis was never affectionate with his horses, always said, "They're just animals," but here he was cooing at this one like it was a baby.

"What's his name?" asked Jack.

"I call him Twister," said Ennis, rubbing the big horse's neck.

"Twister, like a tornado?"

"No, Twister like…," Ennis looked at Jack.

"Like me? Ya named him after me?"

Ennis gave Jack a big grin. "Sure did," he said, "he reminds me of you, all black and shiny. Look, he's even got blue eyes. And I like the idea of ridin' my Twister," he added, with an evil wink.

"Oh Ennis, if I could give you a big kiss right now…," said Jack.

"Well ya can't, so don't even think 'bout it."

Jack looked at Ennis, feeling like his heart would burst. "C'mon, cowboy, let's get these horses trailered up so we can get somewhere where I _can_ kiss you," he said, "I need to thank you properly."

"You bet," said Ennis, and they turned and walked towards the truck.


	3. Chapter 3

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 3

They decided to break the trip up over two days as Ennis didn't want to trailer the horses for more than eight hours at a stretch. Jack knew that Lureen wasn't expecting him until Sunday so he was in no particular hurry, either. Now that he and Ennis were together, there was no need for him to drive like a bat out of hell to get to where he was going.

They headed south, driving past dusty towns and ranches, nodding donkeys and oil rigs dotting the landscape. Ennis felt a thrill in his chest—he had never been out of Wyoming in all of his life and the idea of seeing something new, even if it was only Texas, was exciting, particularly because he'd be seeing it with Jack.

They kept each other in view, pulling over at regular intervals to water the horses. They'd lean against the side of the truck and each have a cigarette, sharing an easy comfort that Ennis found immensely satisfying. At one point, words from a past fishing trip came to Ennis's mind, and he leaned over to Jack and whispered, "It could be like this, just like this, always."

Jack gave him a funny smile, "I said that…"

"I know. Long ago, but it's finally true."

Jack chuckled, "Y'know En, I never knew you were such a romantic sonofabitch. Savin' postcards, rememb'ring things I said."

Ennis shrugged. He didn't know it either but something about all of it felt right and perfect.

They stopped for lunch at a little diner about 50 miles south of Laramie, which they calculated was close to the halfway point of the journey for the day. Ennis ordered a cheeseburger and a Coke, while Jack had a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with iced tea. Ennis gave him a funny little look and Jack said, "What?"

"I didn't know ya liked iced tea."

"Hell, Ennis, ev'rybody in Texas drinks iced tea."

"Just funny, that's all," replied Ennis.

"What's funny about it?"

Ennis leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "I could tell ya the colors of the pimples on yer ass, but I didn't know ya liked iced tea." Jack almost choked on his drink, trying not to laugh in the middle of his sip.

"Cowboy, I didn't know you had such a sense of humor," he laughed, after finally managing to gulp down the liquid in his mouth.

Ennis gave him a nonchalant look. "Well then, rodeo, I guess there's a lot we don't know 'bout each other…but we do know the important stuff." The latter was said with yet another wink.

They each had a cup of coffee to finish lunch. Jack noticed Ennis reaching for his pocket—Jack suspected to pull out some money—when he picked up the check off the table and said, "No, En, I'll cover this." Ennis started to protest but Jack said, "You paid for the ribs last night, this is my treat." Ennis smiled in appreciation.

Jack paused for a minute, then motioned to the waitress, pointing to his coffee cup. She came over with the pot and refilled both their cups. Jack said thanks, then turned to Ennis, "Hey bud, mebbe we can take a minute t'talk 'bout money?"

Ennis shrugged, which Jack took as an okay. "In your house in Riverton, you had money in a coffee can." Ennis nodded. Jack paused, then continued, "I'm assuming that was yer bank account?" Ennis nodded again. "And you got paid at the ranch…" Ennis nodded a third time. "So….," he let the sentence end without ending.

Ennis picked up on his cue, albeit, reluctantly, "So, friend, all the money I got in the world is what I got here in my pocket," he said, finishing Jack's sentence. "I'm basically broke, like I have been all my life." His eyes were directed at a far corner of the diner as he said this, and his face held a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

Jack wanted so much to reach out and put his hand over Ennis's, but knew that this little diner was not the place to demonstrate his affection and support. "En, I had a feeling that was the case, and it's okay," Jack said, "It doesn't matter t'me."

"Well, it matters t'me," said Ennis, "I've got this damn child support to pay—listen, Jack, I'll be honest—I have enough for the next two months and then I'm really broke, not a penny t'my name." He sighed, then continued, "Payin' that child support on time is even more import'nt t'me now."

"Why now?" asked Jack.

Ennis laughed ruefully, "I didn't tell ya 'bout my conversation with Alma," he said, "which didn't go so great."

Jack waited, letting Ennis continue at his own pace. "Long story short, she said some nasty things 'bout you and me."

Jack nodded. He didn't know Alma—had met her only for a second, once—but from the things that Ennis had said about her over the years, he had a sense that that she was not the type to be accepting of their relationship, on any level.

"At the end, she said if I was ever late with a payment, she'd get the judge to make it so I can never see Junior and Jenny ag'in. She said she'd tell him…"

Jack interrupted. "There's no need t'put it in words, Ennis. I get the picture." Ennis looked at him knowingly, his face radiating gratitude. The implication in Alma's threat had been so distressing that he was glad that he didn't need to repeat what she had said.

Jack looked at him directly. "Well then, that makes what I've got t'tell ya even more important." He paused, then continued, "I've been hopin' for a long time that this day would come."

"Which day?" asked Ennis.

"This day…when you and I would get together. I've been savin' for it, savin' for quite a while." Ennis looked surprised at this bit of news. "I've managed to put aside about $10,000."

"How'd ya do that?" asked Ennis, a stunned look on his face.

"This and that. Mebbe I'd get a bonus from sellin' a combine and I'd keep half for myself, put half in the household account. I have a few buddies I play poker with, I'd always tell Lureen I'd lost, but I'd put the winnings in the bank. It adds up…I've been savin' for almost ten years, ever since we got back together in '67."

They paused and looked at each other, and then Jack continued. "I'm not quite sure what's gonna happen over the next few weeks. We'll prob'ly have to stay in a motel or somethin'—Lureen will kick me out, for sure, and besides, you couldn't stay at the house anyway." He stopped, considered his words, then continued, "Ennis, what I'm tryin' t'say—let me take care of payin' for stuff for now. Use yer money for yer little girls."

Ennis, proud and stubborn, had a mixture of emotions churning in his stomach, but he realized what Jack was saying made a lot of sense—and he was grateful for his generosity and candor. After a moment of contemplation he said, "Thanks, Jack…y'know I'll pay ya back."

Jack smiled a little smile, "I don't want ya t'pay me back, En. It's not a loan—we're in this together. I'm sure we'll get to a time when we'll both be makin' money and then we can talk 'bout who pays for what…but for now, let me handle it, okay?"

He looked at Jack's hand on the table, and like Jack, wished he could squeeze it in appreciation, but instead, simply said, "Thanks, bud," and gave Jack a big smile.

They finished their coffees in silence, then Jack paid the bill at the cash register. Walking across the parking lot to their respective trucks, Ennis leaned in very close and whispered, "I love you," and then, to Jack's utter amazement, gave him a little kiss on the top of his ear. Ennis winked as he climbed into his truck. "Let's plan to stop in 100 miles," he said. "I want t'water the horses." Jack was still standing, rooted to the spot, as Ennis drove away.

* * *

Late in the afternoon, they stopped for gas, and Ennis said to Jack, "Y'know, bud, I'm wonderin' 'bout tonight."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Jack.

"The horses—I'm not sure they should be in the trailer overnight. I'd like t'find a way to let them out."

"Well, as a matter of fact, I think I have the answer," said Jack. Ennis raised an eyebrow and Jack continued, "Outside of Lamar is a horse motel."

"Horse motel?" asked Ennis. "What the fuck is that? And how the hell d'ya know 'bout it?"

Jack laughed, "Remember, cowboy, I've made this trip lotsa times. Y'start noticin' stuff." Jack went on to explain that he had seen a sign for the "Lamar Sportsman's Campground & Horse Motel" just west of the city. "It always made me think of you, when I drove by. On the way to our fishin' trips, it made me happy. On the way home…,"Jack paused, the thought unfinished, then continued. "Anyway, it looks like they've got campsites," he said, "we've got the gear," nodding towards the back of the truck. "Plus there's a stable and a paddock for the horses."

"Sounds good t'me," said Ennis, as they climbed into their respective trucks for the last leg of the trip.

An hour later, they pulled into the dusty parking lot of the "Horse Motel." Jack got out of his truck and walked over to Ennis and leaned in the window. "Let me go in—get the lay of the land—and I'll be back. Don't worry, we'll have a nice place for Twister and Sioux to sleep tonight." Ennis smiled, grateful that Jack was in charge. This was all so new that he was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Jack walked across the parking lot and entered the small building with a sign that said "Office" over the door. At the counter was a burly man, punching numbers into an adding machine. He looked up at Jack, and with a smile said, "Help ya?"

"Yeah, my name's Jack Twist. Me 'n my buddy, we're travelin' through to Texas. Got a pair o'horses in the trailer and we need a place to stay."

"Well then, ya come t'the right place." He stuck out his hand, "Name's Charlie Voight, and I'm the proud owner of the Lamar Sportsman's Campground & Horse Motel. Welcome, pardner."

Jack shook his hand and smiled back, "Thanks. Looks like a nice setup ya got here." Charlie beamed, obviously very proud of his business. "So," Jack asked, "ya got room for two fellas from Wyoming? Can we stay for the night?"

"Long as ya have a certificate from the vet for the horses."

Jack said, "Oh….lemme go ask my buddy….they're his horses." He turned around and walked out the door. He was a bit concerned—Ennis didn't seem to be real strong on paperwork and details. It had never crossed Jack's mind that they would need some sort of veterinary documentation, but now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense.

Ennis was still sitting in his truck when Jack came up to the window. "Hey, bud, he needs a veterinary certificate. Ya got one?"

"'Course I do," said Ennis, reaching over to the glove box. "Whatcha think, ya can drive 'round the country with horses without their paperwork?" He handed Jack two thick envelopes, one marked "Twister," the other marked "Sioux."

Jack walked back towards the office, shaking his head in a bit of disbelief. Inside, he handed Charlie the envelopes. Charlie quickly riffled through the papers and said, "Looks like ev'rythin' is up-to-date." He handed the envelopes back to Jack. "I'll give ya two stalls for the horses and ya can turn them out in the paddock for exercise. Y'need an RV hook-up?"

"Actually," said Jack, "we're tenting."

Charlie nodded, "I can give ya a tent site, if ya like, or you can stay in a little cabin." He pointed out the window to three little cabins at the far end of the yard, beyond the stable. "When I first started this, I started buildin' the cabins, thinkin' that's what people would want, but I was wrong. RVing is the big thing, so I added more RV sites instead. Only got three cabins built, but they're warm and dry, and fully equipped, got a stove, a fridge, and a shower. They have a double bed, chairs on the porch, pots and pans in the cupboard. I can give ya one for $35 for the night."

Jack considered for a second, thinking about the money, then said, "Hell, why not? We've been drivin' all day, it'd be nice to sleep in a bed, not on the ground."

"Done," said Charlie. "Ya want one or two?"

"One is fine," said Jack. He could see a look registering on Charlie's face, and once again Jack sensed that Charlie, like Don Wroe had, was putting two and two together. But he didn't say anything, negative or otherwise, just turned the register towards Jack and asked him to sign in with his name and address.

"Okay, that'll be $35 for the cabin, plus $18 for the stable, and tax," he calculated on the adding machine, "for a total of 55 dollars and 12 cents. Let's make it $55 even."

Jack pulled out the bills from his wallet, counted out the correct amount, and handed them to Charlie, who, in return, handed Jack a key on a ring, "Take Cabin number one, the last one on the left. It's the biggest, and quietest, of the three. Tell your buddy he can put his horses in stalls number five and six. Hay is in the barn, plus oats and biscuits in the feed room. I just ask that ya muck out the stall in the morning."

"No problem. Thank you, Charlie," said Jack, as he turned to leave.

"Sure thing," said Charlie. "Enjoy yer stay."

Jack walked back outside and now found Ennis leaning against his truck, smoking a cigarette, and staring into space. Jack stopped for a minute and looked at Ennis, who hadn't noticed him yet. "Oh, God," he thought, "I love this man," with an intensity that bordered on pain.

He walked up and brought Ennis out of his reverie by jingling the key. "We're all set, cowboy," he said, "two stalls for the horses, a cabin for us,"

Ennis looked surprised, "A cabin? I thought we were tentin'?"

Jack pointed down the field. "See number one down there? It's got our name on it," as he grinned at Ennis. "Y'got me a cabin, cowboy, I can do the same for you."

They unloaded the horses from the trailer and turned them out into the paddock. Ennis watched them stretch their legs, then turned to Jack and said, "Let's leave them for a bit. We can get settled, then I'll come back, mebbe after supper, and put them in their stalls for the night."

* * *

The cabin was small but neat as a pin. For Ennis, everything was moving beyond anything he had ever known. Jack watched him as he looked in the little refrigerator, opened cabinets, and inspected the contents of the drawers. He smiled at Jack, embarrassed, feeling like some country hick who had come to the city for the first time in his life. For his part, Jack was so happy to be with Ennis, he didn't care what he looked at or how he acted. The two of them ended up grinning at each other like school kids who had just shared a dirty joke.

They brought in their duffles and the cooler. "Whaddya want t'do for supper?" asked Jack, contemplating the bags of groceries out in the truck.

"Fuck Jack, I'm so tired," said Ennis, "I could eat breakfast for supper."

Jack laughed. "That's the perfect idea, En. Listen, you go take care of the horses, I'll cook us up some bacon and eggs, and we can call it a night."

Which is exactly what they did. But somewhere along the line, they moved into the realm of silly giggle—a combination of being road weary along with the giddiness of love—and found themselves laughing and enjoying everything about each other. Jack broke off bits of bacon and put them in Ennis's mouth and Ennis said, "Don't start with the food again, cowboy," while he held Jack's hand.

"How am I supposed to eat one-handed?" laughed Jack, as Ennis pulled his wrist closer to his side.

"You figure it out, rodeo," he whispered, and leaned in for a kiss.

The two of them laughed and played, somehow managing to finish their suppers, and then clean up afterwards, before the exhaustion of the day caught up with them. Jack took a quick shower and Ennis followed, and they crawled into bed, the sheets feeling cool against their slightly damp bodies. Like the night before, Ennis pulled Jack close and they fell asleep, face to face, murmuring "I love yous" to each other as they fell into a dark, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Ennis woke with the sunrise, a lifetime habit, but instead of immediately getting up, used the quiet moments to look at Jack, who was sleeping on his side, his right hand curled beneath his head, his left tucked under his elbow. Jack's dark hair fanned over his forehead and his eyelashes, long and thick, provided definition to his closed eyes.

Ennis took a deep breath—what day was it? He had no idea. He mentally tried to think through in his mind and decided it must be Thursday—he had met Jack at the rest stop outside Riverton on Saturday. He tried to comprehend what had happened in the past five days and almost wondered, is this going too fast? Should I have stayed in Riverton and waited for Jack? But as he traced his fingers along Jack's jaw he knew this was the right thing to do, and felt a profound sense of peace and happiness, something he had never felt in his entire life.

He eased out of bed, not wanting to wake Jack, and picked his jeans up off the floor. He got dressed silently, then headed up the field past the paddock.

Ennis entered the stable. First he went into the feed room and got some hay and oats for each horse. He noticed the tack room, with saddles, brushes, curry combs, and a variety of other gear. He tucked a thought away in his mind about the whole notion of a horse motel. He'd never seen anything like this in Riverton, but then again, folks usually weren't traveling through Riverton. Maybe it had something to do with geography.

He put a few extra biscuits in his pocket, and went back to the horses. He led them out to the paddock and let them wander, watching them graze on the grass. Ennis leaned on the fence, cataloging the things he loved in his life. First came Jack, then Junior and Jenny, then his horses. As he watched Twister and Sioux trot across the field, nudging at each other, he thought to himself, "This is what I'd like to do. This could work. Being with Jack, being with horses—that is what I like the most."

He left the horses in the paddock—he knew they had another long day in the trailer and wanted them to get as much exercise as they could before they hit the road. He walked back down to the cabin and as he approached, he could hear water running in the shower. Ennis paused for a moment and then thought, "Hell, this week has been nothing but surprises," and used that as an excuse to strip and join Jack. "Turn around, cowboy, and let me wash your back."

Jack, for his part, was surprised, stunned, and delighted. As he leaned against the shower wall while Ennis soaped his back, he thought back to his words of the other day—"I think we have let the genie out of the bottle." This Ennis was not the Ennis he fell in love with on Brokeback Mountain. This Ennis talked, made jokes, and took the sexual initiative—something Jack hadn't entirely expected. But, Jack realized that he loved this new Ennis—he was the same person after all—but it was an Ennis who was finally allowing himself to come out of his shell.

While Jack was idly pondering these thoughts, "new" Ennis was hard at work, pushing Jack against the wall of the small shower and easing his cock into Jack's ass, all the while whispering in Jack's ear how much he loved him. The hot water washed over them, the soap was soft and slippery, and as Jack reached his climax, he truly wondered if this was all a dream. He had fantasized about Ennis for years, but the fantasy never quite matched the reality that he was experiencing at that moment. "I love you, Jack," said Ennis, close to his ear, soapy and soft.

"Oh Ennis, I love you," said Jack, realizing, as he fell into the deep euphoria of climax, that they had declared their love by name and without swear words—something, Jack thought, that bordered on spiritual.

They finished, and stood there, Jack leaning against the shower wall, Ennis behind him, the hot water running over their bodies. Only when the water began to turn cool did they realize just how long they had standing there, immobile. Jack reluctantly reached behind himself and turned the faucet off. "We've got a long trip, cowboy, time t'get a move on."

Ennis, dizzy confused, pulled himself away and nodded and then with a smile said, "Can we do this again? That was fun."

Jack gave him a poke and said, "Cowboy, you can fuck me in the shower any time yer little ol'heart feels like it."

Ennis, handing Jack a towel, smiled, laughed, and said, "I'll consider that an open invitation, rodeo."

* * *

They packed up their gear and went to the office to return the key. Charlie had a pot of coffee on a burner, with styrofoam cups stacked neatly to the side. "Help yerselves t'coffee," he said, "You boys want to get some breakfast, there's a nice little café 'bout a mile up the road. Leave the horses—it'll give them a few more minutes to graze before you need to head out."

Jack and Ennis both thought that was a good idea. They found the café and settled in for a breakfast of pancakes and sausages. Jack studied a map while they ate, "Y'know En, we did the big push yesterday." Ennis nodded and agreed. It had felt like a long day of driving. "Lookin' at this map, I think we only got about 350 miles t'go, so we should make good time today. What I'm thinkin' though, is we should drive on past Childress, head into the next county, stay in a little town called Quanah. It's about thirty miles further south."

Ennis shrugged, nodded. He had no opinion on this, but apparently Jack did. "See, En, we're gonna need to check into a motel and people 'round Childress know me. I wouldn't want it t'get back to Lureen that I was shacked up at the Super 8 with some good lookin' guy—at least until I've had a chance t'talk t'her."

Ennis laughed. "Whatever, Jack, yer the boss."

"Quanah's nice and has a coupla motels on the strip outside of town. But it's far enough away, that I shouldn't hafta worry 'bout runnin' into folks."

"Any horse motels?" asked Ennis. "That was a great little set-up ya found for us."

"Unfortunately, no," said Jack, "which is why I'm thinkin' I'll wait til tomorrow t'let Lureen know I'm home. We can use the time this afternoon to find a place for Sioux and Twister."

Ennis smiled, grateful for Jack's consideration. "Thanks, bud."

"No problem." He drained his coffee, stood up and picked up the check. "Ready to hit the road?" he said. "Next stop, Quanah, Texas."

_Author's Note: There really is a place called the "Lamar Sportsman's Campground & Horse Motel" in Lamar, Colorado, but my description of it is pure fiction._


	4. Chapter 4

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 4

At their last gas stop, Ennis had suggested they check in at the local feed store to see if they could find a stable or farm where he could board the horses. "The Blue Seal store in Riverton," he explained to Jack, "has a bulletin board...and all the folks there, they can tell ya anythin' ya need to know 'bout the animal gossip in town."

"Animal gossip?" said Jack, raising an eyebrow and trying not to laugh.

"Sure," said Ennis, completely serious, missing Jack's amused look. "Which cows are calvin', whose cattle got foot rot. When Banshee died, it was all over the store in a coupla hours."

At this, Jack couldn't hold it in any longer and laughed out loud. Ennis gave him a hurt look. "Whatcha laughin' at? T'ain't funny."

"I'm ain't laughin' at you, Ennis, it's just yer makin' me realize that yer still a cowboy and I'm not."

"Whaddya mean, bud? 'Course yer a cowboy, you grew up on ranch."

"Yeah, mebbe I grew up on a ranch, but those days are long gone. Now, I'm just a fuckin' farm equipment salesman and there ain't much joy in that."

Ennis gave him a little poke and a smile, "Don't worry, cowboy, we'll get ya back to ranchin' right soon. Get ya away from those city folks."

They arrived in Quanah about an hour later. The town was small and the Agway, clearly the gathering spot for those concerned with all things animal, was easy to find. They pulled into the parking lot and parked side by side. Ennis turned to Jack. "Ya want to come in with me?"

"Nah," said Jack, "I'll wait out here and have a smoke."

Ennis shrugged, "Okay, see ya in a minute." He entered the store and headed over to the clerk at the cash register, who turned out to be the manager. "My name's Ennis, just got in from Wyoming," he said, by way of introduction.

"Howdy," said the manager, sticking out his hand, "welcome to Quanah."

"Thanks," said Ennis, shaking his hand. "Listen, I got a coupla horses out in the trailer, need to find a place t'board them, prob'ly for a few weeks."

"Sure thing," said the manager. He nodded to a bulletin board over on the far wall. "There's some listings there, might help ya...but, ya might want to consider talkin' to this fella, too." He handed Ennis a slip of paper on which was written "_Tom Lawrence, Lazy L Farm," _and a telephone number.

Ennis looked puzzled and the manager explained, "He stopped by yesterday—nice fella, prob'ly 'bout yer age, mebbe a little older. Anyway, his Uncle Hal owns the Lazy L out on the county road. Old farm, been in the family for years. This guy—" he pointed to the paper, "Tom—is up here takin' care of some of his uncle's affairs. Hal's been sick for awhile now, and it looks like the family is takin' over."

"Hmmm," said Ennis, nodding as he listened.

The manager continued, "This guy, Tom, said somethin' 'bout lookin' for some help. I know Hal ain't got any animals anymore but there's a nice stable out there. Point bein', ya might be able to get some work in trade for boardin' yer horses—save ya some money over what those other stables charge."

"Thanks, bud, I 'preciate this," said Ennis. "Ya think I could go right out there or should I call first?"

"Nah, I'd head on over." His voice dropped a notch and he leaned in towards Ennis, "between you 'n me, he looked like a city fella, not sure what t'do. Bet ya he'd be right happy t'see a cowboy walkin' up his driveway. Let me warn ya in advance, though—he's a talker. Talk the ear off a brass monkey if ya let him get goin'."

Ennis laughed. "Well, thank ya for that. Where's the farm at?"

"Go out the county road 'bout three miles. You'll see a dirt road with a sign, cain't miss it."

Ennis thanked him again and headed out the door. As he walked out to the parking lot he saw Jack leaning on the truck watching the cars go by as he smoked. Ennis looked at him for a minute, feeling a warmth in his heart—and his groin. "Damn, Del Mar," he thought to himself, "Don't get yerself distracted, ya got work t'do."

He went up to Jack and gave a quick synopsis of his conversation with the store manager. Jack thought it sounded like something worth checking out and they figured that this time was as good as any. They both climbed into Ennis's truck and headed south on the county road.

* * *

They pulled up at the Lazy L Farm about fifteen minutes later. As they got out of the truck, Ennis and Jack surveyed the scene. A white, Queen Anne-style farmhouse was over on their right, while the farm proper: barn, stable, a few other outbuildings, and some fenced-in fields, was on their left. Clearly, this once had been a well-loved and well-maintained operation, but time had taken its toll. Paint was peeling off the house; the empty stable and barn had a forlorn look. The fields were overgrown and some of the fences were sagging. Still, as they looked at it, they realized that there was nothing that a little hard work and elbow grease couldn't fix. 

They saw a man, his back to them, half-heartedly scraping some paint off the side of the house. "That must be Tom," said Ennis to Jack, who nodded. They walked towards the house, trying to make some noise as they approached so he would realize they were there, but he remained oblivious. Finally, Jack coughed loudly in his hand. That worked.

"Oh," said the man, turning around and looking completely surprised, "you startled me!"

"Sorry," said Ennis.

The man put the paint scraper down and wiped his hands on his pants. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"My name's Ennis—Ennis Del Mar," said Ennis, "and this is my buddy Jack Twist. I got yer name from the guy at the Agway."

"Oh," said the man, comprehension dawning on his face, "okay, now it makes sense." He stuck out his hand, "Tom Lawrence. Pleased to meet you."

They all shook hands and exchanged greetings. Ennis and Jack looked at Tom, who was tall and lanky with a mop of sandy colored hair on his forehead, bright blue eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. He was wearing shorts and a "University of Texas Longhorns" tee shirt. "So," Tom continued, "you looking for work? I told the manager I needed some help."

"Work, mebbe, yes—and I want t'talk t'ya 'bout that—but mostly right now I need a place t'put my horses," Ennis said pointing to the truck. "We just got in from Wyoming—well, Colorado, today—and they've been in that trailer since early this morning. The Agway guy said you had an empty stable."

"That I do," said Tom, "but I'm really not in a position to take care of horses. To be honest, I wouldn't have a clue what to do."

"Oh no, I'm not askin' ya t'do that," said Ennis. "I'll do all the work. I just want a clean place for them t'sleep and a field for them t'graze in durin' the day."

"Well then, let's walk down to the stable and you can see what you think," he said, and the three of them started off across the yard.

As they walked, Tom told them a bit more about himself. He had grown up in Lubbock, about 150 miles to the southwest, but now lived in Austin with his wife and three year old son. "I teach economics at the University of Texas," he said. Ennis looked at him, realizing that he had absolutely no idea what a person who taught economics would actually _do_ on a day-to-day basis.

"This farm has been in the family for 100 years," he said. "My Grandpa built the house himself back in 1896. My Uncle Hal was born there, and my dad, too. Uncle Hal has lived here all his life. Never got married, never had any kids…it's hard to run a farm by yourself, but he managed for a long time. But, I think it has been too much for him for awhile, and now he's in a nursing home, so…"

By this time, they had arrived at the stable. A layer of dust coated everything, and while the stalls were empty, everything looked in order. Ennis looked in the feed room—empty—but the tack room still contained saddles and gear. "Is there any hay in the barn?" he asked.

"I don't know, let's go take a look," said Tom, as they walked over to the large prairie barn that was behind the stable. There were a few bales piled in a corner. Ennis noticed the farm equipment—a tractor, baler, mower—standing in the corner. Although everything was dusty, it all looked in good repair. Ennis kicked at the bale with the toe of his boot. "Hmmm, might be moldy," he said. "I'd break 'em open before I'd put 'em in the stall," he said, talking mostly to himself.

"So," Tom said, "why don't you tell me a little bit about yourselves?"

"Sure," said Jack, "I'll start. I grew up in Wyoming, met Ennis here," he nodded in Ennis's direction, "back in '63 when we had a summer job together, herdin' sheep up on Brokeback Mountain. We've been buddies ever since." At this, he turned and gave Ennis a smile, and Ennis gave him a shy smile in return. "After that, did this and that, worked for my daddy a bit, then ended up here in Texas rodeoin' for a year or two. That's how I met my wife."

"Oh, I see," said Tom. "Where do you live?"

"Over in Childress," said Jack. "But things ain't workin' out with Lureen 'n me, we're gettin' a divorce."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Tom.

Jack shrugged. "Things happen. I think we'll both be happier."

"What about you?" Tom said, looking at Ennis.

"Not much diff'rent than Jack," he said, "'cept I never did no rodeoin'. My parents are dead, been on my own, mostly, since I was 15. Got married, have two little girls, got divorced back in November."

"And work?"

"I've worked on ranches 'round Riverton—that's where I lived," he added, "done ev'rythin' that needs to be done on a ranch—takin' care of the animals, balin' hay, y'name it."

"And now you're in Texas…" Tom prompted.

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, I figgered that there ain't nothin' to keep me in Riverton, 'cept my girls. Thought I'd come along and give Jack a hand."

"I ain't divorced yet," said Jack, by way of explanation. "Just gettin' goin' on the process."

By this time, they had arrived back at the house. "So," Tom said, "I guess the most immediate thing is that you want to get your horses out of that trailer, right?" Ennis nodded. "Well, if this setup looks okay to you, it's fine with me. Like I said, though," he added, "you'll need to do the work."

"That's not a problem," said Ennis. "I'll need to mow the field, but mebbe I could do that tomorrow?"

Tom nodded, "Sure."

"They can stay in the stable for now. I'll get some hay and feed at the Agway, get them settled." As they were talking, Ennis was opening the back of his truck and going in to get the horses out. Twister came first and Tom looked at him in admiration.

"Oh, he's a big guy, isn't he? I don't know much about horses but I can tell he's a fine specimen."

Ennis was rubbing his forehead and feeding him a biscuit, "Yup, he's my buddy. Just got him back in January." As he walked the horse towards the stable, Jack climbed up on the truck and managed to back Sioux out.

"And this one?" asked Tom.

"This is Sioux," said Jack. "Right pretty li'l gal, ain't she? I usually get t'ride her, Ennis has dibs on the big one," he said with a laugh.

Ennis and Jack put the horses in adjacent stalls and closed the doors behind them. Ennis filled the water pails from a spigot on the side of the barn. He brought in one of the bales of hay and broke it open with a pitchfork, spreading the straws, picking up a few and sniffing them. "Don't smell no mold, prob'ly okay," he said, and spread some hay on the floor of each of the stalls. "So bud, whaddya say," he said, turning to Jack, "let's head back to the Agway, then get ourselves some supper. I'll come back after that, get the horses settled for the night."

"Sounds good t'me."

Ennis looked at Tom and stuck out his hand, "I really 'preciate this," he said, "yer bein' right nice to a stranger."

Tom smiled and shook the proffered hand, "That's what we do here in Texas. Big ol'Texas welcome, we call it."

"Well, I like that welcome. I'll be back in a coupla hours," he said, as he and Jack climbed into the truck, and headed out the drive towards the county road.

* * *

Ennis got back to the farm in the early evening. In the previous few hours he and Jack had been busy—buying supplies at the Agway, checking into the "Chief Quanah Parker Motel" ("Chief Quanah Parker?" asked Ennis, and Jack explained he was a Comanche Indian that the town had been named for), and grabbing a quick dinner at the barbecue joint on Main Street. Jack had decided not to go back to the farm but rather, to stay at the motel—he wanted to call Lureen and see if they could arrange a time to meet the next day. 

Ennis parked his truck next to the stable and began unloading his gear and supplies. He poured a bag of oats into a bucket in the feed room, refilled the horses' water pails, piled some more bales of hay in an empty stall, and last, put Twister and Sioux's saddles and tack on extra pegs in the tack room. He found an old brush and was giving Twister a rubdown when he noticed Tom watching him over the stall door.

"Hey, Ennis," said Tom, a friendly smile on his face.

"'Lo," said Ennis, smiling back.

"We never talked about a job before—got off track with the horses," said Tom. "Still interested?"

"Sure," said Ennis, with a nod.

"Well, if you have a few minutes, when you're done, why don't you stop up at the house and we can talk? I have a few cold beers in the fridge and a pitcher of iced tea."

"Sounds good t'me," said Ennis. "I'll be up in a little bit." Which is precisely what he did.

The front porch of the house had a couple of comfortable chairs and a nice view over the sweeping fields of the farm. Tom offered Ennis his choice of a beverage, and Ennis, not surprisingly, opted for a beer. His pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket, but before he lit up he asked, "Mind if I smoke?"

"Only if you give me one," said Tom. Ennis offered him the pack and Tom pulled one out and lit it. "I'm trying to quit," he said. "My wife is pregnant and doesn't want me smoking in the house, so I figure that's a good reason to quit altogether…but I haven't been successful, yet."

Ennis nodded politely. The thought of quitting smoking had never entered his head.

"So," Tom said, "let me tell you a little bit about the family and what's going on. This farm has been in my family for more than 100 years," he said, "My Grandpa was born on this land in 1875. He built this house in 1896, just before he married my Grandma. It was her wedding present, which is why it has all the fancy trim," he explained, pointing to the ornamentation above them. "Uncle Hal was born here in 1900, and my Dad came along 10 years later," he paused. "I suspect Grandma must've had a few miscarriages in between."

Ennis nodded, just listening, feeling no response was needed.

"My Dad grew up here, but couldn't wait to get away. He always told me he hated farming—hard, back-breaking work, he said. He was more of the studious type. He graduated from high school and went down to Lubbock to go to college. He was going to school part-time and working as a shoe salesman in the local shoe store. Met my mom at the soda fountain—she was a Lubbock gal—they got married, and I came along pretty quick after that.

"World War II started and Dad enlisted in the Navy. He probably didn't need too—I think he could have gotten some sort of deferment, being married with a small baby and all—but Dad was patriotic and thought it was his duty. He spent the entire war in the South Pacific, working as a corpsman. When he got out, he used the GI Bill to finish college and became a pharmacist. Worked at the hospital in Lubbock his entire career. Retired last year, at 65, and three months into his retirement, he died of a massive heart attack." Tom shook his head, "I miss him…we were pretty close."

"What about yer mama?" asked Ennis.

"Mom died five years ago, of breast cancer. So now it's just me, and my sister Darlene. She was born when Dad came home from the war—there's six years between us. Darlene took after Dad, liking healthcare—studied nursing in Lubbock then moved to Houston to work at the big cancer center—M.D. Anderson." Ennis nodded politely, although he had never heard of it. "She met a nice guy—accountant—they got married a few years ago and she has two little kids, a boy and a girl."

Tom noticed that both their beers were empty. "You want another?"

"Sure," said Ennis. Tom went into the house and came back with two more cold ones.

"Mind if I bum another cigarette?" he asked.

Ennis chuckled and handed him the pack.

"Okay, where was I?" Tom continued.

"The farm?" Ennis prompted.

"Oh, yes, right. Meanwhile, back on the farm—Uncle Hal lived here all his life, with his Mom and Dad, until they died. Grandpa died in 1948, Grandma in 1952. So that makes it, what? Twenty-four years that Uncle Hal has been here, running the place alone."

"Yer Uncle, did he fight in the war?" asked Ennis.

"No, he was ten years older than Dad so when the war started he was 41, too old to enlist. Plus, he was the sole support of his parents at that point, and I think that kept him out, too.

"So, that brings us to the present. Uncle Hal has been managing, but as you can see, this place has gotten away from him in the past few years. He has congestive heart failure and Darlene and I thought it best if he went into a nursing home so he could get the care he needed—no one here on the farm to do it for him. I have his power of attorney. Our plan is to fix this place up and sell it, since neither Darlene or I have any interest in running it. Makes me sad to see it go out of the family but what can you do?" He shrugged. "I think we will wait until Uncle Hal dies to sell it, though. No real rush and I think it would break his heart to know his beloved farm was gone while he was still alive."

"What kind of a farm was it?" Ennis asked, "When yer Uncle was runnin' it?"

"I think of Lazy L as an old-fashioned American farm—one that is rapidly disappearing all over the country. They did a little bit of everything—raised a few cows, some pigs, kept chickens, grew different crops in the field. Basically, the family had enough to be completely self-sufficient, but with adequate surplus to sell and make money for expenses. My Uncle is not a rich man, but he lived a good life, and has some money in the bank."

He stopped, and looked over the field. His voice was thoughtful when he continued speaking. "What's next for Lazy L? I think this place is at a crossroads. Since Uncle Hal hasn't done too much in recent years, a new owner could come in and completely change it. Cattle? Crops? Who knows. I just hope it stays as a farm…it would be a shame to have someone turn this into building lots."

"How big is it?" asked Ennis.

"120 acres. It goes down to the river in that direction," he pointed west, "where the trees are…and straight back in this direction," he pointed past the stable and barn. "Right now, Uncle Hal has the back 75 acres leased for hunting, which is where most of his income has come from in recent years."

"What do people hunt for down here?"

"Birds. Quail, pheasant, mostly. You hunt?"

Ennis nodded, "Yeah, but big animals…elk, moose, y'know."

"Of course, yes, you're from Wyoming. That makes sense. Anyway, listen to me ramble. I guess you're wondering what I am thinking about for a job, right?" Ennis nodded. He had wondered when Tom was going to get to the point, and thought back to the comment from the manager at the Agway. It was true.

"Like I said, I'd like to get this place back into shape so we can sell it, but I really want to emphasize its marketability as an ongoing concern as a farm." Ennis nodded and tried to look interested but he hoped he wasn't about to get an economics lecture. "What I think it needs is to look good…paint the house, clean up the fields, clean out the buildings. Have it bright and 'sparkly' so a buyer can see the potential of it as a 'modern' farm, not an old farm," said, making quotes with his fingers as he said "sparkly" and "modern." "For example, I have heard that there are a lot of folks looking into ostrich farming."

"Ostrich farming?" asked Ennis, "Ain't they those birds from Australia?"

"No, those are emus. Ostriches are from Africa."

"Why the f—," but Ennis caught himself, and continued, "Um, why would anyone want to raise ostriches?" he asked, beginning to think that Tom was not only talkative but also a little bit off his rocker.

Tom didn't miss a beat. "Good meat, good eating. Plus they have feathers that are used in the fashion industry, and their skin makes a very tough and durable leather." he stopped, then continued. "So, if you're interested, that's what I'd like you to do."

"Raise ostriches?" asked Ennis, at this point not following Tom at all.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry," he leaned towards Ennis. "My students tell me the same thing, I ramble all over the place and they never know what the hell I'm talking about." Ennis wasn't surprised at this revelation. Tom leaned back. "No, what I want you to do—and your buddy, Jack, if he is interested—is just do that 'sparkly' thing I was talking about before." Once again, he made a quote gesture with his fingers, as he looked significantly at Ennis. "Painting, cleaning, fixing the fields—you probably know better what needs to be done more than me, given you've worked on ranches all your life."

Ennis nodded, finally understanding something that Tom said, and appreciating the fact that he recognized his expertise.

"To sweeten the deal, I was wondering if you'd want to stay here?" At this, Ennis's ears perked up. "Stay in the house," Tom said, gesturing to the building behind them. "It has plenty of room—three bedrooms, one bath—once your buddy tells his wife he wants a divorce, I imagine he'll need a place to live."

"Would we need t'pay rent?" Ennis asked, tentatively.

"Of course not," said Tom. "Why would you think that?"

Ennis wasn't sure how to reply so just continued with his next question, "Would ya pay us for the work?"

"Of course," Tom said, "I'm an economics professor, remember? I don't expect people to work for free. Worker compensation, sufficient wages as an employee motivator. You know. What were you getting paid in Wyoming?"

"$100 a week."

"Well, I can see that, and raise you. How about $125 a week for each of you, $250 total?"

Ennis looked at him, "That's very generous. Thanks."

"It's what I had budgeted so I am glad we are on the same page on this," said Tom. He continued, "The only thing I ask is that you plan to stay all summer. Earlier today, you said something about a couple of weeks, but I'd really want you to stay on and finish the work. It's been hard enough finding someone in the first place—I wouldn't want you to get the job half done and then leave me in the lurch."

"Well, I'll need to talk t'Jack 'bout that, but it might be possible. We don't have any real plans."

For the first time in the whole long conversation, Tom stopped and listened, picking up on the 'we' in Ennis's statement. He paused for a minute, looked at Ennis, pictured Jack, and then thought to himself, "No, they couldn't be. Way too cowboy for that."

At this point, Ennis said, "Can I ask you somethin'?" Tom nodded. "Well, this whole thing is pretty surprisin'—you don't know me from a hole in the wall but here ya are, offerin' us jobs, givin' us a place t'live…"

"Well," Tom said, "that goes along with my philosophy of life—and a little bit of economics, too. I believe that there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. There was a reason I went to the Agway yesterday and you showed up in my driveway today. Maybe the reason is just to help me out, but there may be a bigger reason. We'll find out, eventually."

Ennis nodded. Even with his rambling and going off on tangents, he thought Tom had some pretty good ideas and was an okay guy.

Tom looked at his watch. "Oh, look at the time. You probably want to be getting back to town." Ennis nodded. Once again, he realized, that it had been a very long day and he was tired. He was also excited and wanted to tell Jack this news.

Ennis stood up, "Jack 'n I can talk this over—have an answer for ya in the mornin', if that's okay."

"That would be great."

They shook hands and Ennis touched the brim of his hat. "Well, then, see ya tomorrow," he said, as he headed for his truck.

* * *

Ennis felt the doorknob of the motel door turn easily in his hand, which was a good thing, because he realized he hadn't brought the key with him. He opened the door and saw the room was dark, the only light shining out from the bathroom. 

He walked over and saw Jack lying on the bed, dressed, his arm flung over his head, mouth open and breathing noisily. "What the fuck?" thought Ennis, but then he turned and saw a half-empty whiskey bottle standing on the nightstand. He shook his head and screwed the cap on the bottle. He picked up the overflowing ashtray and emptied it into the trashcan in the bathroom, then brushed his teeth and pissed in the toilet, turning off the light behind him.

He went back to the bed and managed to wrestle Jack's pants off, but gave up on the shirt. Ennis admitted to himself that he was pissed at Jack. "Here I've got exciting news t'talk t'you about and you go off and get yerself plastered," he thought as he looked at the unconscious Jack lying on the bed. Ennis undressed, laid his clothes on the chair, and climbed into the other side of the bed. He looked over at Jack again, then turned and faced the wall and fell into a restless sleep.

He woke to the sound of Jack groaning, "Aw fuck, my head feels like shit." Ennis looked towards the window—there was a thin band of light shining through the crack in the curtain, but he could tell it was not yet dawn. He sighed. He had noticed a bottle of aspirin among Jack's things in the bathroom. Ennis retrieved two pills, and then came back and offered them to Jack with a glass of water.

"Thanks, bud," said Jack, "I feel like crap."

"What got into ya, Jack?" asked Ennis. "Gettin' drunk by yerself? I wasn't gone all that long."

"Aw, shit, Ennis, I dunno," he said, "I got that feelin' again."

"What feelin'?"

"This feelin' like a black fog behind my eyes," said Jack, rubbing his head. "I dunno, I think it was everythin'—bein' back in Texas, talkin' to Lureen, this dumpy motel room, and then you weren't here—I got the feelin' like I get when all our fishin' trips are over. I get all depressed and feel like shit and all I want t'do is get drunk and forget it all."

"This trip ain't over," said Ennis, "this one's goin' on forever."

"Yeah, I know, but I still got the feelin'…"

"Listen, Jack," said Ennis, having a need to pause the conversation, "why don't you go take a shower and brush yer teeth? Get cleaned up, you'll feel better."

Jack nodded in agreement. That was probably a good idea.

While Jack showered, Ennis straightened up the bed, smoothing the sheets and folding down the corner of the cover flat on Jack's side. He was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, when Jack came out, toweling himself off. Jack took the hint and climbed in next to Ennis, who pulled him close, running his fingers through Jack's wet hair.

"Yer too good to me, En," said Jack. "With Lureen, she justs calls me a piece o'shit and leaves me lyin' on the couch."

Ennis smiled. "Jack, I know 'bout that depressed feelin'—it used to happen t'me, too." He paused, "but it's diffr'nt now.

"I know," said Jack, "but, this week…I sorta felt like it was a honeymoon or somethin'—bein' with you, our trip—and then last night, I felt like it was over. I dunno, it hit me like a ton a bricks and it just made me depressed. That, and the thought that we prob'ly got some tough times ahead of us."

Ennis understood what he meant. The past five days did have an idyllic quality to them and now a harsher reality was staring them in the face. "We prob'ly do," agreed Ennis, "but gettin' drunk ain't the way t'fix it. You said so yerself, up at Don Wroe's cabin."

Jack nodded. "Listen, Jack," Ennis continued, "Y'know me, I like gettin' drunk as much as the next guy—hell, we've gotten shitfaced together more times than I can count—but I like gettin' drunk for fun, not 'cause I'm depressed. Promise me somethin'…"

Jack looked at him, "You've never asked me t'promise anythin' before."

"Well, I'm askin' now," said Ennis, "Promise me, next time ya feel like this, talk t'me before ya start drinkin'."

Jack smiled wanly and nodded, "Not sure I can promise that, bud," he said, "but I can tell ya I'll try."

"Tryin' is good enough fer now," said Ennis. He pulled Jack close and kissed him on the forehead.

Jack gave a big sigh and said, "I love you, Ennis. You're good for me….I _am_ glad we're together."

"I'm glad too, babe," said Ennis, the endearment slipping out, unexpectedly.

Jack's eyes were closing and Ennis could tell he was falling back to sleep. "Babe. I like that. I like being your babe…," he said, drifting off.

Ennis smiled to himself and looked at Jack's peaceful face. "When the hell am I ever goin' t'get t'tell ya the news?" he thought, but not angrily, as he pulled Jack closer and closed his eyes. Then, their breathing in unison, Ennis was also soon asleep.

They woke several hours later, the sun now shining brightly through the crack in the curtain. "Man, I feel a whole helluva lot better than I did the first time I woke up," said Jack, stretching. "That's the way t'do it…sleep through a hangover." He leaned over and gave Ennis a kiss. "Mornin', cowboy."

"Back t'you, rodeo," said Ennis, with a smile and hug.

Jack started to get up but Ennis pulled him back to the bed. "No, wait, I got somethin' t'tell ya."

"Can I take a leak, first?" said Jack, with a laugh, pulling himself out of Ennis's grip. When he finished in the bathroom he came back to bed and lay down. "Okay, so what is it yer all fired up t'tell me?"

"I think I found us a place t'live, complete with jobs," said Ennis, with a grin.

"What?" said Jack, sitting up straight. "A place to live? Jobs?"

"Yup, that's what I said," said Ennis. "Lazy L Farm." He paused, and Jack looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, and Ennis obliged. "When I finished with the horses last night, Tom Lawrence invited me t'sit and have a beer."

"Oh, so I wasn't the only one drinkin'," said Jack.

Ennis fixed him with a stare. "There's a big diff'rence between two beers with a fella and half a bottle of whiskey by yerself."

Jack nodded, contrite.

"Anyway," Ennis continued, "we got t'talkin' and, long story short…he's wants us to fix up the farm and we can live there while we do it."

"Ennis, that's fuckin' amazin'. Here you are, not even in Texas for 24 hours, and you find us a goddamn place to live and somethin' t'do t'make some money. I'm fuckin' impressed."

Ennis laughed, obviously pleased with himself, too.

"So, what's the scoop?"

"Well," said Ennis, "his family ain't real big…it's just him and his sister. And they've got this problem of this house and farm to deal with. She's a nurse, workin' at some cancer hospital in Dallas or Houston or somewhere. And you heard him say what he does—he's a candy-ass college professor from Austin, he sure as hell don't know nothin' 'bout runnin' a farm. So, even though it's been in the family for all this time, Tom thinks they're gonna be forced t'sell it."

Ennis paused, then continued. "He don't want t'sell it while his uncle's still alive, but he also don't think his uncle's got a whole lot longer t'live."

"So what's the deal for us?" said Jack.

"You saw the place yesterday," said Ennis. "Tom wants t'get it fixed up, so when his uncle does pass on, it'll be ready t'go."

"And that's where we come in?" asked Jack.

Ennis nodded. "Yup. His wife's down in Austin and she's pregnant. He doesn't want to spend the whole summer up here in Quanah, but he was startin' to think that's what would happen. He's been here for about two weeks already, mostly makin' arrangements for his uncle and the nursing home. He was settlin' in for the long haul, then we came along."

"It's sort of amazin' though, Ennis. He doesn't even know us."

"I know, I thought the same thing. But he made an interestin' comment, said, 'I don't believe in coincidences. Everythin' happens for a reason.' I never thought of it that way, Jack, but I think he might be right."

"So what does he want us to do?"

"Basically fix the place up. Big thing is paintin' the house, but also fixin' the fences, takin' care o'the fields. Tom figgers that who ever buys the place can decide what kinda farm to make it be…do they want to raise cattle, or horses? Or maybe grow crops? He said some dumbass thing 'bout ostriches, but I don't know what the hell he was talkin' 'bout with that."

"Ostriches? Ain't they those Australian birds?"

"No, those are emus. Ostriches are from Africa."

Jack looked at Ennis as he said this and burst out laughing. "You two must've had quite the conversation," he said.

"Don't ask. Point is, the farm is, as he said it, at a crossroads. He's askin' us t'help him get it ready for what comes next."

"So did you say yes?" asked Jack.

"'Course not, dummy. I told him I had t'talk to you first."

"Well, I think we should say yes," said Jack. "What's t'discuss? Sounds like a sweet deal t'me."

"Well, the one thing he did say was that he wanted us to agree t'stay all summer. Not leave in the middle of the job."

"So, that's not a problem," said Jack.

"Well, it does change our plans for Lightning Flat," said Ennis, "and helpin' yer daddy."

"T'be honest, Ennis, I'm not sure the Lightning Flat part of your plan was the best idea of where we should go. You've never met my daddy. He might've fuckin' run us off with a shotgun the minute we arrived. Besides, this guy Tom, you said he's gonna pay us?"

"Yup," Ennis said, "he offered us $250 a week, $125 each."

"That's fuckin' generous if you ask me," said Jack, "I doubt my daddy would pay us anythin'. So here we got us a place to live and money t'put in the bank. I say let's do it."

"Ya think so?" asked Ennis.

"I think so," said Jack. "What did ya say Tom said? There ain't no coincidences? I think that's a pretty good philosophy t'live by."

"Okay," said Ennis, "then let's get our asses in gear. I gotta take care o'my horses and we gotta tell Tom he's got a new pair o'cowboys t'fix up his farm."


	5. Chapter 5

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 5

Ennis and Jack rode out to the farm together in Jack's truck. They had stopped at the grocery store in Quanah and bought a dozen donuts to share with Tom, as they decided not to take the time to have breakfast in town. Jack picked up copies of the _Dallas Morning News_ and the _Lubbock Avalanche Journal_, saying, "I bet Tom is the type that likes to read the paper in the morning."

Ennis shrugged his shoulders at this. "I ain't."

Jack gave him an exasperated look. "I ain't buyin' them for you, dumbass."

Ennis laughed, "Okay, bud. But I am buyin' some extra packs of cigarettes. Gonna need those, I think."

When they arrived at the farm, they saw Tom sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee. Jack handed him the bag and papers, "We bought ya some donuts," he said.

"And a paper! This is great—thanks guys."

"Want a smoke?" Ennis asked, offering him a pack.

Tom laughed. "Now my morning is complete. Coffee, donuts, the paper, and a cigarette. What more could anyone ask for?" He gave both Ennis and Jack a big grin.

Ennis turned to Jack, "I'm gonna go down and take care of the horses," he said. "You can talk t'Tom."

As he walked off, Jack asked Tom, "Ya got anymore coffee in the pot?"

"Sure," said Tom, engrossed in the paper. "It's in the kitchen. Help yourself."

Jack walked in through the front door. He figured that Tom would be busy with the paper for a few minutes, which would give him a chance to surreptitiously check out the house. In front of him was a staircase, leading to the second floor. To his left, was a large living room, comfortably furnished, but in an old fashioned way, with a couch, two club chairs, and a loveseat under the window. There were various small tables with knick knacks on top scattered throughout the room. Jack noticed a small, old-style television on a stand in the corner.

To his right was a small dining room. Like the living room, it was appropriately furnished with a table and chairs, but everything had a slightly aged look to it.

Behind the dining room was the kitchen. When he entered, he saw an old tin coffee pot bubbling on the stove. Jack took a cup off the shelf and poured himself some coffee. He looked around. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen gave him this funny feeling of stepping back in time. The appliances in the kitchen he guessed to be at least thirty years old. The wallpaper in the living room and dining room, and the carpet on the floor, reminded him of homes he had been in when he was a little boy. "It's a little like a time capsule," he thought to himself.

He went back out to the porch, where Tom was finishing reading the Lubbock paper. "Not much new in the world," he said. "Lots of stuff about the Presidential primaries. What do you think about that guy from Georgia, Jimmy Carter?" he asked.

"Ain't been payin' much attention," Jack replied.

"Yeah, it's still early in the season," Tom agreed. "People really don't start getting going on the election 'til after Labor Day."

Jack sat down and helped himself to a donut from the bag. "So, Tom," he said, "Ennis and I talked 'bout it, and we'd like t'take you up on your offer t'stay here at the farm and fix the place up."

Tom looked at Jack, a broad grin across his face. "That is great news! I am so pleased you'll be able to do this," he said. "This is such a great help for me, you just don't know."

"Well, from what Ennis told me, I have a little idea," said Jack, "and it's a good deal for us too. We didn't have any plans and I suspect that by noon today, I won't have had a place t'live." Tom gave him a glance as he said this and Jack explained, "I'm meetin' with my wife at eleven."

Tom nodded, "Good luck."

Jack laughed ruefully, "Thanks. I'll need it."

They looked up and saw Ennis walking back towards the house from the stable. Jack went back into the house and came out with a second coffee cup, the pot in his hand. As he poured the coffee, he offered it to Ennis. "Here ya go, En," he said.

"Thanks, bud," said Ennis, with an appreciative smile.

Jack pointed the pot towards Tom, "Can I warm yer cup?"

"Sure, that would be great," said Tom, holding his mug out towards Jack.

Ennis was fishing around in the donut bag. "I like the sugar ones," he said.

"I know you do," said Jack. "That's why we bought six of 'em."

Ennis, finally successful in his hunt, pulled out a sugar donut and gave Jack a little wink. "Thanks, bud," he said, as he sat down in the third chair on the porch.

Tom watched their interaction with interest. The coffee, the donuts, the wink—there was such an easy camaraderie between them, he thought. Clearly, they were very close friends. Something about their friendship reassured him that the farm would be in good hands for the summer. "Oh," said Tom, "speaking of which…"

Ennis and Jack both looked puzzled, as no one had been speaking.

"I mean, I was thinking about the house, and I guess we should speak about the plans," said Tom, sounding flustered. He launched into a long monologue about what needed to be done, the stores in town, and credit accounts. It was clear that Tom's plan all along had been to find someone to stay at the farm and do the work. He wanted to get back to Austin to be with his wife, not spend the summer in Quanah. To this end, he had made a number of arrangements and assured Jack and Ennis that everything should be smooth and trouble-free. "There are some advantages to living in the same place for 100 years," he said, "the merchants know Uncle Hal, they know me, and now they'll get to know you. I don't think you'll have any problems buying whatever you need to do the work you need to do. You can just charge everything to Uncle Hal's accounts. I'll stop by all the stores today and explain what's going on." Ennis and Jack nodded. "Just make sure you save all the receipts, okay?" said Tom. "So I can keep track of the money."

"I noticed the gas tank next to the barn was almost empty," said Ennis. "Can you get some delivered?"

"Oh, thanks for bringing that up—I had forgotten. I'll call this morning. Do you think they come on the same day?" he asked.

"Depends on when the truck is in the area," said Ennis. "It might not be 'til next week, least that's the way it was in Riverton. There was some gas in the tank," he continued. "Mostly what I wanted to do is mow that field for the horses," he said, pointing. "I bet there's enough gas to fill the tank on the mower."

"Okay," said Tom, "that's great. Now, when do you want to move in?"

Jack looked at him. "I think that's up t'you. What're yer plans?"

"Well," Tom said, looking at his watch, "it's still early. I need to go to the stores and talk to the managers about you, like I said. And you need to see your wife at eleven." Jack nodded. "One thing I would like to do, if it's okay with you, is take you to meet Uncle Hal."

Ennis and Jack looked a little surprised at this request. Tom explained, "There's nothing wrong with Uncle Hal's mind," he said. "He's sick with congestive heart failure which makes him weak and it's hard for him to breathe, but his mind is sharp as a tack. He knows I wanted to find a caretaker or handyman to fix the place up," he continued, "and I think the right thing to do is to introduce you to him, so he knows who will be in the house for the summer."

"That makes sense," said Jack, "I don't have a problem with it. Do you, En?"

"'Course not," replied Ennis, shaking his head.

"Okay, well maybe we can do this," Tom said, itemizing each item of the plan on his fingers. "I'll go to town and take care of business. You go see your wife," this said while looking at Jack. "Get your stuff in town and come back here in the afternoon. We'll go see Uncle Hal later, say three, and then I'll leave for Austin after that. If I'm on the road by five or so, I should be home by midnight."

"Sounds good to me," said Jack. "Ennis?"

Ennis shrugged. Plans that involved clocks and time were not his strong point. He'd go along with whatever Jack arranged.

"You probably won't have time to mow the field today," said Tom.

"That's okay," said Ennis. "We can go for a ride in the evenin' t'give 'em some exercise. I'll do the field tomorrow."

"Okay," said Tom. "That's all settled. Listen, you've seen the barn and stable, let me give you a quick tour of the house." The three of them entered through the front door. Tom pointed to the living room and dining room as they walked into the kitchen. He opened a door and pointed down the stairs, "The basement's down there," he said, "That's where the furnace and hot water heater are, as well as a washer. No dryer, you'll have to use the clothesline." Jack and Ennis looked at each other, their thoughts in unison: "Laundry? Now there's something we never thought of."

They walked back to the living room and climbed the stairs to the second floor. "There's a little bedroom in the back," Tom said, "plus a second one here," he pointed to his left, "that has two twin beds." He walked down the hall and pointed to a room on his right. "This is the master bedroom."

Ennis and Jack looked in. It was a good sized room with a double bed and white curtains at the windows. Ennis gave Jack a little poke. "I'm takin' the big bed," he said with a wink. "I'm taller 'n you."

"No way, cowboy," said Jack. "We're flippin' a coin."

Tom nodded to himself at this exchange. He walked to the last room in the hall. "Here's the bathroom." Again, Jack and Ennis looked in and saw an old fashioned bath with a claw foot tub. "No shower, unfortunately," Tom said, holding up a hose. "Just this handheld thing, which works okay. The whole place really needs a renovation." They turned and headed down the stairs. "Grandma and Grandpa got electricity and plumbing at the same time, in the late thirties. It was when the rural electrification project came through." Jack and Ennis nodded. Jack remembered his mother talking about when they got electricity, too. "At that time, Grandma and Grandpa did a major redecoration—put the bathroom in, put in the appliances in the kitchen. However, except for putting a washer in the basement, Uncle Hal really hasn't changed anything."

They arrived back on the porch. "I think it all looks great," said Jack. "We're really happy we can do this for you."

"The feeling is mutual," said Tom. "I should be thanking _you_." They all smiled at each other. Tom picked up the donut bag. "Another donut? Ennis, I see some sugar ones in here."

Ennis laughed as he pulled one out. "Thanks, Tom." He turned to Jack. "Whaddya say, bud?"

"I say let's hit the road," Jack replied. "Tom, thanks again. We'll see ya this afternoon."

They shook hands one last time, then Ennis and Jack turned and walked towards the truck.

* * *

A few hours later, they were heading north on the road to Childress. Jack had offered to Ennis that he didn't need to come, but Ennis was adamant. "We're gonna be here in Texas all summer, I'm gonna hafta meet her sooner or later," he said. "Might as well make it sooner and get it over with."

"Suit yerself," replied Jack, not entirely convinced, but also feeling it was not worth arguing about.

As they drove, Ennis turned to Jack. "When did you get married, anyway?" he said. "You ain't ever told me."

"You ain't ever asked," said Jack. "February 12, 1966. It was a Saturday, and we had a Valentine wedding. The bridesmaids wore pink, and the reception hall was decorated with hearts and red tablecloths. Ugly as hell, I thought, but it's what Lureen wanted. Red is her favorite color."

"You had bridesmaids?" asked Ennis, looking surprised.

"I didn't have bridesmaids, but Lureen did. Six of 'em. And six ushers, and a flower girl. I think the whole town of Childress was there, and the only people I knew were Lureen and her parents."

"Yer mama and daddy didn't come?"

"Nope. Daddy blamed it on the weather, said it was too risky to travel that far in February—but I think he just didn't care. Remember once I told ya he never came t'see me ride in the rodeo? This was the same damn thing."

"Did you go on a honeymoon?"

"Sorta. We went to Dallas for four days, stayed at a swanky hotel, ate in some nice restaurants. Lureen did a lot of shoppin', I watched her shop. Not the most excitin' time o'my life."

Jack exited off the highway and drove into the town of Childress. To Ennis, it looked like Quanah, only a little bigger. Jack pointed out the window to a large building, surrounded by an even larger parking lot in which several pieces of farm equipment were displayed. "That's Newsome's, the family business. That's where I work." Ennis nodded as he looked at it with interest.

They continued through town, driving for about five minutes, then turned left into a small subdivision. Jack drove in into a small cul-de-sac, with six identical ranch houses, distinguished only by their different color front doors, arrayed in a semi-circle. He pulled up in front of the second one on the left. "Here we are, 23 Magnolia Court," he said.

"Nice," Ennis said, nodding.

"No it ain't, Ennis. I hate it. Little small house, squished in among the others. I feel like I ain't got no privacy, neighbors can see in the windows while I'm pissin'."

Ennis laughed. "I was tryin' t'be polite."

Jack smiled at him. "No need t'be polite with me, cowboy. You can say what ya think."

"Well then," he said, pointing to the driveway, "I think that big red Cadillac is a flashy piece o'shit."

"You ain't kiddin'," said Jack. "That's Lureen's car. Her daddy bought it for her."

He shifted the truck into park, and turned off the key in the ignition. "Ya ready for this? There might be fireworks."

"Can't be any worse than Alma," Ennis replied.

"Okay then, let's go."

They walked up the driveway and entered the house through a door in garage. "Lureen?" Jack called, as he walked into the kitchen.

"I'm in the living room, Jack," came the reply.

Lureen was sitting on the couch, an open bottle of bright red nail polish on the table beside her. She was concentrating on polishing the nails of her left hand. Jack and Ennis stood there awkwardly for a minute, until she finished, put the brush in the bottle, and screwed the cap on tightly. At that point, she looked up. "Welcome home, Jack," she said, "Yer early. I didn't expect you 'til Sunday."

"Yeah, well, our plans changed."

Lureen looked at Ennis. "You gonna introduce me to yer friend?"

"This is Ennis, Lureen—Ennis Del Mar."

"Oh," she said. "The famous Ennis Del Mar, the Wyoming fishin' buddy. Nice t'meet ya in person after hearin' yer name all these years."

Ennis stood there awkwardly, holding his hat. "Ma'am."

"I'd shake yer hand but my nails are wet. There," she said, motioning to one of the upholstered chairs facing the couch. "Have a seat." Ennis did as he was told. Jack sat in the other.

"So, Jack, yer home early, and ya got me to come home from work in the middle of the day. Somethin' must be up. What's on yer mind?"

"I'll just cut right t'the chase, Lureen," he said. "I want a divorce."

She looked at him through narrowed eyes while blowing on her nails. After a minute she said, "I've been expectin' this, but why now, Jack? Somethin' happen?"

"Yup," he said. "Ennis and I talked."

"You talked? He convinced you t'ask me for a divorce?"

"Not exactly, Lureen," he replied. "We talked and…," he paused, then took a deep breath. "It's Ennis, Lureen. I'm leavin' you for him."

The room was totally silent and to Ennis, the seconds ticking by felt like hours. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Lureen stood up. She walked over to Ennis and stood in front of him. "Stand up. I wanta look at you."

"Lureen, please," said Jack. "He ain't a piece of stock."

"Shut up, Jack," she said.

Ennis stood up, as she asked. Lureen stood with her arms crossed across her chest, and gave Ennis a careful once-over. Finally, she motioned him to sit back down in the chair. She turned and looked at her husband. "You know how to pick 'em, Jack," she said. "He's a looker."

Ennis blushed bright red and felt as if he wished the floor would open up under his seat.

"Um, I'm not quite sure how t'respond t'that, Lureen," said Jack.

"Hell, Jack, y'know things ain't been right between us for a long time now," she replied. "It's good t'finally know just what exactly is goin' on. I thought y'might be havin' an affair, I've thought that for awhile. I'm just relieved to find out my competition doesn't have bigger tits than me."

Jack looked stunned, and Ennis suppressed a little smile.

She turned to Ennis. "I'm gonna get myself a drink. Ya want somethin'?"

"Water's fine, ma'am," he said.

"Ya sure? I was gonna have somethin' a little stronger."

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Do ya mind if I smoke, though?" he asked.

"Go right ahead," she said, handing him an ashtray off the end table next to the couch.

Jack followed her into the kitchen, where Lureen pulled out a bottle of rum from the a lower cabinet, and a can of Coke from the refrigerator. She took a tall glass from the cabinet, added some ice, and made herself a drink, heavy on the rum. "You want somethin' Jack?" she asked. "Some whiskey?"

"No, Lureen, I'm fine." He filled a glass of water from the pitcher in the refrigerator and took it to Ennis in the living room. "Give me a minute, bud," he whispered to Ennis, who nodded while he lit a second cigarette.

Jack went back into the kitchen. Lureen was leaning against the counter, her drink in her hand. "So, Jack, how long has this been goin' on, anyway?"

"We met back in '63, Lureen," he said, "and got back together in '67."

"It started in 1963?" she asked, her voice surprised.

Jack nodded. "Yup, that summer, when we was herdin' sheep."

Lureen stared across the kitchen, her eyes not focused on anything in particular. Jack could tell she was trying to compose the thoughts in her mind. He had seen this look before.

"So, let me see if I've got this straight. You met Ennis in the summer of 1963. …" Jack nodded. "And you married me in 1966. …" Jack nodded again. "And then you shacked up with him a year later. …"

"That's not the word I would use, but yes," Jack said.

"Are you in love with him?" she asked.

"Very much so," said Jack.

"And you've been in love with him…?"

"Right from the beginning," Jack replied.

"So why did you marry me?" she asked.

"Lureen, that's a question for which I don't have a satisfactory answer, and for that, I hafta apologize. I should never have married you—I should never have married any woman. I'm gay, Lureen. I know that now. But back then, I was thinkin' I could fix it, or get over it, or get over Ennis. But none of those things happened. I hope someday you'll find it in yer heart t'forgive me, because I made a terrible mistake, and I'm sure I've hurt you very badly."

She looked at him. "I don't feel angry, right now, Jack. I just feel…numb. But thank you for sayin' that." She looked towards the door to the living room. "Yer bein' rude t'your guest," she said, "Leavin' him alone." She walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. "Ennis," she said, "are you in love with Jack?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am," he said. No use lying about at this point, he thought to himself.

"Yer wife know about this?" she asked.

"She does," he replied.

"And is she okay with it?"

"No ma'am, she ain't. She thinks it's unnatural."

"Hmm," she said. "I don't know if that's the word I would use." She turned to Jack. "So, what happens now?"

"Actually, Lureen, we're gonna spend the summer in Texas. We found a place t'stay in Quanah."

It was Lureen's turn to look stunned. "You found a place to stay? You haven't even been back for 24 hours!"

"I know. Fuckin' amazin', ain't it?" said Jack.

"Did you do this, Ennis?" she asked. "You must be a miracle worker."

He smiled a little at the compliment. "It was my horses, ma'am. I needed t'find them a place to stay."

"You have horses?"

He nodded. "Yup, two. Twister and Sioux."

She smiled. "Twister?" Ennis blushed, and nodded. She looked at Jack. "If I didn't believe he loved you before, I certainly do now." Jack and Ennis looked at each other, and Lureen could see the meaning in their glance. "So," she continued, "you found a place to stay. …"

"Yeah, a farm in Quanah," said Jack. "We're basically gonna be handymen…fix the place up. The owner is in a nursing home, and his nephew—essentially his only relative—lives in Austin." He paused, then continued. "What I was thinking, Lureen, is that I could come by some time tomorrow and talk to Bobby, explain what's going on. Pack up some of my stuff. We can start talkin' t'lawyers next week."

"And yer job?"

"I figured you'd want t'get rid of me, given what's goin' on."

"Frankly, I don't care, and you do know how t'sell combines. But Daddy'll want t'fire you, so I might as well tell him I did it. Save you the grief." She turned to Ennis. "My daddy will be like yer wife—not too happy with this whole situation."

Ennis nodded. "Jack's told me a bit about him."

Jack stood up and handed her a piece of paper. "Here's the phone number at the farm. What time would be good for me to come by tomorrow and talk t'Bobby?"

"The morning," she said. "He has a baseball game in the afternoon."

Jack nodded, then turned to Ennis. "Ready, bud?" Ennis stood up, as did Lureen. They all looked at each other awkwardly for a minute, then Jack gave Lureen a gentle hug. "I'm sorry, Lureen. Thank you for bein' understandin'."

She smiled. "Well, I can't say this is easy, but I can already see yer happier, so I know it's the right thing for you." She turned to Ennis. "You take good care o'him, y'hear?"

"Don't worry, ma'am, I will."

She gave him a little poke. "And next time I see you, stop 'ma'aming' me, willya? I ain't old enough for that."

Ennis laughed. "Okay, ma'…I mean, Lureen."

* * *

The nursing home was on the outskirts of town, a flat, one-story building with plate glass windows. The three of them got out of Tom's car and walked towards the front door. "It broke my heart to admit Uncle Hal into here," he said, "but there really was no way he could manage on his own." They stopped in front of the door and Tom turned to them, "Oh, guys, there's something I should explain to you." Jack and Ennis looked at him, listening. "He thinks he's going to get better and go home—and who knows, maybe he will. But I kind of doubt it. But," he paused, then continued, "I let him believe that. There's no point in destroying an old man's dream. I just wanted to tell you that, in case he brings it up. He usually does."

Jack and Ennis nodded in silent understanding. Tom pushed opened the door and the walked into the building. "Let me introduce you to the charge nurse," he said, as they walked up to the nurse's station.

An attractive, middle-aged brunette stood up as they approached. "Hi, Tom, here to see your uncle?"

"Sure am," he said, "Becky, I want to introduce you to Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist. Guys, this is Becky Randall, the charge nurse. "

She smiled at both of them. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Nice t'meet you too," said Jack, while Ennis just took off his hat and said, "Ma'am."

"Becky, Ennis and Jack are going to be staying at the farm for the summer, fixing the place up."

Becky looked at Ennis and Jack. "Heaven must have sent you. I know this has been worrying Tom."

Tom laughed. "Yeah, anyway. We're here so I can introduce them to Uncle Hal, let him know what's going on."

"Well," Becky said, "I believe he is sitting in the day room." She looked at Ennis and Jack. "Will you boys be coming to visit Hal? I know he gets lonely."

They shrugged. They hadn't really thought about this part of their responsibilities, but a visit once or twice a week was probably possible. "Mebbe," said Jack, "once we get t'know him."

"I think that would be nice," she said. Then, pointing down the hall she said, "The day room's down there…at the end. Have a nice chat."

They walked down the hall and entered the room. Tom glanced around and saw his uncle sitting in a large chair in the corner, which was turned towards the window. A blanket was over his knees. They walked over, and Tom said, "Uncle Hal, I'm here. Hi."

His uncle turned and looked at him. "Oh, hi, Tom, it's good t'see ya." He noticed Ennis and Jack. "Who are yer friends?"

"Uncle Hal, this is Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist."

Hal reached out a thin hand towards them, which each shook in turn. "Pleased t'meet ya," he said.

"Thanks," said Jack.

Ennis nodded, "Sir."

"Pull up some chairs, Tom," said Hal. "Sit and rest a spell."

As they sat down, Ennis and Jack looked at Hal. He was thin, and frail, but his gray hair was neatly combed across his head. His eyes were still bright—and blue, like Tom's. They could see vestiges of a handsome man in his drawn face. He had a friendly smile, however, and was clearly pleased to have company.

"Well, Uncle Hal, I was really lucky yesterday, because these two cowboys came walking up my driveway, looking for a job."

"Really?" asked Hal.

"Well, actually, they drove up in a truck looking for a stable for two horses, but we turned that into a job."

Hal smiled and turned to them. "Tell me about yerselves." Jack and Ennis recited their usual explanation. Hal nodded as he listened. "So, what's the plan, Tom?"

"They're going to stay at the house, fix the place up…"

"So I can go home?"

"So you can go home if you get better, Uncle Hal, yes."

Hal smiled and then looked at Ennis and Jack again. "Big thing t'do is paint the house," he said.

Jack nodded, "Yeah, that's what Tom said, too."

"Can ya go back t'the original color?"

Jack and Ennis looked puzzled, and looked over at Tom. "What original color, Uncle Hal? I only remember it as white."

"That's right, yer probably too young t'remember." He looked out the window, then back at all three of them. "My mama's name was Rose, and when my daddy built it for her as a wedding present, he painted it a very dark pink—the color of a rose. He always said, 'A rose for my Rose, her house on the prairie.'"

"I never knew that, Uncle Hal," said Tom. "That's sweet. When did it get painted white?"

"During the war," said Hal. "It was hard to get paint then, and impossible to get colored paint, so my daddy had to settle for white. He always promised Mama that he'd go back to the rose color, but never did. Since yer goin' t'be paintin' it this summer, mebbe this is the time to do it."

Jack and Ennis nodded, and Jack said, "Sure. Why not?"

"It had cream-colored trim, too," he said. "All the curlicues on the porch and the porch railing, the window frames, and the doors."

"I'll tell you what, Uncle Hal," said Tom, "I'm heading back to Austin this evening and I won't be back for a few weeks. But maybe Jack and Ennis can bring some paint samples by and you can help them pick the right color. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good t'me," said Hal. "I can picture the exact color. It's very dark. Don't bring me any bright pink paint samples," he said.

"No, sir," said Jack. "I don't think you want a pink house." They all laughed at that.

"So, Tom," Hal said, "Yer goin' home t'Austin?"

"Yes, that's the plan. Janet's missing me, and taking care of a three year old when you're pregnant isn't easy. I'm thinking I can come back every two weeks…visit you, check in on Ennis and Jack, make sure everything is going okay."

Hal nodded. "Will you boys come visit? It gets lonely here."

"Sure," said Jack, "we have t'bring the paint samples by, so I'm sure we'll be back in a few days."

Hal looked at Ennis, "Son, yer awfully quiet."

Ennis blushed, "Don't talk much," he said. "Ain't got much t'say."

Hal smiled at him. "I want t'get t'know ya better. You come visit, too."

Ennis nodded. "I will, sir. Promise."

They chatted together for a few more minutes, then Tom looked at his watch. "I think it's almost time for dinner, Uncle Hal," he said. "And I need to get on my way to Austin."

The three of them stood up and shook Hal's hand one more time. "Enjoy the house, boys," he said. "I'll see ya in a few days."

* * *

An hour later, they stood on the porch and watched Tom's Volvo station wagon head off down the road, then turned to each other. "Now what do we do?" asked Ennis.

"Unload the truck, I guess," replied Jack. They walked over to Jack's truck, and he opened the back. The first thing he pulled out were Ennis's three hunting rifles. "Where ya gonna put these?" he asked.

"I saw a gun locker in the tack room in the stable," Ennis replied. "I'll put 'em there."

Jack nodded. "What 'bout my gun?" he asked.

"I'll put yers away there too," said Ennis. "Don't worry, it's safe." He had no intention of telling Jack where it was.

Ennis carried the cooler into the house, while Jack brought the camping gear—tent, a box with pans, plates, and utensils, and a Coleman stove. "I'm gonna put this down in the basement," he said. As he looked at the equipment, he said, mostly to himself, "I wonder if we'll ever use this again?"

Ennis looked over at him. "I'd like t'go huntin' in November—dependin' on where we are."

As he said November, Jack stopped and looked at him. "This is so weird," he said.

"What's weird?" said Ennis, as he put the beer from the cooler in the refrigerator.

"Think about it," he said. "What's today, Friday? One week ago today, I was packin' my truck, gettin' ready to head to Wyoming. "Now look where we are."

Ennis didn't say anything, just let Jack continue.

"If this week had gone the way it usually does, this would've been our last night at the cabin. We'd be packin' up to leave tomorrow—and thinkin' we might not see each other until November. Instead, here we are," he said as he looked around the kitchen. "We're together, we've got a place to live, I've told my wife I want a divorce and she's okay with it. …"

"Fuckin' amazin' I'd say, Jack," Ennis replied, with a smile.

"Fuckin' amazin' doesn't begin t'describe it," said Jack, as he headed down the stairs to the basement.

He came back up with a laundry basket full of wet sheets. "I guess Tom stripped the beds and washed the sheets," he said. "That was right nice of him. I'm gonna go hang these outside."

Ennis nodded. He finished unpacking the cooler and rinsed it out in the sink. He then unpacked the bags of groceries, smiling to himself as he put the jar of peanut butter away on a shelf in the cupboard.

Jack came back in. "Wanna help me make the bed?" he said.

"Sure," said Ennis.

As they walked up the stairs, Jack said, "Why d'ya make that comment t'Tom 'bout takin' the big bed, anyway? That was kinda bold of ya, I thought."

Ennis laughed. "I think I was teasin' him," he said. "I don't think he's figgered us out."

"No, I don't think so either," said Jack, as they walked into the bedroom.

"Kinda dense, him bein' a college professor and all."

"Yeah," said Jack, "Book smart ain't necessarily people smart, I guess."

Tom had left a set of sheets on the foot of the bed. They stood opposite each other, smoothing the sheets and pulling them taut, tucking in the blanket, and last, putting the pillowcases on the pillows and placing them at the head of the bed. When they were finished, they gave each other a shy smile across the bed, almost embarrassed at the intimacy of it all, seeing their shared bed as a sacred space.

Ennis turned and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled off his boots, then pulled off his dirty socks. He sat with them in his hand for a minute, then turned to Jack. "What do I do with these?" he asked.

Jack looked at him. "I dunno. They're yer socks." He paused, then said, "I think I saw a hamper in the bathroom."

Ennis nodded. "This is weird."

"Now yer sayin' it," Jack laughed. "What's weird?"

"We're doin' it, Jack," said Ennis. "We're livin' together."

"That's right, cowboy," replied Jack. "Wasn't that the plan?"

"Yeah, but…all those years of you askin', and now it's here. It's real. I don't hardly fuckin' believe it," he said. He looked around the room, then looked at Jack. "We gotta figger stuff out,"

Jack was not entirely following what Ennis was trying to say. "Figger what stuff out?"

"Y'know—housekeepin'. Cookin', cleanin', all that shit."

Jack walked over and sat down next to Ennis, putting his arm around his shoulders. "So? That's no big deal."

"I never did any of that crap," said Ennis. "I let Alma do all the work."

Jack laughed, "You were quite the husband, huh?"

Ennis, a serious look on his face, replied, "I was a lousy husband. I ain't surprised she divorced me. I'm surprised she put up with me as long as she did."

Jack gave him a little punch on the shoulder. "Well, don't think you're gonna get away with that with me," he said. "I'll make you pull yer weight around here."

Ennis turned and looked directly at Jack, "What are we, anyway?"

"Whaddya mean, En?"

"I was Alma's husband. She was my wife. That's over, but now we're together," he said, motioning with his finger to the two of them, "I'm presumin' forever. What does that make us?"

"Um," said Jack, "I dunno. Married?"

Ennis shook his head. "We ain't married, Jack. We ain't been before a preacher, and besides, there ain't no preacher who would marry two guys."

"That's true," said Jack, "Let's see. A couple?"

"Yeah, I guess. Couple works, sorta."

Jack traced his fingers along Ennis's jaw. "Buddies?"

"Nah, not buddies. That's what Tom thinks we are. Besides, I told ya, fuckbuddy days are over."

Jack laughed at that. "Lovers?"

Ennis thought for a minute, then nodded. "Lovers is good."

Jack continued to caress Ennis's face. "Try this one, En. You are my life."

Ennis looked up at him, a little smile on his face. "You gettin' mushy?" he said, with a wink.

"Not mushy, En. Just tellin' ya the truth. Besides, yer the one that started it."

Ennis smiled, stood up, and crossed to the window. He looked out at the field and the stable, then turned back and looked at Jack. "What is my life?" he asked. "Ain't been much of one up 'til now."

"Well, cowboy," said Jack, "I guess, from now on, it's what we make it, huh?"

"I guess it is," said Ennis. He looked at the dirty socks, still in his hand. "Rodeo, I'm gonna go put these in the hamper in the bathroom," he said. "And I'm gonna put the rest of my clothes in that hamper, too." Jack looked at him. "And when I come back, I think we oughta christen that bed." This last line was delivered with a big grin.

Jack stood up and unbuttoned his shirt. "Sounds good t'me," he said. "Let's see who can get undressed first."


	6. Chapter 6

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 6

The early morning sun creeping through the shade woke Ennis, as usual. He stretched and looked over at Jack, who was curled up on his side, hand underneath the pillow. Ennis felt a rush of happiness course through his body. He realized that every day he woke up feeling happier than he had ever felt before, and every day he felt happier than the day before. Could this go on? Is there a happiness limit? he wondered.

He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling, thinking of the events of yesterday. First they christened the bed, which had turned into a long, slow, gentle love making. Face to face, they explored each other with their hands and their tongues. Then Jack held both their cocks together and Ennis covered Jack's hand with this. They moved together in a languorous rhythm, Jack's lips locked on the soft skin at the base of Ennis's neck. Ennis knew he'd find a hickey there when he looked at himself in the mirror. Their release had been mutual and fulfilling—but different. "Soft," Ennis thought to himself. "That's what it was. Coming in a soft way."

They lay together for a time afterwards, feeling their hearts beating in their chests and their breathing in unison. Ennis could tell they were slipping into sleep but he pulled himself away and managed to rouse them both. "C'mon bud," he said to Jack, "I wanna go for a ride. The horses have been cooped up all day. They need some exercise." Jack nodded and rolled over, picking his jeans up off the floor. Ennis found a clean pair in his box of belongings that he had brought in from the truck.

They walked to the stable, Ennis's arm around Jack's shoulders, Jack's arm around Ennis's waist. They felt that they were in their own private world and no one could intrude.

They saddled up the horses and then headed out on the road that led towards the fields. They discovered that there was a perimeter road that marked the demarcation between the fields and the copse of trees that bordered the river. At various points there were breaks in the trees and they rode through one and dismounted, walking to the bank at the edge of the river.

"I wonder what river this is?" asked Ennis.

"It's the Pease," Jack replied. Ennis looked surprised and Jack laughed. "I live near here, remember?"

Ennis laughed at himself. "I just forgot where we are," he said. "Any fish in this river?"

Jack nodded, "Yeah, and you can swim, too."

"Hmm," said Ennis. "I ain't been swimmin' in ages."

"Me neither," said Jack, "but I always remember skinny-dippin' with you."

They laughed together at that, then remounted the horses and headed back to the stable. They put the gear away in the tack room. Jack brushed both Sioux and Twister while Ennis cleaned the stalls and filled the water and feed pails.

They went back to the house and managed to fashion themselves a mish-mash dinner from the food Tom had left in the refrigerator and their provisions from their trip. Neither particularly cared what they were eating—they only ate because they were hungry. Afterwards, they sat on the porch and watched the sun set, smoking cigarettes and passing a whiskey bottle back and forth.

When they had gotten to the point of being nicely buzzed they decided what they needed to do—_right then_—was take a bath together. Full of giggles, they managed to squeeze themselves into the old-fashioned tub, Ennis wedged in between Jack's legs. Jack played with the soap, working up a nice lather on both of them. When the water turned cool and gray they drained the tub and rinsed themselves off with the handheld shower, washing off all residual soap lather and bubbles.

They dried each other and then walked to the bedroom and crawled into bed. At this point, Ennis felt so relaxed that all he wanted to do was sleep, but Jack had other ideas. "Cowboy, I'm so tired," he kept saying, and Jack would say, "Just lay back and let me play. You don't have to do anything," which is what Ennis did. Jack kissed him all over, licked his balls, and tongued his cock. At one point, Ennis remembered him sucking on his toes, which, in the light of day seemed a little strange, but at the time, made him feel like electricity was flowing through him, starting at this feet and exiting out the top of his head.

Eventually Jack turned him over and spent a long time playing with his ass. When Ennis had gotten to the point of being so relaxed he thought he would melt, Jack eased his cock in—very slowly. They had done it this way a few times but it was not their usual routine, so Ennis appreciated Jack's gentleness. Ennis sometimes thought he was a little rough, but Jack never complained. Jack pulled Ennis's hips up and pushed and pulled in an even rhythm.

Ennis came quickly—all the foreplay had brought him to the point of needing an early release—while Jack took a little longer. Then, both fully satisfied, they easily fell asleep, Jack holding Ennis in a close embrace.

As Ennis finished reviewing these memories, he drew in a deep breath and exhaled a big sigh, stretched, and looked at Jack again. He briefly contemplated starting in on Jack—giving him a thank you for all the fun the night before—but decided to let him sleep. "We have the rest of our lives for making love," he thought. "Not like the old days where we had to fuck like bunnies because the clock was ticking."

He quietly eased out of the bed so as not to wake Jack, picked up his clothes, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He stood at the sink, brushed his teeth, and then began to shave, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He laughed when he saw a big purple hickey on his collarbone. "No surprise," he thought to himself.

He finished getting dressed and then walked down the stairs, carrying his boots. He poured himself to a glass of juice from the carton in the refrigerator, then headed out the back door. He walked across the grass towards the road, noticing a thick layer of early morning dew that coated everything. Ennis had absolutely no idea what time it was but the angle of the sun told him that it was pretty early.

He came into the stable and opened the door to Twister's stall. "Good mornin', buddy," he said, rubbing the horse on his soft nose. "I'm gonna mow you a field today, so you can get out of this goddamn stable for a change." He lifted the water bucket off the hook and filled it at the spigot on the side of the barn. He came back in and did the same for Sioux.

He walked over to the barn, planning to inspect the mower and figure out what it needed to get working. He had noticed a box on the wall near the door. He opened it, and there was a series of keys, each on its own hook, neatly labeled. Ennis took the key marked 'mower' and walked over to the machine. He fiddled with the spark plugs for a minute, then climbed up on the seat, put the key in the ignition, and turned it. To his amazement, the mower started right up. He drove it out through the barn door. He stopped at the gas tank and filled the tank on the mower with the hand cranked pump, then proceeded to the field that was next to the stable.

Ennis mowed down to the far end of the field, noticing the fences along the way. They were sagging and boards needed to be replaced, but were intact enough that they would provide a sufficient enclosure for the horses. He turned at the end and started back up, heading towards the house. When he was about halfway up the field, he noticed Jack walking out of the house and down the road. By the time Ennis reached the fence, Jack was waiting for him.

Ennis turned off the mower and climbed down from the seat. He walked over and leaned in for a kiss. "Good mornin', cowboy," he said.

Jack kissed him back but gave him an exasperated look. "Ennis, what the fuck are ya doin'?" he said.

Ennis looked at him. He thought it was pretty obvious what he was doing, but he said it anyway. "Mowin' the field."

"Ennis, it is six fuckin' a.m." Jack said. "Are you tryin' to wake the dead?"

Ennis shrugged. "I wasn't payin' attention t'the time," he said.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Ya never pay attention t'the time. Besides, don't ya want t'wait 'til it dries out a little bit?" he said. "Look how wet the grass is."

Ennis conceded that maybe Jack had a point on this. He was so pleased when the mower started right up he hadn't thought about much else.

"Have you had any breakfast?" Jack asked, and Ennis shook his head. "C'mon on up to the house and get something to eat, and then you can get back to your mowin'."

Ennis laughed. "Okay. Yer takin' good care of me, cowboy," he said, as he walked over to the gate.

"Somebody's gotta do it, you dumbass," Jack replied, but said it with an affectionate smile.

An hour later they were sitting on the porch, each enjoying a second cup of coffee and a cigarette. Jack was busy making plans for the day and even had a pad of paper on which he was writing several lists. Ennis looked at him, amused. "I never knew you were a list kinda guy," he said.

"I've got a lot to keep track of," he said. "Let's see, when I come back from Childress and seein' Bobby, I'm goin' to the grocery store, and the hardware store…," he paused, thinking to himself, then turned to Ennis. "You think of anything we need?"

Ennis nodded. "A padlock for the gun locker," he said. "The key's missing for the one that's there—prob'ly easiest to just cut it off and get a new one."

Jack wrote it on his list. "Do you trust me t'pick out the paint samples or do you want t'come along for that?"

"I trust you," Ennis said. "Make sure they're dark rose, though, I ain't livin' in a girly-pink house, even if it is just for the summer."

Jack laughed. "Okay, cowboy, will do. Listen, I was thinkin' of lookin' at the hardware store, maybe buy us a grill."

"A grill?" Ennis looked at him in amazement.

"Yeah, so we can have cook-outs—hamburgers, hot dogs, shit like that."

"Cowboy, that is the strangest thing I've ever heard you say," said Ennis.

"Why?" Jack replied. "Lureen and I did a lot of cookin' on the grill. It's nice when the weather's warm. Get out of the house."

"Jack, the only time I ever cooked outdoors was when I was campin' with the girls, or on fishin' trips with you. Can't imagine cookin' on a grill at home."

"Yeah, well, you were livin' in an apartment, weren't you? Not really set up for havin' a cook-out."

Ennis laughed. "I s'pose," he said. "You wanna buy a grill, you go right ahead. But I ain't doin' the grillin', that'll be yer job."

Jack smiled back at him. "Fair enough, cowboy."

Ennis stood and stretched, then picked up his coffee cup. "Ya want some more coffee?" he asked Jack. Jack shook his head no. Ennis said, "Okay then, I'll wash these up and get back to my mowin'. Grass looks a little drier now."

Jack looked up at him. "Sounds good. I'll be headin' out, too—hopefully I'll be back by lunch. I'll buy groceries so we'll have some food."

"Sounds good t'me," said Ennis. "Once I'm done with the field, I guess I'll start scrapin' the paint on the house. That seems to be the biggest job we need to get goin' on, don't ya think?"

Jack nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, I think so. In fact, I'll pick up an extra scraper or two at the hardware store, just so we're all set."

Ennis stood up and walked past Jack as he headed towards the door, ruffling Jack's hair along the way. "Love ya, cowboy," he said off handedly, as he walked into the house. Jack looked at him in surprise, then smiled to himself, thinking once again that he was the luckiest man on the planet.

* * *

Ennis finished mowing the field in the late morning. He went and got the horses out of the stable, opened the gate, and let them in. He swore they gave him a grateful look. "I know," he said, "it's been a tough coupla days, first the trailer, now the stable, but we'll get things back to normal soon." He went back into the stable and hunted around and eventually found a large metal trough. "I knew this had to be here," he thought to himself. He looked a bit more and found a hose, which he hooked to the spigot on the side of the barn. He dragged the trough to the edge of the field, then filled it with water from the hose. He leaned on the fence and watched the horses for a few minutes, then turned and went back up to the house.

He stood and looked at the house while he smoked a cigarette, thinking about the painting job. He had never painted a house before, but he had painted plenty of barns and other ranch buildings, and figured it wasn't all that different. It was pretty obvious that the first order of business would be to scrape all the old paint off. As much as it was peeling, there wasn't much left. He went back down to the barn and sure enough, there were three ladders neatly stacked one on top of the other in the corner. "Hal was an organized sonofabitch," he thought.

He was standing on the ladder, scraping paint from around the bedroom window, thinking to himself that it was a whole helluva lot hotter in Texas than it was in Wyoming, when Jack drove up. Jack parked the truck and noticed that Ennis's shirt was plastered to his back with sweat. Jack was about to make a smartass comment about painting while wearing boots and jeans when he remembered that Ennis didn't have anything to wear _except_ boots and jeans.

"Hey En," he called. "I'm back." Ennis turned and looked down at him with a smile. "C'mon down here and give me a hand." Ennis nodded and stepped down the ladder. Jack opened the back of the truck which was full of boxes. "Give me a hand with these, will ya?" he said. "They can all go into the bedroom. And, I have something for you."

They made several trips in and out of the house, carrying boxes up to the bedroom. "Jesus, Jack," said Ennis, "you managed to pack all of this in an hour?"

"Lureen helped," he said, and Ennis looked puzzled. "Seems that after we left, she decided to have a few more rum 'n cokes, and then got mad at me and started packin' my shit." He gave a rueful chuckle.

"So how was she today?" asked Ennis.

"She was okay," said Jack. "Y'know En, I don't think the issue is you and me, it is more that the spotlight ain't on Lureen. She has some other crap to figure out…her husband being gay is one problem, but that ain't the only one."

Ennis winced a little at the "being gay" comment but hoped Jack didn't notice. He realized that Jack had started saying this more openly in the past few days—even said it to Lureen in the kitchen. Ennis still wasn't comfortable with the whole idea and realized, like Lureen, that he had "some crap" to work through. He knew he loved a man and that loving a man was a definition of being gay—although he had no intention of ever loving a different man. "Sometimes," he thought to himself, "it is so fuckin' complicated."

They carried up the last of the boxes and dumped them on the floor. Ennis sat down in the small upholstered chair in the corner of the bedroom, while Jack fished around in one of his boxes. Ennis had no idea what to expect what it was that Jack had for him.

Jack continued to rummage around in a box of clothes and finally pulled out a pair of khaki shorts. He threw them across the room to Ennis. "Here, try these on. They should fit."

Ennis looked dubious. "I'm skinnier than you," he said.

Jack gave him a wry smile. "There was time when I was skinnier than you," he said, "and now ya got me workin' in the fields and scrapin' paint, those days may return. Meanwhile," he said, pointing to the shorts, "those are few years old. They're a little tight on me, should fit you fine."

Ennis, still sitting in the chair, pulled off his boots. He then stood up and took off his pants and his sweat-soaked shirt. He pulled on the shorts, which, as Jack had predicted, fit perfectly.

Jack was back rummaging in the box again, this time pulling out a white tee shirt with "VERSATILE" emblazoned across the front. "Here, you can have this. This will be a damn sight more comfortable for painting than a cowboy shirt." Ennis pulled the shirt over his head.

"What's versatile mean?" he asked.

"It's the brand of combine I sold at Newsome's," he said. "They'd give us free tee shirts for sales promotions, shit like that." Jack turned to the box again, this time pulling out a pair of sneakers. "What size shoes do you wear?"

"Ten and a half," said Ennis.

"Thought so. Same as me. Here," he said, handing him the sneakers, "you can have these. Practically brand new. I think they'll be more comfortable than boots, at least for painting."

Ennis sat back down on the chair and put on the shoes. When he finished, he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror on the back of the closet door. He turned to Jack and said, "Can I tell ya somethin'? Promise not to laugh?"

"Sure, cowboy, what is it?"

"I ain't never worn a pair of shorts before."

Jack smiled, pressing his lips together, trying hard not to laugh, since he had promised. "Well, that's a damn shame, Ennis, because you look mighty fine in those shorts, if I do say so myself. Lotta men in the world would've gotten off lookin' at those legs of yours."

Ennis blushed bright red, as he always did whenever Jack commented on his looks or his body. "Shut up, Jack, yer embarrassin' me."

"Nothin' to be embarrassed 'bout, cowboy," Jack replied. "I'm gettin' horny just lookin' at ya."

Ennis gave him an evil wink. "Is that an invitation?" he said.

Jack laughed. "Hold yer horses, cowboy. We can get t'that later." Jack pulled another pair of shorts out of the box along with a tee shirt. "Let me change real quick and then we can bring in the groceries from the truck."

They clattered down the stairs and together brought in several bags of groceries. As Ennis helped him put away the food, he said, "Shit, Jack, you bought enough stuff."

"Well, I figger, this should hold us for a few days. We need t'eat don't we?"

Ennis smiled and nodded. "I guess so."

"Let's see, I bought some cold cuts for lunch. Ya want a ham and cheese sandwich or roast beef?"

"Ham is good," Ennis said. "But no mayonnaise. I like mustard."

"Well, glad t'see we're in agreement on that," laughed Jack. He picked up a jar. "Ya like pickles, too?"

Ennis nodded. "The sweet ones, not dill," he said.

Jack laughed, showing him the label. "I had a feelin'," he said. "Sugar donuts, sweet pickles—I think you got a sweet tooth, Ennis Del Mar."

They carried their plates with the sandwiches, pickles, and some chips into the dining room. They munched on their lunches in companionable silence. At one point, Jack picked up his beer bottle to take a swig and Ennis noticed his hand. "Ya ain't wearin' yer weddin' ring," he said.

Jack smiled. "I wondered how long it would take ya t'notice."

"When did ya take it off?"

"This mornin'," Jack said. "Before I left for Childress. Lureen noticed too, didn't say much, just harrumphed."

"Y'know, Jack," said Ennis, "you are officially still married."

"Well, maybe in some legal sense I am, but it's over En. It's been over for a long time." Jack looked at him, then asked, "When did you stop wearin' yer weddin' ring?"

"The day we went to court. I got real drunk that night, felt real sorry for myself. Took it off, thought 'bout throwing it away, but I didn't." He nodded towards the ceiling. "It's up there, in a little box with my stuff. I don't know why I keep it, hangin' onto a little piece of my life that doesn't exist anymore."

"Yeah," said Jack, "I was wonderin' what t'do with mine, too."

"Well, yers is fancier than mine. Don't it have a diamond in it?" Jack nodded. "Mebbe we can hock it, get some money for it." This last statement was delivered in total seriousness.

"What?" Jack exclaimed. "Pawn my weddin' ring?"

"Why not?" said Ennis. "I've hocked plenty o'things over the years. My guns, my saddles. Always managed t'come up with enough money to buy 'em back, but sometimes that's what I needed t'do t'make ends meet."

Jack looked at Ennis, thinking about what he had just said. Jack thought about his year of rodeoing, the year when he was flat broke. Even then, he never felt so desperate that he considered selling his few valuable possessions. Jack looked at Ennis's left hand which was lying on the table; he was taking a swig of beer from the bottle with his right. Jack reached out and covered Ennis's hand with his own. "Lemme tell ya somethin', cowboy," he said. "As long as you and I are together, you ain't never goin' t'need to hock somethin' that's important t'ya t'make ends meet. Got it? That's a promise."

Ennis looked down, embarrassed, then looked up, and pulled his hand out from under Jack's and gave it a squeeze. "Thanks, bud." Then, feeling as if the moment was almost too serious, he gave Jack a wink. "But yer weddin' ring?"

Jack punched him in the shoulder, "Fuck, Ennis, you are one persistent sonofabitch," he laughed. "I ain't pawning my weddin' ring, got it?"

"Okay, okay…just thought it was a good way t'make a few quick bucks, 'specially seein' as how ya ain't wearin' it anymore."

They laughed together as they cleared the table and cleaned up from lunch. Ennis wanted to get back to paint scraping but Jack suggested they wait. "It's the hottest part of the day. We can get to it later," he said. "Come back upstairs, I think I got some more clothes for ya."

Back in the bedroom, they had an impromptu fashion show, with Jack pulling clothes out of boxes and Ennis trying them on. "You sure have a helluva lot of clothes," Ennis said at one point, as he modeled yet another pair of shorts.

"I told ya, Lureen likes t'shop," replied Jack, "and then I gained 15 pounds which gave her another excuse to go out and buy me a whole new wardrobe."

By the time they were through, Ennis had acquired three more pairs of shorts, six tee shirts, two collared polo shirts, a denim shirt, a pair of khaki pants, and a pair of blue dress pants. "When am I ever goin' to wear these?" asked Ennis, looking at the dress pants.

"Y'never know. Maybe they'll just hang in the closet, but you'll have 'em if ya need 'em," said Jack.

However, Ennis drew the line at a bathing suit. "Ain't got no use for that," he said. "I've never worn a bathin' suit in my life and I don't plan t'start now."

"What if we go somewhere with a pool?" asked Jack.

"Somehow, I don't suspect a pool is in my future. If we're gonna do any swimmin' it'll be down at the river, just you 'n me, and we don't need suits for that."

Jack laughed and held up a pair of pajamas. "What about these?" he asked, with a wink.

"Shit, Jack, pajamas are like bathin' suits, fuckin' stupid, if ya ask me. What's the point of gettin' dressed to go t'bed? Never made any sense t'me at all."

"You ain't never wore pajamas either?"

"Alma wanted me to, and I tried for a little while, then quit. I felt stupid, wearin' clothes t'bed."

Jack laughed. "You ain't gettin' an argument from me on that one, cowboy," he said, putting the pajamas and bathing suit in an empty box. "We'll drop these off at Goodwill next time we're in town."

* * *

Later that evening, Ennis was lying on the couch, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette, his mind empty of all thoughts and just feeling relaxed. Jack was upstairs, putting the rest of his clothes away in the closet and dresser.

The rest of the day had been productive. They had gotten all the paint scraped off the west side of the house, and planned to start on the back the next day. When they finished, Jack had gone in the house to clean up, while Ennis went down to the stable to care for the horses. As he came back to the house, he saw Jack at the back of the truck. "Hey, Jack, did ya buy a grill like you was thinkin'?" he asked.

"I sure did," said Jack, "and here it is." He held up a tiny cast iron box with two wooden handles on each side.

"What the fuck is that?" said Ennis, looking at it in amazement.

"It's called a hibachi," replied Jack. "It's from Japan. It was on sale at the hardware store."

"It's awfully small, don't ya think?" said Ennis, looking at it dubiously.

"Well I figger it's just the two of us, we don't need a big grill."

Ennis nodded. That made sense. He looked at it again. "Ya said it's from Japan? Ya gonna cook us Japanese food?"

Jack laughed. "I sure as hell ain't," he said. "I don't know what Japanese food is."

Ennis looked at him. "Don't they eat raw fish or somethin'?"

"Well, if it's raw, it don't need grillin' now, does it?" He laughed at his own joke. "Nah, I got us some hamburgers for supper."

"Sounds good," said Ennis. "I'm goin' inside t'clean up.'

"You do that," replied Jack. "I'll get goin' on the grillin'."

While they ate their supper, they looked at the paint samples that Jack had picked up at the hardware store. There must have been two dozen little cards with a variety of roses and creams. "Shit," said Ennis, "I never knew there could be so many colors of dark pink."

"I know," said Jack. "I was surprised too. That's why I just took 'em all, figgered we'd give Hal a good bunch t'choose from."

"Ya think we should go see him tomorrow?" asked Ennis.

"I think it's a good idea," replied Jack. "We doin' so well with the scraping, we're gonna need to buy the paint pretty soon."

They washed the dishes together after dinner, then sat on the porch for a shared cigarette. That done, Jack decided he wanted to finish putting his stuff away in the bedroom. Ennis thought he might watch some television. He settled in on the couch but the little set only brought in two channels and neither one was showing anything that was of interest. He flipped it off and just lay back, relaxing.

He heard Jack coming down the stairs and sat up as he came into the room. "Look what I found," Jack said, holding a small box in his arms.

Ennis looked at him. "You shouldn't be rummagin' through Hal's stuff," he said. "It ain't polite."

"I ain't rummagin'," Jack replied. "This was on the floor in the closet. I found it when I was puttin' my shoes away."

He sat down next to Ennis on the couch and pulled out a little magazine—the size of a pamphlet—from the box and handed it to Ennis. "Ever seen one o'these?" he asked.

Ennis looked at the magazine, completely baffled. The title was _Physique Pictorial_ and it appeared to be nothing but photos and drawings of naked men. He flipped open the magazine and his eye was drawn to a photo of two well muscled men, chained to a brick wall, wearing nothing but boots and what appeared to be jock straps. One, dark haired, looked towards the camera with a smoldering glare while the other, blonde, looked over his shoulder, his eyes avoiding his companion. Ennis looked back at the cover. The magazine was dated 1959. "What is this?" he said to Jack. "I ain't never seen anythin' like this in my life."

"Think of it as sort of an old-fashioned _Playboy_ for gay guys," said Jack. "This is what they looked at back in the fifties and sixties."

"I never much cared for _Playboy_," said Ennis. Jack smiled inwardly at this comment. He wasn't surprised.

Jack turned back to the box, pulling out other copies of the magazine. He handed another one to Ennis. "Lookit this."

The magazine was dated "Spring, 1957." This cover, this time a drawing, not a photo, showed a picture of a laughing man with impossibly large muscles and an impossibly tiny waist, wearing skin-tight jeans and work boots that were unlaced, standing on a log in what appeared to be a river. His hair reminded Ennis of a blond Elvis Presley, with a high pompadour and a curl on his forehead. The artist's signature in the corner said "Tom of Finland."

Ennis shook his head, still not comprehending what he was looking at. "What is this? What's he doing?" he said.

Jack laughed. "I think that's one of those guys in the woods," he said. "What are they called?" He thought for a second, then remembered. "Lumberjacks. That's it. Like those guys from Minnesota."

Ennis rubbed his finger over the picture. "Mebbe this is what lumberjacks in Finland look like," he said, "but I can't picture guys in Minnesota havin' muscles like this."

Jack looked at it with Ennis. "It's kinda sexy, don't ya think? In an old-fashioned way?"

Ennis didn't reply. The whole box of magazines wasn't making any sense at all to him.

Jack handed him another. This one also had a painting on the cover. He looked at the two muscular, smooth-bodied, nude men, apparently in the loft of a barn. One appeared to be asleep, face down and butt up. The other was leaning against the wall, holding a six-shooter and peering out a window. Ennis laughed. "Are these supposed to be cowboys?" he said. "Can't imagine sleepin' in the hay like that," he said. "Ouch. Hurts just thinkin' 'bout it."

Jack laughed with him. "Oh hell, Ennis, I've fantasized 'bout doin' this with you," he joked, giving Ennis a little poke.

"Hell, then I'm gonna be the guy standin' up with the gun," he said. "No way I'm sleepin' naked in the goddamn hay."

He flipped through the magazine, looking idly at the different pictures. "I still don't get it, Jack," he said. "Why are these magazines here?"

"I think," he said, "we've stumbled on Hal's secret. He's gay."

"Hal?" said Ennis incredulously. "Gay?"

"Yeah, think about it," said Jack. "Lookit the dates on these magazines. They start in 1954. When did Tom say his grandma died? 1952?" Ennis nodded. That was the date. "Hal never got married, lived here alone all his life. Started lookin' at these magazines after his mother died. Prob'ly the first time in his life he could admit to himself who he was."

Ennis looked at Jack. "Do ya think he ever had a lover?"

Jack shrugged. "Who knows? Ya think it's tough now for us nowadays, who knows what it was like back then? Way worse, I 'magine."

"It's kinda surprisin' he knew 'bout these magazines," said Ennis.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, it is, but he must've got 'em by mail. Lookit how regular the dates are, no issues are missin'."

Ennis picked up another from the box. "Jack, tell me somethin'. How did _you_ know what they were?"

Jack smiled. "Well, I've bought one or two, myself."

Ennis looked amazed. "You bought 'em? Where?"

"They used t'sell 'em at the newsstand—in the bigger cities. I bought one up in Amarillo, back in my rodeo days. Bought another in Fort Worth."

Ennis couldn't help but laugh. "Jack fuckin' Twist, you are full o'surprises tonight," he said. He paused. "So ya really think Hal is gay?"

"The evidence sure seems to be pointin' to it, don't ya think?" he answered. "I don't know that we'll ever know for sure, but. …" His voice trailed off.

Ennis chuckled to himself. "It's pretty funny if ya think about it," he said.

"What's funny?" asked Jack.

"Tom who can't figger it out. First us, now his uncle? It's like he's surrounded and he don't even know it."

Jack laughed. "Yer right, that is pretty funny."

They continued to look at the magazines together for awhile, laughing at some of the pictures that seemed completely ridiculous ("Who are these Greek guys?" asked Ennis. "And what's he doin' with that sword?") while admiring others. Jack noticed that Ennis's taste favored the dark haired guys, and he seemed to like the ones that involved boots and motorcycles.

Eventually they had had enough. Jack started putting the magazines away, taking the last one from Ennis's hand. "So, cowboy, ya turned on yet? Hot from lookin' at these pictures?"

Ennis laughed, then shrugged. "I dunno," he said. "It was diff'rent, that's for sure." He paused, then turned towards Jack. He pulled Jack's face towards his, then lowering his his voice a notch and giving Jack what he hoped was a sexy look, said, "Tell me, why do I need t'look at pictures of naked cowboys in barns when I got one o'my own right here next t'me on the couch?"

"Why indeed?" said Jack, as he let himself be pulled in for a long and lingering kiss.

* * *

_Author's Note: If anyone would like to learn more about Tom of Finland and see the famous Spring 1957 lumberjack cover, use Google to search on "Tom of Finland Foundation." There is an interesting history, and the biography section has a reproduction of the cover.  
_


	7. Chapter 7

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 7

It was Sunday morning and for a change, Jack woke up before Ennis. Ennis was sleeping on his side, facing away from Jack. Jack propped himself up on his elbow, letting his eyes travel up and down the length of Ennis's body. He pushed the sheet down so he could see more. "Everything on this man," he thought, "is perfection."

Ennis had little curls at the end of his hair, behind his ears and along his hairline on his forehead. Jack reached over and played with them—twirling them around on his finger. He loved these little curls. Something about them made Ennis seem innocent and young. Jack pushed them back and kissed Ennis in the small space behind his ear.

"Mmmmph," mumbled Ennis, still very much asleep.

"Mornin' lover," whispered Jack.

"Mmmmph," replied Ennis, not moving.

Jack smiled to himself. He eased out of bed and walked quietly to the bathroom, and when finished, headed downstairs. He put a pot of coffee on the stove and poured himself a glass of juice. While he waited for the coffee to perk, he went and stood on the front porch and watched the slanting rays of the sun as it rose across the field.

When the coffee was brewed, Jack poured two cups and went back upstairs. Ennis was in the same position as when Jack had left. Jack put a cup on each of the the nightstands on each side of the bed and again leaned in and gave Ennis a good morning kiss. This time he got a bit more of a response as Ennis turned and looked at him, but still only replied, "Mmmmph."

"Talkative this mornin', ain't ya?" said Jack.

Ennis sat up. "Do I smell coffee?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. Jack nodded and pointed to the cup. "Hmm," said Ennis. "That's nice of ya. Thanks." He smiled at Jack. "Lemme go brush my teeth. I got mornin' breath."

When he came back in the room, he pulled the shades up. The early morning sunlight came streaming in. "Looks like another nice day," he said.

"It sure does," said Jack. "That's one thing we have down here in Texas—lots of sun."

Ennis smiled at him as he picked up the cup and took a sip. He put it back down on the nightstand, then got back into bed. He pulled Jack close. "Mebbe I really don't feel like drinkin' coffee right now," he said. "Mebbe I feel like cuddlin' with you." Jack laughed and let himself be pulled close.

They lay like that for a few minutes, cuddling and smooching and feeling the warmth of their bodies merge together. After awhile they broke apart and Ennis turned, hitched himself up in the bed and propped himself against the headboard, pillows behind his back. He picked up the cup and took a sip.

Jack idly ran his fingers up and down Ennis's arm. "En," he said, and Ennis looked over at him. "Ya ever think of gettin' a tattoo?"

Ennis chuckled. "Sometimes. Off and on. Not really."

Jack laughed. "Mebbe I'm thinkin' a gettin' one." Ennis looked at him, eyebrows raised. Jack continued, with a wink, "Gettin' one with your name."

Ennis laughed at this. "My name? And a big ol'heart and red roses, too?"

"Nah, no heart. I'd get a lasso, 'cause I've lassoed my cowboy." He gave Ennis a little poke as he said this, and Ennis poked him back.

"You think yer doin' the lassoing, rodeo?" he said, and then reached down and grabbed Jack's scrotum. "I think I got you by the balls."

They both laughed together and then Jack said, "Where's your name from, anyway?"

"Whaddya mean?" asked Ennis.

"Ennis. What kind of a name is that? Not real common," said Jack.

"Oh. It's a family name. I was named after my grandpa. We was all named after somebody." Jack looked at him, encouraging Ennis to continue. "My sis is Cecelia, she's named after my grandma. My brother's K.E.—he's a junior, named after my dad."

"What's K.E. stand for?" asked Jack.

"Keith Edward," said Ennis. "My daddy went by Ed, and my brother was always K.E."

"I'm a junior," said Jack.

"Really?" said Ennis, surprised.

Jack nodded. "Yup. John C. Twist, Junior, named after my daddy. But my mama, she never called me John. I was always Jack, ever since I was a baby. I used Jack when I got married, and Jack is on my bank account. Never think of my name bein' John."

"What about Bobby?" Ennis asked. "Where did that come from?"

Jack shrugged. "Lureen picked it. Nothin' special, she just said she liked the name. His name is Robert, but he's been Bobby all his life, just like I'm Jack."

Ennis looked at Jack. "Ya never said anythin' 'bout Bobby yesterday," he said. "How did that go, anyway?"

"Okay." Jack said. "He didn't say much…he's a funny kid, I worry 'bout him."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Ennis.

"He struggles with school. Sometimes I wonder if he can read…we've tried gettin' tutors and stuff, but I'm not sure if that's the right thing. Y'know, if yer not sure of the problem, it's hard t'know if ya got right solution."

Ennis nodded. "He play sports?"

"Yeah, baseball." Jack said. "He really loves baseball, and he's pretty good at it, too."

"Can he ride?" asked Ennis.

"En, yer not gonna believe this, but he says he is afraid of horses."

Ennis looked at Jack. "I can fix that."

"What?" said Jack. "You can fix him bein' 'fraid of horses?"

Ennis nodded. "Yup. Done it a coupla times, helped a coupla kids."

"Whaddya mean? You never told me this."

"It was sort of a job I picked up at the ranch," he said. "It started with Junior and Jenny, and me teachin' them t'ride. Some of the other guys, they wanted their kids to learn t'ride, too." He paused, then continued. "They didn't have their own horses…asked if they could use mine." He looked at Jack. "I think ya know, that's one thing I'm particular 'bout—who can handle my horses."

Jack nodded. This was true.

"So, I said I'd use my horses but I wanted t'do the teachin' and they said okay. Worked out fine." He picked up his coffee again, took another sip. "Word got 'round town and some people—not on the ranch—asked me if I could teach their kids too. Turned out to be a good way t'make a little extra money."

"So where does the bein' afraid part come in?"

"Well, a coupla kids, that's why their mamas came to me. It's sorta unnatural, growin' up in Wyoming and bein' afraid of horses." He looked at Jack. "Prob'ly unnatural in Texas, too."

Jack laughed. "'Specially when his mama was a barrel rider." Ennis laughed at this. "So," Jack said, "what's yer secret?"

"No secret," said Ennis. "Just be patient. Take yer time. I don't think kids are afraid of horses, they're afraid of their size. So, I'd spend a lot of time lettin' 'em brush 'em, be with 'em—once the kid is comfortable, then I'd put 'em in the saddle. From there, it was easy."

Jack sat up and looked at Ennis. "Would ya do this for Bobby?" he asked. "Teach him t'ride?"

"Sure," said Ennis. "I'd be happy to. Like I said, it was somethin' I enjoyed. Give me a reason t'meet Bobby, too."

"Well," said Jack, "I'll talk to Lureen. This might work out well—she was wonderin' about visits and all that."

Ennis put the coffee cup down and took a big stretch. "Speakin' o'horses, I think I got a pair that are waitin' for me." He leaned in and gave Jack a kiss. "Ya wanna come help me?"

"No," Jack said. "You go along. I think I'm gonna try to figger out how to make pancakes."

"Pancakes?" said Ennis. "No Cheerios?"

"Yup, pancakes," said Jack. "For Sunday mornin'."

"That gives me somethin' t'look forward to," said Ennis, as he pulled on his pants. "See ya in a bit."

* * *

After breakfast, Jack called the nursing home and asked about the best time to visit. The nurse who answered suggested early afternoon. "Hal doesn't take a nap during the day, like many of our other residents," she said. "I think he gets lonely in the afternoon."

They decided to work on the scraping for the morning and then quit at lunch and take the afternoon off. Late afternoon plans included a ride and maybe a swim in the river, and they thought about heading into town for supper at the barbecue joint on Main Street.

They arrived at the nursing home and once again, found Hal alone in the day room. His face lit up when they came in. "I didn't expect to see ya again so soon," he said.

"Well," Jack said, "we got the paint samples and wanted t'show them to ya."

Hal nodded. "That's great. Mebbe you could ask the nurse for a wheelchair?" he asked. "I'd like to sit outside and look at 'em in the natural light, not under these," he said, pointing to the fluorescent fixtures on the ceiling.

Ennis nodded and headed out of the room and was back in a minute with the chair. "The nurse said there's a little patio we can sit on," he said. "The door's at the end of the hall."

They helped Hal make the transfer to the wheelchair and then pushed him down the hall out into the bright sun. He winced at the brightness, and pointed to a shady spot for settling in, but didn't complain. "The sun feels good," he said, "and it's nice to be outside in the fresh air."

They saw a square table with four chairs on the patio They pushed Hal up to it so he could spread out the paint samples in front of him. Ennis and Jack sat side-by-side next to Hal on his right.

Hal moved the samples around, talking almost to himself while telling them about his parents and the house in the old days. Jack and Ennis listened, enjoying the story. Since they were familiar with the house, it was fun to hear how it had changed over the years: color, plumbing, and various renovations. "I haven't done much for a long time," said Hal. "Got t'be t'much for one man t'manage."

Eventually, he narrowed the paint samples down to three choices of rose and two of cream. They looked at them in the sunlight and the shade and finally, after a bit more studying, Hal said, "This is it. This one for the house, and this one for the trim." Jack turned the card over and laughed. "Whatcha laughin' at?" asked Hal.

"The name of this color is 'prairie rose,'" he said. "We could've just looked at that and saved ourselves a bunch of time."

Hal laughed with them. "Well, it was still fun t'look." His face suddenly turned sad. "You boys gotta leave right away?"

Jack shook his head no. "We're takin' the afternoon off," he said. "Thought we might go for a ride later but we're in no rush." Hal smiled again.

Ennis asked, "Is it okay to smoke out here?"

Hal nodded yes. "That's mostly what this patio seems t'be for," he said. "I see the staff out here takin' cigarette breaks all day long."

Ennis looked at Jack, "Ya want one?" and Jack nodded yes. Ennis lit two and handed one to Jack, who smiled in thanks.

Hal turned to Ennis. "Tell me 'bout yer horses." Ennis proceeded to do just that, telling the story of how Banshee died in the winter and he got Twister in January. Hal picked up on the name. "Twister like the tornado?" he asked, and Ennis blushed.

Jack leaned in towards Hal's ear and said in a loud stage whisper, "He named 'im after me. I'm right proud o'that."

Hal looked at Jack with a smile and then looked at Ennis. His eyes traveled back and forth, and then he took a deep breath. "Can I ask you boys somethin'?" he said, "it's sorta personal so you can say no."

Jack had a feeling he knew what was coming and gave Ennis a look of understanding. Ennis picked up on his cue and gave him an imperceptible nod. It was clear that they were both thinking of the magazines from the night before and realizing that keeping their relationship a secret from Hal was both pointless and dishonest. "Sure," said Jack. "Whaddya want t'know?"

Hal pointed at them, moving his finger from left to right. "Are you boys….together?"

They both smiled and nodded. Jack actually enjoyed the feeling of being able to tell someone the truth—someone he knew who would understand.

Hal smiled. "I had a feelin'—I had a feelin' when you were here th'other day." He paused. "Tom know?"

Ennis shook his head. "We don't think he's figgered it out."

Jack chimed in. "If he guessed like you, I s'pose we would've been truthful, but he didn't say anything."

Hal sighed. "Y'know, I love Tom like the son I never had but sometimes…that boy spent ten years in college racking up all sorts of fancy degrees but when it comes to plain ol'smarts, sometimes I think he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic."

Jack and Ennis both laughed at this.

"So, how did ya know?" Jack asked.

"Ain't too hard," said Hal. "Ya only need to look at yer faces t'see yer crazy 'bout each other. Is this something new?"

"It's new and it's old," said Jack, and proceeded to tell him the story of how they met and their lives in the years since Brokeback.

Hal hung on every word and at the end said, "You boys are lucky—bein' brave enough t'take that step."

"It was a big decision," said Jack, "but I don't think we have any regrets. Do we, En?"

Ennis smiled, "You know I don't, cowboy," he replied.

"I envy you," said Hal. "Bein' with the man you…love. I could never do it." He paused, as if to gauge their reaction to this statement.

Jack and Ennis looked at each other, and then, with a smile, Jack looked at Hal and said, "We found yer magazines. We had a suspicion."

Hal laughed out loud at this. "Those old things! I almost forgot about 'em. They were in the closet, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yup. In the back. I found 'em when I was puttin' my shoes away."

Hal turned to Ennis, and with a sly grin, said, "You ever see anythin' like those magazines?"

Ennis shook his head. "No sir, I ain't. I hafta say, they was diff'rent."

Hal laughed at that. "Ain't that the truth. Some of those guys and their muscles…"

They chatted for a few more minutes until it became apparent that Hal was tiring. "Let's go back inside," said Ennis. "We'll come visit again, real soon."

"Do that, will ya? We can talk some more about life," he said with a wink.

They pushed Hal back to the dayroom and once again helped him to settle into the large chair. "This is where I eat supper," he said. "They feed us early here and put us t'bed while it's still light out, like we're little kids. I'm lookin' forward to gettin' out o'here and going back home. Can't wait t'see the nice job yer doin' fixin' everything up."

Jack nodded. "Let's hope we can do that soon, Hal," he said. "In the meantime, work on gettin' stronger."

They returned the wheelchair to the nurses' station on the way out, saying good-bye to the staff and promising to be back in a day or two. Jack made sure the had the right paint samples and threw the others away in the trash by the door. Then, they climbed into the truck and headed back to the farm.

* * *

Their afternoon went as planned, with a horseback ride and skinny dipping in the river. After their swim, they lay on a blanket in the sun, letting the warm air dry their skin naturally. Their conversation was lazy and drifted from topic to topic, each sharing little thoughts or personal feelings. At one point, Ennis looked up at the sky, and was reminded of the time they got back together after their four years apart. "Remember that trip, Jack? After the motel, when we went up t'the mountains?" he said.

"How could I forget?" said Jack. "In fact, I don't think I've forgotten a minute of any of our trips. They are all stored in my mind."

Ennis gave a soft laugh, "Okay then, Mr. Memory. It was in the evenin', and I was starin' at the sky…"

"And I said, 'Anything interestin' up there in heaven?'"

"And I replied…" Ennis prompted.

"You said, 'I was just sendin' up a prayer of thanks.'" At this point, Jack turned onto his stomach and looked at Ennis. "I asked 'For what?' and you turned it into a joke about my harmonica.

Ennis laughed. "Yep, I made a joke because I couldn't say what I was really feelin'."

"Can you say it now?" Jack asked, with an affectionate smile.

"You know I can, cowboy, 'cause I've been sayin' it all week. I'm sendin' up a prayer of thanks for havin' you in my life, for havin' you lovin' me, for helpin' me realize that what I needed to do was be with you."

Jack smiled at him, then turned back over, lying perpendicular to Ennis with his head resting on Ennis's stomach. "I swear to God, there is no one else on earth as lucky as me," he said.

"Yes there is," said Ennis.

"And who would that be?" asked Jack, anticipating the answer.

"Me," said Ennis, ruffling Jack's hair and laughing.

They eventually got dressed, packed the blanket, and headed back to the farm. Ennis stabled the horses for the evening and then they climbed into Jack's truck and headed into town for supper at the local barbecue hangout.

At the restaurant, they sat in a large booth. They noticed that the restaurant was about half-full—not too busy for a Sunday night. Over in the corner, an older man sat alone at a table, nursing a beer and a half-eaten plate of barbecue.

The waitress came over and handed them two menus. "Beers for both of you?" she asked. Jack and Ennis nodded. She left, and quickly returned with their drinks. "Weren't you boys in here for lunch the other day?"

Jack replied, "We certainly were."

She laughed. "Food's that good, huh?" They chuckled together. As she took their order she asked, "Passin' through or spendin' some time in Quanah?"

"Spendin' some time," said Jack. "We're stayin' at the Lazy L."

"Oh," she said, recognition dawning on her face. "Yer the fellas Tom hired for his Uncle Hal." Ennis looked at her, not surprised at how fast word could get around in a little town. It had been the same in Riverton. "My husband's the manager at the hardware store," she explained. "He told me 'bout you."

Jack smiled. "You tell yer husband we're gonna be comin' in for a big order of paint this week. We're paintin' the house, and Hal picked out the color today."

"Oh," she said, "somethin' diff'rent from white?" Jack nodded and pulled out the sample card from his pocket. She looked at combination of rose and cream. "That'll be pretty," she said. "I always heard that in the old days, all the farmhouses were diff'rent colors. Sorta like a Quanah trademark or somethin'." She smiled at them, then turned and went to wait on other customers.

She returned in a few minutes with two heaping plates of barbecue, hush puppies, beans, and cole slaw. "Enjoy," she said. "Best barbecue in this part of Texas, if ya ask me."

Jack and Ennis enjoyed their meal, talking about the week ahead, and discussing, in what seemed to be their latest favorite topic of conversation, the painting job that faced them. They both agreed that after the scraping was finished, sanding was needed, but didn't agree on the step after that. Ennis was of the mind that they needed to prime the entire house, while Jack felt that spot priming was sufficient. They bantered back and forth and decided to compromise and ask the hardware store manager for his advice, when they ordered the paint.

Throughout their dinner, Jack occasionally glanced at the old man in the corner, who seemed to have a murderous glare for all the diners, his eye roving around the room. He finally finished his beer and left his money on the table. As he exited the restaurant, he gave Jack and Ennis a particularly dirty look.

Jack looked at his retreating back. "What's his problem?" he asked. Ennis said nothing.

The waitress came back, asking if they wanted coffee or another beer. "No, I think we're all set," Jack answered. She laid the check on the table. "Can I ask ya somethin'?" he asked. She nodded. "That old guy that just left—who was he?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, him. Roger Grindell. Mean old coot—comes in here five nights a week—I wish he'd find another restaurant to spread his bad mood around in." She paused. "He's a local guy, lived here all his life. His wife left him about five years ago, moved down to Lubbock. Rumor has it that he beat her and she finally got the gumption to up and leave." She sighed. "Miserable guy—full of anger and hate. He's gotten into a fair number of fights in town. Spent more than one night in jail, I can tell you."

Jack counted out some bills and handed them to her with the check. "Thanks for that information," he said. "By the way, my name's Jack Twist, and my buddy here is Ennis Del Mar."

"Pleased t'meet ya," she said. "I'm Jeanie Campbell."

They stood up to leave. "Well, Jeanie," said Jack, "this is good barbecue. We'll be in again real soon, I'm sure."

They left the restaurant, feeling full and happy. As they walked down the street towards Jack's parked truck, however, a figure emerged from the shadows and blocked their path. It was none other than Roger Grindell, complete with an angry glare.

Ennis and Jack stopped walking. "Can I help you?" asked Jack.

"I heard you talkin' in there," Roger said. "Comin' to Quanah, livin' at the Lazy L." Jack and Ennis didn't say anything. "Let me give you a bit of advice. If'n yer smart, you'd leave right now. We don't want folks like you in Quanah."

Jack and Ennis stared at the man. At first they were confused, then comprehension slowly dawned. Jack could feel anger emanating from Ennis. He didn't even need to look at him to know that there was a flush of red creeping up his neck. Jack had seen it before. "Listen, old man," Jack said softly. "I don't know you and you don't know us. Why don't you just step aside and let us get t'our truck?"

Grindell spat on the ground at their feet. Jack glanced at Ennis. He could see his hand was clenching into a fist and remembered Jeanie's comment about Roger and fights. Jack knew that Ennis could take this guy out with one punch, but he didn't feel like dealing with the consequences. He laid his hand on Ennis's arm, a gesture which was immediately noticed by Roger. "Fuckin' queers," Grindell said. "That's what I was talkin' 'bout. We don't want you in Quanah."

Jack could feel Ennis's arm pull back—he grabbed Ennis's elbow more tightly and shook his head. "Let's get out of here." He stepped to the side so they could maneuver around Roger in their path.

"Queers and sissies, too," said Roger. "You won't let yer buddy give me a punch."

At this point, Ennis turned, his fist raised in the air. "I could kill ya with one punch, ya fuckin' stupid bastard," he said. "But I don't wanna waste it on shit like you."

Roger looked at the anger in Ennis's eyes, and, in a moment of rational thought, realized that had probably met his match. They stood there for a few seconds, in silent confrontation, until Ennis turned to Jack. "C'mon," he said, and they walked to the truck.

The mood in the truck was tense as they drove back to the farm. For his part, Jack felt a profound sadness that the evening had been ruined. In fact, he felt as if a larger piece of their lives had been ruined. The happiness that had guided their week suddenly felt like a distant memory. Ennis, for his part, was seething with anger.

They arrived at the farm. Jack parked the truck and sat and stared out the front windshield. "Ennis," he said, "are we doin' the right thing?"

Ennis looked at him, surprised. Jack had always been the one who believed in them, who believed they could build a life together. It was Ennis who had always been afraid of the hate and anger that might come their way. Ennis leaned over and took Jack's hand in his. "You gonna let one ignorant bastard make you doubt what we got?" he said.

Jack looked at Ennis. That wasn't the answer he was expecting. Once again, he was profoundly grateful that Ennis was part of his life. "No, I'm not," he said. "It's just that…"

"It's just that we knew things like this would happen," said Ennis, finishing the sentence for him. "That stupid fuck, I so wanted t'shove his fuckin' teeth down his fuckin' throat." Jack laughed at this. He would've liked to have seen that. In some bizarre corner of his mind, he found the thought of Ennis punching someone to be sexy.

Ennis tugged at Jack's hand. "C'mon, let's get out of this truck," he said. "Let's take a walk down t'the stable."

"I thought the horses were all set?" Jack said. "I thought you did that before we went out to eat?"

"I did," said Ennis. "I just want t'take a walk—get some of the anger out."

Down by the stable, they leaned on the fence and stared at the field. Ennis lit two cigarettes and handed one to Jack, who thanked him wordlessly. They stood there—words and thoughts unspoken between them. Finally, Jack spoke. "Well, I guess that's it, En," he said. "We met our first tire-iron guy."

Ennis laughed at the joke. "I guess we did," he said. "Too bad he was such a pitiful excuse for a man…like I said, he wasn't worth wasting a punch on."

Jack spoke again. "So, En, you okay with this?"

"Whaddya mean, Jack?" said Ennis, not following his train of thought.

"Well, I sorta figgered that…that…" he stopped, then continued. "That this would bring all the fear back."

Ennis turned to Jack, finally understanding what he was trying to say. He was both surprised and saddened. "You sayin' you think I'm gonna quit you? One tire-iron guy is gonna run me off 'cause I'm scared?"

Jack nodded, his eyes on the ground. Ennis lifted Jack's chin with his finger, and looked him in the eyes. "I'm a little disappointed in you, Jack," he said. "I thought you knew me better 'n that."

Jack looked at him, thinking, trying to compose his thoughts. "Actually, En, I do know you…I don't doubt you at all. It's me."

"Whaddya mean, bud?" said Ennis, softly.

"It's not just love, Ennis," said Jack. "I_ need _you, too. That guy scared me because I realized that…it's only been a week, but…I don't think I could live without you. If somethin' happened t'you, or you decided t'leave…I'm not sure I could stand it." Jack was almost embarrassed to say this—he felt as if he was putting all his vulnerabilities on display. What if Ennis laughed, or thought he was being foolish?

Ennis pulled Jack towards him, and kissed the top of his head. "Cowboy, you better not change yer mind 'bout that, because yer stuck with me, forever." He paused. "T'be honest, Jack, after this week, I'm not sure I could live without you, either."

Jack didn't reply. They stood there in silence, then wordlessly broke apart and walked back up to the house, hand in hand. At the house, they closed up for the night, then headed up the stairs. Even though it was early, they both felt exhausted and in silent agreement realized that all they wanted to do was go to bed—and, for the first time in a week, not make love—but just hold each other close and sleep. As they arranged themselves in bed, Jack told Ennis, yet again, how much he loved him and Ennis replied in kind. They lay together, this time, back to chest, with Ennis holding Jack closer and tighter than he had ever done before. As Jack drifted to the edge of sleep, he realized that Ennis was humming in his ear. As he listened to the simple tune, Jack fell asleep, feeling loved and protected, and knowing then that their life together had truly begun.


	8. An Interlude of Correspondence

A Love Born From Steel

_Some correspondence between Ennis, Alma, Junior, and Jenny_

_

* * *

_

_a postcard_

May 23, 1976

Dear Junior,

I have found a place to live in Quanah, Texas. It's a farm called the Lazy L. I came here because they had an empty stable for Twister and Sioux, and stayed to do some work on the farm. The big job is painting the house.

I think of you when I go riding. I miss you.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

May 23, 1976

Dear Jenny,

I am living in a town called Quanah in Texas. It is named after a Comanche Indian chief. That's his picture on the front of this postcard. They also have a museum about him here in town. If you come to visit, I'll take you there.

I miss you.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

May 23, 1976

Lazy L Farm  
County Road, RFD 2  
Quanah, Texas 79252

Dear Alma,

I am writing to let you know where I am living and what I am doing. I am in Quanah, Texas and will be here all summer. I wrote the address above and the phone number is 940-QU6-3412.

This is a nice set up I have here. I am living on the farm and fixing it up. Painting the house is the big job. The owner is in a nursing home and his nephew is in Austin. They are paying me good money so I will be sending you the child support on time.

I sent Junior and Jenny some postcards and will write some more. I'd appreciate it if you'd make sure they see them. I miss the girls but I am happy right now.

If there is something you need to tell me, you can write me a letter. If it's an emergency, you can call.

Yours truly,

Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

May 27, 1976

Dear Ennis,

Thank you for your letter, and thank you for your postcards to the girls. They all arrived on the same day.

I am glad you have found a good situation in Texas. However, don't you think it is a little far away? How do you plan to visit Junior and Jenny? Let me know if I need to go to the judge and change the visitation arrangements.

Sincerely yours,

Alma

* * *

_a letter_

May 27, 1976

Dear Daddy,

Jenny and I got your postcards yesterday. Mama got all upset and starting saying bad things about you and I'm confused. I am writing this letter in secret. If you can write back, send it to Junior at General Delivery, I'll be checking the post office every day.

Mama said you were living with a man and it was disgusting. I don't understand, Daddy, I just know I miss you. Are you coming home to Riverton? Texas is so far away.

I miss you Daddy. I miss going riding with you. Please write.

Love,

Junior  
xoxoxox

* * *

_a letter_

May 30, 1976

Junior (Alma) Del Mar  
General Delivery  
Riverton, Wyoming 82501

Dear Junior,

I don't like writing secret letters, but I will this one time to explain what's going on.

Yes, I am living in Texas and I am with my friend, Jack. You met him back in April (just for a second) but we have been friends for a long time. Jack is a special person to me.

Jack is part of the reason your mama and I got divorced. There are other reasons which I may be able to explain to you someday. The point is that right now I am happy. Your mama and I don't see eye to eye on this which is why she must have gotten mad. I am sorry that happened.

Junior—what happened between your mama and me is not your problem. I love you, little girl, and that's what's important right now.

I miss you too. I hope we can get together for a visit sometime soon. I am trying to figure out if there is a weekend when I can drive to Riverton to see you and Jenny. Too bad the horses are here in Texas, we won't be able to go riding. Maybe I can borrow some from the ranch.

I'll keep sending you postcards and if you have the time to write back, that would be nice. I think of you and Jenny every day.

I love you and miss you.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

May 30, 1976

Lazy L Farm  
County Road, RFD 2  
Quanah, Texas 79252

Dear Alma,

I know that Quanah is far away from Riverton. I won't be able to see the girls on my regular weekends. But, I don't think you need to go to the judge to change things. I would like to try to work something out. Besides, we are only here for the summer. Come September, I may be back in Wyoming. So, if you can be patient, I would appreciate it.

Yours truly,

Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 1, 1976

Dear Daddy,

This postcard is a picture of Riverton. HA! HA! You know what it looks like. There are no Indian chiefs here, so I had to send you this picture of the park.

Tell me more about Quanah. Was the Indian Chief a hero or a bad guy?

I miss you Daddy. My friend Amber is going to camp in Montana for 2 weeks this summer. I'm jealous.

Hugs and Kisses XOXOXOX

Jenny

* * *

_a postcard_

June 1, 1976

Dear Junior and Jenny,

Yesterday was Memorial Day. They had a parade in town and I watched that. Afterwards, I had a cook-out with my friend Jack here at the farm. He made hamburgers on a little grill he bought which is called a hibachi. It is from Japan. If you come to visit I may need to buy a bigger grill.

I love you and miss you. Tell your mama hello for me.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 4, 1976

Dear Junior,

I told you that one of my big jobs is painting the house. I am hard at work. Right now it is white, but we are going to paint it a pretty color called "prairie rose." The man who built this house built it for his wife as a wedding present. Her name was Rose and he painted it the color to match her name. They had to paint it white during World War II. No colored paint in those days.

I think of you every day.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 4, 1976

Dear Jenny,

Here is another picture of Quanah. This is the state park, which is just up the road from the farm. The river that is at the edge of the farm goes to the state park—people go fishing there, and swimming. They also have trail rides for horses.

Maybe we can go there for a picnic.

I love you,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

June 6, 1976

Dear Ennis,

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about you, trying to figure out how you can love another man. Personally, I think it is unnatural. If it was just you and me, I would cross you out of my life. However, we do have Junior and Jenny to think about, and that makes things different.

You wrote something about coming to Riverton to see them. Where would you stay? Let me know what you are thinking. I know they miss you. They get real excited each time one of your postcards arrives.

Sincerely,

Alma

* * *

_a postcard_

June 9, 1976

Dear Daddy,

School just finished for the year today. I had a very good report card—all As, except for a B+ in science. Now I am officially a 7th grader. Junior high! I'll go to a new school in the fall. I don't have any plans for the summer. I think I will be spending a lot of time with my cousins.

I miss you Daddy.

Love,

Junior  
xoxoxo

* * *

_a postcard_

June 9, 1976

Dear Daddy,

I know Junior told you her grades. She is bragging because of all the As she got. I didn't do as well, mostly Bs and one C. Oh well, I still got moved up to 5th grade.

Are you coming to Riverton? I think this will be a boring summer. I miss you.

Hugs and kisses, XOXOXOXO

Jenny

* * *

_a letter_

June 15, 1976

Lazy L Farm  
County Road, RFD 2  
Quanah, Texas 79252

Dear Alma,

With this letter is a $250 check for my July child support payment. I am mailing this two weeks early so you won't be able to say anything about it being late. I opened a bank account and there is money in the bank so you'll be able to cash the check.

If you're so inclined, maybe you could use some of the money to buy Junior and Jenny ice cream cones and say they are from me. Junior likes strawberry and Jenny likes chocolate with sprinkles, but you must know that. Also, what size shirts do they wear? I am thinking of buying them something to send as a little present.

You still getting married on July 24?

Yours truly,

Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 15, 1976

Dear Junior,

My friend Jack has a little boy named Bobby and guess what? He says he's afraid of horses. Looks like I've got the same job I had in Riverton—helping him get over that and teaching him to ride. You know I always liked doing that.

He's catching on but it will be a long time before he's as good a rider as you.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 15, 1976

Dear Jenny,

Just like Riverton, this town has a Rexall store with a soda fountain. I bought myself an ice cream cone the other day and thought of you. I checked—they do have chocolate cones with sprinkles. Just so you know if you ever come visit.

I miss you and think of you every day.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

June 19, 1976

Dear Ennis,

Thank you for your check, which arrived yesterday. I have to say, it was something to see a check with your name printed on it by the bank. That's the first time in your life, isn't it? Maybe being in Texas is a good thing for you.

Yes, the wedding is still scheduled for July 24th, at the Methodist Church. Junior will be my maid of honor and Jenny is the flower girl. We are having a little party afterwards at the VFW hall.

My new name (after the wedding) will be Alma Dunlap. Just so you know for the August child support check.

To answer your other question, Junior wears a size 14 and Jenny wears a 12.

Sincerely,

Alma

* * *

_a postcard_

June 19, 1976

Dear Daddy,

Because there's nothing to do in Riverton, I've been reading a lot of books. I just finished one called _Harriet the Spy_ which was really good except I didn't understand parts of it. The main character (her name is Harriet, obviously) lives in New York City. I can't picture what that must look like. Have you ever been in a really big city?

Next time I see you, we can talk about the book.

Love,

Junior  
xoxoxoxo

* * *

_a postcard_

June 19, 1976

Dear Daddy,

Junior let me read her postcard. How old is Bobby? Is he cute? Can I ride better than him?

Amber leaves for Montana next week. I am soooooooo jealous. Plus, I won't have anybody to play with. It is boring here. I wish I liked to read as much as Junior.

Hugs and kisses XOXOXOXOX

Jenny

* * *

_a postcard_

June 22, 1976

Dear Junior,

Your postcard about big cities made me laugh—I saw Denver (in the distance) on the drive here. That's about it for me and cities. I doubt I will ever see New York but maybe someday you will have the opportunity. That would be exciting.

Yesterday was the first day of summer. It is HOT here in Texas. Some days I wish for the Wyoming mountains.

I am thinking of you.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

June 22, 1976

Dear Jenny,

Bobby is a year younger than you. He is 9 and going into 4th grade. As for cute, I can't really judge that. Besides, aren't you a little young to be thinking about boys?

Maybe Junior could go to the library with you and help you pick out some books you might want to read—since your friend Amber is going to be away and you're so bored.

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

June 22, 1976

Dear Alma,

Are you and Monroe planning a honeymoon? I was thinking, if you are going to take a trip, maybe the girls could come and stay with me while you are away. The house has a guest room with two twin beds. I'd find lots to keep them busy for the week. We can go riding and there is swimming in the river. Plus, I saw a notice that there is going to be a rodeo on July 28 in a nearby town. I know they would like that.

Let me know what you think of this idea. I'd drive to Riverton to pick them up and would bring them back, too.

Yours truly,

Ennis

* * *

_a letter_

June 28, 1976

Dear Ennis,

Your letter caught me by surprise. I hadn't really thought about the girls going to visit you in Texas.

As a matter of fact, Monroe and I are planning a honeymoon. He is going to take me to Denver for a week. I had planned to have Junior and Jenny stay with my sister and her family. However, they really miss you. Maybe a trip to Texas could work out.

I do have one request in order for me to even think about agreeing to this. While they are there, I don't want you to sleep in the same room with your friend. As you know, I don't approve and I don't think you need to shove your lifestyle into the faces of our pre-teen daughters. If you say yes to this, then maybe we can talk a little more seriously about making plans.

Sincerely,

Alma

* * *

_a letter_

July 1, 1976

Dear Alma,

Regarding sleeping: I had thought you would bring this up and already talked to Jack about it. The house has a couch and an extra bedroom, so I can go along with your request. I hope that is enough for you on this matter.

Are you going to Denver right after the wedding? If I could meet you there with the girls, that would save me about 6 hours of driving.

I'll call you in a few days. It is probably easier to talk to make plans.

Yours truly,

Ennis

PS—Thank you for considering this. I really miss seeing Junior and Jenny.

* * *

_a postcard_

Dear Daddy,

Happy July 4th! Happy Bicentennial!

Like we always do, we watched the parade in Riverton. This evening there will be fireworks. Mama is packing a picnic for dinner and Monroe is coming with us. Even though it is the 200th birthday of the country, it seems to be the same as every year here in Riverton.

I miss you,

Love,

Junior  
xoxoxo

PS—Jenny says hi, too. She is out of postcards and the store is closed for July 4th.

* * *

_a postcard_

July 7, 1976

Dear Junior and Jenny,

I just got off the phone with your mother—it looks like the plans are all set for you to come visit me in Texas in a few weeks. I'll be picking you up in Denver on July 25.

The weather here is hot so make sure you pack shorts and bathing suits. You'll need jeans for riding.

We'll have lots of fun. I can't wait to see you!

Love,

your Daddy, Ennis

* * *

_a postcard_

July 7, 1976

Dear Daddy,

Mama just told me the news---we are coming to Texas to visit you after the wedding. I am soooooo excited! You don't know how much I miss you. I can't wait to go riding with you.

July 25th is less than 3 weeks away. I am already counting the days.

Love and kisses and hugs,

Junior  
xoxoxoxo

* * *

_a postcard_

July 7, 1976

Dear Daddy,

I can't believe I can visit you in Texas! I kept track of the things you said we'd do: visit the Indian museum, go riding, go swimming, have a picnic at the state park, eat ice cream cones, and have a cook-out. Anything else? Mama said something about a rodeo—that sounds like fun.

I am so excited Daddy. This is making my boring summer less boring.

Love and Kisses XOXOXOXO

Jenny


	9. Chapter 8

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 8

Three weeks, fifteen gallons of paint, five gallons of primer, forty sheets of sandpaper, three dozen dust masks, one case of caulk, five paintbrushes, and six skinned knuckles later, they finished painting the house. With the last swipe of the brush, Jack and Ennis stood back and admired their handiwork, Ennis wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his arm. Jack had bought an Instamatic camera at the drugstore on the day he ordered the paint at the hardware store. He had been taking pictures all along, starting when the house was completely scraped clean. Now he pulled it out of his pocket and snapped a few more shots of the finished product. "I can't wait t'get these developed t'show Hal," he said. "I think the house looks great. I'm sure he will, too."

"It better look great," said Ennis. "Those fuckin' window panes and the trim nearly killed me."

Jack smiled at Ennis. "Go stand on the porch, cowboy," he said. "I want t'get a picture of you in front of yer masterpiece."

"I'm wearing shorts, Jack," said Ennis. "Besides, I don't like havin' my picture taken."

"Go on, get over there," said Jack, not taking no for an answer. "This is for me. D'ya realize, we've never had a picture of each other? Nothin' t'ever look at? C'mon."

Ennis gave him a smile. "Okay, but only if I can take a picture of you, too," he said as he walked towards the porch. Jack held up the camera and snapped a few shots of Ennis, loving the way he looked, happy, smiling, and relaxed, and yes, wearing shorts.

They traded places and Ennis held the camera up to his eye. As he did so, he started walking closer to Jack. "Whatchya doin'?" said Jack. "Ya won't be able to see the house."

"I don't want a picture of the house," said Ennis, with a smile. "I want a picture of you. Say cheese."

Jack smiled, a big grin from ear to ear, and Ennis pushed the button. Jack walked over and took the camera back. "If we're gonna have close-ups, then I want one of you, too," he said, framing Ennis in the viewfinder. When he was finished, he looked at the camera in his hand. "What I'd really like is a picture of the two of us together," he said.

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that." He looked at Jack. "Actually, I'd like a picture of us kissin'."

Jack looked at him, surprised. "Really? You'd want a picture of that?"

Ennis nodded. "Yup. Not t'show anybody or anythin', but just t'have."

Jack looked at Ennis, thinking about what he had just said. In many ways, Jack felt that he had witnessed a remarkable emotional maturation in Ennis over the past three weeks. It had started after the confrontation with Roger Grindell. For Ennis, it was as if the thing he had feared throughout his life—the faceless 'tire-iron guy'—suddenly had a face, and he wasn't all that scary. It seemed as if Ennis had realized that the fear he had been harboring all these years had grown, in his imagination, out of proportion to what existed in reality. Once Ennis had set some of that baggage aside, he was able to accept another piece of who he really was.

Jack also felt that the past three weeks had been remarkable, too, in that they had been so ordinary. He was surprised at just how easily they had adapted to day-to-day life, both with each other and in their work on the farm. Jack remembered the first weeks living with Lureen after they had been married. She was always nagging at him about this or that. With Ennis, none of that seemed to matter. When Jack left the cap off the toothpaste, Ennis just screwed it on without saying a word. If Ennis left a towel on the floor, Jack just hung it on the rack. And neither of them cared about leaving the toilet seat up.

Without any discussion, Jack had fallen into the role of cook, but Ennis was always at his side helping with the clean-up, usually drying the dishes as Jack washed. Jack had found an old _Joy of Cooking_ on the bookshelf in the living room and began to experiment with a few different recipes. Most came out well, but a few, such as "Crab Mongol" turned out to be dismal failures. When he served this particular concoction, Ennis took a few bites, then, trying to be polite, pushed his food around on his plate. Finally, he looked at Jack. "Don't make this one again, willya?" he asked.

"Don't worry, En," said Jack. "I think I'll rip the whole page out of the book." Ennis smiled at him gratefully.

Ennis, who had never even touched a broom in the years he was married to Alma, discovered he enjoyed—well, maybe not enjoyed, but didn't mind—cleaning. In fact, Jack was surprised at just how much cleaning Ennis was doing. It started with the knick-knacks in the living room. Ennis had said to Jack, "I don't like all this crap around, collectin' dust. D'ya think Tom or Hal would mind if I put them away?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't think anyone gives a shit, includin' me."

Ennis laughed. Once the tchotchkes were packed away, he started in on the dusting, but realized a stronger attack was needed. He scrubbed the baseboards and window sills and washed all the windows, inside and out. He vacuumed the entire house within an inch of its life, pulling the furniture out from the walls and discovering dust bunnies that had laid dormant for years.

Laundry seemed to be the one point on which neither of them had much experience or knowledge. The hamper in the bathroom was overflowing and the sheets on the bed were due for a change when Ennis looked at Jack and said, "I guess we gotta figger this out." Jack replied, "Yup, I guess we do."

They had no concept of sorting light and dark, but it made sense to them to wash all their jeans and shorts together, and then their shirts, and then a final load of anything that was left, mostly socks. They did make the washer overflow when they stuffed it too full of sheets and towels and as they mopped up the basement floor together, Jack commented, "Well, I guess we learned that lesson."

Ennis nodded. "Yup, we did. Don't wait 'til every damn towel in the house is dirty before we decide t'wash 'em."

Bringing his thoughts back to the present, Jack looked at the house, thinking it was 'pretty as a rose,' corny as that might be. "So, En, we've finished the paintin', what's next?"

"What's next?" Ennis, replied. "Besides fixin' the fences, takin' care of the field, cleanin' the barn, disinfectin' the stable, and mebbe even paintin' the barn?"

"Yeah," said Jack, laughing, "all that and what's next?"

"Well, actually," said Ennis, "I was thinkin' we could start on the inside."

"Whaddya mean, the inside?" said Jack, puzzled.

"The inside of the house," said Ennis, pointing. "We can strip the wallpaper and start painting the walls."

Jack looked at him, surprised. "Strip the wallpaper? When d'ya get this bright idea?"

"The other day, when I was washin' the baseboards," Ennis replied. "If ya look at it close, the wallpaper is all dingy and stained. No way t'really get it clean. Besides," he continued, "the whole point is t'clean this place up so Tom can sell it. I think painted walls would look better than the way that old wallpaper looks."

"Well, if we're gonna do that, I s'pose we should talk t'Tom," said Jack.

"As a matter of fact," said Ennis, "I actually talked to Hal 'bout it. He liked the idea."

Jack smiled to himself. He wasn't surprised to hear this. Ennis had gotten into the habit of visiting Hal everyday. Jack went along three or four times a week, but Ennis was faithful to a daily visit. "Poor old guy," he'd say, "always complainin' 'bout bein' lonely. It's the least I can do."

Jack knew that it was more than just a matter of keeping Hal company. He could see that Hal and Ennis were becoming good friends. This pleased Jack—he knew Ennis basically had no friends, except for himself. For Ennis to find comfortable companionship, even if it was an older man in a nursing home, made Jack happy.

"So what did Hal hafta say on the subject?" asked Jack.

"Well, like everythin' else, the wallpaper got put up at the same time as the electricity and plumbing," he said. "Hal remembers the house when he was little—it had plain white walls but the trim was cream. Same color as the trim on the outside of the house."

"Sounds nice," said Jack. "And I bet it would be brighter." Ennis nodded in agreement. "So, what's involved in stripping wallpaper?" he asked, accepting the fact that this was obviously going to be the next big project on their horizon.

"Come inside and let me show ya," said Ennis. "I actually think it'll be pretty easy. I've already found places where it has started to peel."

* * *

It turned out that painting the inside of the house—the first floor, at least—was much easier and faster than the outside, and they were finished within a week. They had taken down all the curtains intending to wash and iron them, but they were all so old they had basically disintegrated in the wash. Ennis pulled them out of the machine, looking at the shreds of fabric. He showed them to Jack. "What d'we do know?" he said.

"Buy new curtains, I guess," said Jack. He thought for a minute, then said, "I have that appointment in two days with Lureen and the lawyers. There's a department store in Childress, bigger than anythin' here in Quanah. Why don't ya come with me and we can pick somethin' out there."

Which is exactly what they did. Ennis had about an hour alone in the curtain department while Jack was at his appointment. He realized he knew absolutely nothing about buying curtains, but a helpful saleslady was more than happy to offer advice and her opinion. He showed her the paper with the measurements and explained the layout of the house. "There are four windows in the livin' room," he said, "three in the dinin' room and four in the kitchen, along the back of the house. Upstairs, two in the big bedroom, and one in each of the other rooms—two bedrooms and the bathroom."

She nodded, "Okay, and the walls?"

"The walls are gonna be white, with cream trim," he said, "at least downstairs. We haven't figgered out what t'do upstairs yet."

"Well let's start with the livin' room," she said, moving over to a display of window length country curtains.

She was so nice and helpful that Ennis actually discovered he enjoyed browsing through the displays. By the time Jack arrived, they had made tentative selections for every room in the house. Jack liked everything but quibbled a bit about the valances that Ennis had picked for the kitchen. "I like green better'n blue," he said.

"I picked the blue 'cause of the colors in the countertops," Ennis countered. "Those little flecks are blue."

"I wouldn't pick these just for that," said Jack. "Think about it, cowboy—the way yer redecoratin', you'll be replacin' the countertops next."

Ennis laughed. "Yer prob'ly right. Let's go with the green, since you like 'em better."

The saleslady laughed with them, enjoying their obvious comraderie. Jack looked at her, sensing that she was another person who was "figgerin' them out." He nodded at Ennis, who nodded back, realizing what Jack was thinking. For his part, Ennis had discovered it really didn't matter if people they met knew or suspected about their relationship—no one, with the exception of Roger Grindell—seemed to care.

As the saleslady piled up their selections she asked, "What about curtain rods?"

"Curtain rods?" said Ennis. "Never thought of that."

"You said you were paintin'?" Ennis and Jack nodded. "Well then," she said, "I would suggest you just start fresh with all new hardware. Take down the old stuff before you paint, caulk the nail holes and put the new rods up after you're done."

"Caulk," said Ennis laughing. "We know about caulk. Went through a case o'the stuff while we were paintin' the outside of the house."

She rang up the order and Jack pulled out a check from his wallet to pay for it. The saleslady looked at the check as she put it in the cash register, then stopped. "Jack Twist? You're Jack?"

Jack nodded, a little wary. He didn't recognize her, but then, Lureen had a lot of friends he didn't know.

She continued. "You must be Bobby's dad, then. My nephew plays baseball with Bobby. I was watching the game the other day with my sister."

"Oh, really?" he said. "I haven't been t'many of the games the past few weeks. Lureen and I are gettin' divorced and I'm livin' down in Quanah."

"I heard that," she said. "I'm sorry." Jack shrugged. "But, actually, I'm glad I've run into you. Bobby was talkin' t'my nephew the other day. I guess he's started takin' ridin' lessons?"

"That's right," said Jack. "My buddy Ennis, here, he's teachin' him."

Ennis smiled. "Somethin' I like t'do, help kids like horses."

"My nephew is interested, but my sister didn't know how t'find you. Are you takin' on other kids for lessons?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," said Ennis. "But I s'pose it's possible. I taught a bunch of kids back home in Riverton."

Jack motioned to the counter. "D'ya have a piece of paper? I'll write down our phone number—ya can give it t'yer sister, have her give Ennis a call."

"That would be great," she said. "My name's Lucy, by the way, and my sister is Phyllis."

They picked up the bags with he curtains and the rods and thanked her one last time. "Tell yer sister t'call," Jack reminded her again.

As they walked out to the truck, Jack looked at Ennis. "Is that they way it happened in Riverton? People just ask ya 'bout ridin' lessons and ya get a new student?"

"More or less," said Ennis. "It's funny, Jack, when ya think 'bout it. Back in the old days, no one took lessons, ya just learned to ride. Shit, I don't even remember the first time I was on a horse—must've been two or somethin'. Nowadays, kids need lessons."

"Well," Jack said, "as they say, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Ya said ya made extra money in Riverton. Mebbe we can do the same thing here."

"Fine with me," said Ennis, agreeing. "It's easy work and I enjoy doin' it. Plus, I get the kids t'groom the horses. I can just sit back and smoke cigarettes."

"Ya look like ya work hard," said Jack, laughing, "but yer really a lazy sonofabitch at heart."

"Speak for yerself, cowboy," said Ennis, with a wink. "Let's get home. We got ourselves a livin' room t'paint."

* * *

A few days later they were hanging the curtains in the living room when the phone rang. Jack went into the kitchen to answer it. "Lazy L, this is Jack," he said.

"Jack, this is Tom," came a voice over the wire. "How are you?"

"Great, Tom, how 'bout yerself?"

"I'm great." They chatted about this and that for a few minutes. Tom had gotten into the habit of calling every few days, so he was up-to-date on the progress of the painting, both inside and out. Jack filled him in on the purchase of the curtains and the new rods.

"Save the receipt," said Tom. "I'll reimburse you."

"Ya sure?" said Jack. "It's our fault the old ones fell apart. I think the water was too hot or somethin'."

"They fell apart because they were probably thirty years old," said Tom, "and probably hadn't been washed in ten years. Of course I'll pay you back." He continued, "Listen, I'm thinking of coming up this weekend. That okay with you?"

"Of course, Tom," said Jack. "Y'know we like t'see ya, and Hal is always missin' ya. Ya gonna stay for the weekend this time or just rush back to Austin?" This last comment was in reference to Tom's visit two weeks earlier. He had planned on spending one night, but ended up making the roundtrip in one day. He had managed to visit Hal for a few hours, but had only spent about half an hour at the farm.

"I'm planning on spending the night," he said. "That was a hell of a lot of driving in one day. 700 miles roundtrip."

Jack smiled to himself as Tom said this. For nine years, he had routinely driven 917 miles one way just to see Ennis and never gave it a second thought. Now he realized just how long a drive it really was.

"When d'ya think you'll get here?" said Jack.

"I'm planning on leaving on Saturday after lunch," said Tom. "I should be there in the early evening. It's about a seven hour drive."

"Sounds good t'me," said Jack. "We'll wait up for ya." They chatted for a few more minutes before hanging up.

Jack walked back into the living room. "That was Tom," he said. "He's comin' up on Saturday."

Ennis looked at Jack. "We gonna tell him?"

Jack shrugged. "We planned on it last time," he said. "I don't think anything's changed, d'you?"

Ennis shook his head. "Nope—'cept if he flies in and out of here like a racehorse again, mebbe we won't have the time this time, either."

"Well," said Jack, "he said he's spendin' the night."

They had actually talked about this quite a bit before Tom's last visit and decided that if he didn't bring it up early in the conversation, they would tell him about their relationship. "I feel dishonest, En," Jack had said. "He's trusting us t'do all this work, be here in the house. I feel like we're keepin' somethin' from him."

"I know what ya mean," replied Ennis. "It's just that I ain't told anybody before. It's kinda hard. And what if he like, I dunno, gets mad or somethin'? Starts callin' us fuckin' queers?"

Jack had said, "Well, what's the worst that can happen? He throws us out." Jack considered for a minute. "Somehow, though, I don't think that's what Tom is like." He paused, then continued. "Y'know, En, think 'bout Hal. I think we have an ally in him. He likes us, and he knows about us. If Tom went to him and said he fired us 'cause we're gay, I think Hal would say somethin' 'bout it. Mebbe he'd even tell Tom 'bout himself."

Ennis nodded at this. "Mebbe I could even ask Hal 'bout this, see if he has any opinions on Tom's feelings on th'matter."

Ennis did bring it up to Hal during on of their visits, and Hal concurred with their assessment. "He's never mentioned it t'me," said Hal. "But I think he's a pretty open minded guy, bein' a college professor and all. But ya never know…" Ennis had not found this last comment particularly reassuring.

Jack stepped back and looked at the curtains. The walls gleamed under their coat of fresh paint and the windows shone from Ennis's washing. "This place looks pretty damn good," said Jack. "Let's just hope that even if Tom does hate fuckin' queers, he's gonna love the job we're doin' and keep us on."

Ennis laughed. "Fuck, Jack, you are the most optimistic sonofabitch I have ever met in my life."

"That's why ya love me, ain't it cowboy?" said Jack, with a smile.

"Damn straight," said Ennis, putting his arm around Jack's shoulders. "Damn straight."

* * *

Of course, as with so many things in life, their telling Tom did not go according to plan.

It was Saturday evening, and Jack and Ennis were lying on the couch, legs twisted together, engaged in a good old fashioned necking session. They hadn't planned on this but somehow it just…happened. They figured that Tom would arrive around 8 pm, so at 8, the flipped on the little TV. Nothing was on (as usual. Ennis was beginning to wonder why the TV was even in the house.) so they tried to amuse themselves with a few hands of poker. That didn't prove successful either, so they ended up just sitting on the couch, Jack flipping through an old book, but not really reading. Ennis had reached over and the next thing they knew, they were prone, making out like they hadn't seen each other in months.

The clock slipped past 9. "Where the hell is Tom?" said Jack, as Ennis pulled him in for another kiss.

"I dunno. Lost, I s'pose," said Ennis.

"Listen En, we can keep at this, but no screwin'," said Jack, trying vainly to set some ground rules for their fun. "Tom may show up at any minute."

Ennis nodded, realizing the wisdom of this, but he was finding it increasingly difficult with each successive to kiss to keep his pants zipped. At one point, Ennis pulled back and said, "Oh, God, I feel like I felt when I was datin' Alma."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Y'know, I want it so bad but I can't," he said, pulling into Jack for another kiss.

When that one finished, Jack asked, "You dated Alma?"

""Course I dated her," said Ennis. "Whaddya think, we got married without knowin' each other, like they do in India?"

Jack laughed, "I s'pose yer right. Just never thought of ya datin' her. She ever put out?"

"That's what I was just sayin' 'bout the feelin'…no, nothin' 'til we got married. Her parents were strict Methodists. I was lucky t'even get a kiss. I was a virgin on my weddin' night."

Jack pulled back and looked at Ennis in absolute amazement. "Ennis, what the fuck are ya sayin'? You weren't no virgin on yer weddin' night."

Ennis looked back at Jack, feeling a little confused. In his mind, he had always thought of himself as a virgin but realized that discounted a summer of screwing Jack on Brokeback Mountain. "I'm not sure what t'say, bud," he said. "Mebbe I meant that I was a virgin with women. T'be honest, I'm pretty much a virgin with anybody. You 'n Alma, that's it in my life."

"Don't discount yerself, cowboy. Yer a mighty fine lover, even if ya ain't been 'round the block two dozen times."

"Ummm," said Ennis, pulling Jack towards him for another kiss. When they came up for air, Ennis looked at Jack, "What 'bout you?" he said.

"Whaddya mean?"

"I told ya, it's you and Alma for me. How many others in yer life?"

"Why ya bringin' that up, Ennis?" said Jack. "It's not important."

"'Cause I'm curious," he replied, not picking at all up on the tentative anxiety in Jack's voice.

"Okay," he sighed, "since we agreed to be truthful….Lureen and two guys."

Ennis looked totally surprised and wondered if this was a path he should go down. But since the conversation was started, he asked, "Two guys? Does that count Mexico? You said somethin' 'bout that up at Don Wroe's."

"Oh, Ennis, why are ya bringin' that up? I don't want t'get into a fight."

Ennis didn't say anything, just waited.

Jack paused, then continued, "Three guys, countin' Mexico, which was the biggest fuckin' mistake of my entire goddamn life."

Like Jack, Ennis wasn't in the mood for a fight, and in fact, found the whole subject wasn't making him particularly angry. He felt detached, as if it was a chapter that was over and done, but he was curious about what had actually happened. "Guess it wasn't much fun then, huh?"

"That's an understatement," said Jack. "You saw what I was like back in May…I think I must've been havin' some sort of nervous breakdown or somethin'. Went down there, totally on impulse, got smashed, picked up some guy in the street. No, Ennis, it was not fun at all."

"Okay, then, I forgive ya, bud," said Ennis, giving Jack a hug. "I won't bring that up again." Jack smiled at him, his face full of thanks. "But," Ennis continued, "tell me 'bout the other guys. I'm curious, really."

"Well," Jack said, "it was a long time ago. Before I was married, but after Brokeback. A guy picked me up in a bar. It was just a one night stand, we had a good time, but I never saw him again." He paused and took a breath, "The second guy…he was more regular. We got together for about six months."

"Who was he?" said Ennis.

"Guy I met rodeoin', he was doin' the rodeo circuit with me. His name was Ray."

"So, what happened?" asked Ennis.

Jack tweaked Ennis's chin and gave him a little smile, "Well, see, I had this little problem…spelled E-N-N-I-S…tough to fall in love with someone else, when I knew I was in love with you." Ennis smiled as Jack said this, then Jack continued. "I think Ray was a little more into me, than I was into him. I felt bad, wasn't bein' fair, so I broke it off. I met Lureen a few weeks after that. Remember when you asked up at Don Wroe's cabin, why did I marry Lureen?" Ennis nodded. "Comin' on the heels of Ray, knowin' I was in love with you…I guess I thought I could fix it all by doin' the 'right' thing, which, once I did it, I realized pretty quickly was the wrong thing."

"I have t'say, Jack," said Ennis, "it sounds more complicated for you than it was for me."

"Like I said before, Ennis, I was tryin' to figure it out. I was married mebbe six or seven months when I knew it was a mistake…but Lureen was pregnant by then, I didn't feel like I could ask her for a divorce. So I stuck with it, but that was when I started lookin' for you."

"I've wondered 'bout that, Jack. How did ya find me?"

Jack smiled. "The phone book. Ain't too many Del Mars in Wyoming, fortunately, so it was pretty easy to figger out which one was you."

"They have Wyoming phone books in Childress?"

"No," said Jack, laughing, "but they do have 'em in the Dallas Public Library. L.D. sent me off to Dallas on some fuckin' errand for the business, so I decided to take some time while I was there and go t'the library. Looked you up, found out you were in Riverton, sent the card. The rest is history."

Ennis thought back to that day, remembering when the postcard arrived. "Y'know somebody named Jack?" Alma had asked. Ennis had grabbed the card and rushed to the post office to send his two word reply: You Bet.

Jack traced his fingers across Ennis's forehead, down his cheek and across his jaw. "Cowboy, I love you so much," he said, his heart full of emotion.

Ennis smiled. He could see on Jack's face the same feeling that he had inside. "I love you too, rodeo," he said. He pulled Jack's face towards his for a long and serious kiss.

* * *

Tom pulled up outside the house. He was glad to see the lights shining from the windows, which meant that Jack and Ennis had waited up for him. He had gotten a late start from Austin and then the drive seemed long and slow—traffic was heavy and there was a major back-up where a tractor trailer had broken down.

He was looking forward to seeing "the boys" as he thought of them. Talking to them on the phone, and their brief visit two weeks before, he had gotten to know them better and he realized how much he enjoyed them. Jack was funny with a good sense of humor; Ennis was quiet and thoughtful and seemed to have a lot of insight about Uncle Hal.

Tom was also pleased with their work on the farm. He thought things were going great. The exterior house painting was done and on their own they had decided to tackle the inside, too. The field next to the stable appeared to be in much better shape. He knew that they had plans for the barn, stable, and fences but had made the house the priority for the moment.

Tom walked up to the house and was about to open the front door when something made him stop. He turned and peered into the front window and the sight he saw couldn't have surprised him more. There were Jack and Ennis lying on the couch, their long legs twisted together, Ennis on the bottom, Jack on top. The two of them were making out—seriously making out. Ennis's hands were massaging Jack's ass, while Jack was holding Ennis's face. Jack was pressing on him and it looked as if he was trying to push his tongue all the way down into Ennis's trachea.

Tom knew he should stop looking, but he couldn't. He felt riveted to the spot as he watched them. He had never seen anything so…sexy. That's the word he wanted, he realized. This was the hottest thing he had ever seen. At this point, they pulled apart. Tom could see them smiling and whispering. It was pretty obvious they saying were saying "I love you" to each other, or at least words to that effect.

Jack leaned in again for another kiss and finally, Tom managed to turn away. He felt like a peeping Tom ("How appropriate is my name?" he thought) but any shame he felt came from within—for intruding on their privacy and observing their truly profound and deeply shared love.

"How can I be so dense?" Tom thought to himself. "Why didn't I figure this out sooner?" He remembered the first evening he talked to Ennis, when Ennis had used "we" in a particularly personal way. Tom had thought about them as a couple then, but dismissed the possibility of them being gay, and never revisited the idea again.

Tom thought about what to do. He didn't want to intrude on them but at the same time, he was here and needed to get in the house. He decided to "arrive again"—he got in his car, backed out the drive and then drove in again, this time honking the horn to announce his arrival. He made sure to slam the car door really hard and stomped up the steps of the front porch. As he stood in front of the door, he again peered in the window. His plan had worked. Jack and Ennis were now sitting on the couch. Of course, they still looked like a pair of horny teenagers—Jack's hair sticking up all over his head and Ennis's shirt partially unbuttoned—but at least he wouldn't embarrass them by catching them necking.

He opened the door, saying, "Hi guys!" Both Jack and Ennis stood up to greet him, Jack with a hug and Ennis with a handshake. He put his bag down at the foot of the stairs. "You guys got some beers in the fridge?" he asked. "I'm parched."

"'Course we do," said Ennis, heading towards the kitchen. "Jack, ya want one too?"

"Sure," said Jack. "Bring it on."

The three of them sat facing each other in the living room, drinking their beers. Ennis offered Tom a cigarette, which Tom accepted. "Still ain't quit, I see," said Ennis.

Tom shook his head, a rueful smile on his face. "Well, Ennis, you are not the best influence, offering them to me every chance you get." They all laughed together.

The three of them sat there, drinking their beers and looking at each other. Tom felt awkward and uncomfortable, but he noticed that Jack and Ennis also appeared to have a degree of discomfiture. For himself, Tom knew what the problem was—the proverbial gorilla in the corner. He wanted to talk about what he had just seen, but introducing the subject was proving harder than he expected.

Tom thought to himself, "Why am I struggling with this? I'm a grown man with a PhD, married with a son…I certainly should be able to talk to other adults about their sexuality, even if the other adults happen to be two men." He took a deep breath. "Uh, guys…as I was walking up to the house, I, uh, uh…" he stammered, then blurted out, "I saw you on the couch. Making out."

Ennis looked down, his face flaming red. Jack looked at Tom, trying to gauge his reaction. "Is that a problem?" Jack asked.

"No," Tom said, "no, not at all. In fact, I'm embarrassed that I intruded on your privacy, which is why I am bringing it up."

Jack continued to look at Tom with a level gaze, while Ennis's eyes were locked on the floor. Tom said, "I want to apologize, because I stared at you for a few minutes, and that was rude."

Jack felt anger starting to build in his chest. "You were starin' at us?" he said, keeping his voice even.

"Yes," Tom said, "I didn't mean to, but…," he stammered again, then blurted out, "ah, shit, let me just put it out there. I couldn't stop looking because it was as sexy as hell and watching you was giving me a hard-on." Jack and Ennis both blinked and their jaws dropped. This was not the answer they were expecting. "Besides, watching you, it was pretty obvious that you two are head over heels in love with each other, and seeing that made me feel good—feel good for you, I mean,"

"Well," Jack said, "we were gonna tell ya, but obviously we don't need to, now. Since ya know, is this okay? I mean, can we assume that this means yer not gonna kick us out?"

Tom looked at him in amazement. "Why on earth would you think that?"

"Well, there are plenty of people in the world who think that two guys lovin' each other is a crime and sinful and we should be dead. If you felt that way, you might not want us livin' in yer uncle's house."

Tom rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm a college professor. Being at least a little bit liberal and open-minded comes with the job description. What you decide to do in the privacy of your own lives really is no business of mine, now is it?"

"That's a mighty fine attitude to have," said Jack, "but unfortunately, there are a lot of people in the world who don't share your view."

"I know," said Tom. "I live next door to one of them, and believe me, if it were he sitting here, not me, he'd probably be after you with a two by four. But, since he's in Austin and you're in Quanah, I guess you're probably safe." He smiled as he said this.

The three of them sat and look at each other, an awkward silence between them, then Jack said, "We were gonna tell ya…I'm glad we've got this out between us. It was makin' me 'n Ennis uncomfortable, we were feelin' like ya needed t'know."

Tom said, "I feel really stupid that I didn't figure it out."

"Why d'ya say that? We're livin' here so I guess that makes a diff'rence, but really, why is it important t'you t'figure it out?" Jack said. " Like you said, what we do in private is really nobody else's business."

"Yes," said Tom, "you are absolutely right. My point is that it is my problem, not yours. I was buying into the whole gay stereotype thing—limp wrists and all that. You certainly don't fit that, do you? And so, by lumping all people of a certain group into one box, I excluded you from being in that box. I guess I never realized I was so categorical, that's all."

Ennis looked up and gave him a tiny smile. "Are you startin' in on one of yer tangents, Tom?" he asked.

Tom laughed. "I probably am, aren't I?" He looked at his beer bottle, which was empty. "Another round, guys?" They all nodded. Why not? Tom retrieved three more beers from the kitchen and passed them around.

"Ya want another cigarette?" asked Ennis, offering him the pack. Tom accepted without a second thought. "Ya know, Tom, I think yer quittin' plan is to only bum smokes from other folks."

"That's exactly my plan," he replied, "and it falls to pieces when I'm around you." They all laughed. Tom stood up, "I'm going to take my bag upstairs and go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

While they waited for Tom, Ennis and Jack looked at each other. They weren't quite sure what to say about the whole conversation, so decided to say nothing at all. They could talk later, when they were alone.

Tom came back in the room, sat down, and picked up his beer. "Okay, since we're having all sorts of awkward conversations, let's get another one out of the way, shall we?"

Jack and Ennis looked at him, thinking in unison, now what the hell is on his mind?

"Beds. I am assuming your comment about flipping a coin for beds was a joke?"

They both nodded, and smiled. Jack said, "We're sleepin' in the big bed, Tom, but it is yer house so if ya want t'be there…"

Tom shook his head. "That's my point…don't be ridiculous. I'm the guest here, really. I'll take one of the twin beds in the guest room."

Jack smiled. "Thank you for that. We appreciate it." He paused, then continued. "Y'know, Tom, we're still learnin' our way, too. We've been in love for a long time but we've only been together—really together—since May. This is new territory for us."

"In love for a long time…how long, may I ask, if I'm not prying?"

"Since the summer when we met—'63. I knew it then, it took Ennis a while longer to figger it out." Jack said this with a smile towards Ennis.

"And how did you finally get together?"

"Oh, that was easy. Ennis got divorced, and I had a nervous breakdown."

They all laughed and Tom said, "Seriously?"

Jack shrugged, "I dunno. I had a really rough month, spent a lot of time drunk. When Ennis and I got together in May, we talked, figgered out what was important for both of us, decided to do this—be together, I mean."

"Well, I have to give you guys a lot of credit. You certainly didn't pick the easy path."

"Tell ya what, Tom," said Ennis, speaking up, "when yer with the person ya love, any path is easier than when yer apart."

"So true, Ennis," said Tom. "You have such a great way of putting things." He looked at his watch. "Well, it's late for me and I'm tired from the drive. I'm heading up."

"You go first, use the bathroom," said Jack. "We'll close up down here."

Tom headed up the stairs, while Ennis and Jack gathered up the empty beer bottles and dirty ashtrays, and put everything away in the kitchen. They turned out the lights, and decided to have one last cigarette, sitting on the porch.

Jack turned to Ennis. "That whole conversation...Tom figgerin' it out...that wasn't quite the way I expected it t'go," he said.

"No," said Ennis, with a laugh. "That's a fuckin' understatement."

"Ennis," said Jack, turning towards him with a funny grin that Ennis could see in the shadow. "Ya know the funniest part?"

"No, what?" said Ennis.

"He doesn't think we're fuckin' queers, he thinks we're fuckin' hot."

"Damn straight, cowboy," said Ennis. "'Cause we are."


	10. Chapter 9

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 9

Jack and Ennis decided to take July 4th off. They figured they had been working nonstop since their arrival in May—they had earned a one-day vacation.

They went into town to watch the parade. Like most small town parades, it included the high school band and color guard, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Veterans from World Wars I and II, plus Korea—Viet Nam vets were notably absent—antique cars, fire trucks, and homemade floats from various civic organizations. Since it was the Bicentennial, there was an extra contingent of men and women from the VFW, dressed up as Revolutionary War heroes and heroines. The women wore long dresses and bonnets; the men, black coats with ruffled shirts and knee britches. With the temperature approaching 100 degrees at ten in the morning, Jack thought they all looked miserable.

As part of the celebration, there was a crafts fair that ran up and down the length of Main Street. After the parade, Jack and Ennis browsed the booths, snacking on hot dogs and drinking lemonade. There were various exhibits of crafts, some quite nice, while others reflected a uniquely Texas brand of craft fair kitsch. At one point, Ennis held up a crocheted toilet paper cover. "What the hell is this is?" he whispered to Jack, out of earshot of the owner, who was busy working on another one.

"You don't wanna know," whispered Jack, taking the cover from Ennis's hand and putting it back on the display. "Don't worry, I ain't buyin' one for our bathroom."

There was one booth of very nice, hand-embroidered Western shirts. Ennis paused at the rack, fingering a particularly pretty green and cream shirt, thinking about Junior.

"That's one of my favorites," said the owner. "Do you have someone in mind?"

"My daughter," said Ennis. He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket. "Her mama says she wears a size 14."

"Size 14 for a girl, or size 14 for a woman?" asked the owner.

Ennis, who had never bought a garment of woman's clothing in his life, looked confused. "Uh, she's 12," he said. "Tall and skinny."

The woman laughed. "Must be a girl's size." She went to a rack behind the table and flipped through a few shirts on hangers. "Here's a similar one, in a size that should fit."

Jack had walked up while this was going on. "That one's pretty," he said. "I like the green." Ennis nodded. He knew that Jack liked green.

He consulted his piece of paper. "Okay, my other daughter wears a size 12."

"Let's see," said the owner. "I think maybe a blue shirt would be nice. Different, but they would complement each other." Again, she thumbed through the hangers, and pulled out another, mostly blue, with a cream yoke and red, blue, and green embroidery.

Ennis nodded. "I like that one. Jenny will too, I think." He looked at the owner. "I'll take both."

She smiled and wrapped the shirts in tissue, then put them in a brown paper bag. "Do your daughters live with you?" she asked.

Ennis shook his head. "No, I'm divorced. If the plans work out, they're comin' t'visit in a few weeks, though. First time in Texas."

"Well," she said. "These shirts will be a treat. Real Texas Western wear."

Ennis smiled. "Yup, I'm thinkin' we'll go to a rodeo. They can wear them then."

The owner, ever the saleswoman, pointed to a booth across the street. "My friend is sellin' hats over there," she said. "They'll need those to go with their shirts."

Ennis laughed. "I s'pose yer right," and crossed the street to look at the hat display.

While Ennis was thus engaged, Jack wandered off. He looked at a display of hand tooled leather belts, but none appealed to him. The next booth was an assortment of wooden boxes with hand painted birds and wildflowers on the covers. Jack laughed to himself, thinking of Ennis packing away all of Hal's old knick knacks in the living room. Jack knew that Ennis was not fond of clutter and passed the woodenware without a second glance.

He came upon a display of jewelry and stopped. There were necklaces, bracelets, and a number of silver rings arrayed on a black velvet cloth. He picked up a ring—it was unusual, a series of silver threads, intricately twisted to form strings, and the entire group then braided together. A pretty young woman with long red hair, standing behind the table—Jack assumed she was the silversmith—pointed to the ring in Jack's hand. "That's my specialty," she said. "I call it 'lover's braid.'''

"Hmm," Jack said, turning the ring over in his fingers. "It's pretty."

"Well thank you," said the young woman. "I made it—compliments are always appreciated. My name's Sarah, by the way. I'm from Albuquerque."

"Albuquerque," said Jack. "That's a long way from Quanah."

"It is, but that's what I do," she said. "Make jewelry all winter, travel to fairs all summer." She pointed back to the rings. "As you can see, there are different styles. This one has three stands of silver," she said, holding one up, "while the one you are looking at has six." She picked up a third. "This one has twelve strands, but I think it would be too big for your finger, I think. It's made for really big guys."

Jack smiled at her. "I'm not a really big guy?" he said, teasingly.

Sarah laughed. "You know what I mean…really big, like football players." She pointed again to the ring in Jack's hand. "Are you going to try it on?"

At this moment Ennis came up and stood at Jack's side. "Whatchya lookin' at?" he said. Jack showed him the ring. "That's nice," said Ennis. "I like it."

Jack nodded to Sarah. "This is Sarah," he said. "She makes all this jewelry. This ring is called lover's braid." He paused. "Oh, by the way, I'm Jack," he said, "and this is my friend Ennis."

Sarah smiled at them. "It's nice to meet both of you."

Jack looked back at the ring in his hand and started to push the it onto his ring finger on his right hand. It stopped at the knuckle.

"It's too small," he said, pulling it off and handing it to Sarah.

"Let me see," she said. "I might be able to size it, or, better yet, I'm sure I have a larger one." She pulled out a black velvet box from under the table. Inside were several rows of rings, their silver shining brightly against the black. "Try this one," she said, giving it a quick polish with a polishing cloth as she handed it to Jack.

He slid it on. This one moved easily over the knuckle and in the second before it reached the base of his finger, Ennis touched it. "That's it," Ennis said, and Jack looked at him. An unspoken vow traveled between their eyes.

Jack turned to Sarah. "I think it fits perfectly." He held up his hand and looked at it. "Yes, perfect. Now, for my buddy here," he said, motioning to Ennis, "d'you have another?"

"I'm sure I do," she said, first looking at Ennis's right hand ring finger and then her box of rings. "This looks about right," she said, handing the ring to Ennis.

Ennis turned the ring over in his hand, then held it up and showed it to Jack with a wink. Jack nodded. Ennis pushed the ring onto his own right hand ring finger, while Jack, as Ennis had done, touched it as it settled into place. "That's it," said Jack, smiling at Ennis. They paused for a minute and held their eyes in a steady gaze. Then, Jack turned away and looked at Sarah. "Well," he said, "looks like we bought ourselves some rings today. I wasn't expectin' that."

Sarah smiled at both of them. "That was beautiful…they look beautiful…the rings, I mean. But then again, I always think my jewelry looks beautiful." They laughed together at that. "And," she continued, "I know my jewelry makes special things happen." Jack and Ennis smiled at her. "They're $25 each," she said.

Jack pulled out his wallet and started to count out the total, when Ennis stopped him.

"I want t'pay for yours, Jack," he said. "You can buy mine." Ennis counted out the bills from his wallet, while Jack did the same.

Sarah smiled as she took the money. "As part of your purchase, I have a jewelry bag for each ring," she said, "as well as a polishing cloth."

"I'll take the cloth," said Jack, "but I don't need the bag. I ain't plannin' on takin' it off."

"Me neither," said Ennis, with a happy smile that radiated from within.

Sarah handed them each a business card. "All my jewelry is guaranteed," she said. "If you ever need to get your ring resized or repaired, just give me a call. You can mail it in and I'll fix it." They tucked the cards in their wallets.

Jack gave her a happy smile. "Thanks again," he said. "I'm glad I stopped by yer booth. You've got really nice stuff." Ennis nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad you stopped by too," Sarah said. "It was special, wasn't it?" her words conveying the knowledge that she knew exactly what she had witnessed.

* * *

The afternoon found them on a blanket next to the river, lying in the sun after a swim, each enjoying a beer. Jack had just finished a long, slow, lengthy application of suntan lotion, which Ennis had done first for Jack. The first time Jack had pulled out the suntan lotion, back in May, Ennis looked at it in disbelief. "I don't need that shit," he said. "I've never had a sunburn."

"Have you ever been sunbathing in the altogether in the hot Texas sun?" asked Jack.

"No," said Ennis, "but why does that make a difference?"

"Ennis, lookit you," said Jack. "You have blond hair and fair skin. You'll burn to a crisp. Besides," he said, giving Ennis's cock a tug, "I bet li'l Ennis has never been out in the sun. I don't want a sunburn there to affect your performance."

As he had said this, Ennis had pulled Jack in and started kissing and licking the skin at the base of Jack's neck. "I think you just want an excuse to rub your hands all over me," said Ennis, his hands rubbing Jack's ass.

"That too," said Jack, loving the feel of Ennis's tongue, which was now running down his chest. "Turn over, cowboy, and let me do your back."

Since that day, their suntan lotion application procedure had become increasingly elaborate and they argued playfully about who got to go first or second. Today, Ennis lay on his stomach, feeling totally relaxed, as Jack finished his all over body massage.

Jack pulled back and looked at him. "Ya want another beer?" he said.

"Sure," said Ennis, rolling over onto his back, then propping himself up on his elbows. "Y'know I never say no to that." Ennis watched Jack walk over to the back of his truck and get two beers out of the cooler. "Y'know, Jack," he said, "we're a pair of lazy fucks, drivin' the truck down here instead of bringin' the horses."

"It was yer idea, En," said Jack. "Ya said ya didn't want the horses standin' out here in the sun all day, all saddled up."

Ennis laughed. "And yer a stupid shit to believe that pitiful excuse," he said. "We could take their saddles off." He took a big swig from the bottle of beer that Jack handed him.

"So why'd we bring the truck?" Jack asked, taking his cold beer and rolling it across Ennis's chest.

Ennis gave a little gasp at the feeling of the cold bottle. "I told ya—'cause we're lazy bastards enjoyin' our day off." His eyes traveled the length of Jack's body. "Y'know, Jack, I think all this suntan lotion we've been puttin' on each other is working,"

"Whaddya mean?" asked Jack.

"Lookit yerself—you're gettin' a tan."

Jack laughed and rubbed his hand along Ennis's hip. "You are too, cowboy, and no tanlines. Looks mighty damn sexy if you ask me."

"I've never had tanlines," said Ennis, with a wink. "I've never had a tan."

"I'm sure you have, you dumbass, but it was a stupid ol'farmer's tan. This is different. Ya look like…I dunno…a model or something." He smiled at Ennis while his hand continued to caress Ennis's hip.

Ennis watched him for a minute, enjoying the sight of Jack's hand rubbing across his body. He sighed. "Oh, Jack, y'know, I love the way ya touch me."

Jack smiled, "I know ya do, cowboy," he said, moving his hand further up Ennis's chest, "and I love to touch you."

They smiled at each other, but when Jack's hand moved near Ennis's face, Ennis gently grasped Jack's wrist. He looked at the silver ring that Jack was wearing, then looked at the matching one on his own hand. "So what was that about, anyway?" he asked, in a soft voice.

"What was what about?" asked Jack.

Ennis smiled. "Y'know. Back there at the crafts fair. At the silver booth. What was goin' on?"

Jack smiled at him. "Whaddya think was goin' on?"

"I asked you first," Ennis said, with wink.

Jack looked closely at Ennis. "Well, I'm not sure these are the right words, but I don't know how else to put it…I think we got married. I think we married each other."

Ennis nodded. "That's what I was thinkin', too," he said with a smile.

"Y'okay with that?" said Jack. "We didn't talk about it beforehand. It just sorta happened."

"I think the just sorta happenin' is what made it special," said Ennis, giving Jack a loving smile. "And, yes, I'm okay with it. I bought yer ring, didn't I?"

Jack smiled back. "Ya said yer not plannin' on takin' it off…"

"And I meant it," replied Ennis. "Not to sound too corny or anythin', but I really love this ring," he said, as he looked at it on his own finger. "What did the girl—Sarah—say? Special things happen with her jewelry? I can feel it in this ring. I don't want t'take it off."

Jack looked at him, a little bit amazed at this revelation. "Yer not worried what people might think?" he asked, a cautious tone in his voice.

"We bought two rings at a crafts fair, Jack. I am sure plenty of other people bought rings there today, too. Hell, prob'ly half the town of Quanah is runnin' around in Sarah's jewelry. We'll just fit in with the crowd."

Jack sat up and laughed. "You crack me up, Del Mar," he said, poking Ennis in the ribs. "Sometimes I never know what to expect from you."

Ennis sat up next to him, his face suddenly serious. "I know what yer sayin' Jack. Here we are, wearin' the equivalent of weddin' rings and am I gonna be okay with that? Or am I gonna get all scared and nervous and feel like I need t'take it off when I am around other people?"

Jack nodded. That's exactly what he was thinking. He had actually hoped they would get to a stage in their lives together where they could wear rings—or something—to show their commitment to each other. But Jack didn't expect it to come this soon, and he never expected it to happen without some prior discussion. He worried that their impromptu wedding would be something that Ennis would change his mind about later.

As if he was reading his mind, Ennis said, "Remember Tom's philosophy, Jack? 'There are no coincidences, everythin' happens for a reason.' That's what happened t'us today. Everythin'—goin' t'the parade, goin' to the crafts fair, meetin' Sarah—all happened 'cause we was meant t'get married today. I didn't know it was gonna happen, but it did." He paused, then continued. "People who are married wear weddin' rings and they don't take 'em off when they go t'the grocery store."

Jack laughed, then put his hand behind Ennis's neck and pulled him close. "You amaze me, cowboy," he said, looking deep into Ennis's eyes, "and that's part of the reason why I love you."

Ennis smiled at Jack, and let himself be pulled in for a long and lingering kiss. When they finished, Jack looked again at Ennis's face. Ennis smiled. "I can see ya still don't believe me," he said.

"No, I believe you," said Jack. "It's more that I can't believe us. I can't believe we're livin' it."

"That's it," said Ennis. "We're livin' it."

Jack looked at him and nodded. "That's it," he said.

* * *

The afternoon passed in a haze of swimming, dozing, drinking some beer, and sharing some love. They finally roused themselves when the sun started to slip past the cottonwood trees on the opposite bank of the river. They could feel a gentle breeze and tell the worst heat of the day was finally over.

Ennis was determined to find a few minutes for a visit to Hal. "It's a holiday, Jack," he said, "and Sunday. You come with me this time."

They brought Hal a piece of cake from the Mayor's open house. As part of the Quanah celebration, the mayor had two large cakes—one decorated as the original American flag, with just 13 stars, the other, the Lone Star flag of Texas—and had invited everyone in town to stop by for a visit. They also had an envelope holding the newly developed pictures, which Jack had picked up the day before at the drugstore.

Hal was delighted when they walked through the door of the dayroom. He enjoyed the cake and made a few funny comments about how the Mayor was always grandstanding—turning any event, no matter what it was—into a way to further his political career. "He says he wants to be Governor someday," said Hal. "Can you believe it, Mayor of a hick town like Quanah thinking he could be Governor of Texas?"

"Could be worse," said Ennis. "He might want t'be President."

"God forbid," said Hal, "if that asshole ever ends up in the White House." He picked up the plastic fork and ate some cake. "Good cake, though," he said, "even if he is a jerk."

As they suspected, Hal was thrilled to see the snapshots. They had taken pictures of the outside and inside of the house, showing off the freshly painted walls and new curtains. Hal's eyes got a little misty as he looked at them. "I can't wait 'til I can go home," he said. "Soon, I hope."

Jack and Ennis didn't say anything. Ennis, because he visited every day, was becoming increasingly aware that Hal was not getting better. He tired more easily, his breathing was more labored, and even talking for more than a few minutes seemed to be difficult for him.

The last group of pictures were the ones that Jack and Ennis had taken of each other, plus a few of them together. One in particular caught Hal's eye. It was of the two of them, sitting on the steps of the porch, Ennis's arm around Jack's shoulders. They were looking at each other, not at the camera, their faces completely open and natural, smiling as if they didn't have a care in the world. "This one's nice," said Hal. "Who took it?"

Jack looked over his shoulder at the snapshot. "That's my favorite too," he said. "I wanna get some extra copies made." He added, "Tom took it, when he was here two weeks ago."

Hal smiled. "He's okay, Tom, ain't he?" he said. Ennis had told Hal the story of Tom finding them making out on the couch. He embellished it a bit, and made it funny, and Hal had laughed out loud for five minutes.

"Yeah, he's okay," said Jack. "I don't know why we were ever worried."

As Jack gathered up the pictures and put them back in the envelope, Hal noticed their rings. Ennis knew he would—Hal had sharp eyes and never missed a trick. "Those somethin' special?" he asked.

Jack nodded. "We bought 'em at the crafts fair today," he said, explaining about Sarah and her display of silver jewelry.

Hal reached out for Ennis's hand and rubbed his fingers across the ring. Ennis smiled at him. "We're together, Hal," he said. "We're buildin' a life."

Hal smiled back. "I've told ya before, ya make me a little jealous."

"We don't mean too," said Jack.

"It's not yer fault," said Hal. "It's me. Livin' a life in secret—and now I'm old with not much life left." He paused, then in a soft voice said, "I'm glad I met you boys, though. You've made a difference t'me."

They stood up to leave. Ennis leaned in and gave Hal a little hug. "See ya tomorrow, bud," he said. "Watch the fireworks on TV tonight. Ya can tell me about 'em tomorrow."

Hal smiled gratefully. "Yer a good friend, Ennis. You too, Jack," he added. "See ya tomorrow."

* * *

That evening, Ennis was sitting on the porch, watching the sun set and thinking to himself how much enjoyed the long days of summer. They had come back from the nursing home and had a simple dinner of leftover takeout barbecue. After their lazy day, heating that up in a double boiler was about all the energy Jack had for cooking.

Jack came out to the porch, carrying two jelly jar glasses and a green bottle. He popped the cork which sailed into the night air, then poured a glass and handed it to Ennis.

"What's this?" said Ennis, looking at the glass in puzzlement.

"Champagne," said Jack, with a smile.

"Where'd that come from?" asked Ennis.

"It was in the fridge," said Jack.

"If it was in the 'frigerator," said Ennis, "it's prob'ly a hunnert years old."

Jack laughed. "Actually, I bought it," he said. "I got it to celebrate when we finished paintin' the house, then forgot it was there." He smiled at Ennis. "I think we got somethin' better t'celebrate tonight."

Ennis looked at the glass. "I ain't never had champagne," he said, taking a tentative sip. "Ain't got much taste."

"It's the bubbles, I think," said Jack. "People like the bubbles."

They sat there for a minute, sipping their champagne. In the distance, they heard a low rumble, then boom—boom—boom. "What's that?" said Ennis. "A storm?"

"Fireworks," said Jack. "It's July 4th. We could've gone t'town t'watch 'em."

"Nah, I've had enough of town today," said Ennis. "I'm happy here with you." He turned and smiled at Jack.

Jack smiled back. "Y'know En," he said, "I've been on this earth for thirty-three years and I think today has been the best day of my life."

"How's that, bud?" said Ennis, knowing full well exactly how, but wanting to hear Jack say the words.

"Today was perfect," he said. "Perfect in every way. I can't think of a single thing I would change about the entire day."

Ennis smiled at him. "It was perfect for me too," he said. Ennis then stood up. He reached a hand to Jack and helped pull him to his feet, then picked up the champagne bottle and glasses. "Let's go, cowboy," he said. "There are a few hours left in the day. I think we can squeeze a bit more perfection out of them. Besides," he said with a wink, "we've got some work t'do."

"Work?" said Jack, not entirely following what Ennis meant.

"Yeah, we've got a marriage t'consummate," said Ennis, pulling Jack by the hand towards the door.

Jack laughed. "That's work?" he said. "I thought it was a recreational activity."

"Cowboy, let's just say that tonight I'm gonna work you all over," said Ennis, as he closed the front door and headed up the stairs, champagne and Jack in tow.


	11. Chapter 10

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 10

Lureen drove down the drive and parked her car next to the house. She had been to Lazy L a few times to pick up Bobby. Usually he was waiting for her—sitting on the front porch and talking to Jack. Today, there was no sign of anyone but both trucks were parked in their usual spots so she figured they must be around, somewhere. As she got out of the car she saw Jack coming out of the front door, wiping his hands on the back of his pants. "Hi, Lureen," he called, giving her a wave.

"Hello, Jack," she replied. "Where's Bobby?"

"Ennis finally persuaded him that he was riding well enough that he could leave the ring and stop riding in a circle," he said with a smile. "They took a ride down to the river," he said as he pointed towards the trees. "Hopefully they'll be back soon," he added.

"Hopefully?" she asked, wondering why there would be any question about them returning.

"Ennis doesn't wear a watch and has no idea of time," he said. "He gets riding and hours can pass before he realizes it." He didn't say this with any sense of annoyance—just a simple statement. In fact, Lureen picked up on the affection in his voice as he said Ennis's name. Jack looked at Lureen, "Would ya like somethin' t'drink?" he asked. "We have iced tea and beer—no rum, I'm afraid."

"Iced tea would be fine, thanks," she replied.

Jack held the door open and motioned her into the house. "The kitchen's in the back," he said.

Lureen started walking, but stopped to look at the living room. "This looks so nice," she said. "Did ya say ya just painted this?"

"Yup, after we finished the house, Ennis got the idea t'strip the wallpaper. At first I thought he was nuts but now that it's done, I realize how crappy it looked before."

They walked through to the kitchen. Jack pulled a pitcher of iced tea out of the refrigerator, poured two tall glasses and handed one to Lureen. "Can I see the rest of the house?" she asked. "Have a little tour?"

"Sure," said Jack, "but there's not much t'see. It's pretty small but just fine for two of us." He pointed to the basement, explaining that's where the washer was, then they walked into the dining room. "We painted this room, too," he said, "and we're starting on the upstairs. Ennis's daughters are coming t'visit in two weeks and we hope t'have that finished by the time they arrive."

"Oh," she said. "He has daughters?"

Jack nodded. "Yup, two. Jenny and Alma. They're 10 and 12."

"Have you ever met them?" asked Lureen.

"For a second," said Jack, "but it wasn't really like meetin'—more like I've seen 'em. I'm lookin' forward t'gettin' t'know them, they seem like sweet girls." Lureen looked puzzled at this comment and Jack explained, "They've been sendin' Ennis lots of postcards, and he lets me read 'em."

Lureen smiled at this. "How long are they visitin' for?" she asked.

"A week," he said. "Their mama will be on her honeymoon. She's gettin' remarried on July 24th.

"She didn't waste any time, did she?" said Lureen, a sarcastic edge to her voice.

They continued walking through the house and up the stairs. Jack pointed out the little back bedroom, the guest room with twin beds, and the master bedroom. He didn't want to linger there too long but Lureen stopped at the door, looking at the double bed. She looked at Jack. "What's it like?" she asked, "Y'now, bein' with him?"

"Lureen, I think that's a little personal," said Jack, feeling a tad embarrassed.

"Yes, you're right…sorry," she said, "It's just I've never known anyone…"

Jack touched her elbow. "Let's go back down t'the porch and drink our tea, okay?" he said, wanting to get her away from looking at the bed and thinking about his sex life with Ennis. That really was a topic he did not care to discuss with his soon-to-be ex-wife.

Lureen started to walk down the hall, then stopped and turned to Jack. "You look good, Jack," she said. "Rested. Have you lost some weight?"

Jack nodded. "I think so. There ain't a scale here, but my clothes fit different. It feels good t'be workin' outdoors again."

"You still drinkin'?" she asked.

"I'll have a beer with supper, and mebbe a glass of whiskey on the porch in the evenin', but it's not like May, if that's what yer askin'."

Lureen nodded. "That's what I meant. Y'know Jack," she continued, "I didn't know what was goin' on back then. I prob'ly shoulda done somethin', but I didn't know what t'do."

Jack looked at her. "I was goin' through a really bad time," he said. "I don't know what would've happened if things had worked out diff'rently…with Ennis, I mean."

"Are you okay now?" her voice reflecting genuine concern. "Do you need t'see a doctor or somethin'?"

Jack smiled at her. "I'm okay now," he said. "Ennis is the medicine I need. But," he added, "Ennis and I have talked about it. I hope somethin' like that never happens again, but I understand now that it was a crisis. I think I learned from it. If it happened again, I'd get some help, not try t'drink the pain away. That's not the solution."

"All right, Jack," she said. "I do care about you, in spite of everything that's gone on."

"Thank you, Lureen," said Jack. "I appreciate that."

They walked back down the stairs and onto the porch. They could see Ennis and Bobby heading back, but they were still far down the road. Lureen started to walk off the porch when Jack said, "Sit for a minute, and finish yer tea. Ennis will make Bobby unsaddle Sioux, and then they'll need to brush the horses. It'll take a little while."

Lureen settled into one of the chairs and Jack sat in the chair next to her. "Y'know, Jack, this whole ridin' thing has worked out really well," she said. "It really bugged me, Bobby sayin' he was afraid of horses."

Jack laughed. "I know it bugged you, Lureen. I think it bothered you more 'n me."

"Well, for Pete's sake, I was the barrel racin' champion of Childress, Texas, the summer we met." She laughed as she said this, obviously poking fun at herself.

They watched Ennis and Bobby ride towards the stable, then Lureen turned to Jack. "Mebbe I could buy Bobby a horse. Y'know I had one growin' up."

"Where would ya keep 'im?" said Jack. "Yer parents got rid of their house with the stable."

Lureen considered. "Mebbe I could board 'im here. You've got room."

"We're only here for the summer, Lureen," said Jack. "I don't know what will happen come Labor Day."

Lureen looked across the fields, then turned back to Jack. "Have you ever thought about buyin' this place?" she asked.

Jack looked surprised. "Buyin' Lazy L?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "Didn't you tell me that's the plan—the nephew wants to sell it eventually? That's why yer doin' all this paintin' and fixin' up?"

"Yeah," said Jack. "That's exactly what we're doin'."

"So," said Lureen, her practical business side coming through. "Why don't you buy it? It would make it a lot easier for the owner, I think—not havin' to go huntin' for a buyer, puttin' it up with a real estate agent and all that…" She paused. "Unless you don't want to be in Quanah, if you really want t'go back to Wyoming or somethin'."

"I've never really thought about it," said Jack. "But y'know, Lureen, that might be a good idea." He paused. "Quanah's okay, I like Texas. I'd need t'see what Ennis thinks 'bout that idea, though," he said. "He is far from his girls and I know he misses 'em."

"Well," said Lureen, "it's just a thought. You could board horses, give ridin' lessons. Hasn't Phyllis's son been comin' 'round?"

"Yup," said Jack. "Twice a week. And she's payin' good money," he added. "Not like you, gettin' the bargain of the century—free ridin' lessons." He said this last statement with a wink, and Lureen knew he was joking.

Lureen smiled. "I'd pay ya for boardin'," she said. "I wouldn't expect that for free."

Jack noticed that both their glasses were empty. "Would ya like some more iced tea?"

Lureen shook her head. "I see Bobby comin' out of the stable," she said. "We'll be gettin' goin' in a few minutes."

Jack picked up the glasses and took them into the house. When he came back out, Bobby was standing at the bottom of the porch steps, excitedly explaining to his mother how he and "Mr. Del Mar" had ridden all the way down the road to edge of the state park. "Mr. Del Mar told me there are ridin' trails in the park," Bobby said. "He said that mebbe next time we can take a real trail ride, not just ride on the farm."

"That sounds like fun, Bobby," said Lureen. She turned to Jack, "So, three days?" she said. "I think we have another appointment with the lawyers, don't we?" Jack nodded. He had noticed it on the calendar when he took the empty glasses into the kitchen. "You can pick up Bobby after that."

"Sounds good," said Jack. "Since it will be late in the day, mebbe he can stay for supper." He looked at Bobby. "Want t'go out for barbecue, buckaroo?" he asked.

"That would be great, Daddy," said Bobby, giving him a hug. "Tell Mr. Del Mar good bye for me."

"Will do," said Jack, hugging Bobby in return. "Lureen, see ya in a few days."

Lureen and Bobby walked over to the car. Lureen waved as she drove away, and Jack waved back in return. He then turned and walked down to the stable. Ennis was in the stall, finishing up with the curry comb on Twister. He smiled as Jack walked into the stable and stopped at the stall.

"Have a good ride, Mr. Del Mar?" he asked, with a grin.

Ennis laughed. "I swear, I wish he'd call me Ennis," he said. "I ain't ever thought of myself as mister t'anybody."

Jack smiled. "It's Lureen," he said, "and her Texas manners. More polite that way, she says." Jack leaned on the door of the stall. "Y'know, Ennis, I notice how ya make yerself scarce when Lureen's around."

"What?" said Ennis, his voice full of innocence. "I'm just down here doin' my work."

"Don't matter," said Jack. "Just want ya t'know I can tell what yer up to."

"Lureen notice?" asked Ennis.

"I think so, but she don't say nothin'." Jack paused, then because he felt like ribbing Ennis a little bit, said, "Y'know, En, she tried t'ask me 'bout my—our—sex life."

Ennis stopped brushing Twister and looked right at Jack. "Oh, sweet Jesus," he said, "are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"

Jack shook his head. "Nope. Totally serious."

"What the fuck did ya say?" said Ennis, actually looking a bit panic stricken.

"Calm down, cowboy," said Jack. "I changed the subject. It ain't none of her business and she knows it, but I think she is curious."

"Hmmph," said Ennis. "Let her read a book or somethin'." He paused, then looked at Jack. "Ya thought I was scarce before, now knowin' this, I'll never be able to look her in the eye. Shit!"

"Forget I said anythin', then," said Jack, with a laugh. "I have a feelin' she won't bring it up again. I think it was pretty clear that it was a topic that was off limits."

Ennis smiled at Jack, then looked back at Twister. "He looks pretty good, don't ya think?" Jack nodded and Ennis continued. "We had a good ride. Bobby's doin' okay. He's a nice kid."

"Well, Lureen sure appreciates this," said Jack.

Ennis came out of the stall, closing the door behind him. He put the brushes and curry comb away in the tack room, then came out and put his arm around Jack's shoulders. Jack looked at him. "Want t'go for a swim?" he asked. "We have time before I start cookin' supper."

"Sure," said Ennis. "But let's take the truck."

"You lazy fuck," said Jack, with an affectionate smile, as they walked out of the stable into the late afternoon sunlight.

* * *

Jack was standing at the stove, browning some ground beef in a skillet, when Ennis came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Jack's shoulder. Even without looking at him, Jack could tell Ennis had just taken a bath. He could feel his wet hair and he smelled clean and soapy—a natural fragrance that Jack loved.

"Whatchya cookin', cowboy?" asked Ennis.

"I'm makin' chili," said Jack, pointing to the open _Joy of Cooking_ sitting on the counter. "I hope we like it. The recipe says it makes enough for 8 to 12 people."

Ennis whispered in Jack's ear. "I like chili. Y'know that." He looked over at the cans of tomatoes and kidney beans, the jar of chili powder—and noticed a box of spaghetti. "What's the spaghetti for?" he asked.

"I'm makin' that t'go with the chili," said Jack.

"Spaghetti with chili?" said Ennis. "What the fuck?"

Jack laughed. "The cookbook says that's how they eat it in Cincinnati. Chili on top of spaghetti, with grated cheese and chopped onions."

"We ain't in Cincinnati, Jack. We're in Texas. Ain't chili a religion down here? Not sure we should be eatin' it with spaghetti."

Jack turned and looked at Ennis, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Welcome to the cookin' world of Jack Twist," he said, "where people eat chili with spaghetti, and Jack's lover Ennis thinks it's wonderful."

"Jack fuckin' Twist," said Ennis, leaning in for a kiss.

The pulled apart and Jack turned back to the skillet. "Open those cans for me, will ya?" he said. "This needs to simmer for awhile." Ennis pulled the can opener out of the drawer and Jack poured the ingredients into the pan. He looked at the chili powder. "How hot d'ya like it?"

"Medium, I guess," said Ennis. "Not too hot."

Jack nodded. "That's the way I like it too." He finished stirring the mixture together, then wiped his hands on a towel. "Ya want a beer?" he said, turning to the refrigerator. Ennis nodded. Jack pulled out two beers, then took a can of peanuts from the shelf in the cabinet. "Let's go sit on the porch," he said. "I got somethin' I want t'talk t'ya about."

They settled in the chairs on the porch. Ennis was barefoot, wearing shorts and a tee shirt. He stretched his long legs and put his feet up on the railing. He looked across the fields, then looked at Jack. "This is the life," he said, smiling.

Jack smiled back. "Ya like it here?" he asked.

"Yeah, y'know I do," said Ennis. "Why?"

"Well, when Lureen was here today, she suggested that mebbe we should think 'bout buyin' this place," said Jack.

Ennis took his feet off the railing, sat up straighter, and looked at Jack. "Buy it? Y'mean the Lazy L?"

Jack nodded. "Ya look as surprised as me," he said. "But after she suggested it, I got t'thinkin' and y'know, it might be a good idea."

Ennis looked across the field, then down towards the stable. Jack didn't say anything, just let Ennis absorb this thought for a few minutes.

"What about money, Jack?" he asked. "We'd need money t'buy this place and I ain't got much."

Jack nodded. "I have the money I saved, and I'll get some with the divorce."

Ennis looked at Jack with interest when he said this. Jack had not said much about the divorce negotiations and Ennis didn't feel like it was his place to pry. Jack continued, "One of the things I found out is that in Texas, ten is the magic number. Bein' married ten years changes things in terms of what I'm entitled to, as part of the settlement." Ennis raised his eyebrows at this bit of news. "That's why we've been havin' so many meetings with the lawyers," Jack continued. "Her lawyer is tryin' to wiggle out of the deal, my lawyer is tryin' t'get me everythin' he says I got comin' t'me. Lureen wants the house, so that means I get money. Neither of us own anything in the business—that's still all her daddy's, we're just employees—but we do own the house and have some money between us."

"Is it enough t'buy this place?" asked Ennis.

"Not t'buy, but enough for a down payment. Mebbe we could persuade Tom t'hold the mortgage…" Jack said, thinking. "We'd probably still need t'get a business loan," he continued, "to get the place up and running." He turned to Ennis. "What kind of farm d'ya think we should make it?" he asked.

Ennis laughed. "Well, Tom thinks ostriches are the wave of the future."

Jack laughed back, then said, "Seriously—what could we do?"

"Seriously?" said Ennis, "I'd do horses. Make this a horse farm."

"Horses?" said Jack, a little dubiously. "This ain't Kentucky."

"Not racehorses, ya dumbass," said Ennis. "Workin' horses. Do some breedin.' My ridin' lessons. Mebbe do some boardin'. Shit, mebbe even open a horse motel."

"Y'know, Lureen said the same thing…she even said somethin' 'bout buyin' Bobby a horse, boardin' it here."

"We do that," laughed Ennis, "she's payin' for it, not gettin' it free like Bobby's ridin' lessons."

Jack laughed back. "I already told her that, and she agreed." He paused. "Do ya think we could make money on a horse farm?"

"I think so," said Ennis. "One thing I've noticed, drivin' 'round, is that people are into crop farms here."

"I know," said Jack. "I sold them the equipment."

Ennis chuckled, then continued. "I haven't seen much in the way of cattle ranchin'—and if ya want t'do that seriously, ya need a diff''rnt layout than what we've got here." He paused. "I sure ain't interested in pigs or cows," he said, "and I really don't want t'grow anythin'—except hay." He pointed to the far field. "We could grow hay over there," he said. "Stop payin' so fuckin' much for it at the Agway." Jack nodded and Ennis continued. "I'd change this field," he said, pointing to the one next to the stable. "Put in a proper ridin' ring for the kids. Have grazin' fields that we could alternate."

"Ennis, ya sound like you've been thinkin' 'bout this for weeks," said Jack.

Ennis smiled at him. "I guess I have, but I didn't realize I was thinkin' 'bout it. Just everyday, doin' the work, it came to mind." Ennis paused for a minute, then said, "Y'know, Jack, I'd be far from my girls…"

Jack looked at him. "I thought of that, En, and if that's a deal killer, we can just stop right now. But mebbe we could talk about that…"

"Talk how?" said Ennis.

"Well, instead of weekends, think 'bout longer visits. Comin' for a few weeks, or mebbe a month in the summer. The week between Christmas and New Year's. Stuff like that. Would ya consider it?"

Ennis looked at Jack, turning the thought over in his mind. "Yeah, I'd think 'bout that. They're comin' for a week, soon—if that works, that might be the way t'do it."

The two of them sat there for a few minutes, lost in their thoughts. Ennis pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit two, handing one to Jack. Jack took it absently, then stood up. "Lemme go check the chili," he said, "I'll be right back."

He went into the house and came back a few minutes later, carrying two fresh beers. "I wonder how we'd go 'bout this?" he said, sounding as if he was thinking out loud. "I guess we'd want t'talk t'Tom, don't ya think?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, even though I like t'talk t'Hal 'bout ev'rythin', he don't know nothin' 'bout the plan to sell the farm. I'm not quite sure what he thinks is goin' t'happen t'the place…it's a little sad, actually," he said, pausing, "losing a family farm after 100 years."

Jack looked at Ennis, nodding as he said this. "Mebbe Hal would be happy with the idea of us buyin' it…"

"I bet he would," said Ennis, "but Tom needs t'tell him, I think, not us."

Jack looked at the field. "If Tom sticks t'his usual schedule, he should be visitin' this weekend…and that means he'll be callin' in the next day or two. Mebbe we could mention the idea on the phone, so he can get used to it…then have a more detailed conversation in person."

Ennis nodded. "That works," he said. "He'd probably need t'talk to his sister, too."

As if on cue, they heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. Jack got up to walk inside but Ennis grabbed his wrist. "If it's Tom," he said, "don't say nothin'. I want t'sleep on this."

"Don't worry, bud," said Jack. "I need t'do some thinkin', too."

* * *

As it turned out, they didn't talk to Tom about their idea on the phone, but in keeping with the "no coincidences" philosophy, it was better the way it worked out.

Saturday evening found Jack, Ennis, and Tom sitting at the dining room table, a platter of grilled chicken, a casserole dish of baked beans, and a large tossed salad in front of them. "This looks great, guys," said Tom. "Thanks so much."

"Our pleasure," said Ennis, pointing to the platter. "Help yerself t'chicken."

Jack was serving himself a generous portion of beans, saying, "No more beans!" as he did so.

Tom looked puzzled. "No more beans?"

Ennis laughed. "That's his way of sayin' grace," he said. "Right, bud?"

Tom looked at them both. "I have the sense there is a story here…"

Jack smiled, as he served himself a chicken leg. "It comes from the summer we met. We ate a helluva lot of beans durin' our time up on the mountain."

Ennis continued the story. "Jack started bitchin' all the time, tellin' me 'No more beans!' but we didn't have anythin' else t'eat."

"Until you shot that elk," said Jack.

"Yeah, well you wanted t'kill a sheep, you dumbass," said Ennis, laughing at the memory. He turned to Tom. "We was bein' paid t'guard the sheep, not eat 'em."

"There was a thousand fuckin' sheep," Jack said. "Aguirre would never have known."

"Don't matter, I like elk better anyway," said Ennis. "Anyway, after all that, it turns out we both like beans…but every time we eat 'em Jack has t'say, 'No more beans!' like it's a prayer."

Tom laughed as he started eating. He took a bite, "Actually, these beans are good. Did you make them…I mean, are they homemade?"

"Nope, they're from a can," said Jack, "but they ain't those mushy beans in tomato sauce like everyone eats down here. These are from New England."

"New England?" said Tom. "Where'd you find them?"

"They sell 'em in the grocery store," said Jack, "but they're pushed way back on the shelf. I gotta hunt for 'em, but they're there."

"Hmmm," said Tom, "I might have to look for some back in Austin. What's the brand?"

"B & M," said Jack. "They're made in Portland, Maine. They make brown bread, too. It comes in a can, usually on the shelf next t'the beans."

"I like the kind with raisins," said Ennis. "It's good."

"Well, you learn something new everyday," said Tom. "I've never heard of brown bread."

"I hear tell," said Ennis, "that in New England they sell homemade beans in the bakeries on Friday and Saturday. Sort of a tradition up there."

"Someday mebbe we can take a trip there, bud," said Jack. "See for ourselves." They smiled at each other, thinking of their life together, getting to do things like take trips to New England to visit bakeries and buy homemade baked beans.

The three of them ate quietly for a few minutes, enjoying the food. Tom paused, then cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?" he said. Jack and Ennis both nodded, wondering what was on his mind. "You been doing much thinking about what happens after this summer?"

Jack paused and looked at Ennis. Ennis gave him a silent nod, as if to say, "It's okay." Jack spoke up, "As a matter of fact, Tom, we've been doin' some talkin'… we like it here. We like Quanah, like the Lazy L. So that gave us an idea…we wanted t'ask ya 'bout buyin' this place…if that's somethin' you'd consider."

Tom smiled at both of them. "I always say, great minds think alike. As a matter of fact, I was just talking with Darlene the other day about that very thing."

"Darlene?" said Jack, puzzled.

"My sister, who lives in Houston," said Tom.

Jack nodded, "Right. I forgot her name."

Tom continued, "I've been keeping her up-to-date on everything that's been going on. She's mentioned trying to get over here for a visit, meet you in person, spend some time with Uncle Hal, but it's hard to arrange. It's a long trip and she has two little kids, plus a busy job at the hospital." Jack and Ennis nodded, waiting for Tom to continue. "Anyway, as you know, our plan has been to sell this place. The idea came to Darlene and me that you might be interested in buying it."

"Well, the idea came t'us too," said Jack. "So mebbe it's meant t'be."

Tom smiled, "I won't tell you my philosophy again, but you're right, maybe it is meant to be."

The spent the rest of dinner talking about the particulars of what would be involved in an actual purchase. Jack and Tom did most of the talking, while Ennis took it all in. It sounded like many of the details that Ennis and Jack had discussed during the week were the same ideas that Tom had discussed with his sister. In a way, Ennis found the whole thing a little bit unbelievable—it was as if there was a giant jigsaw puzzle in the sky with the pieces were falling to the earth and magically falling into place.

Eventually, Ennis noticed that everyone had finished eating. He stood up and started clearing the plates and carried them into the kitchen. "You want some help, Ennis?" asked Tom.

Ennis shook his head. "No, you two keep talking. The rate you two are going, all the details will be worked out before bedtime," he said with a smile.

By the time Ennis had finished washing the dishes and putting them away, Jack and Tom had adjourned to the porch. Ennis joined them, carrying three glasses and a bottle of whiskey. "Want a drink, Tom?" he asked, pouring one for Jack, who did not need an invitation.

"Sure," said Tom, "and a smoke, too, if you've got one."

Ennis laughed. "You know I do," he said, handing Tom the pack along with a lighter.

Tom lit the cigarette and took a long drag. "I had a nice visit with Uncle Hal this afternoon," he said. "I'm glad I got here early, for a change, and had a chance to just sit with him."

Ennis nodded. "That's what I've been doin' more 'n more," he said. "Just sittin' or tellin' Hal stories. Talkin' seems to wear him out."

"You know, Ennis," said Tom, "he really appreciates that you make the effort to visit him every day. You wouldn't believe how much that means to him."

"No effort," said Ennis. "I enjoy our time together. He's a kind and gentle person. I've learned a lot from him."

Tom smiled. "He told me you guys had a special day on July 4th."

"What did he say?" asked Jack.

"He mentioned your rings—told me to notice them," said Tom. "Hal told me you bought them at a crafts fair?"

"That's right," said Jack. "Anyone that seen us, it looked like we were just buying two rings, but it was special t'us."

Tom smiled. "That's what Hal said. I think he was glad you shared that part of the day with him."

Eventually the conversation wound down. Ennis finished his drink and looked at the empty glass. Jack noticed. "Ya want some more, bud?" he asked.

"No," said Ennis. "I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go up t'bed."

"I'll be up in a minute," said Jack. He turned to Tom with the bottle. "A refill for you?"

"Just a splash," said Tom. "I'm going to go into the kitchen and use the phone," he said. "Call Janet and tell her good night." He smiled at Ennis and Jack. "Seeing you guys reminds me that I should tell my wife more often how much I love her, so I think I'll go do that now." Tom stood up and walked through the door. "Night, guys. See you in the morning."

Ennis smiled at Jack. "That's probably a good reminder," he said. "I love you, rodeo. See you upstairs."

Jack smiled back. "I love you too, cowboy." He paused, then added, "Don't fall asleep too fast. I think we got something t'celebrate."

"What's that?" said Ennis.

"Looks like we're buyin' ourselves a farm," said Jack, with a happy smile. "And I can hardly fuckin' believe it."


	12. Chapter 11

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 11

Ennis woke first, as usual, and started to get out of bed when Jack pulled him back. "Don't leave yet, cowboy," he said, sleepily, "I'm gonna miss ya. Give me a few more minutes."

Ennis lay back down and rolled into Jack's embrace. "It's only one night, babe," he said. "I'll be back by supper tomorrow."

"It's gonna be a whole week," Jack said, leaning in towards the soft space on Ennis's neck, near his collarbone.

Ennis sighed. He wished that Jack hadn't brought that up again. The whole issue of their sleeping arrangements while Junior and Jenny were visiting had been a source of friction for the past three weeks.

When Alma's letter arrived, Ennis showed it to Jack, wordlessly. Jack read it and then looked at Ennis. "So what are ya gonna say?" he said.

"I think I can say that the house has an extra bedroom and a couch," he said. "She can figger out what that means."

"And are ya gonna mean it?" asked Jack.

Ennis looked at him seriously. "Ya know I ain't the lyin' type, Jack."

Jack looked back at Ennis. "I just don't see how she can think that she can dictate what we can do—and you go along with it."

Ennis paused. "Jack, y'know I wanna see my girls."

"I know ya do, En, but what does where we sleep hafta t'do with it?"

"Well, in Alma's mind, it has a lot t'do with it and may make the difference between them visitin' or not."

Each time the subject came up, they danced to the edge of an argument and then backed off. Neither of them wanted to fight about it, but then, neither of them was happy with the solution. For his part, Jack fully understood the situation Ennis was in—somewhere between a rock and hard place. As for Ennis, the thought of not sleeping with Jack—but being under the same roof—felt like someone was wrenching off his right arm. But, he didn't see anyway around it—not if he wanted to see his daughters.

Jack heard Ennis's sigh. "I'm sorry, En," he said, "I didn't mean t'bring that up again."

"It's okay, bud," said Ennis. "I know how ya feel. I feel the same way."

They lay together for a long time, feeling their hearts beating in their chests. Jack's head was buried in the shadow of Ennis's neck. Ennis loved the feel of Jack's stubble on his skin—especially in the morning when it was rough and raspy like sandpaper. Ennis put his hand on the back of Jack's head and then with a yank—not too hard, but assertive—pulled Jack's head back. "Kiss me, rodeo," he said.

"With pleasure, cowboy," said Jack, planting his lips on Ennis's and pushing his tongue deep into Ennis's mouth. As they kissed, their hands explored their bodies and eventually, Jack's hand closed over both their cocks, holding them together. Ennis had discovered he liked this front on front action—the first time in their lives they had done it this way had been the one night they spent at his house in Riverton. Being able to look at Jack, to see the happiness on his face, moved Ennis to a place of intense pleasure. When Jack's hand came down in its hard clutch, Ennis's arousal was further heightened. They pressed their bodies together, as if to make contact with every inch of skin that was between them. They moved in a graceful rhythm—it almost felt like a dance. And the best part, at least to Ennis, was that they always seemed to climax simultaneously. Ennis loved the feeling of their warm spunk spreading between them—soft, sticky, and smooth, with its own unique smell, the scent of mansex.

They eased up a bit on their embrace but Ennis continued to rub his fingers through Jack's pubic hair. He loved the feeling of sticky and coarse, soft and wet. He leaned in and gave Jack a kiss on his collarbone, biting the skin a bit between this teeth. "I love you, cowboy," he said. "Don't you ever forget it."

Jack laughed. "How could I forget, lover? You tell me ten times a day."

Ennis leaned back and smiled at him. "You complainin'?"

"Never," said Jack. "You could tell me once a minute and I wouldn't complain."

Eventually, they stopped rubbing, caressing, and touching. They looked at each other as if to say, "Okay, now the day can start." Ennis sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Okay if I use the bathroom first?" he said.

"Sure, go ahead," Jack nodded. "Ya got the horses to t'take care of."

Their plan for the day was to take care of chores and errands in the morning, then break for a big lunch. Ennis figured it was a nine or ten hour drive to Denver and he wanted to be on the road by 2. Jack intended to pack him a picnic supper that he could eat on the way.

Alma, Monroe, and the girls were staying at the Brown Palace Hotel in downtown Denver. When Ennis told this to Jack, Jack gave a low whistle. "Swanky place," he said. "I think it's the oldest hotel in Denver."

Ennis shrugged. "Well, it is their honeymoon. I guess Monroe is in the mood t'splurge."

Ennis had planned to just stop at a rest area and sleep in the truck but Jack persuaded him to stay at motel. "Look for a Super 8," he said, "or a Days Inn. Those are usually pretty cheap."

"But I hate wastin' the money," said Ennis. "I've slept in my truck plenty o'times."

"Ennis," Jack said. "Think about it for a minute. Yer gonna be drivin' ten hours, and then yer gonna turn around and drive ten hours again. Ya want t'get a good night's sleep."

"Y'know me, Jack," said Ennis, "I can sleep anywhere."

"It's not just sleep," said Jack. "Don't ya want t'take a shower in the mornin'? And shave?"

Ennis shrugged. He could go a day or two without bathing, he thought.

Jack continued. "Ennis, use a little psychology. Yer gonna see yer ex-wife and her new husband. It's the first time she's seen ya in more than two months. Do ya want t'look like a guy who's slept in his truck, dirty with a day old beard, or do ya want t'look clean and rested, like yer a proper father who can take care of his daughters for a week?"

Ennis looked at him. "Jesus, Jack, I never thought of it that way."

"I know ya didn't," said Jack. "That's why I had t'spell it out for ya." He turned to the closet. "Now, let's figure out what clothes yer gonna wear." He flipped through the hangers and pulled out one of his old cowboy shirts—old for Jack, but newer than anything Ennis owned. "D'ya like this one?" he said, holding it up.

Ennis nodded. "That one's fine," he said. "I like the colors."

Jack walked over to the dresser. He hunted through the folded jeans, and pulled out a pair from the bottom of the stack. "These look pretty new," he said.

"They are," Ennis said. "I don't wear them too much. They're kinda tight."

"Precisely," Jack smiled. "For what yer gonna be doin' tomorrow, kinda tight is just what you want."

Ennis smiled back at him. He suddenly picked up on the little game that Jack was playing. "Ya got any polish, cowboy?" he said. "Mebbe I should shine my boots."

"Sure do," he said, handing him a can and rag from the top dresser drawer.

Just as he had persuaded Ennis to stay at a motel, Jack had also persuaded him to not take his truck, but to take his, Jack's, instead. "It's more reliable," he said, "ya don't want to break down. Ya need t'be on time tomorrow." Jack had taken it into town and filled the gas tank, checked the oil, and made sure the reservoir for the windshield washer was full. He had also written directions to the Brown Palace. Jack had been to Denver a few times for sales conventions and other business trips. "It's a pretty easy city to get around in," he said. "And the hotel is on 17th Street, which is right in the middle of everything. It'll be easy to find."

Ennis looked at the paper. "I'm gettin' a little nervous," he said.

"Don't worry," Jack said. "You'll do fine. Just keep thinkin' 'bout yer daughters." He gave Ennis a smile. "Now when ya get t'the hotel in the morning, look for a sign that says 'house phone.' Pick that up and ask the operator for Alma's room. What's Monroe's name again?"

"Dunlap," said Ennis. "Monroe Dunlap."

"Okay, ya prob'ly want t'ask for Mr. and Mrs. Monroe Dunlap. That's the way t'do it."

Ennis nodded again. "And then?"

"And then, just stand there and wait for them. Work on lookin' good. Ya want Alma t'see that yer new life agrees with ya."

Ennis laughed. "Yer bad, cowboy."

"I ain't bad," Jack laughed back. "I'm just sendin' my lover off to the big city and I want t'make sure he makes a good first impression."

* * *

The elevator door opened and Alma immediately saw Ennis standing across the hotel lobby. He looked exactly the same but completely different. The girls ran out of the elevator, calling "Daddy! Daddy!" as they tore across the lobby. Ennis smiled, a grin from ear to ear. Jenny leapt onto him—she was still small and light enough that he could pick her up; Junior wrapped her arms around his waist and he encircled her back with his free arm. "Hey, my angels," he said, as he kissed Jenny's forehead and rubbed Junior's hair.

Alma and Monroe walked up, watching the reunion scene, Alma still trying to figure out what it was about Ennis that was so different. He was wearing his usual clothes—cowboy shirt, jeans, boots, and his summer straw hat—but the shirt was one she didn't recognize. It looked new—or at least newer—and was in a brighter color than Ennis usually wore. His jeans looked trimmer—they fit more closely—and could it be that his boots were polished?

But it wasn't just clothes, she realized. His face had a happy, relaxed look, and as he was grinning and laughing with his daughters, he looked like a man without a care in the world. Not only that, but as she looked at his face she realized that Ennis had a tan!

Ennis put Jenny down and smiled at Alma and Monroe as they stopped in front of them. "Hi Alma, hey Monroe," he said, sticking his hand in Monroe's direction. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," said Monroe, smiling and shaking the proffered hand.

Ennis looked at the two of them. Alma certainly did not look like a blushing bride and barely seemed able to smile; Monroe, for his part, did have a happy look on his face and kept giving Alma adoring glances.

Alma finally seemed to find her voice. "Ennis," she said, "you look diff''rent."

He laughed. "Well, I hope that's a good thing," he said. "I hope yer sayin' that the Texas air agrees with me."

Alma continued to stare at him. "You have a tan," she said, amazed at herself as the words came out of her mouth.

If only you knew, he thought to himself, trying hard to suppress a wicked grin. Out loud, he said, "Bright sun down there in Texas. And you know I work outdoors."

Jenny, to Ennis's right, was practically jumping up and down with excitement. "Daddy, daddy, what's this?" she said, grabbing his hand and rubbing the silver ring he was wearing.

He leaned down towards her and said in a soft voice, "Honey, that's something I got at a crafts fair on July 4th. Calm down, now, sweetheart, stop jumping up and down," he added, with a smile.

"You bought yerself a ring?" Alma said, her voice sounding unnaturally loud as the words came unbidden from her mouth.

Ennis looked at her, trying not to laugh. "Sure, why not? People do it everyday. I thought it was pretty—it's handmade by a young woman from Albuquerque."

Alma was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with her hearing. Ennis, who never cared about clothes, jewelry, music, food or any of the other things that exist in ordinary day-to-day life was standing here talking about buying a hand-crafted ring from a New Mexican silversmith. She couldn't believe her ears. She looked at him again. "Ennis, do I know you? Did I ever know you?"

Ennis could tell that this conversation could very quickly take a turn for the worse and there was no need for that, so he directed his attention to Monroe. "So, Monroe, how was the wedding? And the drive down from Riverton? Any problems?"

Monroe shook his head and, taking hold of Alma's arm protectively, said, "Everything was fine. We had a very nice day yesterday." Turning to Alma, he smiled at her. "Didn't we, my dear?"

She nodded. Ennis turned to Junior and Jenny. "Where are your suitcases, girls? We need to get going. We have a long drive ahead of us." Turning his attention back to Monroe and Alma he said, "So, next Sunday, one week from today? Right back here again t'drop the girls off?"

"Actually," Monroe said, "we're staying here until Wednesday, then going down to Colorado Springs to stay at the Broadmoor for four nights. That'll work out well for you, Ennis," he added, "Colorado Springs is about 70 miles south of here. Save you a bit of driving."

"Sounds good t'me," said Ennis, nodding at Monroe.

"It's a resort," said Alma, feeling a need to interject something into the conversation. "Monroe's goin' t'take a golf lesson. I'm goin' t'the spa."

"Sounds like fun," said Ennis, and then with a wink, added, "Make sure you leave time for other activities."

Monroe, oblivious to the double entendre said, "Oh yes, I hear they have a wonderful restaurant…and there's a pool, and even ice skating." Alma, on the other hand, stood rooted to the spot, her mouth hanging open. Had Ennis just made a joke about _sex_?

Monroe pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I wrote the directions down for you, Ennis," he said. "It's not far off the interstate, should be easy to find. Also, I wrote down the phone number of this hotel, plus the Broadmoor, in case anything comes up."

Ennis nodded, then folded the paper and put it in his wallet. "Thanks, Monroe, I 'preciate this." He picked up Junior's and Jenny's suitcases. "Ready, girls?" he said. "The truck is parked outside."

Alma leaned over and gave each of them a hug. "You be good for yer daddy," she said. "Have a good time, and I'll see you next Sunday."

"Bye, Mama," they said in unison, hugging her back. They waved good bye to Monroe. Then they turned their attention to their father and together, the three of them crossed the lobby and walked out the door.

* * *

The first part of the trip passed quickly. Junior and Jenny talked non-stop, and Ennis had to keep telling them to stop interrupting each other so he could understand what they were saying. The timing worked out so that they stopped at the same little café near Lamar where Jack and Ennis had eaten breakfast back in May. Ennis pointed to the Lamar Sportsman's Campground & Horse Motel as they drove by.

"Have you ever heard of such a thing?" he said. "A horse motel?" Both girls shook their heads. "Neither had I," said Ennis, "but it worked out great." The idea that had been percolating in his mind for a few weeks came to the forefront of his consciousness. Ennis thought he might stop and talk to the owner on his drive back to Quanah in a week.

The girls were less talkative after lunch. As the long drive wore on, Jenny got tired and curled up in a little ball to take a nap, her head on her father's lap. Junior pulled out a book and started to read.

"Can you read while we're drivin'?" asked Ennis. "It makes some people carsick."

"No, Daddy, it doesn't bother me," she replied.

"Whatchya readin' anyway?" he asked.

She held up the book and pointed it towards him. "It's called _Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret."_

"Interestin' title," said Ennis. "What's it about?"

"It's like all the books I've been readin' this summer," she said. "It's about growin' up."

"You been readin' a lot of growin' up books?" said Ennis, with a smile.

"Yeah," said Junior. "It's what the librarian keeps recommendin' t'me. They're good…the problem is, they all take place in places like New York or New Jersey. I can't always picture the places…or picture their lives. I need to read the one about the girl who grows up in Wyoming…" Her voice drifted off.

"Whose parents get divorced?" Ennis asked.

She nodded. "Whose parents get divorced and then her daddy…her daddy…" She twisted her hands in her lap. She so wanted to ask her father about Jack, but felt like she didn't have the courage to say the words.

Ennis picked up on her hesitancy. "Whose daddy decides to ranch up with another man?"

Junior nodded, her head bowed. She felt a tear slipping down her cheek and wiped it away with her finger.

"Honey," Ennis said, "I don't think that book has been written yet. Ya might need t'do it when you grow up."

"Can you explain it t'me, then, Daddy? So I'll understand when I write the book? Mama says such horrible things about you lately."

Ennis sighed, then reached over the sleeping Jenny and took Junior's hand in his own. "Lemme try." He paused. "In all those books you been readin', do people fall in love?"

"Oh yes, all the time," she said. "That's usually a major issue."

"And do they know why they fall in love? Or how?"

She shook her head. "No, that's usually the problem."

Ennis smiled. "Well, that's what happened to me. I fell in love with my friend Jack."

"But he's a man, Daddy," she said. "That's what mama says is so wrong."

"Sweetheart," he said, "I never planned on fallin' in love with another man. Like your books, it just happened. In fact," he paused, "when I was yer age, or a little younger, my daddy was spendin' a lot of time teachin' me to hate guys like me."

"What d'ya mean, Daddy?" she asked. "I'm confused."

"What I mean is, my daddy was like yer mama—always tellin' me that two guys bein' together was unnatural and bad. It took me a long time to get over that and realize what I was feelin' for Jack."

"What's it feel like, Daddy?" she said, softly, "bein' in love, I mean?"

Ennis smiled to himself. The age-old question, what does love feel like? How do you put it into words? "It feels good, honey," he said. "It feels like my heart is full of happiness, so much happiness that I want to share it with the world."

She smiled at him, then her look turned serious again. "Daddy," she asked, "did you ever love mama?"

He paused. How best to answer? "Honey, I must've. Yer here, aren't you? You had to come from a lovin' place to be such a sweet, wonderful girl." He saw a flush creep up her cheeks. "Y'know what I'm sayin', don't ya? Y'know how it works?"

She nodded, her head lowered. "Yes, Daddy," she said softly. "They taught us in school."

They were silent for a minute, then Junior spoke again. "Sometimes," she said, "I wish I was all grown up. I wish I was past the growin' up part."

Ennis looked at her, and gave her hand a squeeze. "Don't wish that, sweetheart," he said. "That was my life and it wasn't easy—had to drop out of high school, I was on my own by the time I was 15…I don't want that for you, li'l darlin'. I want you t'finish school—hell, yer smart enough, mebbe you can go t'college. Go see the skyscrapers in New York that yer readin' 'bout in all yer books."

She smiled at him, "But sometimes it's just so hard, Daddy."

"I know," he said, "but bein' a grown up is hard, too. It don't ever get easy. But," he said, squeezing her hand again, "when you have people around you who love you, it makes it a little easier. And you know I love you, so you can count on me."

"Oh, Daddy," she said, "I wish I could hug you right now." They smiled at each other. They rode in silence for a few minutes, then Junior picked up Ennis's hand and started twisting the silver ring around on his finger. "This ring is so pretty," she said, "I ain't never seen anythin' like it."

"Yup," he said, "I thought the same thing."

"You just bought it for yerself? No special reason?" she asked.

Ennis paused. He knew that she would see Jack's ring and would obviously put two and two together. He took a breath. "No, I had a reason. Jack has one, too. You'll see it on his hand."

"What does that mean, Daddy? Are you married?"

"Guys can't be married, sweetheart," he said, "at least not the way your mama and Monroe just got married." He looked at her. "But Jack and I consider ourselves t'be…connected. Connected forever. It's like bein' married, but no preacher and no little piece of paper."

"What do you call him?" she said.

"My friend," Ennis replied. "My partner, sometimes." He decided not to say lover. That might be a bit too much for a twelve year old.

"What should _I_ call him?" she asked.

"That's a good question, Junior," he said. "And one that Jack and I talked about, but didn't come up with an answer. What do you think? Just Jack? Or Uncle Jack? I think Mr. Twist is a little formal, given the situation." As he said this, he thought about being Mr. Del Mar to Bobby. He really hoped she didn't pick Mr. Twist for Jack.

Junior smiled at her father's little joke. "I dunno," she said. "Maybe I need to get t'know him better. Y'know I've only met him for a second."

"That's prob'ly the best idea," he said. "But I can tell you, Jack's lookin' forward to gettin' t'know you better. He's as excited 'bout yer visit as I am."

"Really, Daddy? Is he? I thought he might think we're in the way."

"Sweetheart," said Ennis, "believe me, nothin' could be further from the truth."

* * *

Late that evening, Jack was in bed, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep as he listened to the noises of the night. The house was totally silent, but then he heard Ennis's footsteps in the hall as he walked to the bathroom. Jack sighed. He didn't know if Ennis planned to sleep downstairs on the couch or in the back bedroom. All he knew is that he wanted Ennis sleeping next to him in the big double bed. That's where he belonged.

Jack started. He heard the bedroom door open, then close, and saw Ennis moving through the shadow of the room. He slid into the bed next to him. "Ennis," Jack whispered, "what are you doing here?"

"Gettin' ready t'go t'sleep, cowboy," he said. "I've had a long day of drivin' and I'm tired."

Jack reached out and touched him. He couldn't believe Ennis was there. "Y'know what I mean," Jack said. "We've been talkin' 'bout this for three weeks. I thought you were gonna sleep in the other room."

"I thought I was too," said Ennis, "but I guess I ain't." Jack could hear him chuckling softly to himself.

"But what about Alma and the girls? Ain't you worried?"

Ennis sat up. "Watch yer eyes," he said. "I'm gonna turn on the light." He did so, then lay on his side, propped up on one elbow. Looking at Jack, he smiled. "Cowboy, you know I love you," he said.

"I know you do," said Jack, "and I love you too. But you ain't answered my question."

Ennis looked at him. "Well, when I saw Alma standing in that hotel this morning, her new husband at her side, I realized she don't got no right t'tell me what I can and can't do in my own life."

"That's what I've been sayin' all along," said Jack.

"I know," said Ennis, "but it took seein' Alma to make me realize you were right."

Jack smiled at him, but then his face got serious. "But what about the girls? What if they say somethin'? Ain't you worried 'bout that?"

Ennis looked at him. "I really doubt this is an issue, but...Junior and I had a long talk while we were drivin'. She understands 'bout us. She asked good questions and I was honest."

"About everythin'?" asked Jack.

"Pretty much," said Ennis. "I didn't tell her I like to fuck you in the ass, but she got most of the other details."

"Where was Jenny durin' all this talkin'?" said Jack.

"She was takin' a nap," replied Ennis. "In terms of what she knows…she'll probably talk to her sister, or mebbe she'll talk to me this week…or mebbe it won't even come up. She still young," he said. "I didn't realize it, but there's a big difference between bein' 10 and bein' 12."

Jack nodded. "I know what ya mean. Bobby's only 9 and it's pretty clear he don't have a clue 'bout the birds and the bees." They laughed together at this.

"So, I know that Junior won't say anythin' t'her mother 'bout our sleepin' arrangements, and I really doubt that Jenny will. But if she does," he shrugged at this, "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Jack raised his hand, and as he loved to do, traced his fingers along the edge of Ennis's jaw. "Cowboy, I can't believe we wasted so much fuckin' energy talkin' 'bout this, and now here you are, right beside me."

"I can leave if ya want," said Ennis with a wink.

"No way," said Jack, pulling him in close. "Turn out that light and let's get down t'business."

* * *

Junior woke up, rubbing her eyes and orienting herself to the room. She turned and looked at her sister, who was sleeping on her back, her arm flung over her head. Junior smiled to herself. She was like her daddy, always waking up early, while Jenny would sleep until noon, if you let her. "Maybe Daddy will let her," she thought. "I wonder what we're doin' today, anyway?"

She listened to the early morning stillness. She heard footsteps, then heard the screen door at the front of the house open and close. She got out of bed, walked to the window and pulled back the edge of the shade. She didn't want to raise it—even though it was early, the sun was still bright and she didn't want to wake Jenny.

Junior looked out at the fields and the buildings of the farm. "This is a pretty place," she thought. "I can see why Daddy likes it here." As her eyes traveled across the scene, she saw her father, leaning up against the fence, watching his horses. She recognized the pose—she had seen it many times before. She imagined he must be smoking a cigarette although he was too far away for her to really tell. She looked at him again and then realized he was wearing shorts. She had never seen her father in shorts—in fact, she had never seen him in anything but jeans. She smiled to herself. For some reason, the idea of her father wearing shorts struck her as funny.

As she continued to look out the window, she saw Jack walking across the field and down the road. She watched as Jack came up to her father's side. Her dad turned—she could see him smiling—then leaned in and gave Jack a kiss. Junior started. Somehow, she wasn't expecting that. It wasn't a long and passionate kiss, just a quick little smooch. "They're probably saying good morning," she thought.

She let the shade drop and sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about what she had just seen. Something about it was weird, but as she rolled the thought over in her mind, she realized that it wasn't the fact that her father was kissing a man that was weird, it was the fact that he was kissing anyone at all.

In her mind, she thought back to their life in Riverton—their life when Ennis was still living with them. He had moved out as soon the divorce proceedings began. "When was that?" Junior thought. She did the math in her head. "Two years, I guess. I must've been 10."

She tried to remember what their day-to-day life had been like before he left. Ennis always got up early. Most days he was out of the apartment before she was even awake. He came home late, usually just as mama was putting supper on the table. She pictured a typical evening in her mind's eye. He'd always come in, leave his lunch pail on the counter, wash his hands at the sink and take a beer out of the refrigerator. Did he kiss mama as he came in? Junior couldn't picture it. She could picture him lying on the couch, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. She could picture him arguing with her mother in the kitchen and storming out the door. She could picture him drunk. She didn't like picturing him that way.

She stood back up and looked out the window again. Jack and her father were still leaning against the fence. She noticed her father's hand casually rubbing the back of Jack's neck. She realized that except for the kisses he gave her and Jenny, she had never seen her father be affectionate with anybody. She kind of liked the way it looked. It was nice to see him so happy.

She went over to her suitcase and took out a pair of clean shorts and a shirt and pulled them on. She straightened up the bed and folded her nightie and put it under the pillow. Finished with that, she tiptoed out of the room and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

As she brushed her teeth, she thought about the day before. They had arrived at the farm at about six. Jack was waiting for them on the porch. He had some sodas for them to drink, and a plate of cheese and crackers to snack on. Junior felt a little shy, but Jenny, her usual talkative self, had launched right into a conversation, asking Jack about Bobby and how his riding lessons were going.

Her father had carried their suitcases up to the bedroom and showed them where they would be sleeping. He had bought them some presents which were on the foot of each bed—the cowboy shirts from the crafts fair, plus cowgirl hats for each of them (cream for Junior, blue for Jenny). He had also bought some other little things: a deck of cards and a set of jacks for Junior, and a coloring book and crayons for Jenny. Junior smiled at the thought of Jenny squealing in delight. Jenny always loved presents.

After that, Junior had gone down to the stable with her father and helped him take care of the horses for the night. It had been good to see Twister and Sioux again. She loved the horses as much as her father did and had missed seeing them. He promised her they'd do lots of riding during the week.

They came back to the house where Jenny was still chatting non-stop. Jack had smiled at Junior. "Is yer sister always this talkative?" he had said with an amused grin. Junior nodded. "That's why I'm quiet and like to read," she said.

Jack grilled hamburgers on the little grill from Japan. She helped her father cut up some carrots and cucumbers, and they poured a bag of potato chips into a bowl. The four of them sat around the dining room table, having a happy supper. Junior pictured it—she could see her father smiling the whole time.

After dinner, Jack pulled out a Parcheesi game he had found in a closet. They played for at least an hour, until Jenny was falling asleep at the table. As she thought about it, Junior realized she had never played a board game with her father in her life.

She finished brushing her teeth and put the brush in the cup at the edge of the sink. She walked down the stairs and stood at the screen door. Her father and Jack were walking back across the field, heading towards the house. She pushed open the door and waved to them from the porch. They waved back. Suddenly, she found herself running off the porch and running to her dad. As she reached him, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, so tightly she felt as if she'd never let go. "I love you, Daddy," she said, her face buried in his chest.

"That's a nice good mornin'," Ennis said in return. "I love you too, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him, adoringly.

She pulled back, then turned and looked at Jack. "Good mornin'…um,…um…" she stuttered.

"Jack is fine," he said softly. "Or call me whatever you want."

She looked at him, thinking for a minute. "Uncle Jack," she said. "I think that's right." She nodded.

Jack smiled at her. "Uncle Jack sounds good," he said. "I've never been anybody's uncle before, so that's special."

Junior turned to her father. "Daddy, walk up t'the house," she said. "I want t'talk to Uncle Jack in private for a minute."

Ennis gave her a funny smile and then said, "Yes ma'am," as he strode off.

Junior turned to Jack. "Y'know, I only met you yesterday," she said, "but I really like you. Yer very nice."

"Well thank you," said Jack, surprised. "That's very sweet of you to say."

"And you've made my daddy very happy," she continued. "I've never seen him smile so much. He always used to be unhappy and sad." She paused. "We talked in the truck yesterday."

Jack nodded. "He told me."

"My mama thinks this whole thing is bad," Junior continued. "She's been sayin' that for weeks." Jack nodded at her as she said this. "But, Uncle Jack," she paused, "I think she's wrong. It can't be bad if he's this happy."

Jack looked at her. "Yer daddy told me you were smart," he said. "And I can tell he's right."

Junior blushed. "I don't know if it's bein' smart," she said, "it's just seein' what I'm seein' with my own two eyes."

They stood there for a minute, then Junior stepped close and wrapped her arms around his waist, as she had done with her dad. "Thank you, Uncle Jack," she said, "thank you for making him happy."

Jack hugged her back, and then gave her a smile. "I like makin' yer daddy happy," he said, "and he makes me happy too." They stood there for a minute, then Jack pulled her arms from around his waist. "C'mon, li'l one," he said. "Let's go up t'the house and get some breakfast. I bet yer hungry."

"I am," she said. As they started to walk, she reached over and slipped her hand into Jack's. He smiled at her. And with that, they walked across the field hand-in-hand, waving to Ennis who stood on the porch.


	13. Chapter 12

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 12

Jenny and Junior's visit was an unqualified success—so successful, in fact, that they ended up staying two weeks longer than originally planned.

They did all the things Ennis had said they would—trail rides, picnics, swimming, visiting the Chief Quanah Parker Museum in town. The highlight of the week had to be the rodeo, though. Jack had brought Bobby and the five of them drove to the neighboring town of Estelline. They sat in the stands, watching the bull riders and saddle broncs, and laughing at the clowns. Anyone who would have cared to notice would have thought they were two fathers enjoying the day with their children—which is exactly what they were. Perhaps the fathers sat a little closer than most fathers do, and perhaps they smiled a little more lovingly at each other than would be expected—but no one noticed and no one cared.

On Thursday, Ennis, Junior and Jenny took a long trail ride on one of the trails in the state park. Jenny sat behind Ennis on Twister, her arms wrapped around his waist, while Junior rode solo on Sioux. Ennis idly thought of the day when he would have more horses—soon, he hoped—one for each of them to ride. But at the same time, he enjoyed having Jenny behind him, chattering away non-stop.

When they got back to the stable, Jenny ran up to the house, planning to help Uncle Jack. "He's baking a pie," she said, "and he said I could roll out the crust." Junior stayed behind to help her father groom the horses and get them set for the night.

They put the saddles in the tack room and folded the blankets and put them on the shelf. Ennis ran his hand over the leather. "We should oil these sometime soon," he said. "Dry here in this hot Texas sun."

"I'll help you with that, Daddy," Junior said. "I can do it tomorrow."

"You're on vacation, sweetheart," said Ennis. "I don't expect ya t'do my work."

"It's not work, Daddy, I'm happy t'help you." Junior paused, then looked at him. "Daddy, do we have to leave on Sunday?" she asked.

Ennis looked surprised at the question. "What d'ya mean, honey? Yer mama's expectin' you."

"I know, but why do we have t'leave so soon? There's nothin' goin' on in Riverton and school doesn't start 'til after Labor Day. And I prob'ly won't see you for a while once we go home."

Ennis nodded. He had briefly told her about the plans to buy the farm and the fact that he would likely be staying in Quanah if everything worked out. "How long would ya want t'stay?" he asked.

Junior shrugged. "I dunno. Two more weeks, 'til the middle of August, mebbe?"

Ennis considered this. He really didn't see any reason why they couldn't stay. "Well, let's think 'bout this for a second. One thing, Junior—I need t'get back t'work. I've sorta taken the week off to go ridin' and have picnics and stuff. I need to get back on track with my fences and the other chores that need t'be done around here."

"I understand, Daddy," said Junior. "Jenny and I are good at amusin' ourselves. Besides, there's more t'do here—more space to run around and play in," she said, waving her arm towards the expanse of fields. "In Riverton we were cooped up in the apartment."

"What's yer mama plannin' on doin' 'bout that, anyway?" asked Ennis.

"We're movin' into Monroe's house," she said. "In fact, they got most of the movin' done before the weddin'."

Ennis nodded. He knew where Monroe's house was—a little bungalow in the nice part of town, if Riverton could be said to have a nice part. "Well," he said, "I'll need to talk t'Jack," he said, "and Jenny, too. Mebbe she wants t'get back t'Riverton, see her friend Amber."

Junior gave him a shy smile. "I already talked t'both of them about this," she said. "Uncle Jack said we could stay for as long as we want, whenever we want. And Jenny's having so much fun, she never wants t'leave."

Ennis laughed. "You little schemer," he said, with a wink. "You had this whole thing planned behind my back, didn't ya?"

"So it's okay, Daddy? Please?"

"It's okay with me. I guess the last person we need t'talk to is yer mama, see if it's okay with her."

They walked up to the house and went into the kitchen through the back door. Jenny, flour dusting her nose and forehead, was trying unsuccessfully to roll out the pie crust. Jack was peeling peaches, his everpresent _Joy of Cooking_ open on the counter.

"So," Ennis said, surveying all three of them. "I understand you've been cookin' up more than pies."

"Oh, Daddy," Jenny said, dropping the rolling pin on the floor. "Did Junior ask you? Can we stay? Please?"

Ennis looked at Jack. "This okay with you, bud? Seems like everythin' got planned without me knowin' it."

Jack smiled at Ennis, wishing he could give him a kiss, but his hands were all sticky with peach peels—and they hadn't gotten to the point of being that affectionate in front of the girls. "It's fine, En. I enjoy havin' them here. Besides, that's the plan, isn't it? Longer visits a few times a year?"

Ennis nodded. "Yup, that's the plan." He pulled out his wallet and took out the paper that Monroe had given him the week before. "Let's see if we can get yer mama on the phone." He looked at the clock. "It's six o'clock here which means it's five o'clock in Colorado. Mebbe they'll be in the room."

He dialed the number and the call was put through. It was Monroe who answered, however. "Hi Monroe, it's Ennis," he said. "Alma there?"

Alma came on the line, her voice sounding panicky. "Why are you callin', Ennis?" she said. "Is everythin' all right?"

"Everythin' is fine," he said, and went on to explain the request to have the girls stay for an extra two weeks.

When he finished, there was a pause, then Alma said, "This is sorta comin' out of the blue, Ennis. I wasn't expectin' this."

"As a matter of fact," said Ennis, "I had hoped t'tell ya this in person—but since it has come up, I'll tell ya now. It looks like I may be stayin' on in Texas. Jack and I have been talkin' t'the owner 'bout buyin' this place."

"So what does that mean?" asked Alma.

"It means that we'd prob'ly need t'come up with different visitation arrangements," he said. "Not weekends, like I've been doin', but fewer visits for longer times."

"Hmmm," said Alma.

"We don't need t'decide everythin' right now," said Ennis. "Just whether they can stay for two more weeks. They're havin' lots of fun and I'm enjoyin' havin' them around."

"You'll have t'drive all the way t'Riverton t'drop them off," she said.

"That's fine, Alma," said Ennis. "I don't mind drivin'."

"Let me talk to Junior," she said, and Ennis handed his eldest daughter the phone.

While she was talking, Ennis went down to the basement and came back up with a laundry basket. Junior finished her conversation with her mother with an 'I love you' and then handed the phone to her sister. Jenny chatted for a few minutes—mostly telling Alma about the rodeo—and then handed the receiver back to Ennis.

"I guess it's all set, Ennis," said Alma. "When will you be bringing them back?"

Ennis looked at the calendar hanging on the wall. "How about Sunday, August 15th?" he said. "I'll try to be there by suppertime."

"Okay," said Alma, "That sounds good."

"Oh, another thing," said Ennis. "I'll mail the child support check tomorrow. I was goin' t'bring it t'you on Sunday. Junior said yer movin'—what address should I use?"

Ennis heard Alma take a deep breath, then pause for a minute before she replied. "Ennis, keep the August money. They're gonna be with ya for almost a month—you can use the money for groceries and stuff."

Ennis was surprised at this comment. "Ya sure, Alma?" he said. "Yer not goin' t'hold this against me, say that I didn't pay ya on time."

"No, Ennis," she said. "I won't hold it against you."

"Okay, then," he said. "Thank you. I appreciate that." He paused, then continued, "I'll plan t'spend the night when I come back t'Riverton. Mebbe on Monday we can go t'the judge to work out the visitation details."

"Ennis," said Alma, "mebbe we can just try t'work it out between us, not need to get the judge involved."

"I'm happy t'give that a try. We can talk in two weeks," he said. "Meanwhile, enjoy the rest of your honeymoon. Is the Broadmoor nice?"

"It's beautiful," Alma replied. "Right at the base of Pike's Peak. We're havin' a very pleasant time."

"That's good," said Ennis. "Have a safe trip home, and I'll see ya on the 15th."

He hung up the phone. Jenny was literally jumping for joy and Junior gave Ennis a big hug. "Thank you, Daddy. This is great."

"It's great for me too," he said. Then he handed her the laundry basket. "Now, go upstairs and bring down yer dirty clothes. Yer gonna be here for two more weeks, I guess we need t'do some washin'."

* * *

Later that evening, Jack and Ennis were sitting on the porch, enjoying their usual nightly ritual of a glass of whiskey with a cigarette. Junior and Jenny were upstairs taking turns with the bathroom. Junior had said something about washing her hair.

Ennis turned to Jack. "So it's okay, bud…them stayin' for two more weeks? Junior kinda sprung it on me and you 'n I didn't have a chance t'talk."

Jack smiled. "Even if it weren't okay, nothin' I can do 'bout now, is there?" he said.

Ennis couldn't tell if the was serious or joking as he couldn't see Jack's face clearly in the shadows. "Tell me true, bud, is it okay? I don't want ya pissed at me."

"Ennis," said Jack reassuringly, "it's absolutely okay. This is our life. Yer daughters are part of yer life, and now they're part of mine. I am happy t'have them here for as long as they want t'stay."

Ennis reached out and squeezed Jack's hand. "Thanks, babe. That means a lot t'me." They lapsed into silence for a minute, then Ennis spoke again. "I half expected Alma t'ask me 'bout our sleepin' arrangements…but she didn't. I wonder if she really believes I'm sleepin' on the couch this whole time."

"Mebbe she didn't say anythin' because Monroe was right there. She might've realized how stupid she would've sounded…or that she was askin' ya somethin' that was really none of her business."

Ennis shrugged. "That might be it. Or maybe she's gotten laid enough this week that she doesn't give a fuck about what I'm up to."

Jack look at Ennis, his face showing a bit of surprise. "That's a little crude, Ennis, doncha think?"

Ennis chuckled softly to himself. "Mebbe I didn't put it the right way…I'm tryin' t'take the blame for our lousy sex life, which was non-existent at the end. Mebbe Monroe knows better how t'make her happy and she'll realize what it's all about. I sure didn't do a very good job of it."

Jack thought about what Ennis said. In his view, Ennis was a thoughtful and considerate lover. Even in his most urgent, "I've gotta fuck ya now" moods, Ennis always remembered that Jack had equally compelling needs and desires. Jack tucked this tidbit of information in the back of his mind. It was just another piece of the Ennis Del Mar puzzle.

Ennis crushed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Give me a minute, bud," he said. "I'm gonna check on the girls, see if they're ready for bed."

Ennis went into the house while Jack sat on the porch, sipping his whiskey and lighting another cigarette. He had no sense of time passing but obviously, some minutes had passed because before he knew it, Ennis was back on the porch, standing tall and leaning over him. Ennis braced himself on the arms of the chair and looked down at Jack, his face, as it had been for the past two months, flushed with happiness. "I love you, cowboy," he said, leaning in for a deep and loving kiss. Jack kissed him back with equal fervor.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ennis sensed a shadow at the screen door. He pulled back and stood up, and saw Jenny standing there, the light from the living room reflecting behind her. "Honey," said Ennis, "I thought you were in bed."

She tentatively pushed the screen door open. "I forgot my coloring book," she said, "and crayons," as she pointed to the corner of the porch floor.

Ennis could hear Jack whispering under his breath. "Uh oh, cowboy, awkward moment."

"Shut up, Jack," whispered Ennis, but he said it with a smile. He went over the screen door, "C'mon sweetheart, let's get your book."

Jenny scampered to pick up her coloring book and crayons, holding them close to her chest. She started to walk back to the door but then turned and looked at Ennis. "Daddy," she said, "why were you kissing Uncle Jack?"

He paused. "Because we're friends, sweetheart," he said.

"I'm friends with Amber and I don't kiss her," replied Jenny, with the matter-of-factness of youth.

Ennis looked at her for a second, then smiled. "C'mere, honey," he said, turning to his empty chair, sitting down, and then pulling her onto his lap. "Let's talk." Jenny turned and looked at Ennis expectantly. "Uncle Jack and I are friends," he said, "very special friends…very close friends. Uncle Jack is the reason I left Riverton and moved to Texas."

Jenny nodded. "I know that, Daddy."

Ennis bit his lip. "We wanted t'be together."

Jenny looked at him. "Are you in love with Uncle Jack, Daddy? Is that what you're tryin' t'say?"

Ennis nodded. "Yes, sweetheart, that's exactly what I'm tryin' to say."

Jenny nodded as if this was the most natural thing in the world, having absolutely no issue with the fact that her father was in love with another man. "Tell me somethin', Daddy," she said. "Do women fall in love with each other?"

Ennis nodded, "They can, yes. Mostly it's men and women, but sometimes women love women, and men love men. It happens."

"I still don't get the kissin'," she said.

"Sweetheart, you've hugged and kissed me plenty o'times. It's just a way t'show someone you care about them."

Jenny looked at him. "I never saw you kissin' mama," she said.

Ennis gave her a sad smile. "I didn't much, at the end," he said. "That's part of the reason we got divorced. We weren't happy together anymore."

Jenny thought about this for a second. "I don't see mama kissin' Monroe, either."

Ennis smiled. "I'm sure she does, honey, but part of it is that kissin' can be kinda private. It's not somethin' that people do right in front of other folks." He paused. "I thought you were in bed. I thought I was havin' a private moment with Uncle Jack."

Jenny looked carefully at Ennis. "Are you mad at me, Daddy?"

"Mad?" he said. "Of course not, sweetheart. Why would I be mad?"

"For interruptin' you?"

Ennis laughed. "Oh, honey, I don't mind." She leaned in and put her head against her father's chest, while he rubbed her back. "It's probably good that you saw us," he said. "Now you understand about us."

"I don't think I understand everythin', Daddy," she said.

"No you don't, but you'll learn more as you grow up. That's part of growin' up. For now, ya just need to know that Uncle Jack and I are together. We're special t'each other."

They sat like that for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the night. For Ennis, who had gotten used to Jack's heft and weight over the past few months, his daughter in his lap felt as light as a bird. He could feel her chest rise and fall with her breathing, and her heart, fluttering against her ribs, felt twice as fast as the steady thump, thump, thump, in Ennis's chest.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Ready for bed, sweetheart?" he said, "a second time?"

She nodded sleepily. Ennis took the coloring book and crayons from her hand. She wrapped her arms around his neck and as he stood up, she linked her legs behind his hips. They walked in the house and up the stairs. He laid her on the bed and pulled the sheet up under her chin, kissing her on her forehead. "I love you, sweetheart," he said.

Jenny turned on her side, already sound asleep. Ennis closed the door softly behind him and went back down the stairs. Jack was still sitting in his chair, looking as if he hadn't moved. Ennis leaned in again. "Shall we try again, cowboy?" he said, "Try for another private moment?"

Jack smiled at him. "You handled that well, En," he said.

"Handled what?" said Ennis, looking puzzled.

"Talkin' t'Jenny, explainin' 'bout us."

Ennis smiled at him. "All these years, the things we worried about…"

"You worried about," interrupted Jack.

"_I_ worried about," said Ennis, laughing, "don't seem t'be worth worryin' 'bout anymore."

"I told ya it would be sweet life," said Jack.

"Well," said Ennis, "just be glad that I finally decided t'believe ya."

Jack pulled Ennis's face towards his but before he kissed him, he said, "Ennis, I am grateful every minute of every day that you finally started believin' me."

"Hmmm," said Ennis, letting himself be kissed. "I am too."

* * *

Saturday morning, Ennis, Junior and Jenny were heading to town in Ennis's truck. Junior had read all the books she had brought with her so they planned to go to the library for a new supply. As they turned onto a residential street leading into the main part of Quanah, they noticed one of the houses had a yard full of people, with a large sign, "Three Family Yard Sale."

"Can we stop, Daddy?" asked Junior. "Mebbe they'll have some toys or clothes."

Ennis wasn't particularly fond of yard sales—mostly because they brought back bad memories. When he and Alma were married, he knew Alma had bought the girls many hand-me-down clothes and toys at yard sales—along with pots and pans for the kitchen and various other household items. Yard sales reminded him of just how lousy a job he had done providing for his family. He sighed, but pulled his truck to the side of the road. "Just a quick stop, honey," he said. "The library closes at noon on Saturday."

Junior laughed. "Daddy, it's 9:30 in the morning. I don't think we'll be here for that long."

They got out of the truck, the girls starting to peruse the items scattered across the yard while Ennis hung back. He had just lit a cigarette when he heard someone calling his name. "Ennis!" He turned and saw Jeanie Campbell waving to him.

He smiled and walked over. "Hi Jeanie," he said. "You lookin' for bargains?"

She laughed. "We're one of the three families. But what about you? You don't strike me as the yard sale type."

"I ain't," he said. "It's my daughters." He called to them and motioned them over. "Junior, Jenny, this is Mrs. Campbell," he said. "She works at the barbecue restaurant." Since Ennis and Jack either got take-out or ate at the restaurant at least once a week, they had gotten friendly with Jeanie. They had gotten even friendlier with her husband, Bob, the manager at the hardware store. They had spent a small fortune of Hal's money there on paint and other supplies over the past few months and Ennis knew that Bob appreciated their patronage.

"Nice t'meet you, girls," said Jeanie. "How long are you visitin'?"

"Two more weeks," said Junior. "'Til August 15th."

Jeanie nodded. "You girls know how t'ride bikes?" she asked. "We have a couple for sale, over by the garage."

Junior shook her head. "I never learned. We live in an apartment."

Jenny looked at her sister. "I'll teach you. I've ridden Amber's bike, I know how."

Ennis looked at Jeanie. "Bikes?"

"Sure," she said. "They're gonna be here for two weeks…they can bike into town. Go t'the library and stuff. I hear you got a lot of work t'do, now that yer fixin' t'buy the Lazy L. You can't spend all yer time entertain' yer daughters," she said with a smile.

Ennis looked surprised. "Word gets around fast, don't it?" he said.

Jeanie pointed to the garage. "You girls go look at the bikes," she said. "I'll give your daddy a good deal." They ran off, and Jeanie turned to Ennis. "Word does get around fast. Quanah is a small town. Tom was at the Town Office, filing paperwork related t'the title and that's all it took."

Ennis wasn't quite sure what to say. Jeanie looked at him. "I hear you want t'keep the Lazy L as a farm."

Ennis nodded. "Yup, we're thinkin' horses. Do some breedin', ridin' lessons. Stuff like that."

"I think it's a great idea," Jeanie said. "No one 'round here's doin' that, I think there's a need." She looked around, then motioned with her head. "Come talk t'me for a sec," she said, walking behind Ennis's truck. "Let me fill you in on somethin', Ennis," she said. "Quanah is a small town and most of the people here are good people, but there are a few bad apples. You met one of them back in May."

"Ya mean Roger Grindell?" said Ennis.

Jeanie nodded. "Yup, Roger, and a few others." She paused. "Word's gettin' 'round 'bout Jack," she said. "Childress isn't that far away, and Newsome's is a big family business, well known in these parts. There are a few tongues waggin' that LD's son-in-law is gettin' divorced and has moved in with a friend of his from Wyoming."

Ennis looked at her, taking this all in, but not sure what to say.

"When Tom arrived last spring, there was a lot of uncertainty 'bout what would happen to the Lazy L. It's historic—it's one of the oldest farms in the county. I think, from what I hear in the restaurant, and what Bob hears at the hardware store, that people are glad yer buyin' the palce and plannin' t'keep it as a farm—that way, it'll be bringin' money into the community. That's what most people care about. The fact that it's you and Jack—well, what you and Jack do in your private lives is nobody's business." She paused, then continued. "That's what most people think, at least. However, there are a few folks who do think that your private life is their business."

Ennis continued to look at her, still not saying a word.

"All I'm sayin' is, be careful. Watch yer back. I think you'll fit in well in Quanah with a horse farm, but just remember that there are some people who will judge you without knowin' you."

"Thank you, Jeanie," said Ennis. "I understand what yer sayin'."

"I like you Ennis," said Jeanie, "and Bob does too. We'd like t'be friends. If somethin' comes up, just know that you or Jack can call us. We know what's goin' on in this town and can answer yer questions."

Ennis nodded his head, a grateful look in his eyes.

They walked around to the front of the truck. Jeanie took a deep breath, a sign that she was changing the subject. "Listen t'me rattle on," she said. "Let's go see those bikes, see if they're the right size for your girls."

* * *

Jack sat at the dining room table, filling in a loan application from the bank, printing the information in his most careful handwriting. He had actually thought of going to Newsome's and asking Lureen to type it for him, but decided that handwritten was okay, as long as it was neat.

His eyes traveled over the form, looking at the numbers and other information. He sighed to himself. The application was for a business loan, which was key to making the whole purchase work. The thought of borrowing $35,000 scared Jack a little, but without it, there would be no horse farm.

Tom and Jack had very quickly agreed on the major details of the purchase. Tom had had the farm appraised in the spring and already had a price for the sale in mind, which Jack and Ennis thought was reasonable and fair. Tom had been willing to hold the mortgage, as Jack had hoped. The money Jack had in savings and what he anticipated to receive from the divorce settlement would be sufficient for the down payment, but there wouldn't be much left after that. To get a farm up and running, they definitely needed some capital.

Tom had also agreed to pay them through Labor Day, which had been the original plan. Jack actually thought that Tom was being very generous, in that respect, especially since he had covered all the farm-related expenses throughout the summer. Most of the money they had made they had been able to save. It wasn't much, but Ennis, in particular, was in better financial shape than he had been back in May.

The actual sale of the farm wouldn't be finalized until after Hal died, but for all intents and purposes, they would own the farm effective September 1st. The income would stop but the expenses—which would become their responsibility—would not. The actual reality of it made Jack a little nervous.

Was this the right thing to do? Were they biting off more than they could chew? Jack looked out the window. From the very first day he had met Ennis, they both had always said they wanted to own some sort of ranch or farm. This seemed like a golden opportunity. Besides, what else would they do? Jack actually knew he was pretty good at sales and could probably get any sort of a salesman's job—even selling cars if he had to—but he didn't particularly like the work and that wasn't what he wanted to do. He had enjoyed every minute of their work this summer and was happy to be back doing things with his hands—not stuck on a showroom floor selling combines.

Ennis, on the other hand, had no marketable skills beyond farm and ranch work. Jack couldn't imagine him doing anything else, although Ennis had once mentioned that he worked on a road crew for a few months when he was first married. But when it came to the farm, it seemed that Ennis could do anything. He could build, paint, rake, shovel, tinker with machinery, and drive anything with an engine. He was good with his horses and Jack suspected he was the same with any animal he came near. Ennis had an incredible work ethic, waking up and starting at dawn everyday. He'd probably work until the sun set if Jack didn't drag him away for lunch and a late afternoon swim. Jack was actually glad for the daily visits to Hal—that gave Ennis another break in his fourteen hour days.

Jack had never realized it before, but Ennis was meticulous and careful, too. Nothing about the work he had done all summer had been slap-dash or halfway. Now that they were buying the place, Jack was doubly grateful for this, but he appreciated the care that went into everything that Ennis did. The painting, the cleaning, the work on the fences and the barn—all of it was thorough and precise.

Jack looked at the loan application again. Horses. A horse farm. Jack wondered about that too, but it seemed to make sense. What else was there? As Ennis said, he couldn't picture themselves as crop farmers, although there were plenty of wheat, barley, and cotton fields in the area. Pigs? No. Cows? No. Cattle—Jack agreed with Ennis, the layout wasn't right. He came back to horses—riding lessons, boarding, breeding—it could work. There was a thought that came from the very back of his mind, however. Riding lessons—kids—two gay guys. Would this, could this ever be a problem? Jack knew there wasn't a problem, but would people in the community see it differently? He buried his head in his hands. Why am I even thinking this thought? he said to himself. Why am I torturing myself? He answered his own question—because, sometimes people have sick and perverted thoughts and this is a small town. If the wrong word were to get around, their whole horse business could be dead as a doornail before they even began.

He looked at the loan application for a third time. It seemed like everything was complete, except for Ennis's signature. He planned to drop it off at the bank on Monday. He had picked it up on Wednesday morning, before they had gone to the rodeo. He had gone by himself to meet with the loan officer, a dry and officious man named Norm Crocker. Jack had tried to turn on his salesman's charm but it didn't seem to work with Norm. Crocker had reviewed the details of the loan process, asked Jack why they needed a loan, and wondered out loud why Ennis hadn't come in with him. "If he is going to be your business partner, don't you think he should be here?" Jack had explained that Ennis was back at the farm with his daughters, which Crocker had used to intuit, correctly, that Ennis was divorced.

"What about you, Mr. Twist?" he asked. "Are you married?"

"For a few more weeks," Jack replied. "It looks like the divorce will be finalized by mid- to late August."

Crocker had nodded when Jack said this. Jack wasn't sure if it was any of his business but hadn't been able to think fast enough of a way to get out of answering the question.

Jack gathered the papers and put a paperclip at the top to hold them together. He slipped them in a manila envelope then went upstairs to leave them on the dresser. They'd be safe there, he thought, and hopefully that will remind me to get Ennis to sign them sometime this weekend.

As he came back down the stairs he heard Ennis's truck driving up outside, so he went out to the porch to meet them. He walked over and saw Ennis pulling out two bikes from the back. "Bikes?" he said, "Where'd ya get these?"

"We stopped at a yard sale—Jeanie Campbell sold 'em t'us," Ennis replied. "Along with a bunch of books and a suitcase of Barbies."

"Barbies?" said Jack, puzzled.

"Welcome t'the world of girls, Jack," said Ennis with a laugh. "Yes, Barbies."

Jenny was opening the suitcase on the ground and pulling out a naked Barbie and her equally naked boyfriend Ken. "Look, Uncle Jack!" she squealed. "Look!"

"Not here, sweetheart," said Ennis. "You'll lose all the little shoes in the grass. Close that up and take it upstairs."

"What did you get, Junior?" asked Jack.

"Books, Uncle Jack," she said. "Look at this," putting a box at his feet. "Look at all these Nancy Drews," she said, handing a book to Jack. "I love Nancy Drew."

Jack shrugged as he looked at the cover of the book. He had no idea who or what Nancy Drew was, but he saw the words "mystery series" above the title. "There are a bunch of these?" he asked.

Junior nodded. "Yes, Nancy Drew is a teenager and she solves mysteries. She's a _sleuth_—I love that word. I want t'be a sleuth!" Junior dug happily in the box, pulling out another book. "This one, _The Hidden Staircase_, is the second one in the series and it is one of my favorites. Oh, and Uncle Jack, these books are _old_—lookit this one, it is from 1930," she said, pointing to the copyright date on the frontispiece. "The old ones are the best. Some of them are really scary and Nancy gets herself involved in lots of dangerous situations."

"Sounds like you've read 'em before," said Jack.

"I've read a bunch," said Junior, "although there are lots here I haven't read yet. And I like to re-read them too."

Jack smiled at her. "Well, this is great sweetheart. Now you have your own collection."

"I know," said Junior, "I'm so happy. I've always had to borrow them from the library." She put the books in the box and turned to her father. "I'll take these upstairs, Daddy," she said, heading towards the house.

Jack turned to Ennis. "Ya said Jeanie was there?"

Ennis laughed. "Yup, it was big three family yard sale and the Campbells was one of the families. Jeanie gave me a good deal—all this for ten bucks. She was the one who suggested the bikes—thought the girls could ride t'town t'go t'the library or buy ice cream cones—stuff like that."

"Sounds like a good idea," said Jack. "They can ride down t'the river, too, and go swimmin'."

"I wouldn't want 'em swimmin' without me," said Ennis. "Mebbe they can go down and go wadin'—go in up t'their knees."

Jack smiled at him. "Yer a good daddy," he said. "I would've just let 'em go."

The girls came running back out of the house and Jenny grabbed her bike. "C'mon, Junior, lemme show ya how t'ride," she said. "It's easy."

Jenny hopped on and pedaled off down the road, leaving Junior standing there, looking a little lost and forlorn. Ennis smiled at her. "C'mon, sweetheart, you can ride a horse. I'm sure this is easier."

Junior climbed on the seat while Ennis balanced the bike. She put her feet on the pedals and took a tentative push, then another, and with a little bit of wobbling, followed her sister down the lane.

They watched them head towards the stable. Junior stumbled a bit and looked like she would fall, but managed to balance herself with her foot. She put her feet on the pedals and continued down the road. "Looks like she's gettin' the hang of it," said Jack.

"Yup," Ennis said, "never rode a bike before, she said." He turned his attention away from the girls and back to Jack. "I had an interestin' conversation with Jeanie," he said.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? What did she hafta say?"

"Word is out 'bout us buyin' this place," Ennis replied. "And, apparently folks are figgerin' out that yer LD Newsome's son-in-law and yer shackin' up with me."

Jack nodded. "I wondered how long it would take for people t'make the connection."

Ennis continued. "Jeanie said that most people don't give a shit—'bout us, I mean—and they're happy that Lazy L is stayin' a farm. This place is historic—one of the oldest farms in the county."

"I ain't surprised," said Jack, "a hunnert years."

Ennis nodded and continued, "She also said the horse farm idea is a good one—not much o'that 'round here."

"Well that's reassurin'," said Jack, thinking of the loan application he had just completed.

"But, Jack," Ennis said, "she did comment that we need t'be careful. In her words, 'There are bad apples in Quanah.""

"There are bad apples everywhere," said Jack. "I don't think Quanah is special in that respect."

Ennis nodded. "Except for that comment, she was encouragin', actually," he said. "She said she and her husband would like t'be our friends. We can call 'em if things come up."

"That's nice of her t'say," said Jack. He paused for a minute, thinking about what Ennis had told him, then said, "That's all very interestin', En. Whaddya think?"

"Think 'bout what?"

"Buyin' this place, the whole nine yards," replied Jack. "Anythin' she say discourage ya?"

"Ya mean like her comment about bad apples? Or that people know we're shackin' up? Ya think somethin' like that would make me change my mind?" said Ennis. Jack nodded, while Ennis shook his head. "Sorry t'disappoint ya, bud. No, I think buyin' this place makes sense and it's an opportunity like I ain't ever had in my life…and I don't think I'll ever have again."

Jack nodded. "Yer right, but we're gonna owe a whole shitload a lot of money t'the bank—and Tom Lawrence."

"Well, that just gives me a reason t'work harder than I already do, right?" said Ennis. "I need t'work t'pay the bills so you can sit around all day on yer fat ass and drink whiskey and smoke cigarettes."

Jack poked him. "Who's ass ya callin' fat?" he said, laughing.

"Well," said Ennis, "I believe it was you the other night who was tellin' me that my ass was the hardest, tightest thing ya ever put yer cock in…that sure don't sound like a description of fat—so I must mean you." He poked Jack back as he said this.

Jack smiled at him. "Ya talk like that, En, you'll get me wantin' some of that tight ass right now."

Ennis put his arm around Jack's shoulders, leaned over, and whispered in his ear, "Hold that thought, cowboy, for later. Can't do it here—we're in the world of girls."


	14. Chapter 13

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 13

Junior was sitting in her father's favorite chair on the porch, legs twisted beneath her, reading _The Mystery of the Brass-Bound Trunk_. Jenny was on the floor next to her, planning an elaborate wedding with her Barbies.

Junior looked down at her sister. "Do ya have the two Barbies gettin' married?" she asked.

Jenny nodded. "Yup."

"Why are the Barbies gettin' married?" Junior asked. "What about Ken?"

""Cause," Jenny explained, "I have two weddin' dresses for Barbie, but all Ken has to wear is a bathing suit and Hawaiian shirt. That didn't seem right for a weddin'."

Junior nodded. "Hmmm, I s'pose yer right," as she turned back to her book.

They both started when they heard a car coming down the drive. "Is Daddy expectin' anyone?" Junior asked.

"I dunno," said Jenny, shrugging.

They stood up and saw a blue Volvo station wagon parking next to the house. The driver's side door opened and a tall man with sandy hair and glasses got out. "Hi," he said, walking in front of the car. "I'm Tom. Tom Lawrence."

"Hello," said Junior shyly, "I'm Junior—Alma—Del Mar. This is my sister Jenny."

"Oh, you must be Ennis's girls," said Tom. "I heard you were visiting." Junior nodded. "You having a nice time?"

"We're havin' a very nice time," said Junior. "We don't want t'leave."

Tom smiled. "That's nice. When do you go home?"

"Sunday," said Junior. "Daddy's drivin' us back t'Riverton."

"I'm sure your Dad's been happy to have you around for a nice long visit," said Tom. "I know he's been missing you." He paused for a minute. "Speaking of your dad, is he around? Or Jack?"

"Daddy's mowing the far field, I think," said Junior. "Uncle Jack's down in the barn. In fact," she said, pointing, "there he is now."

Tom turned and waved to Jack, who was walking up the road. Jack waved back and when he got to the house, pulled Tom into a big bear hug. "Good t'see ya, Tom," said Jack. "I wasn't expectin' ya. Why the surprise visit?"

"Um, Uncle Hal called," he said. "Somethin' came up, really needed t'see me, said it was urgent. So, I got in the car and drove on up."

"Hmm," said Jack, "that's interestin'. We were both there for a visit yesterday and he didn't say anythin' t'us."

"It was a family matter," said Tom, twisting his hands in a fidgety way. "You know how Hal can be private."

Jack nodded. That was certainly the truth. He motioned to the porch. "Can I get ya somethin' t'drink? Beer, iced tea?"

"No thanks," said Tom. "I'm going to get right on the road. Janet is expecting me home tonight."

"Well, okay," said Jack, not quite sure why Tom was in such a rush.

"I wanted to stop by and say hi…but I was also wondering if you have any news on the business loan?"

Jack shook his head. "No, nothing since last Monday when we dropped the application off." Jack thought back to that morning. He and Ennis had arrived at the bank, thinking that "dropping an application off" was just that—a simple matter of handing it to the receptionist.

The receptionist however, had other ideas. "Oh, I can't take an application," she had said. "Mr. Crocker handles all those personally. Do you have an appointment?"

"No," Jack had said, "I didn't realize we needed one."

The receptionist looked over her shoulder at the glass cubicle that served as Norm's office. "I see he has someone with him right now, but I think he is free after that, if you want to wait a minute."

Jack looked at her. "Is that what we should do?" he asked. "Or come back another time?"

"I'm sure he'll want to see you. Have a seat," she said, motioning to a line of chairs that served as a waiting area.

They sat down as requested. They watched Norm finish with the customer who was in his office, then come out and speak to the receptionist. He glanced in Jack and Ennis's direction, but did not acknowledge their presence. "What the fuck?" Ennis whispered under his breath, and Jack gave him a poke.

"Shhh," he said.

They watched Crocker return to his office, sit in his large swivel chair, turn his back to them, and proceed to pick up the phone and dial a call.

Jack walked over to the receptionist. "You said he would see us?" he asked.

"He said he has three urgent phone calls to make and will talk to you after that," she said.

"Should we come back at another time?" asked Jack.

"Oh no, three phone calls should only take a few minutes. He knows you're here."

The few minutes stretched into forty-five. Jack could feel Ennis next to him, getting angrier by the minute. "The girls are in the truck, Jack," he hissed.

"I know En, but we've waited this long, let's just get this over with."

Finally Crocker came out of his office, an oily smile on his face. "Mr. Twist, nice to see you again." He looked at Ennis. "You must be Mr. Del Mar?"

Ennis nodded, his face a stony mask. He did pointedly did not shake Crocker's hand.

"We have the application," said Jack.

"Wonderful," said Norm. "Come into my office and we can make sure everything is complete."

They sat down in the two padded chairs opposite Norm's desk. Crocker pulled the papers from the manila envelope. He looked quickly at the forms, made sure their signatures were in the right place and then said, "This looks complete. It will go before the loan committee and we'll be in touch." He stood up, obviously dismissing them. "Thank you."

Jack and Ennis stood, thoroughly confused. "You don't have any questions?" Jack said. "Need more information?"

"No," said Norm. "This looks like everything is in order. Thanks for coming in. I'll call you when we have a decision."

Jack paused. "Any idea how long that might be?" he asked.

Crocker's voice became a little less friendly. "I told you, we'd be in touch. Thank you."

Ennis and Jack left the office. Ennis leaned in to Jack, whispering, "What the fuck was that all about?"

"Shhh," said Jack. "Wait 'til we get outside."

"That stupid asshole," whispered Ennis, ignoring Jack's request to wait. "I can't fuckin' believe he made us wait 45 minutes and then didn't even talk to us for a minute."

Jack didn't reply. They walked across the lobby and out through the door. When they reached the sidewalk, Jack stopped and turned to Ennis. "I agree, En, " he said. "The guy's a fuckin' asshole, but we need t'make nice because he's a big part of our future right now."

"I can't believe we have to deal with that stupid fuck," said Ennis. "Isn't there another bank we can go to?"

"I don't think so," said Jack. "According t'Lureen, Quanah Savings and Loan is the only game in town when it comes t'small business loans."

"Shit," said Ennis. "What an asshole."

Jack brought himself back to the present and smiled at Tom. He briefly considered telling Tom about what went on at the bank—perhaps asking his opinion, as Jack was sure he had more experience with things like this—but decided to keep it to himself. Jack didn't want to plant any seeds of doubt in Tom's mind about their fitness to buy the Lazy L. "The loan officer, a guy named Norm Crocker, said he'd be in touch when they had a decision."

Tom nodded. "Okay, well, keep me posted."

"I will, Tom," said Jack. "I'll give ya a call as soon as I hear anything."

Tom looked at the house. "Okay if I use the bathroom before I leave?" he said.

"Of course," said Jack. "You don't need t'ask." He looked at Jenny, sitting on the porch. "Jenny, honey, do you think you could take yer bike and ride down and get yer dad? I'm sure he'd want t'say hi t'Tom before he leaves."

"Sure, Uncle Jack," she said, grabbing her bike from where it leaned against the side of the porch.

Tom came out of the house a few minutes later. This time, Jack did persuade him to have a glass of iced tea and wait for Ennis to arrive. Ennis rode up on the mower, Jenny following behind on her bike. The three of them sat and chatted for a few minutes, enjoying a cigarette together. Tom kept glancing at his watch and after about fifteen minutes, said, "It's been great, guys. I wish I had more time to talk, but I really need to hit the road." He gave them each a quick hug, said good bye to Junior and Jenny, and then quickly got in his car and drove back up the road.

"What the hell was that all about?" said Ennis. "He acted like he had ants in his pants."

"Yer guess is as good as mine," replied Jack. "It was all I could do t'get him t'wait five minutes and say hi t'you."

"Well," said Ennis, "whatever, I'm goin' back t'work. I'm almost finished with the field." He headed back to the mower and drove away.

Jack looked at his watch. It was almost 4 pm. "Girls," he said to Junior and Jenny, "do ya want t'go for a swim?"

"Sure!" they replied in chorus.

"Okay, go get your suits on. We'll drive down in my truck. We can swim for an hour and then come back and get started on supper."

"Ohhh," Junior said, "what are we having tonight?"

"A new recipe I found in my cookbook," said Jack. "Pork porcupines."

* * *

It was Saturday night, and Jack and Ennis were in bed. "I need t'get me a lot of lovin'," said Ennis. "I ain't gonna see ya tomorrow."

"I'd think ya'd need t'get a lot of sleep," said Jack. "Yer leavin' at three in the mornin'." Ennis was leaving in the morning for the long drive to take Junior and Jenny back to Riverton. Jack knew, from years of experience, that it was a fourteen hour trip. They had found an old mattress in the attic and fashioned a bed in the back of Jack's truck, which had a cap. Ennis thought that by leaving at 3 a.m. the girls could sleep away a chunk of the drive, which would hopefully make it less tedious for them.

Ennis smiled at Jack. "I took a nap this afternoon, didn't ya notice?" he said.

"I did notice," said Jack. "Ya never take naps."

"Well, that's why," said Ennis, "so I'd have some energy for tonight." He leaned in and kissed Jack's collarbone on the righthand side, then when he finished, he rubbed it with his finger. "I love this spot," he said, giving Jack a funny smile. "I don't know why, but this is one of my favorite spots on yer body."

Jack laughed. "Ya know what I like on you?" Ennis shook his head. Jack looked at him, then tracing his fingers, said, "Yer jaw. I love this angle of yer jaw."

Ennis sat up. "Cowboy, d'ya have a bandana?"

"Sure," said Jack. "Top drawer in the dresser. What ya gonna do, tie me up?"

Ennis winked at him as he got up. "There's an idea. We haven't tried that yet." He fished in the drawer and pulled out a blue bandana. "This'll do." He walked back to the bed and arranged the bandana over the lampshade. It cast a bluish shadow across the room. "There," he said. "I wanted t'see ya but the light was sort of bright. That's better, don't ya think?"

"That's nice," said Jack.

Ennis slid back into the bed. "Where were we?" He kicked the sheets off. "These goddamn sheets, why d'we bother with them anyway?"

Jack laughed. "When I'm sleepin', I like somethin' over me—but right now I don't think we need 'em." He pulled Ennis in close. "Lemme give ya a kiss." Ennis happily acquiesced. When they finished, Jack looked at him. "Ya know, that's been one of the nice things 'bout this summer," he said.

"What's that?" said Ennis.

"It's been so hot. We don't need any covers, we don't need any clothes. Our fishin' trips, we were always in the friggin' cold. Half the time we didn't even get undressed, just pushed our pants around our knees."

"That's true," said Ennis. "I never knew I liked this spot on yer collarbone—in fact, I'm not sure I ever saw this spot on yer collarbone," he said, as he rubbed it with his finger again. "I think it needs another kiss," which he proceeded to give it.

Jack laughed. "I like you sweaty, En. You fuck me and ya get all sweaty."

"Ya like my sweat?" said Ennis, looking up.

"Yup, spunk, spit, and sweat—I like all the liquids ya produce."

"Ya talk like that, ya get me hot, cowboy," said Ennis, sliding down in the bed and picking up Jack's cock. He licked it a bit and then kissed it on the tip. "This is another part of ya I like," he said, smiling up at Jack.

"That I knew," Jack said, turning on his side so he could watch Ennis, who started in on a nice little blow job.

Ennis pulled back and looked at Jack's cock. "It's amazing how they work, ain't it?" he said. "Gettin' all hard and erect like that?"

"And I bet yers is doin' the same thing," said Jack, smiling back.

"Ya know it is, cowboy," said Ennis. "And I think I need t'do somethin' 'bout that." He motioned to Jack who reached into the drawer of the bedside table and handed him a tube of K-Y jelly. "I think of all the times I just rammed it into you," said Ennis. "It must've hurt like hell."

"It wasn't too bad," said Jack, "but I will admit, this is better." He watched Ennis for a minute, then said, "Can we stop all this talkin' and get t'the lovin' business?"

Ennis laughed. "With pleasure." He braced himself on his knees and lifted Jack's hips, easing his cock in. "Feel good cowboy?" he asked, in a throaty whisper.

"It always feels good," said Jack, feeling the muscle relax and Ennis's cock slide in over the pleasure point. "Always," he said.

Ennis started thrusting rhythmically, slow at first, then faster, as his arousal grew. Jack could tell when Ennis was about to come—he always screwed his eyes shut and grimaced—it almost looked like he was in pain. Then, his face relaxed, he opened his eyes and gave Jack a big smile. Since May, he always ended it with, "I love you," which, to Jack, was like music to his ears.

Ennis pulled back and then began massaging Jack's cum into his pubic hair. He kissed the base of Jack's cock. "Hmmm," he sighed. "I can never get enough of you."

"Tell me 'bout it," said Jack. "I'm yer sex slave."

Ennis slid back up next to Jack and lay on his side, looking in Jack's eyes. "Hey bud, can I tell ya somethin'?"

"Shoot," said Jack.

"When we buy this place, one of the first things I'd like t'do is put in a shower. That handheld thing is a pain in the ass."

"Yer not kiddin'," said Jack. "I was thinkin' the same thing." He paused. "Ya remember Lamar?" he said. "When ya fucked me in the shower in the cabin at the horse motel?"

Ennis laughed. "How could I forget? That was the only time I've ever done that."

Jack smiled at him. "It was fuckin' fabulous. I was thinkin', we put a shower in here, mebbe we can put in a big one—not just a little stall or a shower in the bathtub."

"Whaddya mean?" said Ennis.

"I mean, a big walk-in shower, with a sliding glass door—mebbe even two shower heads."

Ennis looked at him with a wink. "Two shower heads? D'ya think people might get the wrong idea 'bout us?"

"What people?" said Jack. "Besides yer daughters, are ya plannin' on having lots of company?"

Ennis pulled him in close. "Cowboy, ya want a big shower with two shower heads, I'll build ya one. Shit, mebbe I'll even put in three—or four."

Jack laughed. "Two will do, I think," he said, giving Ennis a kiss. "While we're on the subject, ya know what I want?"

"Shoot," said Ennis.

"I want t'buy a new bed. This mattress is lumpy and I want t'get a bigger bed."

"Bigger?" said Ennis. "How big d'ya want?"

"King size would be nice," said Jack. "But I don't think it would fit in this room. We might have t'settle for a queen."

"When you ever been in king size bed, Jack fuckin' Twist?" said Ennis with a smile.

"Last winter. I went to a sales meeting in Dallas and stayed at the Hyatt. My room had a king size bed. It was great."

"And who was in that fuckin' king size bed with you?" said Ennis.

"You were," said Jack. "I fantasized 'bout you all night. The goddamn bed was so big, one spot would get wet, I'd just move t'another, then another. It was great."

Ennis laughed as he pulled Jack in for a kiss. "You are too much, cowboy," he said. "That's why I love ya."

"Did ya ever do that, En?" asked Jack.

"Do what?"

"Get off thinkin' 'bout me?"

Ennis gave him a sad little smile. "Sometimes. Not too much. It hurt too much, made me sad, thinkin' 'bout ya so hard." He looked at Jack for a minute, then shook his head. "Let's talk about somethin' cheery," he said. "Buyin' a bed. Where do they sell 'em? I ain't ever bought a mattress before."

Jack laughed. "Furniture stores or stores like Sears. They have 'em." He paused, then gave Ennis a wink. "Ya know, when ya buy a mattress, ya need t'lay down on it, to test it out. How we gonna do that, lay down together on a bed in a store?"

Ennis thought about that for a minute. "Well, first, I think we go t'a store we ain't never gonna go t'again. If we know we're never gonna see the salespeople again, then we don't care what they think 'bout us, right?"

Jack nodded. "That makes sense. Mebbe we can go down t'Lubbock. It's a big city."

"Then," said Ennis, "we find a saleslady, not a salesman. Y'know, Jack, I've noticed that women really don't seem t'care 'bout us—care 'bout gay guys, I mean. It's men who seem to have more of an issue with it." He paused, then corrected himself. "Well, except for Alma, of course. But that saleslady when we bought the curtains…she didn't give a shit and I think she figgered us out."

Jack looked at Ennis. "Did you just call yerself gay?" he said, looking surprised.

"I was speakin' in principle," said Ennis, with a smile.

Jack smiled back. "Ennis, when in hell are you goin' t'admit you are as gay as me?"

"Mebbe when I get through the ordeal of lyin' on a bed with you in a department store," said Ennis, with a laugh. "Mebbe that'll be the thing that convinces me."

They both laughed together at that, then Ennis pulled Jack in for a kiss. "Ready for some more lovin'?" he asked. "I told ya I needed a lot before I left."

Jack could feel a warmth flowing through his body. "Sure, cowboy, but this time it's my turn. Ya know I love yer cock as much as you love mine."

* * *

The Big Ben alarm clock sounded very loud at 2:30 in the morning. Jack reached over and pushed the button to silence it. He yawned, stretched, rubbed his eyes then turned to Ennis. "Time t'wake up, cowboy," he said softly into Ennis's ear.

Ennis stretched. "Yup, give me a minute," he said, yawning.

Jack sat up. "I'll go make some coffee," he said, pulling on a pair of jeans that lay on the chair in the corner.

"Sounds good," said Ennis. "Make a big pot. I'll take a Thermos."

Jack pulled on a shirt. "Will do, cowboy," he said.

In the kitchen, Jack got the coffee started on the stove, then went down to the basement to bring up the cooler. He rummaged through the box of camping supplies and pulled out two bowls, two cups, and some spoons. He brought everything back upstairs.

He opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk and another of orange juice and put them in the cooler. He had made a bunch of sandwiches the night before and wrapped each individually in a sandwich bag. He added those, along with a baggie of sliced cucumbers and carrot sticks. Beverages were next—several cans of Coke along with two beers for Ennis. Then, two apples, a banana, and a package of Oreos, followed by the finishing touch: three individual boxes of Cheerios. Jack figured the girls would be hungry when they woke up and they might not be somewhere where it would be convenient to stop for breakfast right away.

Ennis came into the kitchen as Jack was finishing his packing. He looked at the cooler, then looked at Jack. "You take such good care of me, cowboy," he said. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," said Jack. He looked at Ennis who had a little piece of tissue stuck on his chin, "What's this?" he said.

Ennis laughed. "I should never try to shave when I'm fuckin' half asleep," he said. "I nicked myself."

Jack pulled the tissue off, licked his finger and rubbed the spot. "I think it's stopped bleedin'," he said. "Yer okay now."

They carried the cooler and dishes out to the truck then went back into the kitchen. Ennis poured himself a cup of coffee. "Ya want one?" he said, motioning towards Jack.

"Nah, I'm gonna try t'go back to sleep," he said. "Better not have any caffeine."

"Ya lucky bastard," said Ennis, "I'd like t'be next t'ya in that nice warm bed." Ennis took the pot and filled the Thermos, screwing the cap on tight.

"Ya want somethin' t'eat?" Jack asked. "A bowl of cereal?"

"No, I'm fine," said Ennis. "I'll eat when the girls wake up. "

Jack smiled at him. "So, the plan, ya get t'Riverton…"

"I get t'Riverton sometime this afternoon—hopefully by five. I'll stay at the famous Siesta Motel…," Ennis said this with a wink.

"What a dump," said Jack, laughing.

"You callin' the Siesta a dump?" said Ennis, with a smile. "It was the first place we ever screwed in a bed. It's got special memories for me. Mebbe I'll ask for the same room. Ya remember the number?"

"Just ask Mr. Memory," said Jack, really laughing now. "Eleven."

"Okay, so I'll stay at Siesta in room eleven, wring it out a few times thinkin' 'bout you," Ennis continued, laughing along with Jack.

"Give me a call, will ya? Let me know yer there safe and sound?"

"How d'ya call long distance from a motel?" asked Ennis.

"You reverse the charges," said Jack. "Just call the operator and say, 'I wanna make a collect call,' then give this number. When I answer, I say yes, and then we can talk."

"Okay, will do," said Ennis. "Then, tomorrow, hopefully I can talk t'Alma first thing in the mornin', not get into a screamin' fight, and be on my way. I figger if I'm on the road by ten, I'll be back here by midnight."

Jack nodded. "Sounds good. I'll wait up for ya."

Ennis turned and rinsed his coffee cup in the sink. He looked at the clock. "Three a.m.," he said. "Time t'get this show on the road."

They went upstairs to get the girls. Ennis carried Jenny and Jack walked Junior sleepily down the stairs. They tucked them into the makeshift bed in the back of the truck and gently closed the tailgate.

Ennis opened the driver's side door and started to get in. "Wait a minute, cowboy," said Jack. "Gimme a hug."

Ennis happily obliged and after a long and satisfying kiss, followed by several mutual "I love yous," slid into the driver's seat. He started the truck when Jack remembered the Thermos was still in the kitchen. He ran into the house and came back out, passing the container to Ennis through the window. "Drive safe, lover," Jack said. "See ya tomorrow."

"Will do," said Ennis. He put the truck in gear and drove off. Jack stood and watched the red tail lights until they disappeared in the darkness.

Jack sighed, then laughed to himself. "I'm like a lovesick teenager," he thought. "My man leaves for 48 hours and I act like he's goin' off t'war."

Jack went back into the house, turning out the lights in the kitchen and living room. He headed upstairs, intending to go back to bed, but realized that he was wide awake. He sighed. "Well, my clock's gonna be all fucked up for today," he thought. "At least it's Sunday, I can take the day off."

He made the bed, pulling the sheets taut and fluffing the pillows. He looked at the bandana, still draped over the lamp, thinking about Ennis and what a sweet gesture that had been. He pulled it off, folded it, and put it back in the drawer in the dresser.

He went into the guest room. He stripped the sheets off the twin beds and dumped them in a pile in the hall. Then he retrieved two sets of clean sheets from the linen closet, made the beds neatly, and folded the bedspreads up over the pillows.

Jenny had left her suitcase of Barbies. "I'd rather have them here to play with when I come visit," she said. "That makes them special." Jack slid the suitcase under the bed and as he did so, he saw a piece of paper. He pulled it out and looked at it. It took a minute to register, then he realized what he was looking at—a drawing by Jenny, of him and Ennis kissing. Jack smiled. It was pretty obvious who was who. They both were wearing jeans, but Jack's shirt was blue and Ennis's was brown. Their arms were wrapped around each other. Ennis had a mop of yellow hair while Jack's was black. Their faces were touching and their eyes were closed. Jack loved the little touch of eyelashes for each of them. The best part—they were wearing their cowboy hats.

Jack smiled at the picture. "Ennis, ya wanted a picture of us kissin'," he thought, "well, ya got it. I just never expected it t'be a drawing from yer daughter."

He went into their bedroom and laid the picture on the dresser. The snapshot of them sitting on the porch was there, too. "That's it," he thought to himself. "Tomorrow I'm buyin' picture frames, one for each of these."

He went back into the guest room. Junior had also decided to leave her collection of Nancy Drew books behind, using the same reasoning as her sister. "That'll give me somethin' t'look forward to for my next visit," she said. The box was too big to fit under the bed. He thought for a minute about where to put them, and decided that the bookcase in the living room was the best place.

He went downstairs with the box. He needed to rearrange some books to make space and decided to pack the paperbacks away. Once that was done, he pulled out the Nancy Drews. He noticed that each one had a number on the spine. He realized this must be their order in the series. Number one, _The Secret of the Old Clock. _Number two, _The Hidden Staircase_. Number three, _The Bungalow Mystery._ Jack lined them all up neatly on the shelf, then sat back and looked at his handiwork, thinking about Junior and Jenny. "They're such sweet girls," he thought to himself. "I'm gonna miss 'em."

As he continued to look at the books, he tried to remember which one Junior said was her favorite. _The Mystery of the Tolling Bell_? He shook his head, no that wasn't it. _The Quest of the Missing Map_? No. He concentrated, then remembered—number two, _The Hidden Staircase._ He pulled the book off the shelf and flipped it open. "Chapter I. A Rude Visitor."

Jack stood up, walked across the room, and lay on the couch. "Mebbe I'll see what the big deal is with these books," he thought to himself, as he settled in for a long read.


	15. Chapter 14

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 14

Jack was lying on the couch, reading _The Mystery of the Moss Covered Mansion_ and wondering to himself if George Fayne could possibly be a lesbian, given her name, when he heard the truck drive up outside. It seemed early for Ennis to arrive. He looked at his watch—it was shortly before ten and he wasn't expecting Ennis until midnight. But he wasn't expecting anyone else so he laid the book on the table and headed out the front door.

Jack saw Ennis getting out of the truck. "En, yer home!" he shouted, as he ran down the steps. They practically collided as they fell together in a hug. Jack pulled Ennis's face towards his. "Cowboy, I love you," he said, as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Babe, I am so glad t'be home," said Ennis, when they pulled apart.

Jack paused and looked concerned, "Did somethin' go wrong?" he asked.

"No," said Ennis, "ev'rythin' was fine, I was just missin' ya and the goddamn drive seemed endless." He leaned in to Jack, "Gimme another kiss," he said, which Jack happily did.

They stood there hugging and kissing, Jack rubbing his hands through Ennis's hair and Ennis happily massaging Jack's ass, until Jack finally twisted his head away. He laughed. "Oh, Ennis, if anyone saw us, they'd think you'd been gone two years and not just two days."

Ennis laughed back, "We are a pair of deuces, ain't we?" he said, putting his arm around Jack's shoulder.

They walked into the house. Jack turned to Ennis. "Are ya hungry? Did you have any supper?"

"I'm starvin'," said Ennis, "and I was hopin' ya'd ask me that question. Ya got somethin' t'eat?"

"I sure do," said Jack. "Lemme get it together."

Ennis gave him another kiss. "I'm gonna go use the bathroom and change my clothes," he said. "I'll be right back."

Jack went into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a plate of grilled chicken and a bowl of potato salad. He removed the Saran wrap from the dishes and put them on the dining room table. Then he took a tomato from the window sill, cut it into wedges and arranged them neatly on a plate. He set a place for Ennis with knife, fork, and spoon, folding a paper napkin and tucking it under the fork.

He walked to the stairs and just as he was about to call up to Ennis to ask him what he wanted to drink with his supper, Ennis appeared. He was wearing sweat pants with a tee shirt and was barefoot.

Jack smiled. "Lookit you," he said, chuckling.

"I found these in the drawer. Is it okay if I borrow them?"

Jack laughed. "Cowboy, what's mine is yers. Wear any of my clothes, I don't give a shit."

Ennis clambered down the stairs. "Thanks, bud," he said, coming round and giving Jack yet another kiss.

"Supper's on the table," he said. "Whaddya want t'drink? Beer, iced tea?"

"A beer is fine," said Ennis, walking into the dining room. "Oh, this looks great, babe," he said, noticing the plates on the table. "Lookit all this. You cook this all for yerself?"

"Not just me," he said, "I knew you'd be home soon, prob'ly be hungry. And Bobby was over for supper, too," he added.

"Bobby?" Ennis said, as he sat down in front of his place. "I didn't know you was expectin' him."

"I wasn't," said Jack, coming back into the dining room, carrying two beers. "But I'll tell ya 'bout that later. Right now, I want you t'tell me 'bout yer trip." Jack sat down in his usual chair and handed Ennis one of the bottles.

"The trip was fine," said Ennis, taking a swig. "Just long. Alma wanted t'see me really early this mornin' so I was able to get on the road by nine. And I will admit, I put the pedal t'the floor more than once, so I was able t'make really good time gettin' here."

Jack smiled and Ennis continued. "I didn't stop for anythin' 'cept gas. Just ate sandwiches from the cooler." He looked at Jack. "The front seat of yer truck is a mess. I'll clean it in the mornin'."

Jack smiled happily at him, just glad Ennis was home. "That's fine, cowboy," he said, "don't worry 'bout it."

Ennis helped himself to a chicken leg and some potato salad. He pointed to the plates with his fork. "This is so nice, havin' somethin' like this t'come back to," he said. "Thank you. I really feel like I'm comin' home."

"Thank you, En, for sayin' that," said Jack. "For you, I'm happy t'do it." He watched Ennis eat a few bites, then said, "How'd it go with Alma, anyway?"

"Okay," said Ennis. "She tried to make a few snide comments but I'm learnin' Jack…didn't let her piss me off, make me lose my temper. She shut up when she saw she wouldn't get a rise out of me."

"What did she say?" Jack asked, "Nothin' against the girls?"

"No, nothin' with the girls. Just the usual, how you and me is unnatural, we're gonna rot in hell, shit like that." He smiled at Jack. "That last part may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I know it's what she was thinkin'."

Jack laughed, then his expression turned serious. "What 'bout seein' the girls—did you come up with a visitation plan?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah, at least a beginning one. She agreed with the idea of longer visits. She was okay with a week during their February and April vacations, so-so on the week between Christmas and New Year's—I'll have t'work on that."

"What about the summer?"

"A long visit is okay. We didn't completely decide how long, but she was talkin' a month, six weeks…she said she'd ask the girls what they wanted, when it got closer t'the time. That made sense t'me."

Jack thought about this. "So, we might not see them 'til December?" he said, "or even February? That seems so far away."

Ennis looked at Jack, his expression a mix of smile and serious. "You missin' 'em?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I am. Don't take this wrong but I think I love them…love them like daughters, I mean. I feel like I have three kids now, not just a son."

Ennis smiled. "I know what ya mean. And they were diff'rent these past three weeks—diff'rent good, I mean. So happy, enjoyin' themselves. It made me realize just how miserable I was in Riverton and how much my bad mood rubbed off on ev'rybody."

Ennis ate for another minute or two, then said, "Actually, Jack, I was thinkin'—ain't there a long weekend in October?"

"Yup, Columbus Day. Why?"

"I was thinkin' 'bout this farm—we're gonna need t'get us some horses and I have a good relationship with the guy I bought Twister from. I was thinkin' of goin' t'Riverton in October, mebbe visit the girls, buy a horse or two…"

"What kind of a visit?" asked Jack. "I mean, what would ya do with Jenny and Junior?"

"Well, that's what I haven't quite figgered out," he said. "Sure as hell ain't much t'do in Riverton, that's for sure. Ya can only eat so many ice cream cones."

Jack thought for a minute, then said, "Y'know, En, y'know what's in Wyoming?"

"No, what?"

"Yellowstone National Park," replied Jack.

Ennis looked at him. "I ain't ever been to Yellowstone," he said. "That's the place with the geysers, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yup, I ain't been there either. Funny, live in Wyoming all yer life and never visit the biggest tourist attraction in the state."

Ennis laughed at that, then said, "So what are ya sayin', Jack? Go visit Yellowstone?"

Jack nodded, "Yeah, with the girls. Take them for the long weekend. That would be a way t'visit."

"What would we do, go campin'?" said Ennis.

"Mebbe camp, or mebbe they have a cabin or somethin' we could rent. We'd need t'do some investigatin'."

They thought about this idea for a minute, then Ennis said, "Y'know, it could work."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, it could. And after we was done at Yellowstone, mebbe we could go up t'Lightining Flat. Visit my parents, tell 'em what's goin' on." He gave Ennis a funny smile. "Prob'ly only right for them t'meet the man their son is married to."

Ennis blushed a little bit at that comment, but smiled, and didn't disagree. "Yup, yer right. But yer daddy, is he gonna run me off with a shotgun?" he said with a wink.

Jack laughed. "He might, but he'll be runnin' me off too, so we'll be together." Jack sat, lost in thought for a minute, then said, "I should prob'ly call my mama, tell her I'm gettin' divorced, tell her about the farm. I ain't talked t'her since back in May, when I didn't go up t'Lightning Flat after our fishin' trip."

Ennis didn't say anything, just listened. He realized that since he had never been an adult with parents, he had no idea what the proper protocol was for communicating with them. Alma used to call her mother once a week, but Ennis didn't know if it was different for sons. Once every three months seemed a little infrequent, though. He cleared his throat. "I think you should call yer mama, tell her yer happy," he said. "I wish my mama could see how happy I am."

Jack smiled at Ennis, and reached over and covered Ennis's hand with his own. "I think she prob'ly knows, En. I think yer mama is watchin' over you." He paused, then shook his head. "Listen t'us, gettin' all mushy and sentimental." Ennis laughed and nodded. "So, this trip, sounds like it could last a week. What are we gonna do 'bout the horses?"

"The horses here or the horses we'd be buyin' in Riverton?" asked Ennis.

"The horses here," said Jack. "We'd need someone t'take care of 'em."

Ennis nodded. "I could ask at the Agway. I've gotten friendly with the manager there—shit, I've spent enough money on hay and feed, he should be friendly. I'm sure there's a teenager in town who'd do the work for a week."

"Yup, yer prob'ly right." Jack looked at the plates. "You done eatin'?"

Ennis reached over and served himself another scoop of potato salad. "No, I want seconds on this, it's really good. You get this at the store?"

"Nope," said Jack, "I made it. Recipe in my cookbook. Boiled the potatoes, cooked the eggs…"

"Well, it's really good." He paused, then gave Jack a smile. "Shit, cowboy, when did you have time t'make potato salad? Yer supposed t'be doin' yer work."

Jack laughed. "Well, without you here to keep me otherwise occupied, I felt like I had a ton of time on my hands." He paused, then his look turned serious. "Actually, En, I got that feelin'…"

Ennis looked at him, his face a mixture of concern and worry. "Which feelin', Jack? That depression?" Jack nodded. "Ya didn't get drunk, did ya?" asked Ennis.

"No, I didn't. In fact, this beer's the first thing I had t'drink since you left." He paused. "I'm really glad you called last night, though."

"Well," said Ennis, "you asked me to and I said I would, so of course I called ya."

"Well," said Jack, "it was the boost I needed. That black cloud feelin' was there, but talkin' t'you helped me fight it off."

Ennis squeezed Jack's hand. "That's good, babe," he said. "I'm glad t'hear it."

Jack smiled. "That's why I got together with Bobby today, too. I realized I needed t'keep myself busy, so I did my chores around here in the mornin', made the potato salad, then went t'town for errands. Picked up Bobby later on, we came back here, went ridin' and swimmin', then had a cook out. I only got back from droppin' him off 'bout an hour before you got home."

Ennis smiled. "That sounds like fun." He paused, then looked at Jack. "Why this time, cowboy? You didn't mention the black cloud when I went t'Denver."

Jack paused, considering. "I thought 'bout that. It was diff'rnt this time. The girls leavin'…me realizin' how much I enjoyed havin' them here…and," he paused, "I hope I can say this right, but I think I was worried 'bout you goin' back t'Wyoming."

Ennis looked puzzled. "Why Wyoming?"

Jack replied, "I was worried like you'd decide it was home, that's where you wanted t'be. Didn't want t'live in Texas. You'd see the Wyoming mountains and change your mind."

Ennis smiled. "Jack, I know what yer sayin' but nothin' could be more wrong. Wyoming ain't home anymore and I didn't feel a twinge of that while I was there. In fact," he said, "ya know what's home?" Jack shook his head. "You are. You are my life now, Jack. Bein' with you is my life, and wherever you are is home."

Jack could feel tears welling up in his eyes and Ennis noticed. He stood up and reached out his hand to Jack, pulling him into his arms. He wiped a tear from under Jack's eye with his thumb, then gave him a gentle kiss. "Home, babe," he said, "is you and me. It doesn't matter if we are at the Lazy L or in a Quonset hut. My home is in my heart, and yer there, for all time."

Jack tried to smile, but the tears were spilling down his cheeks and even Ennis was feeling a little weepy. "Lookit us," said Jack, "a pair of grown men cryin' over each other. Are we ever goin' t'get to a point where we ain't so emotional all the time?"

Ennis laughed. "Mebbe, mebbe not. I kinda like the emotional, t'be honest, as long as it's happy."

Jack laughed. "I love you, En," he said.

"I love you too," said Ennis. He paused, then said, "Don't take this the wrong way…I loved havin' Jenny and Junior here, but there's a selfish part of me that just likes bein' alone with you, so I can kiss you whenever I want, hug you whenever…" He leaned in and gave Jack a long and luxurious kiss. "Kiss you like that whenever…" he said in a whisper.

Jack let himself be kissed. Then he got a funny smile. "Speakin' of the girls and kissin', did you see Jenny's picture?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, what picture?"

Jack smiled. "It's up on the dresser. I got a picture frame for it today." Ennis turned as if to head towards the stairs, but Jack grabbed his hand. "Help me clean up here real quick," he said, "and then we can go up for the night." Ennis nodded. "I think you'll like this picture, En. It's somethin' you wanted."

"Somethin' I wanted?"

"Yup," said Jack, "you'll see. Now, let's clean up. I hate comin' down to a sink of dirty dishes in the mornin'."

* * *

Thursday morning, Ennis woke up even earlier than usual but he felt like a million bucks. He stretched, looked at Jack who was dead to the world, got up and looked out the window. He could tell it was going to be another beautiful day. He briefly considered going back to bed but realized he was absolutely wide awake so what was the point? He crossed over to the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of jeans. As he did so, he looked at the two framed pictures that sat on the top. He smiled to himself. He loved Jenny's picture, as Jack had told him he would.

He thought about his daughters as he traced his finger over Jenny's name where she had signed it in the bottom right hand corner. He loved them both but he felt like he had gotten to know Jenny better during her three week visit—and in some way, he felt like she was connecting with him and Jack on a deeper level than Junior was. This picture seemed to be evidence of that.

Ennis finished getting dressed, went down the hall to use the bathroom, then headed down the stairs. Since it was early he knew the horses wouldn't be anxious for their morning feed, so he took the time to brew a pot of coffee. He poured himself a glass of juice and a bowl of cereal and stood eating it while he looked out the kitchen window, trying to formulate a plan for the day.

He decided he'd take care of the horses and a few other quick chores, then head to the nursing home to visit Hal. More and more when he went in the afternoon, Hal was asleep and often didn't say a word. Ennis didn't mind, he usually just sat next to Hal, holding his hand and massaging his fingers. The nurses told him he could talk to Hal—many times people could hear even if they didn't seem responsive—but Ennis, not the most talkative guy under normal circumstances, felt a little funny doing that. "Mebbe if I go in the morning," he thought, "Hal might be more awake."

He rinsed his bowl and glass in the sink and poured himself a cup of coffee, glancing at the clock. It was 5:30 a.m. He thought about taking a cup of coffee up to Jack but thought he probably wouldn't be awake. Jack got up early but usually not much before 6:30 or 7. He realized the coffee would probably just get cold, even though Jack would appreciate the gesture. It made more sense to leave it in the pot where it would be easier to warm up. Ennis finished his coffee, rinsed the cup, put it in the strainer and headed out the door to the stable.

* * *

Three hours later, Ennis came into the nursing home and walked up to the nurses' station. On his way through town he had stopped at the grocery story and bought a bag of donuts, as he had discovered the morning crew liked the sugar ones as much as he did. "Mornin' ladies," he said, putting the bag on the counter.

"Mornin' Ennis, mornin' Ennis," came a chorus of voices as the staff looked up at him, some smiling, some giving a little wave. "You're early this mornin'," one nurse, a pretty young woman named Marcia, said.

"Woke up early and was feelin' great, got my chores done, thought I'd make a quick visit," he replied. "How's Hal doin' this mornin'?"

Becky Randall, the charge nurse, came around to his side, "Can we talk for a minute, Ennis?" she said. "About Hal?"

He nodded, "Sure."

She guided him down the hall and into the day room, where they sat in two chairs. The room was empty. "I'm glad you came by this morning," she said, "because I was actually thinking of calling Tom today. Maybe we can talk instead and you can relay the information to him."

"Sure," Ennis said, "what's up?"

"Hal is not doing well, as you have probably noticed. He has had a dramatic decline in the past few days, and I suspect he really doesn't have much more than a week to live, if that."

Ennis nodded. He had seen the changes she was describing.

"Ennis, you know how much Hal talks about going home. When he was first here, he talked about going home to live. Now, I think he knows he's dying, and he wants to go home for that."

Ennis didn't say anything. Becky continued, "Ennis, I probably shouldn't be asking this, but is there anyway you and Jack would consider letting him go home to die?"

Ennis wasn't sure what to say. "We ain't nurses, Becky. How would we care for him?"

"Actually, Ennis, he doesn't require a whole lot of care right now. He spends most of the day sleeping and he eats very little. You could have some nurses come in—they're called hospice nurses, they specialize in caring for dying patients—to give you a hand."

"Would they be there for 24 hours?" asked Ennis.

Becky shook her head. "No, more like once or twice a day. They'd help with his personal care—toileting, bathing, stuff like that—plus give him his meds. They'd make it so you could manage the rest."

Ennis sat back and thought over what Becky had said. He knew that Hal wanted to go home—he had told Ennis that more times than he could count. "I just want to see the house again, back to it's original color. It makes me think of my mama and daddy, and being a little boy," he had said to Ennis, over and over.

"Becky, let me talk to Jack, mebbe we can do it. I dunno, I've never done anything like this before."

"It's not so hard, Ennis. Especially since you've gotten to know Hal so well."

Ennis nodded. "Okay, I'll talk to Jack, and I'll call Tom. If it's okay with both of them, mebbe we can go ahead."

Becky smiled, "Thank you for even thinking about this, Ennis. You're a good person."

They stood up and walked back down the hall. "When I looked in a little while ago, he was still asleep," Becky said. "But maybe when he hears your voice he'll wake up." She turned towards the nurse's station as Ennis entered the room.

As Becky had said, Hal was sleeping. He looked so frail, his face pale against the white of the pillow. Ennis pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. He picked up Hal's hand and held it in his own, slowly massaging his fingers.

Hal's eyes fluttered open. "Ennis, yer here," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"I am, Hal," he answered. "No need t'talk."

Hal was quiet for a minute, then opened his eyes again. "Ennis, I wanna go home. I'm a dyin' old man and I wanna die in my home."

Ennis looked at him. "Becky talked t'me 'bout that, Hal. I'll talk t'Jack, see what we can do. They got special nurses that can come in 'n care for ya."

Hal gave him a faint smile. "I wanna be in the back bedroom, the little one."

"You don't want the big bedroom?" said Ennis. "It's got more light."

"Ain't that where ya sleep with Jack?" Hal asked.

"It surely is," said Ennis, "but we can move out for you."

Hal shook his head. "No, I want ya there with your lover. I'll sleep in the little room. That was mine when I was a boy. It'll be good t'die there."

Ennis reached over and smoothed the hair on his forehead. "I'll talk t'Jack, and I'll call Tom. We'll work it out. We'll bring ya home, Hal."

Hal smiled again and closed his eyes. Within a minute, he was asleep.

Ennis stood up and walked out the door, closing the door quietly behind him. He found Becky at the nurse's station. "How would we get him t'the house?" he asked.

"We'd arrange for an ambulance. No flashing lights, but it will be easier for him to go on a stretcher. He really can't walk anymore."

Ennis nodded. He paused and thought for a minute, then said, "Listen, I know I said I'd talk t'Jack, but let's just plan on this. He ain't got much time and he wants t'be home. How soon can ya move him? This afternoon?"

Becky nodded. "I think that can be arranged."

"Okay," he said. "I'll give ya a call after I get back to the house."

"That sounds fine," Becky said. "And I'll call the hospice nurses. They'll need to bring in a commode, but that's about all the special equipment he'll need." She reached out and touched Ennis's arm. "Thank you again for doing this."

Ennis smiled at her. "It's the right thing t'do, ain't it?" and she nodded. "Okay, so I'll talk t'ya in a little bit," he said, as he turned and walked towards the door.

* * *

Jack and Ennis were sitting at the dining room table, eating their lunch, when they heard a car drive up. "I guess it's beginning," said Ennis. Jack nodded. They had been told the hospice nurse would be arriving around noon, and Hal would be coming in the ambulance after she had met with them.

Jack stood up and went to the front door, watching a tall, willowy woman come up the steps. She was wearing a long denim skirt, peasant blouse, and sandals. Her long gray hair was twisted up in a knot and held in place with something that looked suspiciously like chopsticks. She had brilliant blue eyes and a beautiful smile.

Jack opened the door and welcomed her in. "Hi, I'm Jack…Jack Twist," said Jack, extending his hand.

The woman took his hand in both her own, "It's wonderful to meet you, Jack," she said. "I'm Jill Bretz, the hospice nurse from the Visiting Nurses Association." As she finished clasping his hand in hers, her fingers rubbed against his ring and she looked at it, "Oh this is lovely," she said. "You must've gotten it on July 4th." Jack nodded. She smiled, lifting up one of her earrings. "I bought these from these from Sarah that day too."

"They're very pretty," said Jack, not sure what else to say.

"Yes, I thought they were beautiful. They spoke to me. Did your ring speak to you?"

"Actually, it did," said Jack, although he had never thought of it this way.

"Sarah is spiritual," she said. "It comes through in her jewelry."

Jack was feeling slightly confused about all of this. Jill didn't look like any nurse he had ever seen—he was used to the white cap and shoes variety—and her talk of spiritual jewelry seemed a little…odd. On the other hand, everything she was saying was completely true. "I mean," he thought to himself, "we got married there. What could be more spiritual than that?"

He suddenly realized Jill was talking to him. "Do you have a friend for me to meet?" she was asking gently.

Jack nodded. "Yes, in the dining room…Ennis." He motioned her into the house and towards the dining room.

Jill walked ahead of him. Ennis had gotten up from the table and was standing awkwardly there, not sure what do to. Jill reached out her hand, "Ennis, I'm Jill, the hospice nurse." She looked at the table. "I'm sorry I interrupted your lunch."

"We was almost finished," he said. "It's not really an interruption."

"Sweet man," she said, "look at all the food on your plate. Of course it's an interruption, and I apologize. Do you have some iced tea?" Ennis nodded, feeling like Jack, that is, a little bit dumbfounded at this woman who had suddenly appeared in their midst. "Perhaps I could serve myself a glass and we can talk about Hal while you finish your lunch." She didn't wait for an answer but went into the kitchen, coming out a minute later with a glass of iced tea. Jack and Ennis were still standing, not sure what to do. She motioned to them, "Please sit," as she sat at the empty place across the table.

Jack looked at her. "Is tea enough? I could make you a sandwich…"

"No, no, no, no," she said. "You don't need to feed me. Tea is fine." She gave them both a big smile and Jack thought in that moment that it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. She looked at Ennis. "I see you have one of Sarah's rings, too," she said.

Ennis nodded. "I bought it with Jack."

"It's beautiful," she said, giving Ennis the same astonishing smile. "Wear it well." She paused, then continued. "Okay, now to the real reason for my visit…first, let me tell you, you are doing a wonderful thing, a truly special and caring gesture. Having Hal come home at this point in his life is a gift and the gift you are giving him is a gift that will be returned to you a thousand times."

Ennis and Jack looked at her. They were expecting a clinical lecture about pills and turning Hal in bed, not stuff about gifts.

She looked at both of them, once again smiling her amazing smile. "I can see you don't know what I am talking about." They nodded. "Few do. And that's the point. You have made a decision based on faith and for that you'll be rewarded." They continued to look confused. She nodded. "Let me start at the beginning." She paused for a minute, then took a breath. "There was a time when the cycle of birth, life, and death was a natural cycle, happening within the family unit and being a part of all our lives. Unfortunately, in this country in particular, we have turned these natural times into medical events. Babies are born in the hospital, separated from their mothers. People who are dying—who we know are dying—die in the hospital, apart from their loved ones, attached to tubes and monitors. It is not part of the natural process."

Jack and Ennis listened, interested in what she was saying.

"A woman in England has created a new philosophy of care—new in that it's a new system, but going back to the old roots—called hospice. It is starting to take hold in this country." She paused, then continued. "Hospice is a philosophy that affirms the dying process, treats it as a spiritual event, and recognizes that the best place to die is at home with loved ones—family and community—around you."

She paused for a minute, pulling the chopsticks out of her hair, retwisting the bun, and then reaffixing the chopsticks in back in place. "I understand why Tom felt he needed to admit his uncle to the nursing home," she said, "but really, if there had been family here, he could have been cared for at home. There was nothing really wrong with him that required the level of care that's provided in a nursing home." She smiled at Ennis and Jack again. "That is why I said what you are doing is so special…bringing him home. I think it is very special that you have found the place in your hearts to travel this last journey with Hal and to do it with him here in the place he has lived all his life."

Ennis finally spoke. "It seemed like the right thing t'do," he said. "It wasn't a hard decision."

"It never is when it's the right decision," Jill replied.

Ennis thought about what she had said. It had been remarkably easy. He'd talked to Jack, they called Tom, and the next thing they knew all the pieces were in place. He almost wondered if they should have considered this sooner, except that Jenny and Junior had been with them until Sunday. He's wasn't sure that they could have managed this while the girls were still visiting.

Jill looked at their plates. "It looks like you've finished your lunch. Do you want to show me Hal's room?"

The three of them stood up. Jack gathered up the luncheon plates and put them in the sink, then they walked up to the second floor. Ennis pointed down the hall. "I offered the big room to Hal, tellin' 'im there's more light, but he wanted t'be in the little room," he said, pointing in the door.

Jill walked in. "What a sweet little room," she said. "At my grandmother's house I always stayed in the little room under the eaves. This reminds me of that. And look how fresh and clean it is."

"We painted it this summer," said Ennis. Then he added. "It's not too small? He won't need…I dunno…stuff?"

Jill smiled. "Stuff? No, not much. They told me at the nursing home he can't really walk anymore so I have a commode in the car, but that's about all he'll need, I think." She walked over to the bed and folded down the sheets and then fluffed the pillow. She turned to them. "Can I see the bathroom?"

Jack and Ennis nodded and showed her down the hall. She glanced in the bathroom. "Yes, from what Becky told me, I doubt Hal could manage this hall or toilet." She started walking back down the hall, glancing in the master bedroom and then the guest room. "You painted everything up here?" she said. They nodded. "It looks so nice—clean and fresh."

They walked back down the stairs and Jill glanced at her watch. "Hal should be getting here any minute. While we're waiting, why don't we sit here in the living room and I'll explain a few things." She quickly reviewed what she had learned from the nurses at the nursing home. "He is not in any pain, and spends most of his time sleeping. The process in his body is that the organs will slowly shut down. You may notice his breathing becoming more irregular or it may even seem like he stops breathing for 20 or 30 seconds at a time—that's natural, nothing to be alarmed about."

"The most important thing," she said, "is to be with him. Does he have friends in the community who can come be with him?"

"Not that I know of," said Ennis. "He didn't seem to have many people visit him in the nursing home. That's why I started going so often."

Jill nodded. "That happens. You may be surprised in the next couple of days, though, when word gets out that he's home. And I'll do some asking at the VNA."

Ennis looked at her. "What happens when he, uh…dies?" Ennis realized how hard it was for him to say that, facing the reality that Hal would be leaving them soon. He had really become a very close friend.

"When he dies, you can continue to sit with him for as long as you want. There's no rush, no need to hurry. Once you are ready, just call me. Because he is a hospice patient and this will be an expected death, I can take care of the necessary procedures. When he was admitted to the nursing home, Tom selected a funeral home, so they will send a hearse and transport the body. It should all be very straightforward and I don't anticipate any complications."

They both nodded, then Jack asked, "Will you be comin' 'round?"

Jill nodded. "Yes. I'll definitely come by every morning and I suspect I'll stop by at the end of the day, too. You can call me anytime during the day. In the evening or at night, just call the VNA. They'll have someone on call who can help you." She handed Jack a paper. "This has some of the information we've just gone over, plus my phone number and the number of the VNA."

Jack took the paper and looked at it carefully. "Okay, this all looks pretty clear." He turned to Ennis. "En, I'll put this near the phone so you'll know where it is."

Ennis nodded. "Thanks, bud."

Jill stood up and gave them each another one of her dazzling smiles. "Let me hug you," she said, hugging Jack first, then Ennis. "You are special people," she whispered. "You are going on a spiritual journey." She stepped back and then said, "Do you hear a vehicle? I think Hal is coming home."

The three of them walked out to the porch. Jack and Ennis didn't hear or see anything, but then in a minute, they saw the ambulance turn the bend in the drive. "How did she know that?" Jack thought to himself.

They watched the ambulance approach. As Becky had said, there were no flashing lights or sirens. It parked and the driver got out. "Hi Jill," he said with a wave, as he walked to the back of the van. A second attendant was sitting in the back, next to Hal who was on a gurney, the head propped up. They maneuvered it out of the back and wheeled it towards the front of the house then stopped where Jill, Ennis, and Jack stood. Ennis walked over and brushed the hair off Hal's forehead. "Hal, yer home," he said.

Hal looked more awake and alert than he had in weeks. His eyes were bright and he was smiling a small little smile. "Thank you, Ennis," he whispered. "Thank you for doing this for me." He looked at the house. "Look how pretty it is," he said, "It looks like it did forty years ago."

The group stood there for a few minutes, letting Hal drink in the sight of the house and the farm. There was no need to rush because none of them were going anywhere. After a little while—no one really knew how long—Jill suggested it was time to go inside. "Hal," she said, "you'll like the inside, too. It's beautiful."

The attendants brought Hal inside and let him sit in the living room for awhile, then went upstairs. They transferred him easily to his bed and then Jill helped position him, with pillows behind his head and the sheet pulled up over his chest. She pushed opened the window next to the bed and the late summer breeze blew the curtains. She explained that Jack and Ennis would be with him and that she would be stopping by once or twice a day. Hal nodded. At this point he was starting to look tired and his eyes were drifting shut.

Ennis pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed, lifting Hal's hand and massaging the fingers as he had so many times before. Jill touched Jack's elbow and motioned him out of the room. They went down the stairs together.

"Ennis looks all set for awhile, I think," she said. "You may want to check on him occasionally," she said. "He seems like the type who could sit vigil twenty-four hours a day."

Jack smiled. "And so this is what we do?" he said.

"This is what you do. You two can still maintain a life, of course. Eat meals, go to bed at night, do what you need to do around the farm. But you'll want to be with Hal. It will come naturally. It always does."

She looked at Jack carefully, then in a move that surprised him, traced her fingers along his jaw, the same gesture that he loved to do with Ennis. "You're a good person, Jack. You'll understand that when this is all over." She turned and walked towards the front screen door, pausing with her hand on the knob. "I'll see you in the early evening. I'll plan to stop by then."

Jack nodded, and before he realized he hadn't even said goodbye, she was gone out the door, her denim skirt fluttering behind her.


	16. Chapter 15

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 15

Ennis came into the bedroom and saw Jack propped up in bed, a book in his hands. "Whatchya readin'?" he asked.

Jack held up the book. "One of Junior's mysteries," he replied.

Ennis laughed. "You readin' little girl books?" he said. "Ain't nothin' else in the house?"

Jack smiled back at him. "I got curious when I was puttin' 'em away the other day, so I started with the one she said was her favorite. I finished that and started in on this. They're pretty good stories—I can see why she likes 'em."

Ennis just laughed, shaking his head. "Jack fuckin' Twist, you are too goddamn much at times." He pulled off his jeans and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"How's Hal?" asked Jack, watching Ennis undress and loving the sight of his body.

"He's good," said Ennis. "Sleepin', but seems comfortable. His breathin' is okay—I propped him up with three pillows, seems t'need that t'breathe."

"Did ya leave a light on or anythin'?"

Ennis nodded. "I found a nightlight in that drawer in the kitchen with all the odds and ends. I plugged that in for him." By now, Ennis was undressed and slid into the bed next to Jack. "Mmm, my favorite part of the day, my favorite place t'be. Kiss me, lover," he said, taking the Nancy Drew mystery out of Jack's hand and placing it on the nightstand.

Jack leaned in and Ennis held Jack's face between his long hands, their tongues twisting together in a little dance. They pulled apart and Jack said, "Ya ever do this before?"

"What, kiss ya?" said Ennis, looking truly amazed at the question. "Yeah, like 10 million times this summer alone."

Jack laughed. "Sorry, that was an abrupt change of subject. No, I meant Hal. You ever take care of someone who was dyin' before?"

Ennis looked at him, surprised. "Of course not. Who'd I care for? My parents were killed when I was 13 and my grandparents were all gone before that. My sis was 18, which was the only thing that kept the three of us from goin' t'an orphanage."

"I asked 'cause ya seem t'be sort of a natural at it, En," said Jack. "Knowin' what t'do, sittin' with him and all."

"Well, I been sittin' with 'im all summer," said Ennis, leaning back against the headboard and adjusting the pillow behind him. "That part comes easy. The rest of it…" he paused, thinking for a minute, then looked at Jack. "The rest of it is like Jill said, it's a natural process. Mebbe I ain't seen a lot of people die, but I sure as hell have seen more animals than I can count be born and die, and we ain't that diff'rent, really."

Jack nodded, then said, "Yup, but I've gotten away from animals."

Ennis kept looking at Jack. "What was it like when Bobby was born?" he asked.

"Whaddya mean?" said Jack, not following the question.

"What I mean is, with Alma, they took her away, drugged her all up, then the doctor came out t'the waitin' room and told me I had a little girl. T'weren't real natural, if you ask me."

"Bobby was the same thing," said Jack. "Didn't realize it could be any other way."

"Think 'bout it, Jack," said Ennis. "Hal was born here in this house, obviously it was diff'rent in the old days."

"Don't ya think bein' in the hospital is safer?" asked Jack.

Ennis thought about that for a minute. "Mebbe for babies, yeah, but what 'bout dyin'? I keep thinkin' 'bout what Jill said, people dyin' in the hospital, attached to tubes and machines…I think it is better this way, with Hal here at home."

Jack reached out and as he loved to do, ran his fingers along Ennis's jaw. "It's a good thing yer doin' cowboy, bringin' him home."

"Yer part of it too, Jack," said Ennis, looking deep into Jack's eyes.

"I'm part of it, but it's really you, En. Yer the one who made the decision."

Ennis nodded. "That's true and you ain't mad, are ya bud?"

Jack smiled at him. "Yer always worried that I'll be mad when you decide t'do somethin'. If that were the case, y'know I'd say somethin', I ain't shy," he said. "No, En, I ain't mad. It's a good thing t'do and I'm glad t'have Hal here." He leaned in and gave Ennis a kiss, then looked at him. "So what happens tomorrow?"

Ennis shrugged. "Jill comes in the mornin', then we sit with Hal, I guess. I was actually wonderin' if we could bring him downstairs, have 'im on the couch in the livin' room, at least for part of the day."

Jack nodded. "That would be nice. Not have him cooped up here in his bedroom, be with us in the house."

"That's what I was thinkin'," said Ennis. "We can ask Jill. I wonder if she has a wheelchair or somethin' we could use t'get him downstairs."

"I 'spect she probably does…or has some idea how t'do it," said Jack. "Shit, he's prob'ly so light you could carry him in yer arms."

Ennis turned to Jack and ran his hand down Jack's chest, letting it rest on his hip, drinking in the look of Jack. "I love you, cowboy," he said, his voice catching a bit in his throat.

"I love you too," said Jack, leaning in and kissing Ennis lightly.

"We're together forever, ain't we?" asked Ennis, his eyes serious.

"That's what we keep tellin' each other," said Jack, with a smile.

Ennis took a deep breath. "Would you do this for me?"

"Do what?" said Jack, not fully understanding the question.

"Keep me home t'die? If all goes accordin' t'plan, I think I'll be dyin' here in this house, right in this bed. Would you do that, keep me home, here at yer side?"

Jack looked pained. "Don't talk like that, Ennis. Don't talk 'bout dyin'. Yer only 33."

Ennis lifted Jack's right hand and kissed his fingers, kissed his palm, then lightly kissed the silver ring. "Lover, I ain't plannin' on dyin' anytime soon," he said. "I want t'be old and gray and have grandkids that I teach t'ride." He paused, then said, "but someday, when I'm like ninety-nine years old or somethin', I might be fixin' t'die and I just wanna know if you'll keep me at home, not stick me in the hospital or nursin' home or somewhere."

Jack looked at him, tears welling in his eyes. The thought of Ennis dying, even sixty-six years hence, was almost more than he could stand. "Mebbe I'll go first," whispered Jack. "Then I won't have t'live through you dyin'."

Ennis tried to smile, but like Jack, he could feel the tears coming. "You die, babe, and that'll break my heart, so I 'spect I'll be followin' right on behind you, 'cause I know I can't live without you." He pulled Jack in close, and could feel the tears spilling on to his shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe," he whispered. "I shouldn'ta brought this up."

"It's okay, En," said Jack, through a shuddering breath. "It prob'ly is good t'talk 'bout, least so we understand." He pulled back and looked at Ennis, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. "What I'd like, En, is to just keel over in a field with my boots on, not go through this dyin' stuff." He paused. "But I realize it prob'ly don't happen that way all the time." He lifted Ennis's hand and in the same gesture, kissed his fingers, the palm and then his ring. "I promise you, En, yer old and sick, I'll do ev'rythin' I can to keep you here at my side. I want you t'die in my arms."

Ennis smiled at him. "Thank you, babe. I promise the same t'you." He reached over and pulled a few tissues from the box on the nightstand, handing some to Jack and then wiping his own eyes. "Here we are again, cryin' over each other," trying to lighten the moment with a joke.

Jack smiled back, taking the crumpled tissues from Ennis's hand and putting them on the nightstand. "Only one cure for that," he said, reaching down and taking a firm hold on Ennis's cock.

"What's that?" said Ennis, falling back on the pillow and feeling the warm glow of desire start to build in his groin.

"I got t'get yer mind distracted," said Jack. "Or mebbe just get yer mind empty of all thoughts."

"You want t'do that, cowboy," said Ennis, leaning in towards his favorite spot on Jack's collarbone, "ya got some work t'do."

"Hmm," said Jack, mumbling as he thrust his tongue into Ennis's mouth. "Then let's get t'work."

* * *

Friday morning, Ennis woke up, feeling like it was later than usual. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table: 7:30. He couldn't remember the last time he slept that late. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Jack, sleeping in his usual position, curled on his side, one hand under the pillow, black hair fanned across his forehead.

Ennis smiled at himself, thinking of the night before. Now he knew why he had slept in—he and Jack had been at it until probably 3 in the morning. Jack had taken seriously his vow to empty Ennis's head of all thoughts. It turned into one of their "I can't get enough of you" nights, Ennis pounding Jack's ass into the mattress and Jack giving it right back with his fingers and tongue, driving Ennis to a place where the world ceased to exist and all that mattered was the 3975 square inches that was their bed.

Ennis felt a moment of embarrassment, thinking of Hal in the bedroom down the hall, then realized that Hal mostly likely didn't hear anything and if he did, or could, he would probably approve. Over the course of the summer their conversations had become increasingly personal. At first Ennis had shied away but eventually he started to open up, telling Hal stories of their lives together and apart, their fishing trips, and more recently, their months on the farm. He realized he had no one to talk to, except for Jack, about what it meant to love a man and Hal provided a good sounding board. Although in many ways he was as naïve as Ennis and Jack when it came to gay life and culture, at least he was an interested and receptive listener and did offer a few words of wisdom when he knew something about the topic at hand.

Ennis pulled back the sheet and looked at Jack, stroking himself and feeling his cock stiffen in his hand. He reached for the K-Y and got himself good and lubed up, then leaned in and placed his lips on the edge of Jack's ear, gently pulling at the earlobe with his teeth. "Lover, wake up," he whispered in Jack's ear.

"Mmm," said Jack, his voice full of sleep, "why?"

""Cause I want to love you, babe," said Ennis, still whispering. "I want to fuck yer ass again,"

"Oh Ennis," said Jack, pretending to resist and push him away, "you didn't get enough last night?"

"That was last night," said Ennis, pulling Jack's hips toward him, his hand closing on Jack's cock. "This is this mornin'."

"What time is it?" said Jack, still sleepy with his eyes closed.

"7:30," said Ennis, amazing Jack that he actually knew the time.

"We'd better do it quick, then," said Jack, feeling the tip of Ennis's cock pressing in on his ass. "Jill said she'd be here 'round 8:30."

"That gives us an hour," said Ennis, slowly pushing and feeling the muscle relax.

"But I need to clean up so I don't smell like spunk," said Jack, smiling and finding it increasingly difficult to get the words out. "And I wanted t'cook some oat…" He stopped as Ennis reached his full penetration. "Ah fuck," he groaned.

"That's what I'm doing, babe," said Ennis, pulling Jack's hips up and pushing a pillow under his lower back. "Feels good, hunh?"

"Ah fuck," said Jack again, which Ennis took as an affirmative answer. He pushed and pulled, finding his rhythm, while Jack matched his cadence with his hand on his own cock. Jack didn't open his eyes, just let himself be washed away with Ennis in some vast sea of desire, love, and unending sex.

Their climax was mutual and Ennis finished by licking Jack's cock, taking the last bit of cum in his mouth. They fell back on the bed, a tangle of arms and legs, Jack reaching and running his hands through Ennis's hair. After many long relaxing minutes, finally he sighed, "Wake up, cowboy, we're gonna have a guest in no time and we ain't in no way presentable."

Ennis rolled away, smiling at Jack. "Okay, I guess I can be without it for a coupla hours."

Jack sat up. "Ya want t'use the bathroom first?" he asked.

"Let's do it together," said Ennis, with a wink. "Save us some time."

Jack groaned. "Jesus, cowboy, ya gonna drill me in the tub?" he said.

"I'll try t'resist," said Ennis, "but I ain't makin' no promises."

* * *

Jack saw Jill's car coming down the drive, right on time. He was in the kitchen, his hair still damp, brewing a pot of coffee and reading the instructions on the back of the Quaker oatmeal container. He was thinking to himself that he should make some extra for Hal's breakfast. He had left Ennis upstairs to straighten up the bedroom and make the bed. They had both realized, at about 8:20, that Jill would likely walk down the hall to the bathroom and their bedroom was right on the way. "Shit, she can't see this," said Jack, looking at the tangled and twisted sheets. "I'd be embarrassed."

"We could just close the door," said Ennis and

Jack laughed. "Just make the fuckin' bed and clean up, willya?" he said. "It's what ya get t'do for gettin' an extra screw this mornin'."

"Okay, boss," said Ennis, giving him a mock salute. "But only if I get more later."

Jack put the oatmeal container down and met Jill at the front door. "Good morning," she said, her smile flashing brightly in her face.

"Mornin'," said Jack, as he opened the door. "I'm brewin' some coffee. You want a cup?"

"Maybe later," said Jill, as she came into the house. "How's Hal?"

"Still asleep," said Jack. "Ennis sat with him 'til 'bout 11 last night." He paused, then continued. "I'm thinkin' of makin' some oatmeal. Could he eat that for breakfast?"

They started walking through the dining room, heading towards the kitchen. "Oatmeal might be good," Jill said. "I'll see how Hal is feeling."

At that moment, they heard Ennis clattering down the stairs, calling out to Jack, "Babe, I'm goin' down t'the stable, gotta take care o'the horses." Before Jack had a chance to reply, Ennis was out the front door, the screen door slamming behind him.

Jack blushed bright red. "I don't think he realized you were here," he said.

"That's okay," said Jill. "The whole point is that I am not supposed to be a disruption."

Jack looked at her, embarrassed, not sure what to say, then, after a pause, "He's been callin' me that more and more lately…I used t'be rodeo."

Jill smiled at him, "It's obvious this is a loving home. That's good for Hal. Dying people should be in a loving environment." She nodded at Jack, who nodded back at her. "This is a much better place to be than the nursing home," she said. "Thank you again."

Jack smiled at her, appreciating the way she had easily moved over an awkward moment. "Oatmeal?" he said. "I think we were talking about breakfast?"

"We were," said Jill, "and what I am going to do this morning." She motioned with her hands and Jack saw that she was holding a basin, bag, and clean pajamas, surprised that he hadn't noticed this before. "I have some medications for Hal, then I'll give him a bath, help him dress in clean pajamas. After that, I'll see if he wants any breakfast. They told me at the nursing home he is eating very little these days."

Jack looked at her. "Ennis and I was wonderin' if we could bring 'im downstairs—have him lie on the couch, at least for part of the day."

Jill nodded and smiled. "I think that's a very good idea. I am sure Hal would like that, if he's up to it."

"How would we get him down here?" Jack asked.

"I have a wheelchair in the trunk of my car," Jill replied. "Actually, it's a pediatric wheelchair so it's smaller and more narrow than the adult kind—should be a bit easier to move up and down the stairs."

"Okay," said Jack, "when En gets back from the stable and yer done with Hal's bath and stuff, we can move him together."

"All right, then," said Jill. "I'll head on up. I didn't bring a towel or face cloth, I assumed you had those here?"

Jack nodded. "Yup. The linen closet is at the head of the stairs. Help yerself."

* * *

The next four days flowed into an easy routine, easier than Jack ever expected. Jill came in the morning and took care of Hal's most pressing nursing care, then they moved him to the couch where he rested for the day. Ennis, usually full of restless energy, found comfort and peace in just sitting by his side. On Friday, he had tried to occupy himself with washing windows, but felt that it was too disruptive and abandoned the task. He found he preferred to sit with Hal, usually holding his hand and massaging his fingers, talking in a soft voice or just being quiet and with him. Jack sat with Hal, too, usually reading a book, sensing that Hal knew he was at his side.

The thing that happened—and that Jack didn't expect—were the people who started coming by to visit, pay their respects, and say goodbye. Jeanie Campbell and her husband Bob were the first, coming late on Friday. "The word is out in town," she said to Jack. "People know you brought Hal home. Be prepared for some visitors."

"Visitors?" said Jack.

Jeanie nodded. "Yup, visitors. Hal's lived here all his life. He has a lot of friends."

Jack looked at her and said, a trace of bitterness in his voice. "So where were they all summer, when he was in the nursin' home? Hardly anyone visited him there, it was mostly Ennis, every day, and Tom when he came up from Austin."

Jeanie looked at him. "You're right, Jack, and I don't have an answer for that. Maybe bein' in a nursing home, behind those plate glass windows, people forget he's alive, forget he's there. Now he's home…it's different."

Jack started to say something, then stopped. Jeanie picked up on his hesitation. "What?" she asked, softly.

"You think it's Hal?" he asked. "Or are people comin' 'round t'see the two queers who are buyin' the Lazy L, and havin' Hal at home is givin' them a convenient excuse t'show up?"

Jeanie looked genuinely surprised. "I can't believe you said that," she said. "You're bein' awfully hard on yourself."

Jack shrugged. "Ennis told me 'bout yer conversation at the yard sale…'bout the bad apples in Quanah."

"I don't think the bad apples are Hal's friends, Jack," she replied, "and I don't think Hal's friends will be comin' by to assess your livin' arrangements, either."

Jack continued to look at her, still feeling wary. "Sorry. Perhaps my comment was uncalled for—it's just—well, we've been private all summer. No one's been here, no one knows who we are or what we're doin'. Buyin' this place, I know that's all gonna change."

"You're right, Jack, it will change—and I said that to Ennis. But," she paused for a moment, then continued, "to be honest, I think what you're doin' here is goin' to go a long way to makin' the people of Quanah see you in a positive light."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Jack.

"Doin' this, bringin' Hal home. You didn't need to do this—you're not kin or anythin'. You and Ennis were two guys hired to do a summer job. And look what happened—you became a friend of the family and your fulfillin' Hal's last wish." She looked at Jack. "This is a small town with families that have been here for generations. Family is important in this town—but there are families that wouldn't do what you are doin'. It's goin' to mean somethin', Jack."

Jack looked at her, a small smile on his face. "Well, we didn't do it t'increase our social standin' in Quanah," he said. "We did it 'cause it's what Hal wanted."

"My point exactly," said Jeanie, "and people know it. It says a lot about who you are—and that's more important than who you sleep with at night." She smiled at Jack. "Now, can I go see Hal?"

"Sure," said Jack, "he's in the livin' room, on the couch."

"Oh," she said, walking towards the car. "I almost forgot—I brought you and Ennis some cookies. Chocolate chip." She handed Jack the plate, covered with Saran wrap.

"Chocolate chip, my favorite," said Jack, with a smile. "And I haven't figgered out how t'make these yet."

As Jeanie predicted, people did come by. The elderly ladies patted Jack's or Ennis's hand, usually saying, "Yer good boys, yer good t'do this," while their elderly husbands tipped their hats and said, "Buyin' the Lazy L, I hear, keepin' it as a farm." Seeing his friends gave Hal the energy to smile and say a few words, but no one expected much in the way of conversation. Ennis and Jack both had a sense of peace and tranquility flowing through the house, a feeling neither of them expected.

Tuesday, six days into their vigil, things seemed different. Ennis noticed it when he woke up in the morning and saw, for the first time in weeks, that it was overcast and cloudy. The sun wasn't shining brilliantly over the field as it had been all summer. Jill noticed it when she came to take care of Hal. "He restless and agitated this morning," she said. "Not talking much. I gave him some medication. He also said he wants to stay in his room and if anyone comes to visit today, he might not want to see them."

Ennis nodded. "I'll spend the day with him."

Jill smiled. "That's good. That's what he wants, he specifically said your name."

Late in the afternoon, Ennis was still at Hal's bedside, alternately looking out the window and then down at Hal. Dark clouds scudded across the sky and Ennis could feel electricity crackling in the air. While the tenor of the day was different from the previous five, Ennis still felt that feeling of being centered and at peace. He tried to convey it to Hal through his presence. Hal seemed agitated and restless and had spoken very little during the day.

He picked up one of Hal's hands and began to massage the fingers, the skin feeling papery and cool to his touch. Hal's breathing had been irregular all day, as Jill had told them it might be. There were moments when he stopped breathing. Sometimes it seemed like it was as long as a minute, but since Ennis didn't wear a watch, he didn't really know. But each time it happened, there was little gasp and then Hal started breathing again.

Ennis reached over and brushed the hair off Hal's forehead and in that touch, Hal's eyes fluttered open. "Ennis…" he whispered.

"I'm here, Hal," he said. "No need t'talk."

Hal shifted in the bed, restless. "Ennis…tell me…Jack…"

Ennis smiled to himself. He had lost count of how many times he had told Hal the story of how he and Jack met, but Hal wanted to hear it over and over, and Ennis didn't mind telling it. "It was in May, 1963," he said, "and I hitchhiked into Signal, Wyoming, lookin' for a job from a guy named Joe Aguirre. I was standin' outside Aguirre's trailer when Jack drove up in his truck—a black piece o'shit, 1950 GMC pickup." He smiled at the memory of Jack getting out of the truck and kicking at the tire. "He was wearin' a blue shirt and black hat and kept lookin' at me, and I wouldn't look back, kept lookin' at the ground."

"He introduced himself, all talkative and friendly, pryin' the words out of me. I barely told 'im my name." Ennis paused, thinking back on the memory. "We spent the afternoon drinkin' in a bar, gettin' t'know each other. Jack tellin' me stories, like he always does. Me, I mostly listened." He stopped for a moment. "We slept in his truck, him in the front seat, me in the back. The next mornin', Aguirre's men took us t'the drop off point, and then we went up on Brokeback—me 'n Jack, two horses, two mules, three dogs, and one thousand goddamn sheep."

Ennis paused again and looked out the window, watching the dark clouds move across the sky. "We went up on that mountain, two young kids, not knowin' anythin' 'bout life, or love, or sex…came down all grown up, changed men." He looked back at Hal, who had become less agitated and now was lying quietly in the bed. Ennis didn't know if he was listening or could even hear, but he kept talking. "I was so fuckin' stupid, Hal. Thought I needed to live my life a certain way, didn't let myself believe I was in love with Jack. Didn't even let myself think I could be in love with a man." His voice dropped a notch. "Made myself miserable for thirteen fuckin' long years…"

"When d'it…?" whispered Hal, his voice barely audible.

Ennis knew the question. Hal had asked it before. "When did I fall in love? I don't know, Hal, I've tried t'pick the minute. Jack tells me for him it was outside Aguirre's trailer—or maybe in the bar. For me…I just know we became friends. He was the best friend I ever had—my only friend, really. Then I started fallin' off a cliff. For me, Hal, that's what it was like, fallin' off a cliff for thirteen years. And finally, in May, I hit the ground when I said 'I love you, Jack' for the first time, and then I knew what I had been feelin' all these years."

Ennis looked out the window again and said softly, almost to himself, "I am so fuckin' lucky he gave me three chances and I didn't fuckin' blow it the third time, like I did the other two."

He turned back to Hal, whose eyes were open and seemed brighter and bluer than they had ever looked before. Ennis smiled at him. "Hal, yer eyes are blue like Jack's," he said. "I love blue eyes."

"Yer eyes are brown," whispered Hal. "I had a friend who had brown eyes."

"I know," said Ennis, nodding. "Ya told me." He turned back to the window and looked at the sky. "I think the storm is finally comin'," he said, as he watched the black clouds mass along the horizon. He heard a boom of thunder and saw a crackle of lightning in the far sky. "Yep, there it is." He put Hal's hand down gently and pushed the window shut. Within a minute, rain was pelting against the glass.

Ennis picked up Hal's hand again, listening to the rain and thunder swirling around the house. Hal's eyes opened again and Ennis smiled at him. "More questions? More stories?" he asked.

Hal shook his head, the movement barely noticeable. "No," he whispered, "but Ennis, do somethin' for me?"

"Sure, Hal," said Ennis, "what do you want?"

"Kiss me…" he whispered.

Ennis looked at Hal, slightly surprised at the request, but figured it was easy enough to do. He rose up slightly from the chair and leaned over the bed, kissing Hal lightly on the forehead. He went to sit back down and Hal opened his eyes again. "On the lips…" he said, his voice barely audible.

Ennis hesitated for a second at this request. He had never kissed a man other than Jack before. But as he looked at Hal's blue eyes he realized that he wanted to kiss this man. He held Hal's face between his hands and leaned in, pressing his lips against the older man's, feeling them soft beneath his own, lingering for a minute. He pulled back but kept his face close, looking deep into Hal's eyes. "Yer a good man, Ennis," whispered Hal. "I know why Jack loves you." His eyes closed and his head seemed to sink back into the pillow, as if the talking and kiss had completely exhausted him.

Ennis sat down and picked up Hal's hand again. He looked at his face then looked out the window. The storm seemed to be ending, leaving as quickly as it came. He watched, seeing the rain move across the field, heading east.

He pushed the window open again and the wind blew in, smelling of rain, and grass, and late summer thunderstorms. The sun broke through the clouds and there was a brilliant patch of blue sky and in the patch, a rainbow formed, arcing over the barn and across the sky, the end disappearing in the trees by the river.

Hal gave a shuddering breath and then Ennis felt a spark of electricity travel through his body. His head turned, almost involuntarily, and he looked at the rainbow. "Goodbye, Hal," he said, then turned back to the Hal, realizing instantly that his life was no longer in his body. "Oh my God," he thought, "Hal died and he left through me." He put his hand over his mouth and tears started to run from his eyes and spill down his cheeks. He looked at the rainbow again. "Goodbye, Hal," he whispered a second time.

Ennis sat there for many long minutes, still holding Hal's hand and letting the tears run freely down his face, not trying to stop them, not wiping them away. Finally, the rainbow faded and the sun came out more fully, casting a pinkish-yellow light across the barn and the field. Ennis laid Hal's hand down, and straightened the sheet across his chest. He stood up and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose, then went out of the room and headed downstairs to find Jack.

Jack was standing on the porch, smoking a cigarette, and turned to Ennis when he came out the screen door. "Did ya see the rainbow?" he asked.

Ennis nodded. "I did," he said. "Hal's rainbow. It's how he got t'heaven, I think."

Jack started. "Ya mean…?"

Ennis nodded. "Yup, I mean. Hal's dead. It happened in the moments when the storm ended and the rainbow come out." He paused. "I could feel it happen, Jack," he said. "It was like electricity…I could feel his soul leaving his body and leaving this earth."

Jack crushed his cigarette in the ashtray and pulled Ennis into his arms. "You okay cowboy?" he asked. "Ya need anythin'?"

Ennis gave him a little smile, feeling tears welling in his eyes. "I'm okay. You should go up and say goodbye."

Jack nodded. "I will," he said, softly.

"And then we need t'call Jill," Ennis continued. He paused. "Actually, Jack, would it be okay with you if you took care of that stuff? I don't want t'be in the house when the hearse comes."

"That's fine, En," said Jack. "I'll do the phonin'. I'll call Tom, too."

"Thanks, babe," said Ennis. "I'll just go down t'the stable." Then, the thought suddenly occurring to him, he said, "Oh, shit, the horses!"

"Don't worry, cowboy," said Jack. "I brought 'em in when I saw the storm approachin'. I know Twister gets spooked by lightnin'."

Ennis smiled again at Jack, gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thank you, Jack." He leaned in and gave Jack a loving kiss of thanks.

Jack smiled at him. "Head to the stable, cowboy. I want t'say goodbye t'Hal."

Ennis nodded and walked down the steps of the porch. His long strides quickly covered the ground between the house and the field. He went into the stable and went up to each horse, rubbing their noses and feeding them biscuits. He filled their water and feed buckets, talking to each in a soft voice. Once they were settled, he brought the curry comb and brush into the stall and began to give each horse in turn a long, slow, rubdown and brushing.

While he worked, he could hear cars driving up to the house, doors slamming. He didn't go out to look, didn't want to see. He just kept brushing the horses, the rhythmic motion a mantra that felt soothing to his soul.

Up at the house, Jack was calm and directing the activities. He called Jill, who arrived within thirty minutes. A hearse arrived shortly thereafter; the funeral director and his assistant efficiently removed Hal's body, in a dignified and respectful way. The entire process took less than an hour.

Jack called Tom in Austin and told him that Hal had died. He briefly told him about Hal's last moments, the storm and the rainbow, and Tom said he found that comforting, knowing Hal had had a peaceful death. As with Jill, plans were in place for the wake and funeral. Tom said he'd call the minister at the church and finalize the details for the funeral, which would most likely take place in three days, on Friday. "When do you want me to come to Quanah?" Tom asked. "Tonight? Tomorrow?"

"I think we're okay, Tom," Jack said. "You come when you're ready. Take care of what you need to do in Austin."

"Thanks, Jack," said Tom. "I'll probably be up on Thursday, then, early. I'll call you before I leave. I'll let you know when Darlene and her family will be arriving, too."

"That's fine, Tom," said Jack. "You want t'stay here at the farm?"

"No," said Tom, "there's not enough room for all of us. I'll make a reservation at the Chief Quanah Parker Motel."

"Okay," said Jack, "but you can stay here between things…the wake and all. I'll get some food and beverages, have stuff on hand."

"Thanks, Jack," said Tom. "That's very thoughtful of you."

With everyone gone and the phone calls completed, Jack then went up to Hal's room. He stripped the bed and then made it up fresh, neatly folding the old fashioned chenille bedspread up over the pillow. Jill had taken away the commode and other supplies. Jack picked up the dirty sheets and the empty water glass from the bedside table. As he looked at the room, he realized it looked just like it did on the first day that Tom had taken them through the house. It felt almost as if Hal had never been there.

He went down to the basement, loaded the sheets into the washer and turned it on. Afterwards, he sat on the porch, smoking a cigarette and staring at the stable. The light of the day was starting to fade. Jack didn't know how much time Ennis needed to be alone. He eventually decided to go down to the stable and make sure everything was okay.

Jack found Ennis sitting on the floor in the tack room, his back against the wall, knees pulled up against his chest. He held a cigarette between his fingers but the long ash was evidence he wasn't really smoking, just sitting and holding it.

Jack sat down next to him. He could see Ennis's face was wet with tears. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," Ennis said back.

They sat there for a few minutes, not speaking, then Ennis broke the silence. "I'm gonna miss 'im, Jack," he said. "I'm gonna miss that old guy."

"I know you will, En. I'll miss him too."

"He taught me a lot, Jack. He taught me about the farm, he taught me about bein' friends, he taught me about you. …" Ennis looked at the cigarette in his fingers, almost burned to the end. He crushed it on the floor of the tack room, then absent-mindedly put the butt in his pocket. He turned to Jack. "He taught me…he taught me….," Ennis struggled to get the words out, then abruptly said, "He taught me I'm gay, Jack. I know that now. I understand it."

Jack smiled. "Tell me what ya mean, En," having a feeling he knew full well what he meant but sensing that Ennis needed to express it out loud.

"Jack, if I had been born in a dif'rent time, I could've fallen in love with him. You could tell he had been a good lookin' guy when he was younger. And we had a lot in common. We liked t'talk about animals, this farm, the seasons, pass the time o'day…he was just a regular, down-to-earth fella. If I was closer to his age, I could see fallin' for him. Hell, even now, I think I was a little bit in love with him." He paused. "I hope ya don't mind me sayin' that."

Jack shook his head. "I don't mind at all, En. In fact, I think he was in love with you. That was pretty obvious t'me."

"Really?" said Ennis. "Why d'ya say that?"

"Remember the very first day we met—he asked you why you were so quiet, said he wanted to get t'know ya better. I think he was fallin' for you right at that moment."

Ennis was surprised. He didn't know what to say. He had never quite thought of Hal in that way, but now that Jack said it, it all seemed very clear. "Is that okay, Jack? D'ya have a problem with it?"

Jack shook his head. "Of course not, En. Nothin' came of it, and I think you gave some comfort and happiness to an old man in the last months of his life. Besides," he added, "how can anyone not fall in love with you? Look at me."

Ennis smiled as Jack said this. "Well, like I was sayin'—here for years I've been tellin' myself I ain't queer because there's no other guy in the world for me except for you, and look what happens. I find out there is another guy—'cept he's old enough t'be my father." They both laughed at this. "My point is, though, Jack—I get it now. I finally understand. I'm like you. I'm gay."

Jack put his arm around Ennis's shoulders and pulled him close. "Y'know, En, I'm glad you worked all this out in yer mind and yer happy with it." He paused a bit, then said, "Yer prob'ly gonna laugh at this 'cause I'm the one who's been pushin' ya t'say yer gay, but y'know what?"

"What?" said Ennis.

"It doesn't really matter, does it? It's just you 'n me. Yer the one who's been tellin' me that all along—mebbe you were right, after all."

Ennis laughed. "Oh Jack, sometimes you are too fuckin' much. Ya bug me all summer about bein' gay and I finally figger it out and now ya tell me it don't matter?" He laughed even harder. "Fuck that, Jack, I'm gay, and I'm gonna start sayin' it as much as I say 'I love you.'"

"But it is just you 'n me, cowboy," said Jack, laughing back.

"Yup, that's right Jack. You 'n me, forever. I love you, cowboy."

"And I love you too."

They sat there, Jack's arm around Ennis, Ennis's head resting on Jack's shoulder. The room grew darker and Jack finally roused them both. "Hungry, cowboy? Want somethin' to eat?" Ennis nodded and they pulled themselves to their feet, Ennis brushing off the dust from the back of his jeans. They started back towards the house, hand in hand, when Ennis abruptly stopped.

"I want t'tell ya somethin', Jack," he said. Jack didn't say anything, just waited. "I kissed Hal. He asked me to. I kissed him, just a little while before he died."

"And…?" Jack asked.

"I just wanted ya t'know."

"And what happened?"

"Nothin'—he just smiled, said I was a good man, and he knew why you loved me. Then closed his eyes. That was the last thing he said."

"Well," Jack said, "I suppose it is a measure of a person to die sayin' truthful things. You are a good man, En. One of the best."

"Oh, Jack, I don't know what t'say…thanks, I guess," said Ennis.

"No need for thanks, when it's the truth," replied Jack.


	17. Chapter 16

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 16

"Whaddya want for supper?" Jack asked.

"I dunno, something simple," said Ennis. "I ain't really hungry."

Jack nodded and opened the refrigerator, rummaging around. "How 'bout some soup 'n sandwiches? I could make grilled cheese."

"Ya mean toasted cheese?" said Ennis.

Jack smiled. "Toasted cheese? That's what ya call it?"

"That's what my mama called it—y'know, make a cheese sandwich, butter the bread, toast it in the pan."

Jack poked Ennis gently in the ribs. "Same thing, but my mama called it grilled cheese." He turned to the cabinet and looked at the assortment of Campbell's soups. "We have chicken noodle, cream of mushroom, vegetable…"

"Which is the one with the alphabets?" asked Ennis.

"That's the vegetable," answered Jack.

"Let's have that, then," said Ennis. "I always liked alphabet soup."

Jack pulled the can off the shelf and took the can opener from the drawer. He handed both to Ennis. "Here, open this and put it in the little saucepan, then add one can of water. We'll get that heating up." He took a loaf of bread from the breadbox and lined the squares of bread up on the counter, preparing to make the sandwiches. "You want tomato on yours?" he asked Ennis.

"On my sandwich?" said Ennis. Jack nodded. "Oh, fancy. Toasted cheese and tomato. Wow."

Jack laughed. "I could make it really fancy and add tuna. How 'bout that—a grilled cheese-tuna-tom."

"What?" said Ennis, not understanding.

"Grilled cheese-tuna-tom," said Jack, his voice getting softer. "I had a friend who used t'order 'em that way in diners. 'Grilledcheesetunatom,' he'd say, like it was all one word. The waitresses never knew what he was talkin' 'bout, since they usually called 'em tuna melts, not grilled cheese-tuna-toms…" His voice drifted off.

Ennis looked at Jack. "What friend was that?" he said, trying to imagine Jack in a diner ordering a sandwich with a friend.

Jack shook his head. "Never mind, I shouldn'ta said anything. Forget the tuna, but do you want tomato on yer sandwich?"

"Tomato is fine," said Ennis, "but who's the friend?" he asked, persistent.

Jack sighed. "I could lie, but I won't. It was the guy I told ya 'bout, Ray. My rodeo buddy." Ennis nodded, not saying anything. Jack continued. "Don't get mad, En. I shouldn'ta brought it up. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad, Jack," said Ennis. "And it's okay t'bring it up." Ennis stood there, trying to sort out his feelings. "I dunno, I can't imagine you with another boyfriend…" He paused for a second, thinking. "Alma had other boyfriends…"

"Ya mean before you?" asked Jack.

Ennis nodded. "Well, maybe not boyfriends, but dates. She went out with other guys. She finished high school, so she went t'dances and stuff, dated other guys. I never did any o'that shit."

"How d'ya meet Alma, anyway?" said Jack. "You never told me."

"My sis fixed us up. She knew Alma's family through the Methodist church." Ennis paused for a minute, thinking, then continued. "When my brother decided t'get married, I think my sis was worried 'bout me, thought I needed t'hook up with someone so I wouldn't be alone. So, she introduced us…" He gave Jack a funny smile. "I never really dated anyone before, was never really interested in girls."

Jack smiled back. "Told ya."

"What?" said Ennis, not following.

"Yer gay, En," said Jack.

Ennis gave a soft laugh. "That I am. Mebbe it does go all the way back…never thought o'that." He paused. "Alma fell for me like a ton a'bricks and I figgered that was what we was supposed t'do, so I asked her t'marry me. She couldn't say yes fast enough."

Jack laughed. "What is it 'bout you Del Mar, you just sweep people off their feet? I better not take ya out in public, some guy's liable t'take you away from me."

"Never happen, cowboy," he said, coming up behind Jack and putting his arms around his waist. "Didn't happen in thirteen years of us barely bein' together, ain't gonna happen now that we're ranchin' up. And now you can keep a close eye on me."

Jack turned and smiled at him, and gave him a little kiss. "Grab a coupla plates, willya? These sandwiches are just about done."

Ennis took two plates and two soup bowls from the cupboard and put them on the counter. "We have any chips t'go with this?"

"I think so," said Jack. "Look in the breadbox."

Ennis pulled out the bag and poured the chips into a bowl. He tasted one. "Blech, they're soggy. I hate soggy 'tato chips."

Jack laughed. "I'll get some fresh ones tomorrow. We need t'go t'the grocery store anyway." He motioned towards the dining room. "Looks like we're all set for supper. Grab two beers, willya?"

Ennis did as he was asked and joined Jack at the table. He looked down at the sandwich and soup in front of him and then, suddenly and unexpectedly, started crying. He pulled out his handkerchief and held it to his eyes. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm actin' stupid."

"You ain't stupid, En," said Jack. "What is it? You grievin' Hal?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, not Hal…well, mebbe. But it is more, the sandwich and the soup brought back a memory."

"What's that?" said Jack. "Tell me."

Ennis wiped his eyes and gave Jack a shaky smile. "It was a long time ago…I was really little…mebbe 'bout 4 years old. We had a really big snowstorm and school was cancelled so K.E. and Cecilia stayed home. The three of us played out in the snow all day long…made a snow man, built a snow fort, made snow angels…just little kid stuff but it was so much fun…and then after, I dunno, it seemed like hours, we went inside and we were all frozen and wet, and my mama got me undressed, and bundled me up in a blanket, and we all sat 'round the woodstove warmin' up…then, for supper, this is what we had," he said, pointing to the plate in front of him. "Toasted cheese sandwiches and alphabet soup," he stopped, for a minute, tears gathering at his eyes, "I feel like I ain't got many happy memories of bein' a kid and this meal, it's bringin' it all back 'cause my mama fed me the same damn thing." Ennis started crying again as he said this, looking embarrassed and wiping his eyes with his handkerchief. "I loved my mama," he said, his voice a whisper.

"And I'm sure yer mama loved you," said Jack, smiling at Ennis and covering his hand with his own.

"I wonder what she'd think t'know her little baby boy grew up t'be a queer," he said, trying to compose himself by picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Well," said Jack, "I don't know for sure, o'course, but I bet she'd be okay with it."

"Ya think so?" said Ennis. "She was married t'my daddy and I told ya what he thought 'bout queers."

"Ya might be right," replied Jack, "but I like t'think that what mamas want is for their children t'be happy." He paused. "Yer happy now, ain't ya, Ennis?"

Ennis smiled at Jack. "Ya know I am, babe. Happier than I've ever been in my life."

"Well," said Jack, "that's what I think yer mama would see—that yer happy. The queer part wouldn't be so important."

Ennis wiped his eyes again and picked up his soup spoon. "That's a nice way t'think of it," he said. "Mebbe that's how my mama would be."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Ennis looked at Jack. "What's the plan for the next few days, anyway?"

"That's a good question, I'm glad ya brought that up." He paused for a minute. "Let's see…day after tomorrow, Thursday, Tom thought he'd be arrivin'—said early. I 'spect his sister will get here on Thursday, too. I think he wanted t'have the wake on Thursday afternoon and the funeral Friday mornin', then bury Hal right afterwards."

"Anyone stayin' here?" asked Ennis.

Jack shook his head. "No, Tom said they'd stay at the motel. But I offered t'get some food and beverages for folks who might stop by—mebbe we could plan on lunch on Friday or somethin'."

"And what 'bout tomorrow?"

"Well, I guess we're on our own for tomorrow. Need t'get groceries, like I said."

Ennis nodded. "And we should do some cleanin' if folks are gonna be stoppin' by. The bathroom needs a scrubbin'." He paused for a minute, then gave Jack a smile. "Y'know what I'd like t'do tomorrow, if we have time?"

"What?" asked Jack.

"Spend the afternoon down by the river, like we did on July 4th. Skinny-dippin' and drinkin' beer, just you 'n me." Ennis chuckled softly. "Between the girls visitin' and then Hal bein' here, we haven't had much time for sunbathin'. I think my tan's fadin'."

Jack laughed. "That sounds like a perfect way t'spend the afternoon, En. Give us some motivation t'get our chores done early."

Ennis noticed that they had finished eating. He stood up and started clearing the empty dishes. "Whaddya want t'do now, babe?" he asked Jack.

Jack looked at his watch. "It ain't that late, but I'm exhausted. Want t'go t'bed early?"

"I was hopin' ya'd say that," said Ennis, with a smile. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck." He put the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet.

"Leave those," said Jack. "I"ll wash 'em in the mornin'."

"No," said Ennis, "I'm washin' 'em now. I know ya hate a sink o'dirty dishes."

Jack smiled at Ennis, then picked up a towel and started to dry the plates as Ennis washed them. "Hal was so right," he said.

"What?" said Ennis, turning to look at Jack.

"Yer one of the best," replied Jack, "and that's why I'll love you forever."

* * *

The next morning, they were standing at the sink, cleaning up after breakfast. This time Jack was washing and Ennis was drying, when the phone rang. Ennis looked at it, then looked at Jack. "Answer it, willya?" said Jack. "My hands are all wet."

For some reason, Ennis was loathe to answer the phone. But he walked over and picked up the receiver, reluctantly. "Ennis Del Mar, Lazy L Farm." He listened for a minute, then said, "Yeah, Jack's right here. Hold on a minute, please." He put his hand over the phone. "It's for you," he said, pointing the receiver towards Jack.

"Do ya know who it is?" asked Jack.

"Yer lawyer, I think," replied Ennis.

Jack wiped his hands on a towel and took the phone. Ennis walked out to the porch to give Jack some privacy and lit a cigarette. He was standing there, looking towards the stable, when Jack joined him by his side. "That's it," he said. "I've got my court date. A week from Friday, I'll be a free man."

Ennis laughed. "You ain't free, bud—it's more like, a week from Friday, you won't be—what's it called, those guys that got two wives?"

"Bigamist?" answered Jack.

"Yeah, that. You won't be one a'those after next Friday."

Jack chuckled, "Yeah, 'cept En, you ain't a wife in no way, shape, or form."

Ennis looked at him, a little suspicious. "You teasin' me, Jack Twist?"

"Not at all, lover. You are what I want—100 percent man."

Ennis laughed and blushed a bit. "Well, I guess I should say thanks t'that. So…ya work out all the details?"

"Yup," said Jack. "Looks like I'm gonna get a bit more money than I expected…'bout $22,000."

Ennis gave a low whistle. "Ya got t'pay child support?"

"Nope. Lureen works and her daddy has tons o'money."

"Lucky bastard," said Ennis. "I feel like I got a noose around my neck with those damn payments."

They heard the phone ringing again in the kitchen. "Shit, what now?" said Jack. "This place is like Grand Central Station. 'Scuse me for a sec," he said, as he headed back into the house.

Ennis was still standing by the rail, smoking another cigarette when Jack came back out. "Well, fuck," he said, "there goes our plan o'drinkin' and screwin' by the river."

"Why?" said Ennis. "Who was on the phone?"

"That asshole Norm Crocker—from the bank. Our loan application has been reviewed and he wants t'talk t'us 'bout it. We have an appointment at 3."

"What the fuck?" said Ennis. "Today?"

"Yep, and I don't like his timin' at all. He knows we're buyin' the Lazy L and he must know that Hal died yesterday—today of all days t'have a meetin'. Fuck." He looked at Ennis. "Ya got another smoke?"

Ennis nodded and took the pack from his pocket, shaking a cigarette out and offering it to Jack. "So what's the plan?" he asked.

Jack looked across the field. "Well, I guess nothin's really changed…still need t'get the groceries, still need t'do some cleanin'…" He looked at Ennis. "If it's okay with you, I'd like t'go t'the store this mornin'—I don't know how long the bank will take and I'd rather not leave the food sittin' in a hot truck."

"Fine with me, babe," said Ennis. "I ain't particularly fond a buyin' groceries anyway, you know that."

Jack smiled at him. "I never was either, 'til I started learnin' how t'cook. Now it's sorta fun."

"We are a pair o'deuces, ain't we?" said Ennis with a smile. "You cookin', me cleanin', who'd a believe it?"

"It's called housekeepin', lover, buildin' a life together…and that's what we're doin'. Let's just hope Norm Crocker sees fit t'help us with our plan." He crushed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "I'm gonna go make a list. Anythin' special ya want from the store?"

Ennis nodded. "Chips. And mebbe some more o'that champagne."

"Champagne?" said Jack.

"Yup," said Ennis. "I'm thinkin' positive. We're gonna be celebratin' tonight."

* * *

Three o'clock in the afternoon, they were at the Quanah Savings and Loan and were immediately ushered into Norm Crocker's office. No cooling their heels in the waiting room this time.

They had managed to squeeze in a swim, but no beer drinking and no sex…just a few chaste kisses. Jack had pondered what they should wear. Ennis went with his usual—cowboy shirt and jeans—but he ironed the shirt and polished his boots. Jack looked a little dressier with a pair of black pants, denim shirt and bolo tie. They had both bathed and shaved and Ennis had even combed his hair back. "You look cute like that, cowboy," said Jack.

"Don't tease me," said Ennis, his face mournful.

"I ain't teasin', lover," said Jack. "Just tellin' ya, you look good."

Norm stood as they came in, offering his hand. "Mr. Twist, Mr. Del Mar, thank you for coming in today."

Jack shook his hand but Ennis just stood there. "Thanks. We've been lookin' forward t'hearin' from ya."

They sat down in the padded chairs across from Crocker's desk. Norm arranged his hands on a manila folder in front of him and looked at them, pausing for a minute. "Well. Unfortunately, I am afraid I have bad news. Your loan was not approved."

Ennis looked at him, his face a mask. Jack started. "Not approved?"

"No, I am sorry to say, the committee reviewed your application carefully and declined to make your loan."

Jack looked at him. "But we want t'buy the Lazy L. We want t'keep it as a farm. We want t'be a part of the Quanah community."

"I understand that," said Norm, "and the committee thought about those issues. Still, they found that you did not meet the criteria to be first-time borrowers from our institution."

The three of them sat there, staring at each other for a minute, then Ennis looked at Jack. "I guess we should leave, bud," he said softly.

"No," said Jack, "I'd like an explanation. Mr. Crocker, can you tell us why we didn't get the loan?"

"Certainly," said Norm. "I was going to anyway." He opened the folder in front of him. "The Quanah Savings and Loan lending policy is based on three criteria: credit, collateral, and character. Our borrowers are assessed based on each of those." He paused, then continued. "Let's start with credit, and let's start with Mr. Del Mar."

He looked at the papers in front of him. "Now as far as I can tell, Mr. Del Mar, you moved to Texas from Wyoming three months ago. In Wyoming, you never had a credit account, you never had a loan—not for a truck or a mortgage or a credit card. In fact, it appears that the first bank account you have ever had is right here with us—and as of this morning, it contains the princely sum of $1284.23."

Ennis looked at him, realizing that it was more money than he had ever had in savings in his entire life, but also realizing that in the scheme of things, it was a fairly paltry sum.

"So, based on that," continued Norm, "the committee did not feel that Mr. Del Mar was credit-worthy. For that, they discounted him as an applicant." He turned to Jack. "Mr. Twist—you have a bit more credit history. You do have some money in savings, and you did have a mortgage with the bank in Childress. It was noted that that was paid on time and has been successfully paid off. However, all of your savings appear to be committed to Tom Lawrence as a down payment on the Lazy L—once that happens, you will have no reserve, no cushion to fall back on. So, in that view, you are also quite a risk when it comes to credit."

Jack looked at him, trying to make his expression impassive.

Crocker gave them both an oily smile and let his words sink in. Then he made a small nod and continued. "Next is collateral. You are buying the Lazy L, which has not been an active farm for many years. You plan to transform it into a horse farm, an operation that is not common here in Hardeman County. Although the committee appreciates the fact that you want to keep it as a farm which is important in this area since we are primarily an agricultural community, they did not believe that your plans were well documented and did not represent the highest and best use of this property."

"But…" Jack said, trying to interrupt the flow of words, but Norm waved him off.

"You also do not bring to this business enterprise any experience as business owners. Mr. Del Mar," he nodded in Ennis's direction, "appears to have a spotty work history as an itinerant ranch hand at a variety of insignificant ranches in Wyoming. You, Mr. Twist, have been selling farm equipment for the past ten years. The committee did not believe that selling equipment translates into knowing how to successfully run a farm."

Jack and Ennis just sat there, not looking at each other and trying to get through the moment. Norm took a deep breath, sat up straighter in his leather chair, and once again, rearranged the papers in front of him. "Shall I continue?" he said. Neither Jack or Ennis said a word. He took their silence as an affirmation.

"Well then, last is character. Occasionally, the bank will approve a loan based on the strong character of the borrowers, even if they have deficiencies in credit and collateral. Let's talk about character, shall we?"

No, let's not, thought Ennis to himself, wishing he could be anywhere besides where he was at that moment.

"Mr. Del Mar, you are divorced and have abandoned a wife and two daughters in Riverton, Wyoming."

"I didn't abandon 'em," said Ennis, his voice a low growl. "I'm payin' child support and my daughters was here for three weeks, visitin'."

Norm looked at him through narrowed eyes. "The point is, Mr. Del Mar, is that you have been a lifelong resident of the state of Wyoming and for whatever reason," he paused, as if to emphasize his words, "you have decided to move to Texas and leave your family, 1000 miles away."

"She's my ex-wife," said Ennis. "It ain't family anymore. A man's got a right t'start new."

"That's true," said Norm, "you certainly do. But that doesn't mean that Quanah Savings and Loan needs to lend you $35,000 for this little adventure of yours."

Ennis glared at him, but didn't say a word, afraid of totally losing his temper.

Norm turned to Jack. "You, too, Mr. Twist, have made the decision to get divorced. You have been married for ten years and from what I understand, it was a happy and loving marriage. Suddenly, you decide to up and get divorced, leaving a wife and young son."

Jack didn't say anything, just looked at Norm Crocker.

"And then, on top of all this divorce and unhappiness, you two decide to become business partners. It was not clear at all to the loan committee how you two…" he paused, as if for effect, "decided to get together."

"We've known each other a long time," said Jack, "I think we know we can work together."

"Well," said Crocker, raising his eyebrows superciliously, "maybe you know that but the bank doesn't."

They paused for a minute, all looking at each other, planning their next move, as if it was a chess game. Finally, Jack spoke. "My wife—Lureen Newsome Twist—said she'd co-sign for the loan—if that'll make a difference."

Crocker gave Jack a malevolent stare. "She is soon to be your ex-wife," he said.

Jack glared back at him. "We're still friendly, even if we're gettin' divorced," he said. "She's behind our business idea, said she'd co-sign the loan."

"It doesn't really matter, does it, Mr. Twist?" said Crocker, once again arranging the papers in front of him and moving them into a neat stack. "Your soon to be ex-wife is a lovely woman, but I know for a fact that she really has no assets for co-signing a loan—her father owns the business, doesn't he?"

Jack didn't say anything, just tried to stare Crocker down. Norm continued, his voice like a steel knife. "As a matter of fact, I know LD Newsome, and I happen to know he feels the same way about you that I do…" he paused, then corrected himself. "I mean as the loan committee does…a divorced man with no roots in the community, deciding to move in with another man," he nodded at Ennis as he said this, "has no moral character and frankly, is not the type of risk that Quanah Savings and Loan thinks we should take on at this point in time."

Jack looked at him, his voice a whisper. "You can't fuckin' be sayin'…" he said.

Norm Crocker didn't say a word, just rearranged the papers in front of him.

Ennis could see the veins in Jack's neck throbbing like ropes, his face flushed and his nostrils flaring. Ennis touched Jack's elbow, "C'mon bud, let's get outta here," he said, softly, and then, screwing up every bit of self control that was contained in his body, he turned to Norm Crocker and said, "Thank you for yer time."

They turned and left the office. Ennis felt as if every eye of every teller and customer in the bank lobby were boring right through him, but he focused his eyes straight ahead and guided Jack towards the door, his finger barely touching Jack's elbow.

They rode back to the farm in stony silence. Jack pulled up and parked, and when he got out of the truck he began kicking the door in wordless anger. Once again, Ennis guided him away. "C'mon, bud."

A hail of expletives exploded from Jack's mouth and rained down on Ennis's head. Ennis wasn't surprised but he managed not to respond in kind. "I'm goin' up t'get changed. I'm thinkin' 'bout goin' for a ride. Wanna come?"

"Fuck that, Ennis, I just wanna get drunk."

"Suit yerself," said Ennis, going into the house.

When he came back out, Jack was ensconced in one of the chairs on the porch, whiskey bottle in one hand, a cigarette in the other. He gave Ennis a defiant glare, as if to say, "Don't talk t'me 'bout drinkin."

Ennis didn't say anything, just turned and walked towards the stable. He looked across at the horses in the field, grazing peacefully. Although he had mentioned a ride, he wasn't sure that was what he really wanted to do. He needed a more physical release. He was angry, just as angry as Jack—perhaps more so—but he realized that drinking wouldn't solve the problem, and getting into a fight with Jack was even less of a solution. Trouble was, the way Jack was acting, both of those outcomes seemed to be likely.

Instead of taking a ride, Ennis decided to give the stalls a full and thorough cleaning, complete with disinfectant. He mucked out the dirty hay, putting it in a wheelbarrow and carting it down to compost pile behind the barn. Then he filled a bucket with water and bleach, and washed the floor on his hands and knees, scrubbing the cement as if he wished to remove forty years of grime. When that was finished, he scrubbed the water and feed pails, then hosed everything down, including the walls. He laid a fresh layer of hay on the floor, filled the water pail, and poured some oats into the feed bucket.

He went out to the paddock, glancing up at the house as he walked towards the gate. Jack was still on the porch, head down, and, Ennis imagined, still glaring.

He gave a low whistle and both horses looked up and trotted over. "Hey Twist," he said to the big black stallion, feeding him a biscuit. He was equally affectionate with Sioux, rubbing her nose and holding out his hand. "I've got a carrot for you," he said, leaning in for a little nuzzle.

He opened the gate and led both horses back to the stable. "Nice and clean, like it, bud?" sort of wishing the horses could talk and that he would get an answer. He closed the doors of the stalls behind them and headed back up to the house.

He walked up the steps of the porch and over to Jack, looking down at him. "Drunk yet, cowboy?" he asked.

"Not yet, but I'm sure as hell tryin'," said Jack, offering Ennis the bottle.

Ennis took a swig and put the bottle down on the porch railing. "Too drunk to get it up?" he asked.

"What the fuck?" said Jack, incredulously.

"You heard me," replied Ennis.

"You want to have sex?" Jack said, and Ennis nodded. "Now?" Ennis nodded again. "What the fuck for? I just want to sit here…"

"You just want to sit here and get drunk and be pissed and angry," Ennis completed the sentence for him. "And then when you're good and shitfaced you'll get into a fight with me. You really want t'get in a fight with that goddamn asshole Crocker but since he's not here and I am, you'll take the next best thing, right?"

"Ennis, what the fuck are you talkin' 'bout?" said Jack.

Ennis sat down and pulled his chair around, so he was facing Jack. "Listen, bud, I know how you fuckin' feel, 'cause I feel the same fuckin' way. Right now I think that that goddamn banker is the stupidest fuck on the planet. If I see him on the street, I'm likely to punch the livin' fuckin' daylights outta him, so I'm thinkin' I shouldn't go t'town for the next coupla days."

This last statement evinced a little smile from Jack, and Ennis smiled back, and then continued. "He may think that you 'n me lovin' each other is wrong, and he may think that we ain't got—what was his words—'no moral character'—but he's wrong. I know that now."

Jack leaned forward. "Whaddya sayin', En?"

"I'm sayin', Jack, that I had a lot of fear, for a lot of years, and I was fearin' guys like that asshole. And I look at him and see what a small minded fuckin' jerk he is and I realize that all that fear was a fuckin' waste of my energy and time. There ain't nothin' wrong in what we're doin', in fact, it's only right."

Jack looked at Ennis, waiting for him to continue. "Every mornin' for the past three months I've woken up, thinkin' this must be a dream because nobody could be as happy as I have been. Then I look at you sleepin' next t'me and I know it's not a dream." He paused, then continued. "We've got friends, Jack, friends who know us as a couple and don't have a problem with it. Unlike that asshole Norm Crocker, who doesn't even know us."

"What friends?" said Jack, still petulant in his anger.

"Oh, c'mon, Jack, you know what friends. Jill, Jeanie, Bob, Hal, Tom—hell, Jack, sometimes I think we should invite Tom to have sex with us, it sure seems like what he wants to do." At this, Jack finally laughed. "The nurses at the nursing home, they figgered it out, didn't seem t'care. Lureen's okay with it, and our kids. Junior told you enough times how happy I looked. You were with me when Jenny learned 'bout us. And look at her picture—obviously she's okay with it. And Bobby—look at him now, learnin' t'ride and all. How he smiles at you, proud that yer his daddy."

Jack looked at Ennis, waiting for him to continue. "Jack, things are better for me than they've ever been. I have a bank account with money in it—even though that fuck Norm Crocker acts like it ain't much. But for me, I'm not feelin' like I'm two fuckin' bucks away from the poorhouse, which is the way I felt all my life 'til we came here." At that, he turned and waved his arm towards the field. "And look what we've done here, fixin' this place up. Look how pretty the house is, all painted rose, and the fields all mown and neat. There's animals in the stable and hay in the barn. We've brought this place back to life."

"Well that's the point, En. Fuckin' Norm Crocker just wrecked this part of yer little dream. Without the money, we ain't gonna be able to buy this place, and our whole fantasy of runnin' a horse farm has just gone down the drain."

"Maybe the fantasy of _this_ horse farm," Ennis said, "but that doesn't mean we can't find somethin' else. Yeah, we were lucky with this place, but that doesn't mean we can't be lucky again. Or maybe it's not just luck." He picked up Jack's hands and looked closely in Jack's eyes, "What I've learned this summer, Jack, is t'believe in myself. I ain't ever believed in myself before and I ain't ever got ahead before. But havin' you lovin' me has made me realize that I can do things—if we want to own a farm, or a ranch, or somethin' else, we will." He stopped, and gave Jack a smile.

Jack smiled back. "Ennis, when did ya get so fuckin' smart?" he asked.

"I ain't smart, Jack. I just got a powerful love from a good man that's guidin' me," he said. "And that's why I ain't gonna let that asshole Norm Crocker try to tell me it's wrong. There was a time when I would've believed him, but those days are over. Now I know that lovin' you—bein' with you—is where I'm meant to be. If that asshole banker wants to live in his narrow minded little world, fuck him, I say. It's his problem, not mine."

"It's a shame we wasted thirteen years figgerin' this out."

"That's water under the bridge, Jack, no need t'talk 'bout that," said Ennis. "In fact, some days I think we—or at least me—needed that time apart, t'fully 'preciate what we got now." He paused for a minute, looking deep into Jack's eyes. "I'm not gonna let the assholes of the world make me think anythin' but good 'bout us. That's why I don't want to fight with you, Jack. Bein' with you is too important to waste it with fightin'. It has taken me a long time to learn that. Do ya know what I mean?"

"I know what ya mean, En. And I don't wanna fight with you, either." They sat there, holding each other's hands, looking at each other, silent for the moment. Then Jack pulled his hand up and traced his fingers along Ennis's jaw. "I love you, cowboy."

"I know you do. And I love you too." Ennis reached over and held Jack close in a tight embrace. They sat there like that for a few minutes, feeling their hearts beating through their shirts.

Finally, Ennis broke away and stood up, pulling Jack to his feet. "So, whatchya want t'do now?"

Jack looked up him, "Ya said somethin' 'bout sex before…?"

"Yeah, I did. Actually, let's have some supper and then we can go to bed early and screw our brains out. That sounds like fun." He nodded to himself as he said this.

Jack replied, "Yeah, but we gotta figure out what we're gonna do, with Tom, and the money and ev'rythin'."

"We don't need t'do that tonight," said Ennis. "We've got the wake and funeral t'get through for the next two days. Let's worry about that and then deal with this other shit afterwards."

Jack nodded. Ennis was right, and Norm Crocker's timing had been all wrong.

"Right now, this cowboy is gonna cook ya a mess o'beans for supper," he said, as he turned towards the door, still holding Jack's hand. "And then we'll get down to some serious fuckin'."

"You say so, boss," said Jack, as he let himself be pulled into the house.


	18. Chapter 17

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 17

Jack woke up, turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "Fuck," he said, to no one in particular.

Ennis turned on his side and looked at Jack. "Well, good mornin' t'ya, too," he said.

Jack turned and gave Ennis a small smile. "Sorry, cowboy. Mornin'." He turned back to the ceiling. "Fuck," he said again.

"I thought I screwed ya silly and got all those thoughts outta yer head," said Ennis, running his finger down Jack's arm.

"Ya did for a little while," said Jack. "But now they're back."

Ennis sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Ya getting' up?" asked Jack.

Ennis shook his head. "I'm gonna go piss and brush my teeth," he said, "but I'll come back. Obviously, you wanna talk." He walked down the hall.

Jack listened to the sound of the flushing toilet and running water, then Ennis's footsteps as he came back into the bedroom. Jack watched him as he climbed back into bed, adjusting the pillow behind his back as he sat against the headboard. "Jesus, cowboy, you are always a sight for sore eyes."

Ennis smiled. "Thanks, lover, " he said, having finally becoming more comfortable with the compliments Jack paid his looks. He paused. "So…it's impossible t'buy this place without the money from the bank?"

"I don't see how we can make it work, En," said Jack.

"I thought you said you were getting' more in yer divorce than ya thought."

"I am, but it's just a coupla thousand bucks. Not enough t'make a difference," said Jack.

"Let's go over the numbers again," said Ennis. "We're buyin' this place for…?"

"$120,000," answered Jack.

"And the down payment is…?"

"Twenty percent…$24,000."

"How much we got between us in savings?" asked Ennis.

"You've got $1200, I've got $8000, and then my divorce money will be $22,000. Add it all up," Jack wrote invisible numbers in the palm of his hand with his fingers, doing the math, "and we have $31,200. Take $24,000 away," he did the math again, on his palm, "and that leaves us with about $7200. Not much for buyin' horses, makin' improvements, payin' taxes and insurance and shit like that."

Ennis sighed. "Would Tom take a smaller down payment?" he asked. "Mebbe 10 percent instead of 20?"

"That's a possibility…although 20 percent is pretty standard. Still, he might consider it." Jack pondered on that thought for a minute.

"What if we did something dif'rent, not horses. Started growin' somethin', like cotton. Would that be cheaper t'start up than a horse farm?"

"I dunno, I ain't done the math on that. But can you really see yerself as a cotton farmer, En?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, not really. I like animals, and I only like growin' stuff for animals, like hay." He thought for another minute. "What if we started small with the horse operation and one or the other of us got a job…have another source of income 'til we get the business up and runnin'?"

Jack looked at him. "That would prob'ly be me, wouldn't it?"

Ennis nodded. "Prob'ly. I ain't got many skills for another job…"

"Well," said Jack, "I s'pose that's an idea…although, I like bein' here, workin' on the farm."

"I know ya do, babe," said Ennis with a smile.

"And, as we know from Hal, it's an awful lot of work for one person t'try and run this place alone."

"Yeah, that's true," said Ennis. "Okay, mebbe that's not such a good idea, after all."

They stared off into space, thinking separate thoughts for a few minutes, then Ennis spoke up again. "What 'bout goin' t'a different bank?" he said. "Tryin' another one for a loan?"

Jack gave a sarcastic laugh. "The way I feel right now, I never want t'set foot in a fuckin' bank ever again."

"I understand that feelin'," said Ennis, "but what 'bout the bank in Childress—the one where you had yer mortgage? Yer a customer there."

"En, the long shadow of LD Newsome reached all the way down t'Quanah. Ya don't think he'd do the same thing right in his own backyard? I ain't his son-in-law anymore, now I'm a fuckin' queer and he'd make sure that I don't get a penny from the First Federated Bank of Childress." Jack said this with an unmistakable note of bitterness in his voice. "Ya know that that's what this is all about, right? The whole character shit that Crocker threw at us—that was all 'bout us bein' gay."

Ennis looked at him. "Of course I realize that, Jack. I ain't stupid."

"And there ain't a fuckin' thing we can do about it. No laws t'protect us, no way we can say we was discriminated against." He sighed, then turned to look at Ennis. "Prob'ly right now, yer wishin' that you weren't gay, right?"

"No point wishin' fer somethin' that I can't change, Jack," said Ennis. "It is who I am, have been all my life. I just didn't get it 'til two days ago."

Jack looked at Ennis thoughtfully. "Whaddya s'pose woulda happened if I didn't grab ya in the tent that first time? Would you have gone through life, not knowin' you was gay?"

Ennis looked back at Jack. "It woulda happened—mebbe the next night, mebbe the next week, but it woulda happened." He paused, then continued. "Think about it, Jack. You had the hots for me and once I got a taste of it, I had the hots for you. There was no way we could've contained that all summer."

Jack smiled at Ennis. "Yer prob'ly right on the money with that, cowboy."

Ennis winked at him. "I still got the hots for ya, babe."

Jack smiled. "So where were we…?" he said, bringing their conversation back to the original topic.

"Well, accordin' t'what you said, our best bet for buyin' this place is t'ask Tom t'take a smaller down payment, which would give us more money for getting' started up." Jack nodded. "Ya don't think another bank would lend us the money…so, we gotta make do with what we've got."

"What if Tom says no?" asked Jack, giving voice to the words he didn't really want to say.

"You tell me," said Ennis. "What then? Could we go t'Lightnin' Flat?"

"Lightnin' Flat is a hellhole," said Jack, his voice bitter.

"Can't be that bad," said Ennis. "Ya never said that before."

"Well, the place ain't that bad, but my daddy…" Jack paused, then looked at Ennis. "I never told ya this, but he used t'beat me when I was little."

"Like spankin'?" asked Ennis.

"Worse. Hittin' me in the head, whuppin' my back with a belt, shit like that."

Ennis looked at him, his eyes filled with sorrow. "I am sorry t'hear that, Jack," he said. "My daddy spanked me a bunch, but never whupped me."

"I've never hit Bobby," Jack said. "Not even a spankin'. After what my daddy did t'me, I said I was never gonna hit a kid o'mine, and I ain't done it."

"I ain't ever spanked my girls but then, they're good kids," said Ennis. "Never got in that much trouble…besides, ain't right t'hit girls or women. Never hit Alma, 'tho there were times I felt pretty close t'it."

Jack looked at Ennis. "My reason for tellin' ya this, En," he said, "is I don't really feel like goin' back and livin' under my daddy's roof…even if we're in a cabin on the north 40. My visits after our fishin' trips…that was to see my mama, really. I don't have much use for my daddy."

"So, yer sayin' ya don't want t'move t'Lightnin' Flat."

Jack nodded. "That's what I'm sayin'."

"Okay, fair enough," replied Ennis.

Jack stared up at the ceiling again. "Fuck," he said.

Ennis looked at him. "Jack, it's pretty plain t'me that we ain't gonna solve this problem this mornin'."

"No, I don't think we are, En," said Jack.

"But at least we started talkin' 'bout it. We'll figger somethin' out…besides, I don't think Tom'll kick us out tomorrow. We need some time t'make a transition."

"I s'pose yer right," said Jack. "I just…fuck, I just wish I hadn't gotten my hopes up so much. I should never have let myself believe it was gonna happen, talkin' 'bout bathrooms and beds and shit like that."

Ennis rolled over and pulled Jack into his arms. "The important thing, cowboy," he said, "is you and me. We're together, that's what counts."

* * *

They were sitting on the porch, each smoking a cigarette when they saw Tom's station wagon turn into their road. "There he is," said Jack. "Ya ready for all this?" Ennis nodded and Jack crushed his cigarette in the ashtray. "We should remember t'not smoke 'round Tom's wife."

"Good point," said Ennis. "Gimme the ashtray, I'll go wash it out." He walked into the house. When he came back out, Tom was parking and getting out of the car.

"Hi guys," he said, with a small wave. He crossed to the passenger side and opened the door for his wife, who pulled herself out of the car with a bit of a struggle.

Jack leaned in to Ennis. "When did Tom say the baby is due?" he whispered.

"Next month—end o'September," Ennis whispered back.

Janet Lawrence was tall, with dark brown hair pulled back in a pony tail. She walked towards the porch, Tom following, carrying his son. "Jack, Ennis, this is my wife Janet," said Tom, "and my son Jeff." Jeff Lawrence was having a shy moment and buried his head in his father's shoulder.

Janet reached out and shook hands with Ennis and Jack. "It's so nice to meet you after hearing your names all summer," she said, with a friendly and open smile.

"Thank you," said Jack. "Nice t'meet ya too."

She looked at the house. "Tom, you were so right. The house looks lovely—the pictures hardly do it justice."

"Hal was right pleased t'see it," said Ennis. "We must've stood out here for fifteen minutes while he looked at the house."

Janet pointed to the door. "Will you excuse me to use the bathroom?" she said. "We've been driving for awhile."

"Oh, sure," said Ennis, stepping back and pulling the screen open for her. "You must know…second floor, end of the hall."

Janet smiled, "Thank you," she said, as she disappeared into the house.

Tom was whispering to his son, then turned to Ennis. "Ennis," he said, "Jeff was wondering if he could see your horses."

"Horses?" said Ennis. "Sure." He looked at Jeff. "Tiger, you want t'walk t'the field or go piggy back?"

Jeff gave a happy squeal and clambered onto Ennis's back. "We'll be back in a few minutes," said Ennis, as he headed off towards the stable.

Tom looked at Jack. "So, how's it going?"

Jack shrugged. "We've had quite a week—lotsa ups and downs."

Tom nodded. "I can imagine. I am sure it was something with Uncle Hal."

Jack looked at him. "Actually, havin' Hal here was an up. It turned out t'be really special. Ennis and I ain't ever done anythin' like that before—but it was…," he paused, then continued. "The hospice nurse, her name was Jill, she kept talkin' 'bout dyin' bein' spiritual. At first we didn't know what she meant, but with Hal here, we learned. That's what it was…spiritual."

"Well," said Tom, "I'm not sure what to say."

"Nothin' much t'say," said Jack, "just know that Hal had a happy and peaceful death. We should all be so lucky." He paused, then took a breath. "We had a meetin' at the bank yesterday…that was a down."

"Oh?" said Tom, pausing.

"They turned us down—didn't approve the loan. Said we ain't good first-time borrowers."

"Oh, Jack, I am sorry to hear that," said Tom. "Is there anything you can do? Ask for a second review?"

Jack shook his head. "Tom, if I can be blunt, that banker was a fuckin' asshole. He couldn't just say we was turned down, he had t'sit and insult us for thirty minutes. I don't think Ennis will ever set foot in the Quanah Savings and Loan for the rest of his life."

"He insulted you? What for? This is just a loan, not a personal issue," said Tom.

"He made it personal," replied Jack. "Talked about our moral character."

"Oh," said Tom. Jack could see the look of comprehension registering in Tom's eyes. "I get what you're saying."

"Anyway," said Jack. "I don't know what this is going t'do with us buying the place. We needed the loan for the business part of the deal."

Tom looked towards the house where he could see his wife coming down the stairs. "Let me think on this, Jack," he said. "We need to just get through the next two days. Maybe tomorrow afternoon we could talk, or Saturday morning."

"Sounds good," said Jack. "Ennis 'n me need t'do some thinkin' too."

Janet came onto the porch through the screen door. "I hope you don't mind, I did some peeking around the house," she said. "It all looks so nice. I always hated that ugly wallpaper in the living room."

Jack laughed. "Ennis did too. Once he made up his mind t'get rid of it, he couldn't strip it off the wall fast enough."

Janet smiled. "Well, I think everything looks 1000 percent better than it did before. You've brought this place back to life."

Jack winced inwardly at her words, thinking of Ennis's comments the evening before. He had said the same thing. "We've brought this place back to life." Jack took a deep breath, once again filled with sadness at the thought of leaving. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm bein' rude. Would ya like somethin' t'drink?"

* * *

Jack picked up the Big Ben alarm clock and peered at the glow-in-the-dark dial: 2 am. He sighed. He was wide awake and his mind was full of worries about the farm, money, moving and all the rest. He turned on his side and looked at Ennis. The room was pitch black so he couldn't see anything but the shape of Ennis, lying on his side, facing away. Jack lightly ran his hand down Ennis's back. He knew if he did anything more than "lightly" Ennis would wake up. He didn't want to do that. "At least one of us is sleepin'," he thought. "Let him get his rest."

Jack turned back and looked towards the ceiling. In an effort to empty his mind of his worries, he thought back on the day, which had actually turned out to be very pleasant. Darlene and her family—husband Russell and children Lisa and David, aged 7 and 5—arrived shortly after Tom. Jack had bought an assortment of cold cuts, breads, and salads, with cookies for dessert. He laid out a small buffet and everyone helped themselves to some lunch.

The adults sat and chatted, lingering over their sandwiches. The three children played together. Ennis brought down Jenny's suitcase of Barbies which thrilled Lisa. "Sorry I don't have any toys for boys," he said to David. "I just got daughters."

"That's okay," said David. "I don't mind."

"Do ya know how t'ride a bike?" asked Ennis. David nodded. "Well, then, let's go get Jenny's bike. It's down in the barn."

Jack had forgotten but Tom's sister, Darlene, was a nurse, working in oncology at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. She was very interested in hospice, hearing about Jill, and Hal's death at home. Ennis told them about Hal's last few hours (although he discreetly left out the part about the kiss), the storm, and the rainbow. Darlene nodded. "I've had other families tell me stories like that. The electricity thing—it's kind of amazing, isn't it?"

Ennis nodded, feeling his eyes well up with tears again. "It's an experience I'll never forget—not for the rest of my life."

Tom had gone over the plans for the wake and the funeral. Jack and Ennis had begged off from going to the wake which was planned for the late afternoon. Jack had explained to Tom, "It's like this…last week, Hal had a steady stream of visitors for three days. All his old friends, little old ladies and their husbands—they came and said good bye. It was very nice, actually. But I felt like—that was the good bye part for me—us…" He turned to Ennis. "Right, En?" Ennis nodded but didn't say anything. "So, I guess I rather have the memory of seein' all those people, meetin' 'em, while Hal was still alive. I don't need t'do it again at the funeral home."

Tom didn't have any objections—not that he could object, really, thought Jack—but Jack was conscious of doing the right thing and trying not to ruffle any feathers among the family members. Jack sighed again. "When we were just dealing with Tom, it seemed a little easier," he thought. "With the family here, and Hal gone, the whole buyin' deal just seems complicated."

Jack thought about the day ahead. The funeral was scheduled for 9 am. According to Tom, Hal had wanted a very simple service. Hal and Tom had talked about readings and hymns, and Hal's wish had been to keep it very low key.

Tom had explained to everyone, "Instead of a eulogy, Hal wanted to give people an opportunity to just stand up and speak—make whatever comments they'd like to make."

He asked Ennis and Jack if they wanted to say anything. Jack quickly shook his head no, but was taken aback when Ennis said he might.

Jack had looked at him, surprised. "Really, cowboy?"

Ennis nodded. "Mebbe…let me think 'bout it." He looked at Tom and gave Jack a little wink. "I think the reason that Jack's actin' surprised here is that I'm usually sorta quiet. But," he paused, "somethin's tellin' me I gotta get over my shyness and make a tribute t'Hal."

Tom had smiled at him. "Whatever is comfortable for you is fine, Ennis. There is no list of people, just whoever wants to speak."

The cemetery was behind the church and the burial would be immediately after the service. Jack and Ennis were both honored when Tom told them that Hal wanted them to be pall bearers. "Really?" asked Jack. Tom nodded.

"You and Ennis, me, Russell," he nodded at his brother-in-law, "and two of Hal's old friends." He had smiled. "The old friends are pretty old, so I am not sure how much carrying they'll really do. We'll put them in the middle."

Jack smiled in the darkness at the thought, then his worries returned. "We're really gonna be on display for the town of Quanah," he thought. "And then we might be movin' away." He gave a big sigh.

He turned and looked at the clock again: 3 am. Jack got up and walked down the hall to piss, then brushed his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror. He could see the worry in his eyes.

He went back into the bedroom and slipped into bed, hoping not to disturb Ennis, but Ennis turned over and pulled Jack into his arms. "C'mere, cowboy," he whispered. "Let me hold ya 'til ya go t'sleep."

"Ya knew I was awake?"

Ennis chuckled. "Yer over there flippin' like a flounder," he said. "You could wake the dead."

"I'm sorry," said Jack. "I wanted t'let ya sleep."

Ennis pulled him in close, rubbing his back and kissing his forehead. "Stop yer worryin'," he said, softly. "Think 'bout lovin' me. Think 'bout me lovin' you."

Jack tried to let himself relax in the warmth of Ennis's arms around him. "How much do ya love me, En?" he said.

"How much?" Jack nodded. Ennis smiled in the darkness. "More than you can measure," he said. "There ain't no measurement for the love I have for you."

Jack snuggled in closer. "Will you always love me, En?" he asked.

"You know I will," said Ennis. "Forever and ever."

"Even if I do something bad?" whispered Jack.

Ennis laughed softly. "You ain't gonna do anythin' bad," he said. "Yer a good person." He paused. "But even if you did do somethin' bad, yes, I would love you. That's what it's all about, right? Through good and bad, thick and thin, ups and downs…" His voice trailed off.

Jack leaned in and kissed the warm space at the base of Ennis's neck. "I love you," he whispered. "I have only loved you and I will always love you."

"I love you too, babe," whispered Ennis.

"Y'know," said Jack. "There are prob'ly people in the world who never meet their soulmate."

"There prob'ly are," answered Ennis, softly.

"But we found each other."

"We did," said Ennis.

"How did it happen, En? How did we end up on that mountain together?"

"I dunno, babe," said Ennis. "I don't think we'll ever know. But we did."

Jack leaned in again, resting his head against Ennis's shoulder. "I love you," he whispered, finally feeling sleep overtaking him, falling into a dark dreamless slumber, held tightly in the protective cocoon of his lover's arms.


	19. Chapter 18

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 18

They dressed carefully the next morning. Ennis wore the blue dress pants that Jack had given him, with a white shirt and bolo tie. Jack wore black pants with a dark gray shirt and tie similar to Ennis's.

Ennis looked at his hat. He had been wearing his straw hat all summer, but it was looking pretty beaten up and seemed a little too casual for a funeral. His winter hat, on the other hand, was dirty. "If I'd been thinking, I would've gotten it cleaned," he said.

Jack smiled at him and pulled a box off the shelf. "Here," he said. "Mebbe you can wear this."

Ennis looked puzzled. "What is it?" he said.

"Open it," said Jack.

Ennis opened the box and pulled out his old hat, the one he wore during their summer on Brokeback. It was still worn, but looked cleaner and brighter than it had for a long time.

"I had it cleaned for you," said Jack. "After we packed in Riverton, ya said ya'd never get rid of it. I figgered it was better t'be clean on the shelf, rather than dirty, even if ya never wore it again."

Ennis put it on his head and looked in the mirror, then turned to Jack, his eyes shining. "Thanks babe," he said. "Ya know, I could've spent a lot of money on a new hat but gettin' this old one cleaned—that's really special." He leaned in and gave Jack a kiss.

Jack pulled his black hat off the shelf. "Is that yours from Brokeback?" Ennis asked.

"Same style, but not the same hat," Jack said. "My old one got crushed one too many times when I was rodeoin'. I had t'get rid of it."

"Well, ya look the same," said Ennis, smiling, "even if it ain't authentic."

They rode to the church in Jack's truck and slipped into a pew in the middle of the church. Jack and Ennis could see Tom and his family were already there, sitting in a pew in the front. Tom turned and saw them, then motioned as if to say, "Come sit here." Jack shook his head no, but gave Tom a smile. Tom nodded, understanding the exchange.

The church filled up, which didn't surprise Jack or Ennis, given how many people had stopped by the house the week before. The service, as Tom had said, was simple, but moving. The readings were singularly appropriate, speaking to Hal as a person and reflecting the quiet dignity of his private life.

When the time came for people to speak, Tom went first, followed by Darlene. Various people throughout the church went next. Some walked to the front of the church, others stayed at their place in their pew. The time came when it seemed that everyone was done. Tom turned and looked at Ennis, who nodded, then stood, leaving his hat on the seat next to him. He cleared his throat then spoke, his deep voice strong. Even though he spoke softly, his voice could be heard clearly throughout the church.

"I've lived in Wyoming all my life but I moved here t'Texas in May, with nothin' more than two horses in a trailer and not a whole lot o'money in my pocket. Didn't know a soul except for my friend Jack, who is the reason I came t'Texas in the first place.

"Within twenty-four hours of arrivin' in Quanah I had two friends—Tom Lawrence and his uncle, Hal. We went and met Hal in the nursin' home—supposedly t'tell him 'bout the business arrangement with me 'n Jack stayin' at the Lazy L and paintin' the house. But Hal looked at me, 'Yer awful quiet, son,' he said—and I suddenly realized that he could be my friend. A friend is a person who takes an interest in you—cares 'bout you. Hal was that.

"At first I visited Hal in the nursin' home 'cause I thought I was s'posed to, but it wasn't long before I was visitin' 'cause I wanted to. We liked t'talk. He'd ask me 'bout my horses, ask me 'bout the mountains in Wyoming. We had some private talks," Ennis blushed a bit as he said this, a ghost of a smile around his lips, "and shared some secrets. Ain't gonna tell ya here, but they was special.

"Me 'n Jack brought Hal home last week because that's what he wanted—to die at home in his own bedroom, in the house where he was born. When we did it, didn't seem like much, but now that's it's over, I can tell ya that it is the best gift anyone can give t'a dyin' man. I'll never forget a minute o'those six days for the rest of my life.

"I don't have many friends but the few I do, I hold close. Hal is one and he'll be forever in my heart."

Ennis sat down and Jack reached over and lightly squeezed Ennis's hand where it rested on the seat. "Good job, cowboy," he whispered in Ennis's ear. Ennis nodded slightly and gave Jack a small smile. Jack could see that his eyes were glistening with tears, but none had fallen on his cheek yet.

The rest of the service and the interment went by in a blur and before Jack and Ennis knew it, they were standing at the edge of the cemetery, under a large spreading Shumard oak, each smoking a cigarette. They watched Tom and his sister Darlene moving through the crowd, shaking hands, thanking people for coming.

"Can we leave yet?" said Ennis, having reached the limit of his patience with being dressed up.

"Just a few more minutes," said Jack. "We should find out if Tom and everyone wants t'come over for lunch again. We still have plenty of food."

Ennis sighed and nodded, and took a drag off his cigarette. He looked across the crowd and saw a man moving towards them. It was clear he was heading in his direction. Ennis looked around, trying to see who he might be looking for. Ennis didn't recognize the man, himself, but he looked like the dozens of ranch hands Ennis had worked with over the years. "In fact," Ennis thought, "he almost looks a little bit like me, except twenty years on."

The man came up to Jack and Ennis and stopped in front of them. "Those were nice things ya said about Hal in there," he said, nodding towards the church.

"Thanks," said Ennis. "I meant it. He was a good friend. I'll miss 'im."

The man nodded back. "He was a good friend o'mine, too," he said, softly.

Ennis looked at the man, puzzling back on something that Hal had told him. He pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, shook one partially out and offered it to the man. "Want a'smoke?"

"Thanks," said the man, taking the cigarette and putting it between his lips. Ennis took his lighter from his pocket and lit it for him.

"Bud," he said softly, "are you Pete?"

The man looked surprised, at first, then gave a small smile and nodded. "How'd ya know?"

"Hal told me 'bout ya," said Ennis.

Jack watched this exchange with interest but had absolutely no idea what was going on or who Pete could possibly be. He was about to say something but realized that it was possibly better to remain silent.

"Ya livin' at the Lazy L now?" said Pete.

Ennis nodded. "Yup, since May. We've been fixin' up the place."

"And Hal died there?"

Ennis nodded again. "He was in the nursin' home. We brought him home last Thursday, a week ago yesterday. He was with us for six days, died on Tuesday."

Pete looked sorrowful. "I wish I had known. I would've come t'see him. I saw the obituary in the paper on Wednesday, hitchhiked over here from Amarillo yesterday."

"Where did ya sleep?" asked Ennis.

Pete pointed to the base of the tree that they were standing under. "Right there." He held up a bag that he was holding, which neither Jack nor Ennis had noticed. "Got my bedroll in here, little bit o'food…"

Jack looked at him. "Ya must be hungry. Come back t'the farm with us, I'll make ya some breakfast."

Pete looked at him. "Well thank ya, that's right kind of ya, I'd like that." Pete paused for minute, looking back and forth between Jack and Ennis. "You boys….friends?" he asked. Ennis nodded. "Hal know?" Ennis nodded again. "Ya said Hal told ya 'bout me…I guess that means he told ya the personal stuff."

Jack looked at Pete, comprehension slowly dawning. He didn't want to blurt out, "Were you Hal's lover?" but he had the feeling that must be the case.

Ennis looked at Jack. "Cowboy, can ya go tell Tom that an old friend of Hal's is here, we're takin' him back t'the farm for some breakfast and Tom can come along whenever he wants?"

"Uh, sure, En," said Jack, surprised at how Ennis had taken control of the situation. Jack walked towards the Lawrence family while Pete and Ennis headed towards Jack's truck. Ennis slid behind the steering wheel and backed out of the parking lot, stopping to pick up Jack as they left the church yard.

The parked in the usual space next to the house. "Lookit the color," said Pete, "it used t'be white."

"Actually," said Ennis, "this is the original color. It got painted white durin' the war."

They walked into the house, looking around. "Aw, shit, this brings back memories," said Pete, pulling a soiled handkerchief from his pocket and holding it up to his eyes. "Goddamn, why didn't I come back?" he said, more to himself than to Jack or Ennis. "Last weekend, somethin' kept telling me t'go to Quanah and I just kept ignorin' the feelin'." He dropped onto the couch, his head between his hands.

Ennis sat down next to him, rubbing his back. "Hal talked 'bout ya," he said. "Right at the end, I know he was thinkin' 'bout ya."

Pete looked at him, "What did he say?" he asked, his voice soft.

"He said, 'I had a friend with brown eyes.' He was lookin' at me and thinkin' of you."

Pete gave Ennis a funny look. "It sounds like you two were real close…talkin' 'bout personal stuff."

Ennis nodded. "Hal didn't have anyone he could tell 'bout the one man he loved in his life…'til he met me 'n Jack. He knew we'd understand the story, 'cause it's the same for us."

Jack came into the living room, carrying a cup of coffee. "I'm assumin' ya like it black," he said.

Pete nodded. "Thanks, I 'preciate it," he said, as he took the cup. He looked at both of them. "You fellas been together long?" he asked.

"We've known each other since '63," said Jack, "but been ranchin' up together since May, when we arrived here in Quanah."

Pete looked at them, his face sad. "'63," he said. "That's the last year I saw Hal…can't believe it's been that long…thirteen years…"

Jack took a breath. "I'm gonna cook up some eggs and biscuits," he said. "En, you must be hungry, we didn't have much breakfast."

Ennis nodded. "That's sounds good, bud." He turned to Pete. "Pete, I bet you'd like t'use the bathroom, clean up a bit. Let me get ya some towels." He stood up. "Come with me, the bathroom's upstairs."

Ennis changed quickly while he was upstairs, then rejoined Jack in the kitchen, helping him make a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and refrigerator biscuits. They set everything on the table, along with a pitcher of juice and a fresh pot of coffee. Pete came in the room, his face scrubbed and freshly shaved, his damp hair combed neatly across his head. "This is very nice of you fellas," he said. "Ya didn't need t'do this for a stranger."

"Somehow," said Jack, "ya don't feel like a stranger. Have a seat."

The three of them sat down and served themselves generously to the food. They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Pete said, "Well, I s'pose ya want t'hear my story."

"Only if ya want t'tell," said Ennis. "It's private, none of our business."

Pete smiled a sad little smile. "I want t'tell it," he said. "Ain't told a soul 'bout this, but not a day's gone by that I ain't thought 'bout Hal Lawrence." He poured himself another up of coffee and leaned back in his chair. "I met Hal in the summer of '54. I was 36 years old and Hal was 54, but you'd never know it. Looked 40 if he looked a day. Hal was a fine lookin', handsome man." He paused. "He'd put an ad in the paper lookin' for help. Up until that time he'd made do with teenagers from town…it was the second summer without his mama and he had realized just how much she had done t'runnin' this place.

"I walked down that road," he pointed out the window, "and walked into a situation that changed my life." He smiled at the memory. "Hal and I started talkin', he offered me the job but I never really felt like I was workin' for him. We just became friends, friends workin' side-by-side. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

"I didn't know I was queer, and I don't know if Hal knew he was queer…but he never got married, mebbe had a suspicion. But the two of us…" Pete shrugged. "What can I say? We felt like we was meant t'be together." He looked at Ennis and Jack. "You boys feel that way?" They both nodded. "So ya know what I'm talkin' 'bout." They nodded again.

"That first summer, it took awhile for things t'develop, plus his nephew was around."

"Tom?" asked Ennis.

Pete nodded. "Yeah. He lived up in Lubbock and was at that age—not old enough t'drive or get a job, but gets bored hangin' 'round the house all summer. His parents thought they'd send him here down for a few weeks, find out what it was like livin' and workin' on a farm."

"He very good at it—workin' on a farm, I mean?" asked Ennis.

"Nah," said Pete. "He was a nerdy kid, always had his nose in a book." He smiled at the memory. "I recognized him today at the church—not sure if he saw me or if he'd recognize me, anyway." He paused. "What's he do for work, anyway?"

"He's a college professor," said Jack.

"Ain't surprised," said Pete. "Up in Lubbock?"

Jack shook his head, "No, down in Austin—UT."

Pete nodded, thought for a minute, then continued. "While Tom was here, Hal and I…I dunno…started t'feel an attraction, I guess you'd say. But Hal was a real proper guy, puttin' his nephew first—no guys kissin' while Tom was here, that's for sure." He laughed softly at the memory. "Tom's parents finally came and picked him up and when we was alone here, Hal made his move—but I didn't take much urgin'." He looked at Ennis and said, "I was all pent-up, y'know that feelin'?"

Ennis looked at Pete, thinking of his reunions with Jack on their fishing trips. 'Pent-up' was putting it mildly. "Yeah, Pete, I do," he said.

Pete picked up his coffee cup and took another sip. "And that's how it started. We'd work together all day, go after each other all night. I loved that man, couldn't get enough of 'im. He felt the same way."

"Ya stay here in the house?" asked Ennis.

Pete shook his head. "That first summer, never. I'd always get up and go back to my bunkroom in the stable." He looked at Ennis. "That room still there?"

Ennis nodded, "Yeah, but no furniture. I figgered it was for hired hands, though."

"Hal wanted me t'stay with him in the house," he said it, almost as if he weren't in the house of which he was speaking, "but I couldn't. Didn't feel right t'me. He was the owner, I was just a farm hand, shouldn't be sleepin' with the owner in his bed."

Jack picked up the coffee pot and motioned towards the cups. "More?" he asked, and Ennis and Pete both nodded.

Pete leaned back in the chair, then looked at Ennis and Jack as he continued. "The second summer, I did stay with Hal—not ev'ry night, but pretty often. The third summer, I stayed all the time. We knew we was in love by then—had been from the beginnin', but by then, could say it t'each other." He looked at Ennis again. "You boys say that?" Ennis nodded. "From the beginnin'?"

Ennis shook his head. "Took me thirteen years," he said softly.

Pete gave him a little sad smile. "What is it 'bout guys lovin' each other?" he said. "Why the hell can't we figger it out?"

He paused and looked around the room, took a sip of his coffee, then continued. "The end of that summer—woulda been 1956—Hal asked me t'stay. Asked me t'move in and live here with him. I said no." He shook his head, his eyes sorrowful at the memory. "He asked me every summer for the next seven years and every time I said no, I couldn't do it, couldn't live with a man." He took a deep breath. "At the end of the summer in '63, Hal said, 'This is it. Either stay or don't come back.' As you can guess, I didn't come back."

Pete took a deep breath and both Jack and Ennis could see that he was fighting back tears. "I know my heart broke that day and I 'magine Hal's did too." He turned to Ennis. "He ever say anythin' 'bout another man—someone besides me?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, Pete, he didn't. I think—but I don't know for sure—yer the only one."

Pete let his breath out slowly, his face a resigned mask. "I been with a few guys—mostly t'relieve the feelin' inside. Ain't been love, ain't been like when I was with Hal."

They all sat, silent for a minute, each man thinking his own thoughts about love, loss, and regret. Ennis broke the silence. "Want a'smoke?" he said. Pete nodded. Ennis picked up his coffee cup. "Let's go sit on the porch," he said. "I'm tryin' not t'smoke in the house."

The three of them sat in chairs on the porch, staring across the fields. Pete turned to Ennis. "So, ya said yer buyin' this place."

"That's what we hope," said Ennis. "If we can make the money work. Had some problems at the bank." He paused, then continued. "Tom hired us t'fix up the place, with a plan t'sell it when Hal died. 'Bout halfway through the summer, we got the idea t'buy it ourselves…actually, it was Jack's ex-wife's idea."

Pete looked at Jack. "You been married?"

Jack nodded. "Yup. Technically still am, for one more week. Goin' t'court next Friday."

"And you?" Pete asked, looking at Ennis.

Ennis nodded. "For twelve years. Got divorced back in November."

"So that's what kept you boys apart?"

Ennis shrugged. "That…and a lot a fear and a lot of not believin' we could do it. I had t'unlearn a lot of lessons my daddy taught me."

Pete gave Ennis a rueful smile. "I know 'bout daddies and those lessons. I got some o'those myself."

They heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. "'Scuse me," said Jack, standing up and going into the house.

Ennis offered Pete another cigarette, lighting them both. "Where you from, Pete?" he asked.

"Up in Oklahoma," Pete replied. "But I ain't really got a home. Just go ranch to ranch, wherever I can find work."

Ennis looked at Pete, suddenly realizing how different his life might have been. _If_ he had said yes to Hal, it might have been Pete sitting on this porch, the new owner of the Lazy L, instead of Ennis, the (hopeful, he thought) potential owner. Instead, here was Pete, a lifetime drifter, who, if it could be possible, appeared to be even poorer than Ennis had been in May. "At least I owned a truck," he thought to himself. He thought of the day he arrived in Signal, everything he owned in a brown paper bag. Here was Pete, 58 years old and it appeared that everything _he_ owned was in a similar bag. "Holy God," thought Ennis to himself, "I'm lookin' at a picture of what I might have become and I ain't likin' what I'm seein'."

He shook his head. "'Scuse me, Pete," he said. "You okay? Need somethin', more coffee?" Pete shook his head no. "Okay, then, I'm gonna go see if Jack needs some help in the kitchen."

He walked into the kitchen just as Jack was hanging up the phone. He grabbed Jack by the shoulders and pulled him in close. "Fuck, cowboy, gimme a kiss," he said, his lips pressing urgently onto Jack's, his tongue pushing itself deep into Jack's mouth.

They pulled apart and Jack looked at Ennis, his eyes puzzled. "What's wrong, En, ya look like ya've seen a ghost."

Ennis smiled wanly. "I feel like it." He looked at Jack. "What's that movie they show on TV at Christmastime?" he said. "The one with the old guy and the ghosts and the crippled kid by the fire?"

"_A Christmas Carol_?" said Jack.

Ennis nodded. "That's the one. I feel like that, I just had the future ghost come and show me what I might have been."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Jack.

"I was just lookin' at Pete, thinkin' I coulda been who he is…poor as shit, nothin' but a life of regrets. Fuck, Jack, fuck…I am so fuckin' glad I said yes t'you in May." Ennis pulled Jack close again as he said this, his embrace squeezing Jack like he never wanted to let him go.

Jack laughed, his faced mashed in against Ennis's neck. "Well ya did say yes, cowboy," he mumbled. "No need t'regret what ain't gonna happen."

"Oh, fuck, Jack, we've gotta figger out a way t'buy this place. I want t'be here Jack. I want t'be here, livin' with you, raisin' horses…I don't want t'be packin' up my shit in my truck and drivin' off to God knows where, tryin' t'figger out how t'make a life. We've gotten started on a life and I want it t'be right here…oh fuck, this not knowin' is drivin' me outta my fuckin' mind!"

"Well, cowboy, that was Tom on the phone. He's comin' over t'talk t'us at nine tomorrow mornin'. So, we have one day t'come up with some creative solutions t'offer t'Tom as a plan."

"Tomorrow?" said Ennis. "What's he doin' today?"

"They've got a bunch o'plans. Darlene's drivin' t'Lubbock to visit some old friends. Tom and his brother-in-law are playin' golf and Janet's takin' the kids t'the pool t'go swimmin'."

"What pool?"

"I dunno, I didn't ask. They're all goin' out t'dinner…he invited us, but I said no, didn't think you'd want t'go."

Ennis shook his head. "No, yer right, I've had enough socializin' to last me for awhile." He gave Jack a funny smile. "I ain't the outgoin' type, y'know."

Jack smiled back. "I like ya just the way ya are," he said. "Yer outgoin' enough for me."

They leaned in for another kiss and Ennis finally felt some of his anxiety abate. "I love you, Jack," he said softly. "Just wanted ya t'know that."

Jack looked at him, his eyes reflecting Ennis's love back to him. "I love you too," he said. He pulled himself away. "Now, what 'bout Pete?" he said. "We've left our guest on the porch."

It turned out that Pete needed to get back to Amarillo. He had planned to hitchhike but Jack persuaded him to take the bus and paid for the ticket. Jack packed him a picnic lunch to eat, and tucked two packs of cigarettes and a twenty dollar bill in among the sandwiches and bottle of beer. They gave him a ride to town and waited at the café until the Greyhound arrived.

Pete hugged them both goodbye as he got ready to board the bus. "Thanks for what ya did for Hal," he said. "I wish I coulda done that for 'im."

Ennis, not sure what to say, said, "You take good care, Pete. If yer ever in Quanah again…stop by…"

Pete shook his head. "I ain't comin' back t'Quanah," he said. "That part of my life is over. I've been livin' with the knowledge of the mistake I made for thirteen years…now it's time t'put it t'rest."

He got on the bus and the door closed behind him, another shadow of Hal's life disappearing into the atmosphere.


	20. Chapter 19

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 19

Jack smoothed the tomato sauce over the meatloaf with the back of a spoon, then laid three strips of bacon across the top. He checked the _Joy of Cooking_ again for timing—350 degrees for 50 minutes, he read. He had been surprised that the recipe in the book didn't include the tomato sauce and bacon—in fact, the various variations they listed all sounded sort of bland. But he remembered his mother making it this way—she always used a small can of Hunt's tomato sauce—and he did the same thing.

He put the meatloaf into the refrigerator. "There," he thought to himself, "dinner is all set." He had the meatloaf ready to bake, a tossed salad all made, and four potatoes, peeled and sitting in a pan of water, ready to be boiled and mashed. He didn't know if Ennis liked meatloaf and mashed potatoes but suspected he did. After the week they had been through, Jack felt like a little old fashioned comfort food was in order.

He washed his hands at the sink and looked at the clock: 3 pm. When they had gotten back from taking Pete to the bus, they had had a quick lunch of sandwiches and Ennis decided to go upstairs and take a nap. Ennis rarely slept during the day so Jack took this as a sign of just how much the stress and emotional upheaval of the past week had gotten to him, too.

Jack went up the stairs, intending to go to the bathroom, but he stopped at the bedroom door and looked at sleeping Ennis. He smiled to himself. For Jack, taking a nap meant lying on the couch, with his boots off and maybe his belt loosened. Ennis, on the other hand, got completely undressed and under the covers—as if he was going to bed. Jack never knew about this little quirk—how would he? They never took naps on Brokeback and besides, they didn't have a bed.

Jack went down the hall and used the toilet and then came back, stopping at the bedroom door again. Temptation overcame him. He couldn't watch Ennis, lying there asleep, and not join him. He quickly undressed, then slid into the bed, the sheets feeling cool against his skin. He rubbed his hand along Ennis's side, stopping at the hip. "Lover," he whispered, "you asleep?"

Ennis stirred and stretched, then mumbled, "I was," he said, with a soft chuckle, turning towards Jack, "but I ain't anymore."

"Sorry," said Jack, "I didn't mean t'wake ya."

"Stop your lyin'," said Ennis, winking at Jack. "Ya did mean t'wake me and now yer gonna pay for it."

"I'm gonna pay for it?" said Jack, acting innocent.

Ennis nodded. "First, I need a kiss." He pulled Jack close to him, loving the feel of Jack's open mouth. Then he bent and kissed his favorite spot on Jack's collarbone. "Love ya, babe," he whispered.

"I love you too," said Jack softly.

Ennis pulled back and looked at Jack, his eyes still dozy but his mouth smiling in a mischievous way. "So, this is what I want ya to do." He paused. "First I want ya t'suck my cock…and finger my ass," he said softly.

"Suck yer cock and finger yer ass," Jack repeated, trying to sound dutiful. "How many fingers?"

"Two should do it," said Ennis, reaching towards the drawer of the bedside table. He handed Jack the tube of K-Y. "Yer gonna need this, I think."

Jack nodded, "Okay, so, suck cock, two fingers, then what?"

"Then," said Ennis, "when I'm just 'bout t'come, I want ya t'sit on it."

"Sit on what?" said Jack, his voice playful.

"My cock, ya asshole," said Ennis, with a laugh.

"I ain't an asshole, it's my asshole ya want on yer cock, I think," said Jack, starting to slide down in the bed.

"Whatever," said Ennis. "It's what I was dreamin' 'bout when ya woke me up, now I want ya t'make my dreams come true." He lay back on the pillow, then remembered one last request, lifting his head up to look at Jack. "When ya come, I want ya t'squirt all over me."

"Got it," said Jack, moving into the space between Ennis's thighs and taking hold of his cock with his right hand.

"Get t'work, cowboy," said Ennis, leaning back on the pillow, his eyes heavy-lidded, still drowsy from his nap.

Ennis lay back, surrendering himself to the pleasure of Jack, feeling the sensation of orgasm slowly build in his body. He felt a twitch in his arm and reached over and ran his fingers through Jack's hair, words of love and incoherent mumbles coming from his mouth. He sighed and let his body relax into the mattress, thinking nothing, just letting the feeling of electricity ripple throughout him. At the moment when he felt like a storm was building in his chest and running down his spine, about to explode out the end of his cock, Jack stopped. "Now, cowboy?" he heard his lover whisper and Ennis nodded, croaked out a mumbled yes. The hot, tight clutch of Jack's ass on his cock rendered Ennis unable to speak and he let the sensations of his body take over. His hips rose, his back arched, and he reached down and grabbed Jack's cock in his strong right hand, feeling the throbbing of Jack's heart transmitted through it. One, two, three thrusts and Ennis exploded, as did Jack, who shouted, "Oh, holy fuck!" as he collapsed on Ennis's chest.

They lay there panting, Ennis still unable to speak, waiting for their heart rhythms to return to normal. Ennis ran his hand down Jack's back and ass, at first urgently massaging the skin between his fingers, then slowly relaxing. As Ennis's cock softened, he repositioned himself, pulling Jack around to him and holding him close. They lay like that and then, finally, after many long minutes, Ennis turned his head a little bit, leaned in and kissed Jack near his ear. "Holy fuck is right, babe," he said. "Thanks…"

Jack pushed himself up a bit and looked at Ennis. "You really dream 'bout that?"

Ennis smiled at him. "Well, I have dreamed 'bout it, yes, but I wasn't dreamin' 'bout it at the 'xact minute when you woke me up…"

"You little shit," said Jack, pulling Ennis's chin up and giving him a kiss. "You bossin' me 'round and givin' me orders…"

"Ya mind, cowboy?" said Ennis, returning the kiss.

Jack shook his head, not bothering with a verbal response.

They lay together for many long minutes, enjoying the feeling of being together, their skin touching and sticky with Jack's spunk, warm and smooth. Ennis's hands absent-mindedly rubbed Jack's back and ass, neither of them speaking. Finally, Ennis roused himself, kissing Jack on the year. ""Scuse me for a minute, I'll be right back, lover," he whispered. Jack nodded, watching Ennis leave the room. He heard the sound of the toilet flushing, but then, unexpectedly, he heard the sound of water running in the bathtub.

Ennis came back in the bedroom, reaching out a hand. "C'mon, cowboy, I'm givin' you a bath," he said.

"A bath?" said Jack, with a funny smile.

Ennis nodded, smiling back. "Yup, You took care of me, now it's my turn t'take care of you." He pulled Jack up and led him down the hall.

Jack stepped into the tub, the water hot, feeling like fire on his still raw nerve endings. "Shit, Ennis," he said, with a smile "you tryin' t'cook me?"

Ennis smiled back. "It's okay, cowboy, ya ain't gonna get burned. I want it hot so it don't get cold too fast." He kneeled at the side of the tub and picked up the washcloth, rubbing it with the bar of soap. "Lemme start with your back," he said softly.

Jack let himself go limp, feeling like a rag doll as Ennis maneuvered the washcloth down his arms, across his chest, over his neck, and behind his ears. "Ya act like a pro at this," he mumbled, as Ennis picked up the handheld shower and wet his hair.

"I used t'wash Jenny and Junior," he said, massaging shampoo into Jack's scalp. "It was fun givin' them a bath," he said, he mind flitting back to the happy memory.

Jack smiled at him. "I hope ya weren't dressed like that," he said with a laugh, looking at naked Ennis kneeling next to him on the floor.

"I wasn't, but it would've made sense," he said. "I always ended up soaked." He picked up the handheld shower again. "Lean yer head back, I don't want t'get soap in yer eyes."

Jack looked up at Ennis. "Nobody's ever washed my hair before," he said.

"Nobody?" said Ennis, surprised.

"Well, nobody who's ever loved me," said Jack.

"Well then, babe," said Ennis, leaning in for a kiss. "I'm glad t'be the first." He finished rinsing Jack off and pulled the ball chain to release the rubber plug from the drain. He handed Jack a towel and pointed to the sink. "Go shave," he said. "Finish the job."

"Do I hafta?" said Jack, feigning a plaintive whine. "Can't I give you a bath?"

"I'll wash myself," said Ennis, smiling at Jack. "Take care of yer face."

Jack sighed. "Why do I hafta shave twice a day?"

"Don't ask me, ask yer mama or daddy," laughed Ennis. "They're the ones that made ya. Besides," he added, "ya don't shave twice a day every day…just on special occasions, like this."

Jack stood at the sink, rubbing shaving cream across his face. "Just my luck t'get stuck with a guy that don't like facial hair," he mumbled, giving Ennis a mischievous wink.

"Prob'ly 'cause I couldn't grow a beard if my life depended on it," said Ennis, who was now in the bathtub and vigorously lathering himself up. "You grow a beard, I'd get jealous."

Jack looked at him. "I could make you jealous?" he said.

"Sure could," said Ennis. "Mebbe not with a beard, but you go lookin' at another man…" He winked at Jack. "I'll tell ya true, Jack, I got a touch of that green-eyed monster in me."

Jack smiled at him, then turned back to the mirror. "Never knew that 'bout ya, Ennis, but don't worry…I got my hands full with you, I ain't lookin' at another guy."

Ennis finished in the tub, stood up and grabbed a towel from the rack. He walked over and kissed Jack behind the ear. "Glad we got that straight," he whispered, "'Cause I ain't lookin' at another guy, either."

* * *

The next morning, Jack stood at the sink, staring out the window, watching for Tom's car. He had a fresh pot of coffee brewing on the stove and a pitcher of orange juice in the refrigerator. Tom had said he'd bring donuts—"I'll make sure to have plenty of the sugared ones for Ennis," he had said. Jack smiled at the memory of the day in May when they sat on the porch and talked about the plans for the summer. It seemed so long ago…

For Ennis and Jack, their dinner conversation the evening before had been devoted to the pros and cons of buying the farm, in light of the financial reality they were facing. In the end, they decided that the number one priority was to go through with the purchase. They both admitted that they loved the house and farm, they were happy in Quanah, and even had a few friends. They had the money and if they could get Tom to agree to a smaller down payment, they'd have a bit more of a cushion to work from. Jack agreed with Ennis's idea to start slower than originally planned with the horse business. If push came to shove, Jack probably could find some sort of a job off the farm to generate a little extra income. And, once the farm and horse business were established, even if it was small, they might be in a better position to apply for a loan. "Not at Quanah Savings and Loan," Jack thought to himself, "but we could find something." It all seemed workable. Jack just hoped there wasn't something in Hal's will that would put the kibosh on everything.

Ennis came up behind him and slid his arms around Jack's waist. He smelled faintly of horses and sweat, a combination Jack loved. Ennis leaned in close to his ear. "It's gonna work," he said.

"What?" said Jack, turning to look at him.

Ennis smiled. "I can tell what yer thinkin'," he said. "We're gonna have a good conversation with Tom, and it's all gonna work out. Remember the philosophy…"

They heard the sound of a car and Ennis looked over Jack's head, out the window. "There's Tom," he said. "Mebbe we should just keep standin' here kissin', give 'im a little show when he walks in. That might put 'im in a good mood."

Jack laughed, gave Ennis a quick kiss, and then turned to the window. "I'm too nervous for a show," he said. "Let's go meet 'im on the porch."

Tom came walking up the steps, white bag in hand. "Just like I promised," he said. "Plenty of sugared ones for you, Ennis."

"Thanks, Tom," said Ennis, taking the bag. "I think Jack's made some coffee, and we have juice, too."

The three of them walked into the kitchen. Jack arranged the donuts on a plate while Ennis poured three mugs of coffee. "Milk and sugar, Tom?" asked Ennis.

Tom nodded, taking a bite of donut.

"So," Jack said, "how was yer day yesterday?"

Tom shrugged. "It was okay. I'm not much of a golfer, but Russell loves to play. I mostly use it as an excuse to walk around outside and drink beer."

Ennis laughed. "Is that what golfing is? An excuse t'drink beer? Mebbe I'll start playin'."

Tom smiled at him. "No offense, Ennis, but I can't see you on a golf course. You don't look like the type to wear those stupid pants and socks."

Jack chuckled at that. "Mebbe he could start a new trend—cowboy golfer." The three of them laughed together at the joke.

Tom took another bite of donut. "Ennis, that was really nice what you said in the church, by the way. I know it must've been hard for you."

Ennis shrugged. "Not too hard, actually," he said. "It came from the heart."

"I saw you leaving the cemetery with somebody. Who was that?" Tom asked.

"An old friend of Hal's," Jack replied. "As a matter of fact, you know him. Fella that worked here for a few summers…Pete."

Tom nodded. "I remember him. Nice guy…he worked here more than one summer?"

Jack nodded. "Yup, that's what he said…nine in all, from '54 to '63."

"Hm," said Tom, "what's he doing now?"

"Working on a spread near Amarillo," replied Jack, "but he's sort of a drifter. No real roots anywhere."

"Well, that's sort of sad," said Tom. "Never got married, never settled down?"

Jack shook his head. "He had a chance, but turned it down. Lived t'regret it, I think."

The three of them stood silently for a minute, then Jack picked up the coffee pot. "Little bit more?" he said.

Tom nodded, then said. "Well, we have some business to discuss. How about we sit in the living room?"

The three of them settled in, Jack and Ennis side-by-side on the couch, Tom across from them in the upholstered chair. Jack looked towards the window, watching the summer breeze flutter the curtain. "I love this place," he thought. "This is gonna be my home." He smiled at Tom. "I told ya 'bout the bank," he said, "but Ennis and I have talked and we want…"

Tom held up his hand. "Hold on a minute," he said. "Can I go first?"

"Sure," Jack said, a little surprised. He hoped he hadn't made some sort of mistake. Everything felt so tentative, and their future was in the balance.

Tom cleared his throat. "I'm not sure how to begin, so I'll just dive in," he said. "You provided a great comfort to Uncle Hal in the last weeks of his life—especially you, Ennis," he added, turning to look at him. "He appreciated your daily visits and spending time with him. He said to me, 'They don't need to do this, keep comin' 'round, but they do.' I sensed there was a very special bond there."

Jack and Ennis looked down. They knew what the bond was, but still didn't know how much Tom understood about his uncle, so they didn't say anything.

"You remember when I came up two weeks ago, for the emergency visit?" Jack and Ennis nodded. "Well, what Uncle Hal wanted to see me about was his will."

Jack and Ennis looked at Tom, anxiety on their faces. This was their worst fear, that there was something in Hal's will that would prevent them from buying the Lazy L.

"Uncle Hal wanted to make a major change. We did it at the nursing home, with a notary, and two of the nurses were witnesses, so everything was handled properly. It was very clear to me that Uncle Hal was not senile, just an old man dying of end stage cardiac disease."

Jack and Ennis both looked at Tom. Jack said, "I'm not sure what yer sayin', Tom."

Tom nodded. "My point is, there was nothing wrong with his thinking. He made a clear and informed decision, and I accept that." He paused, then continued, "At the time all this was happening, I talked to Darlene. She fully understands what is going on and also accepts Uncle Hal's decision."

Ennis and Jack nodded.

Tom continued. "I am completely confident that everything was handled properly and the only people who might contest this change—that would be my sister or me—won't. Uncle Hal's final wishes will be honored."

He stopped for a minute, looked at both of them, and then took a deep breath. "Ennis," Tom said, "Uncle Hal left the farm to you. He said he had a great affection for you, and wanted you to have it. He said that he knew that it would be in good hands."

Ennis felt the room begin to spin a little bit and he shook his head, wondering if he heard correctly. "The farm? Is mine? We don't hafta buy it?"

"Yes, Ennis, once all the legal paperwork is taken care of, you'll be the new owner of the Lazy L Farm—free and clear, without spending a penny."

Ennis was speechless and stunned. Just a few months before, he counted his valuable possessions as three guns, two horses, a prayer book, and a battered hat. Now he owned a house, a stable, a barn, and 120 acres of prime Texas farmland. "I…I…," he stammered. He turned to Jack. "Babe, I, uh…I, uh….." He suddenly put his hand to his mouth, stood up, and literally bolted to the kitchen.

Tom looked surprised. "I hope he's okay?" he said.

Jack nodded. "I think so, but it's been a little emotional 'round here the past few days. 'Scuse me for a minute, will ya?"

"Sure," said Tom. "Take your time."

Jack pointed to a pack of cigarettes on the table. "Help yerself to a smoke, if ya want."

He went into the kitchen. Ennis was standing next to the sink, his knuckles white where he was clutching the rim. He was taking large, gasping, heaving breaths. Jack walked up to him and started rubbing the back of his neck.

Ennis took another shuddering breath and managed to croak, "Jack, I think I'm gonna puke."

"It's okay," said Jack. "Puke if you need to." Jack continued to rub the back of Ennis's neck and his shoulders.

Ennis's breathing changed from gasping breaths to being shallow and fast. Jack was afraid that Ennis would make himself pass out. "Calm down, cowboy," said Jack. "Take a deep breath. Breathe through your mouth."

Ennis nodded and managed to take a few shuddering breaths. He felt his heart, racing in his chest, begin to regain a normal rhythm. "Oh, Jesus, Jack," he whispered, barely able to speak. "I felt like this one other time in my life."

"When was that, babe?" said Jack, softly.

"The day you drove away in Signal. I felt like someone was rippin' my fuckin' guts out. I feel that way now."

"But you were unhappy then, weren't you?"

Ennis nodded. "I was so fuckin' unhappy I thought I would die."

"And now?"

"I'm so fuckin' happy I think I'm gonna die. This can't be real Jack. This can't be happenin' t'me."

"It is real, lover. It is happenin'," said Jack. "Believe it."

At this point, Ennis burst into tears. He buried his face in his hands, saying, "Oh fuck, now I'm cryin'." He turned to Jack who put his arms around him and pulled him into a close embrace. Ennis buried his head in Jack's neck, mumbling, "I'm a fuckin' mess."

Jack chuckled at this. He could feel Ennis's tears, hot and wet on his shoulder. "Cowboy," he said, "under the circumstances, I think you have a right to be."

"A right to be what?" mumbled Ennis.

"A fuckin' mess." This finally got a laugh out of Ennis, who stood up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Oh, God, Jack, d'ya have a handkerchief?"

Jack nodded and pulled one out of his pocket. "Here ya go, babe," he said.

Ennis wiped his eyes and blew his nose and took yet another deep shuddering breath. "Oh, Jesus, Jack, I can't go back in there, my face and nose all red and teary like this. Tom will think I'm an idiot."

"Ennis, of course he won't think that. He knows this has been an emotional time for both of us."

Ennis looked at him. "I own the fuckin' farm, Jack," he said. "He gave me the fuckin' farm."

Jack nodded. "I know."

Ennis persisted. "Do ya understand, Jack? He gave me the fuckin' farm."

Jack smiled. "Yes, Ennis, I understand."

"Oh Jesus, Jack, I wish Hal was here," he said, tears welling in his eyes anew. "I want t'say thank you."

"I think Hal knows yer thankin' him," Jack. "He's somewhere lookin' down at you right now."

Ennis gave him a shaky smile. "Y'know, Jack, he said he left the farm to me, but it's not just mine. It's ours, Jack. It's our farm."

"Technically, Ennis," said Jack, "it is yours. But I hope you'll let me stay."

"Oh fuck, don't say that—even kiddingly, Jack," said Ennis, suddenly looking serious. "Of course you'll stay. We're married."

Jack smiled at that. The way words had come out so naturally, so effortlessly from Ennis's mouth—we're married—filled Jack with an immense happiness. Jack pulled Ennis in for another hug. "Yes, we're married. I love you, cowboy." He kissed Ennis on the forehead. They stood there for a few more minutes, then Jack said, "Ya think ya can pull yerself together?" he said. "Tom's gonna wonder what happened t'us."

Ennis stood up straight, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose a second time. He took a deep breath. "Yup, I think I'm okay now," he said. "Let's go back t'the living room."

They walked back into the room and sat on the couch. Ennis reached over and held Jack's hand. He felt like he needed the human contact to maintain his composure, shaky as it was.

Tom smiled at him. "I hope those are tears of happiness, Ennis," he said.

Ennis nodded. "They are, Tom. I'm fuckin' overwhelmed." He paused. "Thank you, by the way."

"Thank Hal," he said. "It was his decision. I should probably add, that when Uncle Hal said the farm, he meant everything. All the furniture in the house, the equipment in the barn…basically, what you see is what you've got."

"Oh my God," said Ennis. "This gets more unbelievable by the minute." He paused and put the handkerchief to his eyes, trying not to cry again. In a shaky voice he said, "Is there anythin' you want, Tom?" he asked. "If there is any furniture or anythin' special, you can have it."

"No, there isn't. Actually, back in the spring, before Hal went to the nursing home, we took care of that. He had a family bible, and some jewelry from his parents—his father's pocket watch and some other stuff—I took that then. So, everything that is here, is yours."

Suddenly a thought came to Ennis, and he couldn't resist. He looked at Jack with a wink. "I'm givin' you the magazines," he said. Jack laughed.

Tom looked puzzled. "Magazines?"

"Sorry," said Ennis. "Private joke. Just somethin' we found in a box in the closet. Hal knew about it."

Tom shrugged. "Okay." He paused then looked at both of them. "Ready to continue?"

"Continue?" said Jack and Ennis in unison. "There's more?"

Tom nodded. "Yes, there's more. Like I said, Ennis, Uncle Hal left you the farm. But Jack, he liked you too, and wanted you to have something."

Jack could feel Ennis squeezing his hand as they both listened to Tom.

Tom looked at Jack. "He had a life insurance policy and made you the beneficiary."

"Life insurance?" said Jack, as if he didn't even know what this was.

"Yes," said Tom, "a $50,000 policy. Again, the estate needs to be settled and paperwork filed, but once that's done, you'll receive a check for the full amount from the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. I know from the other stuff we were working on that your legal name is John C. Twist, Jr., and that's who the check will be made out to."

It was Jack's turn to feel the room spin. He could feel Ennis's hand squeezing his and Ennis was offering him the handkerchief. "Ya need this bud?" he was saying.

"No, I'm okay," he managed to whisper, and then looking at Tom said, "I can't believe this. Thank you."

Tom smiled at both of them. "I want to tell you, I am really happy to be able to give you this news," he said. "I want you to know that." Jack and Ennis smiled back at him. "Remember when I was here two weeks ago, Jack? You said I seemed fidgety and nervous?"

Jack nodded. "You didn't seem like yer usual self," he said.

"Well, this is why. I've never been good at keeping secrets, but Uncle Hal made me swear not to tell you. If I could've—the whole thing with the bank loan and that banker insulting you—you wouldn't have had to go through that. I'm sorry about that."

"No need t'apologize, Tom," said Jack. "Hal was a private guy, I can understand why he didn't want ya t'say anythin'. And he never knew anything about the sale plans, right?"

"Right," said Tom. "I never told him. So he died, knowing he was giving you this gift."

Ennis turned to Jack. "Oh Jesus, Jack," he said, "I am so glad we brought him home."

Jack nodded. "We knew it was a wonderful thing, En. But this makes me doubly glad we did it."

Tom looked at them. "I didn't know it then, but that turned out to be the last time I saw my uncle. I guess for a good bye, that was a good one."

Ennis nodded. "I think yer right, Tom."

They sat and looked at each other for a minute or two and then Jack said, "So is that it, Tom? No more surprises?"

"No more surprises," said Tom. "I think that was enough for one day, don't you?"

Jack looked down at his hands, twisting them in his lap, then looked back at Tom. "I've gotta say somethin', it's kinda hard for me t'say, but I've got t'ask ya this…"

Tom nodded. "Sure, go ahead, what?"

"If we bought the farm, you would've gotten the money. Or if you inherited it from Hal and sold it, you would've gotten money. Now, yer gettin' nothin'." He paused. "Is that okay?"

Tom smiled at him. "You're brave to ask that question," he said. "This may sound funny, coming from an economics professor, but money isn't everything. Sure, it might've been nice to get fifty or sixty grand, money to put in the bank. But I think I've gotten something more valuable."

"What's that?" asked Jack.

"I've got two new friends and the knowledge that my family's historic farm will stay a farm…I hope for generations to come. To me, that's more important than money."

"Thank you," said Jack softly. "That means a lot to me."

Tom stood up. "I feel like we should have some champagne or something…something to celebrate."

"We have a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator," said Jack. "If ya want…"

Tom looked at his watch. "It's 9:45 in the morning, probably a little early to start drinking. Although the sun must be over the yardarm somewhere in the world."

Ennis looked at him. "What?"

"Nothing," said Tom. "Just an expression, something my dad used to say." He paused. "Wait a minute, you said you had orange juice, right?"

Jack nodded. "Yup, a fresh pitcher, just made it this morning."

"Perfect. We can have mimosas." Tom started to walk into the kitchen, Jack and Ennis following.

Ennis whispered to Jack, "What's a mimosa?"

"Damned if I know," said Jack.

Tom took three glasses from the cupboard and pulled out the bottle of champagne and pitcher of juice from the refrigerator. He popped the cork and poured champagne into each of the glasses, then added generous splash of orange juice to each. He handed Jack and Ennis each a glass and lifted his own in a toast, "Congratulations, to the new owner of the Lazy L, and his loving partner."

Ennis blushed. "Thanks, Tom," he said, taking a sip of the drink. "Mmm, this is good. Try yours, Jack," he said.

Jack held his glass up in a toast. "Congratulations, babe. I love you," he said, then took a sip.

Ennis smiled at both of them. "Thank you," he said softly. "I'm really in shock." He took another sip and looked at Tom. "Y'know, Tom," he said, "the day I met Jack I had two bucks in my pocket. We said t'each other that we were savin' t'buy a place, but my savings never amounted to much more than a coupla hundred dollars. I can't believe my dream has finally come true. Thank you."

"No need to thank me," said Tom. "I'm just the messenger. Obviously, you shared your heart with Uncle Hal and he gave you this gift."

They stood there smiling at each other for a few minutes, finishing their drinks. Tom looked at his watch. "Well, I better be going. Janet is checking out of the motel and we have a long drive back to Austin," he said. "I'll be in touch as details develop with the will and the probate court. I'll probably have to come back in a week or two. But for you, I guess life goes on as it has been."

Jack smiled. "I guess it does…"

"It's the same, but different, I think," said Ennis with a smile.

They walked Tom to his car, each giving him a hug before he got in and drove away, Jack and Ennis watching his car disappear around the bend. Jack turned to Ennis. "Now what?"

Ennis shrugged. "Well, I guess we could do some work," he said. "Those fences still need fixin'…" He paused. "Or, we could make up some more o'those mimosas and do a little celebratin'…" He looked at Jack. "Which would you pick?"

He took Ennis's hand and walked towards the house. "Ya hafta ask?" he said with a smile. "Ownin' a farm must've addled yer brain. C'mon with me…how did Tom make those drinks?"

"Easy," said Ennis. "Champagne and orange juice…mostly champagne."


	21. Chapter 20

A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 20

Jack smiled at Ennis over the breakfast table. "I have a treat for you, lover," he said, "we're doin' somethin' special today."

"What's that?" said Ennis, his voice suspicious.

Jack folded back a newspaper and pointed to an ad, which had splayed over it _All mattresses and beds! Forty percent off! _"We're goin' shoppin' and I'm buyin' ya a housewarmin' present—a new mattress, like we talked 'bout."

Ennis looked at him, his eyes a mixture of embarrassment and gentle happiness. "Housewarmin' present? Stop with that shit, I told ya, this is our house, we're here together."

Jack smiled at him. "I know, En, I know what you mean…but I want t'buy you—us—a present—I want t'buy us a new mattress."

"Okay," said Ennis, giving Jack a resigned smile. "I agree that the mattress is lumpy and old 'n if you want t'buy me—us—a new one, then I ain't complain'."

Jack smiled at him. "Let's get a tape measure and measure the room. I want t'know 'xactly how big it is…mebbe we can squeeze a king in there."

"Since I ain't never seen a king size bed, I ain't got any idea, but okay," said Ennis, standing up to clear the breakfast dishes.

Lubbock was 150 miles from Quanah but since both Ennis and Jack were used to the wide open spaces of the west, it didn't seem like a particularly long drive to save forty percent on their new mattress. They chatted happily as the miles rolled by, Jack driving, Ennis leaning over and kissing his cheek, teasingly trying to get Jack's eyes off the road.

Jack drove into Lubbock, negotiating the wide, straight streets of the city with ease. At one point they drove by a plaza with a bronze statue of a man holding a guitar. "Who the hell is that?" said Ennis.

Jack looked at it for a minute and then remembered. "It's Buddy Holly," he said, "the rock 'n roll singer, the guy killed in the plane crash. He was from Lubbock."

"What did he sing?" said Ennis. "Name ain't ringin' a bell."

Jack thought for a second, then said, "'Peggy Sue'….and, 'That'll Be the Day.'"

"Oh," said Ennis. "I remember those songs." He looked at the statue. "That's the guy, huh? Too bad he was killed."

Jack pulled up close to the statue and looked at the dates. "1936 til 1959…" Jack paused and did the math in his head. "He was 23—man he was young—when he died."

"Shit," said Ennis, "I thought this was s'posed t'be a fun trip, not some fuckin' funeral dirge."

Jack laughed. "Just a little bit o'local color, lover. Thought ya might be interested." He pulled away from the statue and drove down the wide street, parking at a meter in front of the Lubbock Furniture Store. "Ready?" he said to Ennis, as he put his hand on the door. 

"Sure am," said Ennis. "Let's give this saleslady somethin' t'talk 'bout at dinner."

They walked into the store, a wide expanse of furniture displays—dining rooms to the right, living rooms to the left. "The mattresses are usually in the back," said Jack, quietly, he as headed straight through the store.

"Why yer whisperin'?" said Ennis. "We ain't doin' anythin' illegal."

Jack turned to him and smiled. "Ennis, I love you so fuckin' much…" Suddenly he stopped, coming face-to-face with a good looking man, trim, about their age, but a bit shorter than both of them, with brown hair and brown eyes. They both noticed he walked a little stiffly.

"Good morning," said the man, smiling at them both. "Welcome t'Lubbock Furni…" he suddenly stopped in mid-sentence.

Ennis looked at the man and then looked at Jack, who was standing there stock still, the color drained away from his face.

"Good mornin'," said Ennis, attempting to cover up the awkward moment and trying to figure out what on earth was going on.

The salesman seemed to recover his composure first. "Good mornin'," he said, pointing a hand in Ennis's direction. Ennis shook it quickly, looking over at Jack.

"Ray?" said Jack, the color slowly coming back to his face.

The salesman nodded. "Yes, Jack, it's me, Ray. Hi. Long time, no see."

The three of them stood there awkwardly for a second, then somewhere, from deep inside of Ennis, a thought, and a joke, suddenly emerged. "Ray? You still eat grilled cheese-tuna-toms?"

Ray looked incredulous, then burst out laughing. Jack turned to Ennis, his jaw hanging down, almost speechless, then, "Fuck, Ennis, whatchya sayin'?"

Ray, laughing, managed to splutter, "Still do, still my favorite fuckin' sandwich."

Ennis, chuckling now, turned to Jack and said, "I guess this is yer old boyfriend, Ray, huh? Mebbe ya should introduce us."

"Oh, fuck," said Jack, finally laughing and joining in the joke. He paused for minute to catch his breath, then said, "Ennis, this is an old buddy, Ray Prevost. Ray, this is my partner, Ennis Del Mar."

"Pleased t'meet ya," said Ray, shaking Ennis's hand a second time. "I heard yer name long ago. Nice t'put a face t'it."

"So, how ya doin' Ray?" asked Jack. "Whatchya doin', sellin' furniture?"

"More than sellin' furniture," said Ray. "I'm the manager of the store." He paused, then pointed to a dining room display. "Got a minute t'catch up? I'd like t'hear what ya been been up to."

Jack turned to Ennis. "Okay with you, bud?"

"Sure," said Ennis. "I ain't in a rush."

The three of them sat at the table. "So," said Ray, "ya said partner, I assumin' that means yer together."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, since May. We're livin' in Quanah."

"But on the rodeo circuit, I heard ya got married."

Jack nodded again. "I did—married Lureen Newsome, settled down in Childress." Jack rattled off a quick synopsis of his life, finishing with their arrival in Quanah in May. "Ennis needed a place for his horses, found us this farm and jobs—now we're buyin' the place." They had decided, for the time being, to keep with the story of buying the farm, at least for strangers and casual acquaintances. It was easier than going into all the details about Hal. Ennis thought that part of the story was a little bit personal, anyway, and not really anybody's business.

"Caught yerselves a lucky break, it sounds like," said Ray.

"Yup, we did. We weren't sure what we were gonna do, now we're settlin' down." Jack paused for a minute. "What 'bout you, Ray? You ever get married?"

Ray shook his head. "No. After bein' with you, Jack, I knew what team I was battin' for." He said this with a smile. "I'm livin' here in Lubbock, got a nice man, his name's Elliott. He's a doctor."

"Doctor? Wow. Didn't think doctors hung 'round with cowboys."

Ray laughed. "Yup—it's a story. Let's see…you and me, it was '65, right?" Jack nodded. "Well, I kept on rodeoin' for a few years, then in '67, I got thrown by a bull. He stomped on my leg, broke it in two places."

"Ouch," said Jack and Ennis in unison.

"Ouch is right," replied Ray. "They took me t'the community hospital to fix it up, but a lot of the blood vessels was crushed—the doctors were afraid I'd lose my leg. They flew me by helicopter t'the medical center here at Texas Tech. I had a bunch of surgeries, my leg was in traction for weeks." He pointed to his thigh. "I got a metal rod in this bone."

"Jesus," said Jack. "Sounds bad."

"It was bad, but I had good doctors. Elliott was the one that sewed up all the blood vessels. He's probably the reason I still have my leg." He turned to Ennis. "Elliott's a vascular surgeon." Ennis nodded at this bit of information.

Jack laughed. "You picked up yer boyfriend in the hospital?"

Ray laughed back. "Jesus, Jack, I was in traction. No. And it's more like he picked me up, anyway." He chuckled. "When I got out of the hospital, I had physical therapy for months. One day, I was havin' a sandwich in the hospital cafeteria and Elliott came in. He remembered me, of course—he spent enough time lookin' at my toes and worryin' 'bout my circulation, how could he forget me? Anyway, we got t'talkin', then datin'—dated for a few years before Elliott decided he could do this for real."

"Whaddya mean?" said Jack, looking puzzled.

"Elliott's story is pretty typical," said Ray. "He married his college sweetheart. She put up with the pain and sufferin' of medical school. Then, when he was in his fourth year of his residency, he started havin' an affair with a nurse in the OR. Not that unusual, Elliott tells me, lots of surgeons are screwin' the nurses. Trouble was, in his case, the nurse was a man, not a woman." He paused. "The shit hit the fan on that one. He almost got thrown out of his residency—the only thing that saved him was the head of surgery was a decent guy—and Elliott is a damn fine surgeon." Ray shifted position in his chair and rubbed his leg. "Anyway, he tried to get back together with his wife, tried to make it work but couldn't—eventually they got divorced. Then Elliott went through a period where he played around a lot—with men and women—tryin' t'figure out exactly who he was. I showed up in that period. I fell for him pretty quick but it took him longer to realize what was between us."

Jack nodded. "You livin' together?"

"Technically, no, but I'm at his house five nights a week. I have my own apartment, though. Doctors are a conservative bunch—Elliott feels like he needs t'keep up the appearance that he's a bachelor. I'm hopin' he'll come 'round eventually."

"Ya happy?" asked Jack.

"I am," said Ray. "Our arrangement's workin'…he's a good guy, we're happy." Ray gave them both a big smile. "Can't believe yer here, Jack. It's good t'see ya."

"It's good t'see ya, too, Ray." He paused. "Listen, Ray, I'm sorry, if I hurt ya…"

Ray shook his head. "No need t'say sorry, Jack. It was eleven years ago. One good thing 'bout time, makes the bad memories fade." He stood up, shaking his leg, then looked at Ennis. "I need t'move my leg. It gets stiff if I sit too long." He paused, then continued. "So…you came in here today t'buy…?"

"A new mattress," said Jack.

Ray nodded. "King, I'm assumin'."

"We'd like a king, but I ain't sure the room is big enough." He pulled out the paper with the measurements and showed it to Ray. "It's a funny old farmhouse and the windows and doors are in inconvenient places. This is really the only wall," he traced the line with his finger, "t'place a bed against."

Ray looked at the picture for a minute, thinking, then stood up and said. "Come with me, let me show ya somethin'." They walked across the display floor and stopped in front of a large cherry bed. "This is called a captain's bed," he said. "Notice how there are drawers underneath, and the headboard is like a bookcase." He reached over and flipped a switch. "There's a built-in light, too."

Ennis looked at the bed, his eyes wide. The display model had a king size mattress and it looked as large as an aircraft carrier. "I thought captain's beds were snug and cozy," he said.

Ray laughed. "On ships they are," he said. "This is the Texas interpretation. Everythin's big down here in Texas." He motioned his hand over the bed. "The point is, with the headboard the way it is, you don't need a table on either side of the bed, get you a few more inches to fit the bigger bed in the room." He pulled out a tape measure and flopped it across the mattress, then looked at Jack's drawing. "This would fit, I think, and you'd still have room for this little chest." He pointed to a small chest with four drawers, displayed on the right hand side. "It's nice t'have somethin' with a few extra drawers and you can put a lamp on this, so when ya come into the bedroom through the door, it's right there."

"Whaddya think, En?" said Jack.

"It's…it's…ver' nice…" said Ennis, tentatively, "but I wasn't expectin' a whole bed, just a mattress."

Ray moved his hand along the cherry board on the side, now moving into full salesman mode. "I like this look," he said, "it covers up the box spring, so you don't need a dust ruffle. Too frilly, I think, and Ennis, you don't look like the frilly type."

Ennis blushed at this and shook his head. "No, I ain't," he said, "but I didn't think I was the captain's bed-type either."

Ray looked at the bed, his hands on his hips. "This is one of my favorites in the store," he said. "Looks like a man's bed to me. Handsome."

It took a bit more of Ray's persuasive salesmanship, but in the end they bought the bed, chest, a blanket chest for the foot of the bed and a dresser. "Why not?" said Jack. "I figger we've done this much damage, what's a little bit more?" It helped that everything was forty percent off, as advertised, and Ray threw in an additional ten percent discount, as the manager.

After all that, buying the mattress was a cinch. As a former rodeo rider with a bad back and a gimpy leg, Ray knew exactly how Jack's back felt. "I could talk t'ya 'bout springs and shit," he said, "but trust, me, this mattress is the one ya want. Nice and firm but with a pillow top." Jack and Ennis did lay down on it to test it, giggling a bit, smiling at each other. It helped that the store seemed to be devoid of customers and Ray acted like he had all the time in the world.

The last step was to arrange to have the furniture delivered. "I brought my truck," said Jack, "but I don't think this will all fit."

Ray shook his head, "No, and with that nice cherry wood, you want to have it packed properly. Listen," he said, "we don't usually deliver t'Quanah, but since this is a big sale and you are an old friend, I can arrange it. Everything's in stock. Would tomorrow be okay?"

"That's really nice of ya, Ray," said Jack. "Tomorrow is fine."

"The delivery guy can take away the old mattress, too, if ya don't want it," said Ray. "They are a pain in the ass t'dispose of sometimes."

Jack turned to Ennis. "Now I guess we need t'buy some sheets," he said. "Nothin' in the house is gonna fit this bed."

Ennis nodded and Ray looked at them both. "Down the street, there's a nice shop called Linens and More. The owner is Julie O'Brien, she's a friend o'mine. Tell her ya bought the cherry captain's bed, she'll have some suggestions for good lookin' sheets. Somethin' dark, I think…mebbe a plaid."

"Not white?" said Ennis. He turned to Jack. "Colored sheets?" he said, as if this were totally foreign concept.

Jack smiled at him, his voice soft. "Think of it as a new adventure, lover, somethin' we ain't ever done before." He turned to Ray and stuck out his hand. "Ray, thanks for all this. You've been great."

Ray smiled back. "Jack, thank you." He wrote something on a piece of paper. "This is my phone number…if you want t'stay in touch."

Jack nodded and put the number in his wallet. "Thanks, Ray…although, Quanah is sort of far away."

"I understand. But," he paused, "if ya ever need a referral t'a good doctor, feel free t'call. And mebbe next spring you'll feel like redecoratin' the livin' room. If ya do, I hope you'll come in. I'll give ya a good deal."

Jack smiled. "Ray, we may very well do that. Thanks again."

Jack and Ennis turned and left the store and started walking up the sidewalk to the linen store. "Small fuckin' world, isn't it, En?" he said.

"Yer not kiddin'," said Ennis. "We buy a bed from yer old boyfriend? Goddamn, that's one for the memory book."

"Damn straight, cowboy," laughed Jack. "Now, let's go buy some sheets."

They spent the next morning moving the old furniture out of the bedroom, storing some of it in the attic, and hauling the mattress and box spring downstairs to be taken away by the delivery man. Once that was done, Ennis scrubbed the hardwood floor on his hands and knees, applied a coat of paste wax and buffed it by hand. It gleamed when he was finished. "Looks good, cowboy," said Jack, appreciatively.

"Well, I figger once that big bed gets in here, it'll be years before we move it to give the floor a good cleanin'."

"Yer prob'ly right 'bout that," laughed Jack.

The delivery men arrived shortly before lunch. They carried the furniture up the stairs and assembled the bed, putting the mattress in place, pulling off all the plastic wrapping and crumpling it into a large ball. Jack gave them each a $10 tip and suggested they stop for lunch at the barbecue restaurant on Main Street.

Jack and Ennis then brought up their armloads of new linens. Jack had washed everything the day before to get the size out of the sheets and mattress pad. They made the bed together, smiling at each other, thinking of the day in May when they had done the same thing. "This bed looks so fuckin' big," said Ennis, with a grin. "How'm I gonna reach you, cowboy?"

Jack fell onto the bed and pulled Ennis down on top of him. "I think you'll find a way, lover," he said with a laugh.

The rolled around together, laughing and kissing, when Jack pulled back and looked deep into Ennis's eyes. "Wanna christen the bed?" he said, smiling.

"Actually, I don't," said Ennis. "I wanna eat some lunch, then I want t'do somethin' else—mebbe take a ride or go for a swim—and talk to ya 'bout this big bed." His voice dropped a notch. "I want t'build up some anticipation of what I'm gonna do t'ya t'christen this bed."

Jack looked back at him, feeling a flare of arousal in his chest. He loved it when Ennis got that assertive tone in his voice. As if reading his mind, Ennis rolled on top of Jack, pinned his shoulders down on the bed and gave him a hard kiss, his tongue pushing deep into his mouth. "This is a little tease…make ya wait a bit," he said, pulling back and giving Jack a smoky glare.

"I waited thirteen fuckin' years, En," said Jack, his voice soft. "I can wait a few more hours."

"And I'm gonna make ya wait tonight, too," said Ennis, his voice low and rough. "Make ya wait 'til yer beggin' for it."

"You keep talkin' like that, I'll be beggin' in five minutes," said Jack, suddenly flipping up his arms, raising his shoulders, and twisting Ennis onto his back. This time, it was Jack who pushed Ennis down onto the firm mattress. "Two can play this game, lover," he said, pushing his mouth down onto Ennis's.

They teased each other like that for a few minutes, then rolled apart, breathing heavily. "Ya sure ya want t'wait?" said Ennis, his eyes dark and shining.

"I'm sure," said Jack. "I know ya'll make it good." He stood up, trying to ignore the erection in his pants, looking at Ennis and noticing the same. "Whaddya want for lunch?" he said with a wink. "Hot dogs?"

They decided to take a ride and a swim. At the river, they looped the horses' reins over the branch of a tree and took off their saddles. They had tucked a few beers in a saddle bag and lay on a blanket in the sun, Jack lazily rubbing suntan lotion onto Ennis's back.

"Jack," Ennis said, "can I ask ya something personal?"

Jack chuckled softy. "En, I don't think any topic is off limits at this stage of the game."

Ennis rolled over and looked at him. "This is a little embarrassin' for me to say, but I'm tryin' t'understand…" He paused. "You and me, most of the time it's me fuckin' you, wouldn't ya agree?"

Jack nodded. "Uh huh."

"The only time you've fucked me…well, I can almost count the number of times on one hand. It ain't too often."

Jack nodded again. "That's right, En. And it's usually when we're sorta drunk and I feel really aroused…and you…say yer tired. It's like you let me do the work."

"Do ya mind?" said Ennis. "Do ya mind that's it's always me doin' the fuckin'?"

Jack shook his head. "That's the way I like it. If I minded, I'd say somethin'. Have I ever done that?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, you haven't." He paused. "Okay, so this gets me t'the personal question. You and Ray—was it like us? Him doin' the fuckin'?"

Jack shook his head. "No."

Ennis leaned back on his elbows. "Didn't think so. He didn't look like the type. So it was you, then."

"Actually, En, we never fucked," said Jack.

Ennis sat up straighter and looked at Jack. "Never fucked? Ya said ya were together for six months. What was ya doin' all that time, playin' cards?"

Jack smiled. "No, we were together. We sucked cock. And ya know that front-on-front thing we've done a few times? We did that a lot. Ray liked it that way."

Ennis looked at Jack as if he still didn't believe him. "Never fucked? Really?"

"Really. Ray absolutely didn't want to…fuck me, I mean. He said it was okay for me to fuck him but…it's not what's most natural for me, En. The times I have done it with you…" he paused, thinking about it, trying to find the best way to put his thoughts into words. "With you, it's like, I need to be inside you, because I love you so much, I want to be a part of you. And sometimes, that's the only way to truly satisfy that desire. It doesn't happen very often, just once in a while…but when it happens, that's what I need." He smiled at Ennis. "Does that make sense?"

Ennis nodded back. "Yeah, I think so."

Jack continued. "With Ray, I never loved him, so I guess that desire was never there…the thing that pushed me to that place."

Ennis looked at Jack thoughtfully for a minute. "Was it satisfyin' for ya?" he said. "I mean, suckin' cock, the rubbin'—that worked for ya?"

"It did. It worked. But, I knew what I had with you…what it could be like. I told ya, I broke it off with Ray because I knew I was in love with you. The sex was part of the knowin', besides the feelin' in my heart."

Ennis got a funny little smile. "Whaddya think he's doin' with that doctor friend of his? Suckin' cock and rubbin'?"

Jack chuckled a bit. "Mebbe…but I suspect he's Dr. Fucker. He's a surgeon, after all. They're pretty bossy guys, prob'ly bossy in the bedroom, too."

Ennis leaned back and stared at the sky. "Who knew? Diff'rnt types of queers, who knew?" He paused, then gave Jack a smile. "We're just lucky we ended up bein' compatible."

"We are, but t'be honest, En…that's one of the things that attracted me to you."

"What's that?" said Ennis, not following.

"It comes through, En. You're an aggressive guy. You seem soft and quiet, but you've got steel in yer backbone. That's sexy t'me."

"And you knew I'd do the fuckin'?" said Ennis.

"I had a feelin'," he replied.

"That's an amazin' thing, Jack," said Ennis, with smile, "since _I_ didn't know I'd do the fuckin'."

Jack laughed. "You didn't know you were gay, En. If you knew, you might've thought 'bout it."

Ennis leaned back, suddenly quiet, then his voice low, almost as if he was ashamed, he said, "I fucked Alma in the ass."

Jack looked at him. "She let ya do that? Most women, that's…" his voice trailed off.

"I didn't ask, I just did it." He looked at Jack, his eyes sorrowful. "That's the aggressive thing, ain't it?"

"It is. Did she ever tell ya t'stop?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, never said anything."

Jack turned, focusing his eyes directly at Ennis's face. "En, I'm not tryin' t'judge ya or anythin', or say anythin' 'bout you with Alma but I think…I think it's better that yer with me. I think I'm a little stronger and able to handle ya better."

Ennis nodded. "I think yer right. I tried t'be gentle but sometimes the feelin' just overwhelmed me. I worried that I hurt her."

"Well, it's over so ya don't need to think 'bout that anymore. And if you get too rough with me, I'll tell ya."

"Ain't happened yet, has it?" said Ennis.

"Not in thirteen years, cowboy," said Jack.

Ennis turned to Jack and gave him a wicked smile. "That gives me some possibilities for imaginin'," he said. "We got that new big bed, lots o'space…mebbe I will tie ya up."

Jack winked at him. "Been wonderin' what ya been waitin' for," he said.

Ennis walked into the bedroom, towel drying his hair. Jack was lying on the bed, propped up by a few pillows, sipping a beer.

"Ain't you livin' the life o'Riley," said Ennis, smiling at him.

"I got ya a beer, too," said Jack, pointing with his bottle. "It's on the dresser."

Ennis picked it up and took a swig. "When are we gonna redo the bathroom, anyway?" he said. "I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with that handheld thing."

"Whenever ya feel like startin', cowboy," said Jack. "I figger you know more 'bout renovatin' than I do."

"I never renovated a bathroom, though," said Ennis, "but I guess buildin' is buildin'—I can figger it out." He paused, then looked at Jack. "I s'pose we should do everythin', right—new toilet, new sink—not just the shower?"

Jack nodded. "Makes sense t'me. Everythin' in there is prob'ly forty years old."

"Well then," mused Ennis, "we'd need t'plan it—can't be without a toilet for days and days."

Jack laughed. "What's a matter, cowboy, ya forget how t'crap in the woods?"

Ennis laughed back. "Yup, four months of sleepin' in a bed with ya, bein' able t'walk down the hall t'piss…I'm a changed man, Jack Twist. Not sure I could ever screw ya in a tent again."

Jack smiled at him, then swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Get dressed, En. Let's go out for barbecue. I don't feel like cookin'."

"Sounds good t'me," said Ennis, opening the closet and selecting a shirt. "I'll be ready in a minute."

One half hour later they walked into the barbecue restaurant. They saw their favorite booth was open. They caught Jeanie Campbell's eye and she nodded, giving them the okay to sit there. As they slid into their seats, Jeanie came over with two beers. "Dinner's on the house tonight," she said. "Ya want the usual?"

They both nodded, but Jack asked, "Why the free dinner?"

"Well," she said, "ya got somethin' t'celebrate, don't ya?"

Jack looked at her. "Ummm….what? Someone see the furniture delivery truck?"

She laughed. "As a matter of fact, they did. And the delivery guys came in here for lunch, so I even know what kind of furniture it is." She winked as she said this. "But, a new bed doesn't warrant a dinner on the house. This is bigger."

They both looked at her, puzzled, not sure what the surprise was.

"Hal's will was filed with the probate court yesterday. The news is out. Congratulations, Ennis," she said.

Ennis looked down, his face flushing. "Thanks, Jeanie," he said. "I still can't believe it."

Jack smiled at Jeanie. "Tom told us after the funeral, so we've had a few weeks for the news t'sink it…but, it is excitin'. We're still a little in shock."

Jeanie smiled at them. "I can imagine—but I can't think of two nicer guys for this t'happen to." She paused for a minute, then said, "Ya remember when I was talkin' t'ya at the house—when I said that bringin' Hal home t'die was gonna be good for you in the community?" They both nodded. "Well, this is obviously goin' t'be the final thing that seals the deal. Hal had a lot of friends in this town. If he liked you enough t'give ya the family farm after 100 years…well…y'know what I'm saying."

"I know what yer sayin' Jeanie," said Jack, "but I don't think we'll ever change the opinion of that asshole Norm Crocker." He stopped. "Oops, pardon my language. But, I feel sorry for the next gay guy who ever tries t'get a loan from that jerk."

Jeanie stood still, her face pale. "Ya ain't heard?"

"Heard what?" said Jack. "We've been at the farm all day, gettin' our new furniture delivered, then we went swimmin'."

Jeanie nodded, then motioned with her finger. "Give me a sec." She walked over to the cash register and came back with a newspaper in her hands. "It was big enough news that it made the front page of the _Lubbock Avalanche Journal_."

She placed the newspaper on the table in front of Jack. He looked at the paper, his mind slowly absorbing the words. "Holy fuckin' shit," he said, his voice low.

Ennis looked at him. "What? What's goin' on?"

Jack turned the paper and slid it across the table to Ennis. Ennis looked first at the picture, a grainy black and white photo of a twisted mass of metal that at one time might have been a truck. His eyes rose to the headline, two inch tall letters that said, "Quanah Banker Killed In Train Collision." "What?" said Ennis again, still not comprehending.

Jeanie pointed to the words. "Quanah banker—Norm Crocker. He was killed last night when his truck stalled at the railroad crossing and was rammed by a freight train. Carried him 200 yards down the tracks before the train could finally stop."

"Holy shit," said Ennis.

"Holy shit is right," said Jeanie. "I don't like t'speak ill of the dead, but in his case, it is good riddance t'bad baggage."

"What happened, exactly?" asked Jack, not having the paper in front of him to read the story.

"Norm had a coupla good ol'boy buddies he liked t'drink with. Story is that last night, he got good and liquored up, drivin' drunk, truck stalled. Others are sayin' that he passed out at the wheel and it was just an inconvenient accident that he happened t'pass out in the middle of a railroad crossing. Whatever," she shrugged, "the freight train came through, going 45 miles per hour and it just picked up Norm's truck and crushed it like a toy."

"Jesus," said Jack. "I thought the guy was a jerk but I never wished him dead."

"Jack," said Jeanie, "believe me, you are not alone in your assessment of Norm Crocker. Most of the town of Quanah thought he was an jerk."

"Really?" said Jack.

"Really," replied Jeanie. "I thought banks were in business t'lend money, but you'd never know it from the way ol'Norm Crocker operated. I know you were upset when he turned you down, but trust me, you weren't the only one. My friend Sue Ellen wanted a loan to start her beauty parlor—he turned her down, said women shouldn't be workin', should be at home with their kids. Another friend, who's divorced, got the moral character lecture that you got. And if your skin's not lily white—forget it." She shook her head. "You think a banker is supposed t'be an upstanding pillar of the community, but Norm—he had some skeletons in his closet. People won't be sad he's gone."

"Well," said Jack, "that really is something."

Jeanie nodded. "The funeral is in two days, if ya want t'go."

Jack gave her a little smile, "I think I'll pass," he said.

"You and most of the town," said Jeanie. "I can tell you, I don't think the church will be full like it was for Hal Lawrence's funeral."

While Jeanie and Jack had been talking, Ennis had been reading the newspaper article. He finished and looked at Jack. "I can't fuckin' believe it," he said.

"I know," said Jack. "It is unbelievable."

"Jack, I'm thinkin' of Tom, and his philosophy. 'There are no coincidences…' Did we make this happen?"

Jack looked at Ennis. Ennis's face was pale and his eyes had a frightened look that Jack had never seen before. Jack quickly looked around the restaurant and could see that Jeanie was blocking their view from the few other patrons who were dining. Jack reached out and covered Ennis's hand with his own, having a sense that Ennis needed his physical touch at that moment. "Babe, you—we—didn't do anything. Our paths crossed with Norm Crocker three weeks ago and that was it. His card was up last night and that's all there is to it. Mebbe there ain't coincidences, but this wasn't a coincidence that involved us."

Ennis nodded, his face slowly returning to normal. "Thanks, babe," he said softly. "Yer right."

Jeanie picked up the paper. "Let me go get your meals," she said. "I'll be right back."

As she walked away, Ennis pulled his hand back and put it in his lap. He gave Jack a shaky smile. "It is fuckin' unbelievable."

"It is," said Jack. "That it is."

Norm Crocker's death turned out to be the event that ended the first chapter in the book that became their life together. A few days later Jack was looking at the calendar and he realized that it was four months to the day—May 15 to September 15—from their night at Don Wroe's to the night Norm was killed. "It's four months, En," he said. "In some ways it feels like four years."

"And in other ways," said Ennis, "it feels like four days."

Jack nodded. "I know what ya mean. But still…" He turned and looked at Ennis thoughtfully. "I hafta say, I hope the rest of our lives are not as excitin' as these four months have been."

"What part's excitin'?" said Ennis with a wink. "Movin', gettin' married, you gettin' divorced, havin' my daughters visit for three weeks, discoverin' I'm gay, havin' people die, inheritin' a farm…isn't that like normal every day life?"

Jack smiled at him. "The only thing missin' is havin' someone be born." As if on cue, the phone rang. "Lazy L, this is Jack," he said, as he picked up the receiver.

"Jack, it's Tom," came the voice over the wire. "I just called to tell you that Janet had her baby. It's a little girl, 7 pounds, 4 ounces. We're going to name her Kendra."

"Tom, that's great," said Jack. "Janet doin' okay?"

"She's fine," said Tom. "A real easy labor, just three hours. Pushed Kendra out in twenty minutes. She may be able to come home tomorrow."

"Well, you give her our best, won't ya? Ennis is partial to daughters. Give Kendra an extra kiss for him." They chatted for a few more minutes, then Jack hung up the phone. He looked at Ennis. "That takes care of that," he said. "Now we even had a birth." He filled Ennis in on the details of Tom's new daughter.

Ennis looked at Jack with a smile. "Y'know, Jack, the other thing we've had all summer…?"

"What's that?" said Jack.

"Lots o'things t'celebrate. Just about anythin' that happens, we can turn it into an excuse t'celebrate." He walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of champagne.

"And…?" said Jack, giving Ennis a suggestive wink.

Ennis winked back. "I think we need t'celebrate the fact that little Kendra Lawrence has joined us on this earth." He took two glasses from the cupboard. "Don't you?"

"You ain't gettin' an argument from me, cowboy," said Jack, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked towards the stairs.


	22. Epilogue 2006

A Love Born From Steel

Epilogue—2006

And what became of our friends in Quanah, Childress, and Riverton?

Alma and Monroe stayed in Riverton, living in Monroe's little bungalow for several years. Alma had three more children with Monroe—all boys—and when the second one came along, they realized they needed a larger home. Monroe decided to build a brand new house, and spared no expense on appliances, bedrooms, bathrooms, and decorating.

In the early eighties a new shopping mall was built on the outskirts of town. The plans called for a large Albertson's supermarket to be part of the development. Monroe, realizing that the new supermarket would be a formidable competitor to his little grocery business, sold his store to his butcher who converted it to a meat market. Monroe became the manager of the Albertson's and was moderately successful, although he missed being his own boss. Alma was a stay-at-home mom, happily raising her sons. Two of the boys followed their father into the grocery business. The youngest, who is very bright, is currently working on a PhD in chemical engineering at the California Institute of Technology.

Lureen bought Bobby a horse which turned out to be prophetic. Bobby, who had thought he was afraid of horses, discovered, under Ennis's kind and patient tutelage, how much he enjoyed them. In his teens, he started working at the farm on weekends and during vacations. Although he did anything he was asked to do, what he liked best was working with Ennis with the horses in the stable. Based on his, he decided he wanted to be a veterinarian, and attended Texas A & M for both undergrad and veterinary school. His grandfather was disappointed that he did not want to go into the family business, selling farm equipment, but Lureen was pleased. In her mind, anyone could sell a combine, but it takes a special gift to be a vet. She also loves calling him Dr. Twist.

After graduation, Bobby joined an established large animal practice in Childress. Lureen had wished that he would go a little further afield, but Bobby had made a secret promise to himself that he would provide veterinary services to Ennis and his dad for as long as they owned the Lazy L.

Bobby dated a series of nice young women but none of them seemed to click. Then, in 1999, when he was 32, he ran into an old girlfriend from high school. She had come home to Childress to live with her parents after her husband of six years had been killed in a multi-car collision on I-30 outside of Dallas. She and Bobby began dating and realized the spark they had felt in high school was the real thing. They married after a six month engagement and Bobby legally adopted her two children from her previous marriage. They had a little boy of their own in 2003 and named him John E. Twist—the E stands for Ennis.

Lureen continued to work at Newsome's. Shortly after her divorce was final her father decided to give her a minority ownership in the business. Lureen never knew if this was to spite Jack or had been the plan all along, but she threw herself headfirst into the work, updating the physical plant and expanding the range of equipment they sold. In 1983, when he was 65, LD decided to retire, giving Lureen full control. She inherited the business completely in 1993 when LD died, unexpectedly, of a massive myocardial infarction.

She has remained friendly with Jack and Ennis, in large part because of Bobby's good relationship with both of them. She became their second paying customer when she boarded Bobby's horse—Phyllis's son with his riding lessons was their first. Lureen referred several friends to them for lessons and boarding. Ennis and Jack were grateful for her support because they knew it made a difference—especially in the early years.

Lureen met her second husband through Bobby. During Bobby's senior year of veterinary school he did a two month internship with a small animal vet in Corpus Christi. The vet—Allen—was two years older than Lureen and had never been married, although he confided in Bobby that that was a disappointment to him. Bobby had a feeling that Allen and Lureen would hit it off and when he finally managed to get them together, he found that his matchmaking instinct had been correct. Lureen and Allen negotiated a long distance relationship for two years and married in 1995. Lureen sold Newsome's for a substantial amount—her father wasn't around anymore to disapprove—and moved to Corpus Christi. She is active in charitable and volunteer organizations and is a formidable fundraiser. She and Allen love to travel and every year take a two or three week vacation to some exotic location. This year they are considering a fly fishing trip to Mongolia.

Junior never lost her love of reading and books. She graduated from high school in 1982 near the top of her class and attended the University of Colorado in Boulder on a full academic scholarship. There she majored in English and Library Science and worked summers in the University library. Once she left Riverton, she basically never went back. She divvied up her school vacations between Riverton and the Lazy L, spending as much time with Ennis and Jack as she did with her mother. This irked Alma but Junior was over 18, so there was nothing she could do about it.

After graduating Phi Beta Kappa, she stayed on at CU, receiving a Master's in Library Science. She met her husband, Wayne Curtis, during this period. Wayne had received a MPH from the School of Public Health and when they met he was working on a PhD in epidemiology.

They dated for three years and married in 1990. They had the wedding in Colorado Springs, where Wayne had grown up and his family still lived. Junior didn't feel a strong connection to Riverton and although she loved the Lazy L, she really didn't have any connection to the town of Quanah, either. Based on that, Colorado Springs made sense. They planned a small morning wedding at the church Wayne's parents attended, followed by a luncheon reception at the country club.

Junior was happy to work with Wayne's mother on most of the details, since Alma kept coming up with one strange idea after another. First Alma had it in her head that Monroe should walk Junior down the aisle. Junior flatly refused, pointing out that her real dad, Ennis, was alive and well. Alma then argued that Jack should stay home and not attend the wedding. "He's not family," she said, "he has no connection t'us."

"He's family to me," said Junior. "As a matter of fact, they consider themselves married. Their wedding date is July 4th 1976 and this year will be their fourteenth anniversary." Junior thought her mother needed to be told the truth.

"That's disgusting," said Alma. "How can you say such a thing? They can say that they're married but they never will be, not in the eyes of the Lord."

"Well," Junior replied, "I don't know anything about the Lord, but in my eyes, they are married. And…Uncle Jack will be attending the wedding, whether you like it or not."

By the time the day of the wedding came, it all worked out, although Alma was a little frosty. Ennis didn't care. He had long since given up hoping that Alma would accept him for who he was. His focus that day was his eldest daughter and he did everything he could to keep the attention on her, not on the rift between him and his ex-wife.

The joke, in the end, turned out to be on Alma, as Wayne's aunt was gay and attended the wedding with her life partner. They held hands during the service and danced at the reception, at one point giving each other a little kiss on the dance floor. Jack leaned over to Ennis, "Want t'do that, cowboy?" he said with a smile.

"I'd love t'Jack, but I can't be that mean. Alma's probably ready t'shit a brick anyway. Her ex-husband starts smoochin' with his lover on the dance floor—that's enough to make her have a stroke."

Jack laughed. "Yer prob'ly right," he said, "but it would be fun."

When Wayne finished his PhD he got a job with the State Bureau of Health in Wyoming. They presently live in Laramie and have three children—two boys and a girl. Junior is the head of reference services at the University of Wyoming library. She has a secret wish to write the book her father told her she'd need to write—the one about the girl who grew up in Wyoming with an openly gay dad. She has been working on it off and on for years but plans to get serious about it this year and have a draft manuscript finished by December.

* * *

Jenny's path turned out to be the hardest and most difficult of the three children. She hit adolescence with a bang and become a rebellious teen. She argued constantly with her mother and resented her three step-brothers, whom she felt monopolized her mother's attention. She got along moderately well with Monroe, but still felt lost and alone. She began to drink in her junior year and started smoking dope as a senior. 

She followed her sister to the University of Colorado but dropped out after one semester and moved to Denver. She supposedly had a good job as a waitress but the reality was that she worked sporadically and spent a good portion of her time stoned.

Neither Alma or Ennis were aware of the gravity of the situation until one Sunday morning in April 1985 when Ennis received an anguished phone call from Junior. Apparently, she had gone to Denver to spend the weekend with her sister. Jenny had managed to get her act together on Friday night and Saturday, but Sunday morning, Junior was greeted by the sight of Jenny smoking a joint at the breakfast table.

Junior called her father collect from a pay phone on the corner near Jenny's apartment, "Daddy," she cried, "you have to do something," explaining exactly what was going on. Ennis immediately got into his truck and drove to Denver, arriving there in a record seven hours. Junior had spent the day packing her sister's possessions while Jenny screamed at her that she wasn't going anywhere. Ennis explained to Jenny's roommates that she was moving out and gave them $500 to pay for her expenses and the remainder of her lease. He literally carried her out of the apartment and strapped her into the front seat of his truck.

Junior stood on the sidewalk, tears running down her face. "You can follow us to Quanah, if you want," said Ennis, but Junior still had two weeks of the semester to finish, then finals, and a summer job in the University library.

Jack's heart broke when Ennis arrived back at the farm in the middle of the night. He remembered the happy, carefree little girl he had met on a summer evening nine years before—now he was faced with a sad and broken figure, pencil thin, her hair matted and tangled, her cheeks sunken and gray.

Jenny ended up staying with them at the farm for more than a year. Jack, remembering his battle with depression and his efforts to self-medicate with alcohol, correctly suspected that Jenny was doing the same thing. Using a recommendation from Ray's friend Elliott, he and Ennis were able to find her a good psychiatrist and a caring and sympathetic therapist, who helped her begin the process of rebuilding her life, step-by-step.

As Jenny carefully examined herself and thought about who she was, she eventually came to realize that the core of much of her despair was her sexuality. Long conversations with her counselor and Jack helped her to understand that she was, in fact, a lesbian. The irony of the fact that her father was gay and she had so much difficulty accepting that about herself was not lost on Jenny.

Many months into her counseling, Jenny took her father aside and said, "Daddy, I need you to tell me your story."

This was probably one of the most difficult things he had ever been asked to do, but Ennis realized it was necessary if his daughter was going to continue her healing process. For Ennis, this was an intensely private issue—one he had only discussed with Jack—and even with Jack, those conversations were rare.

"Can we talk in the stable, Jen?" he asked her.

"Sure Daddy, but why there?" she replied.

"That's the place where I finally accepted myself," he said, "and maybe there will be something in the air that will be good for you."

They spread a blanket on the floor of the tack room and spent the better part of a day talking. Ennis told her everything: Rich and Earl, meeting Jack, their summer on Brokeback Mountain, their fishing trips, and the harrowing weekend at Don Wroe's cabin.

"On that weekend I knew—and accepted—that I loved Jack," he said, "but I still didn't accept that I was gay." He told her the story of their first summer in Quanah and how they learned that Hal was gay. He told her about the magazines—Jenny asked if they still had them. "We do, honey," he said. "I'll show them t'you if you want. They're sorta funny."

Jenny laughed. "If my problem is that I like women, I'm not sure I'll get off looking at naked men," she said.

"It's not a problem that you like women, sweetheart," said Ennis. "It's who you are. Don't ever say it's a problem."

Jenny smiled. "Thank you, Daddy," she said.

Ennis continued the story, telling her about the day Hal died and how he had kissed him in the hour before his death. "After that," he said, "I came down here to the tack room and spent a long time thinking. That was the moment for me—that was when I could say to myself, without flinching, 'I'm gay.'" He paused. "That was the piece that I didn't understand," he said, "but I figgered out that night. For years, I denied it all. Then, I said, 'I love Jack' but I thought if I only loved Jack, I still wasn't queer. It wasn't until I could say, 'I'm gay' that I could truly give myself completely to Jack."

"But why is that Daddy?"

"Why? Because until you can completely accept yerself, you can never completely accept another person. That was the lesson that Hal taught me and what I learned the night he died." He looked at Jenny and saw tears rolling down her cheeks. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her head, "I love you sweetheart. You've always been my little angel."

Jenny sighed. "Oh, Daddy, it was so hard for you."

Ennis nodded. "It was, sweetheart. And it took a long time, too—thirteen long years. I know it's bein' hard for you, but at least it ain't takin' as long."

Jenny gave him a rueful smile, "That's true Daddy, but these last few years haven't been particularly great."

"Well, let's hope you've turned the corner and things will be better from here on out."

Jenny gave him another hug, "I think they will Daddy," she said. "And thank you for everything you've told me today."

He smiled. "I have one more thing to tell you—but this is a happy story."

She looked at him, surprised. "There's more?"

"Yup," he said. "Let me tell you 'bout the day Jack and I got married." And for the first time in his life, Ennis told another person the story of their wedding at the crafts fair. Even Hal hadn't heard all the details.

"'That's it?'" said Jenny, smiling.

"Yup, 'that's it,'" said Ennis. "Not 'I do.' If you listen t'Jack and me carefully, you'll notice we say 'that's it' to each other pretty often."

"I have noticed that, Daddy," Jenny said.

"Well, each time we do, that's when reconfirm our vow to each other. We've never talked about it, but I know he feels the same way."

As Ennis predicted, their conversation that day was the turning point. Jenny continued to meet with her therapist and she continued to talk to her dad and Jack, but now her discussions were filled with hope and thoughts of the future rather than depression and despair. In planning for the future, Jenny realized she needed to leave Quanah, as much as part of her wanted to stay with her dad and Jack forever. After several months of research, she made the decision to attend Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts, enrolling as a first year (they don't have freshmen at Smith) in the fall of 1986. Even though she had opportunities for summer jobs in Northampton, she came home every summer to the Lazy L to work with her dad and Jack on the farm. She needed the time with them to rest and reflect after the busy school year.

Jenny graduated from Smith magna cum laude in 1990, with a major in art. Although she was tempted to go back to Texas, she realized that job opportunities were better in the northeast. She stayed in the Pioneer Valley area, working first for a design firm and eventually starting her own business as a graphic designer. She met her life partner, Kelly Hibbard, at a Smith College fundraiser in the fall of 1994. Julia Child, Smith College Class of 1934, was putting on a cooking demonstration with a gourmet dinner afterwards. Jenny liked to cook and was happy to spend $150 to support the cause. She was seated next to Kelly, who was not a Smith grad and had had to beg, borrow, and steal to get a ticket. "I'm a food stylist," she explained, "and there was no way I could know that Julia Child was in town and not be here."

"I'm an alum," said Jenny. "It's easy for me to get tickets to these sorts of things." She handed her a piece of paper with her phone number. "If there's ever something you want to go to, give me a call."

Kelly had taken the paper and two weeks later, called Jenny. "I don't really need tickets to anything," she said, "but I was wondering if you wanted to go the movies with me." From that simple invitation, a lifelong partnership was born. They committed to each other in 1996, had a baby, a boy, in 2000 (Jenny was the birth mother) and are expecting their second child—they know it is a girl—around Christmas this year. Kelly is the birth mother this time.

Same sex marriage was legalized in Massachusetts in 2004, so Jenny and Kelly decided to have a wedding, complete with all the trimmings. Jenny sent her mother an invitation, which was not acknowledged in any way. She called her father in tears.

"Why do you keep torturin' yerself?" he said. "It's been eighteen years. I think this is a stone that will never crack."

"I know, but I keep hopin', Daddy," she said. "She is my mother."

In fact, Alma is the only black spot in Jenny's otherwise happy life.

During the years when the girls were growing up and Ennis was still paying child support, he and Alma had been able to negotiate a workable truce. He knew that she still disapproved of his life with Jack, but had stopped badmouthing him in front of the girls. They had worked out a visitation plan—two months in the summer, the week between Christmas and New Year's, and school vacation weeks in February and April—and kept to it for eight years. However, after Jenny's crisis, Alma convinced herself that Ennis and Jack had "turned Jenny queer" and broke off all contact. No amount of conversation could help Alma to see otherwise, and Alma refused to accept any responsibility that Jenny's problems started while she was still living in Riverton.

Junior filled in Ennis on bits and pieces of Alma's life, but Ennis found he didn't really care. It was a time of his life that held few happy memories. He had actually thrown his first wedding ring away years before, tossing it in the river in a private little ceremony witnessed only by himself. The last time he'd had any contact with her was at Junior's wedding in 1990.

Jenny and Kelly's wedding was held at the Helen Hills Hills Chapel at Smith and the reception was on campus at the Alumnae House. Jack, Ennis, and Bobby flew in from Texas and Junior joined them from Wyoming. The reception was a beautifully catered affair and since Kelly was a food stylist, every touch was exquisite.

"I've never seen anything like this," said Ennis, looking at a perfectly shaped pea pod that balanced three symmetrical peas on a ribbon of salmon paté.

"I know, it puts my cookin' t'shame," said Jack, with a smile.

"Cowboy, you've turned into a damn fine cook," said Ennis, smiling back, "and besides, I'm not sure I could live on this stuff anyway. Nice for a wedddin' though."

In addition to the champagne, canapés, and hors d'oeuvres, there was a small band for dancing. Jack reached out a hand and asked Ennis to dance. "Oh Jack, I'm a lousy dancer," said Ennis.

"Humor me, cowboy," Jack replied, pulling him to his feet. "I let ya say no at Junior's wedding."

They danced at the edge of the crowd, awkward but smiling, enjoying the moment. Junior, who was sitting next to Bobby at the table, leaned over and said. "Look at my poor dad. He hates to dance."

Bobby smiled at her. "This is probably the first time they've ever danced together in their lives—or ever been able to, in front of other people."

Junior nodded. "I am sure this is the first time, but they could've danced at my wedding," she said, explaining about Wayne's aunt and her partner. "I'm sure he didn't because my mother was there."

She stood up, walked over, and laid her hand on her father's shoulder. "May I interrupt?" she asked, with a smile.'

"Oh sweetheart, please do," said her father gratefully.

She folded comfortably into Jack's arms. "This may be the one thing that men and women do more naturally together," she said, with a smile.

Jack laughed. "Well mebbe if yer father learned t'dance he'd be a little better at it."

Junior still smiling said, "Uncle Jack, remember my first day at the farm? Remember what I said to you?"

"Sweetheart, I'll never forget," he said. "You thanked me for makin' him happy."

"That's right," she said. "And I'm thanking you again. You're still making him happy."

"Junior," said Jack, "nothin' has changed in that respect. He's still makin' me happy too."

* * *

And what about Ennis and Jack? Well, they are proof that not every life story is a tragedy and people can, and do, live happily ever after. 

Jeanie's comment in the restaurant—that fact that Hal gave Ennis the farm would carry some weight in the town—proved to be true. They established the farm as a business and became part of the Quanah community. They have been accepted as businessmen, citizens, and yes, life partners. Sure, they know there are people who talk about them behind their backs and with whom they have never become friends—but those same people talk about the people who attend a different church or talk about the Mexican family who lives on the outskirts of town. As Ennis realized during his transformational summer in 1976, they know that what other people think about them is not their problem.

It probably helps that Jack and Ennis live a quiet and private life. They are happiest at the farm and that's where they want to be. The places that could be danger spots—such as a bar—hold no interest for them for socialization. Ennis once thought back on all the years in Riverton when he was drinking in bars—he went to them for one reason and one reason only—to get drunk. It hadn't been fun and it wasn't an experience he wanted to repeat. He had realized that the only time he'd ever had fun drinking in a bar was the day he met Jack. Now that he could have a beer on his own porch, why spend money in a commercial establishment?

Jack, always more outgoing and friendly, does like to interact with others, but they meet that need through a close circle of friends that they socialize with. Dinners, picnics, an evening playing cards—these are the activities the Jack and Ennis have come to enjoy and the way they spent time with friends. They have been able to create a life that meets their needs to be with others but at the same time, create a buffer from those who might choose to harm them. Except for the one incident with Roger Grindell, and the insults of Norm Crocker, Jack and Ennis have never had to deal with another "tire iron guy" in their lives.

Financially, they are secure. Between Ennis and Jack's savings, Jack's divorce settlement, and the money he inherited from Hal, they had a bit more than $81,000 available to them in the fall of 1976. They found a financial advisor that they trusted and invested the money wisely. In the early years, the met their day-to-day expenses with income that the farm generated plus interest income from their investments. Only in rare circumstances—such as when Jenny needed tuition support to attend Smith—have they touched the principal, and when they have done so, they have paid it back.

At present, the horse is business is making a comfortable profit, and has been doing so for about twenty years. Jack and Ennis have continued to invest cautiously and have established trusts for their seven (soon to be eight) grandchildren, as well as their own retirement accounts. For Ennis, in particular, who spent the first thirty-three years of his life living "two bucks away from the poor house," as he would say, the money they have saved has given both of them a level of financial comfort and security that they never expected to achieve.

Of course, they have the asset of the farm, too, which has appreciated over the years, both in the value of the property as well as the value of the business they have created. But in some ways, Lazy L is a "paper asset" in that they never intend to sell and plan to spend the rest of their lives living and working on their farm in Quanah. Ennis's will stipulates that Bobby will inherit the farm, but Jack and Ennis have no intention of dying any time soon. Bobby is already thinking that it will be John E. Twist who takes over the reins of the Lazy L someday—and Ennis is itching to get his youngest grandson in the saddle. "Three ain't too young to learn t'ride," he said to Bobby. "I started when I was two."

In the fall of 1976 they followed the plan they had sketched out for themselves when Jack was getting his hopes up. They renovated the bathroom and traveled back to Wyoming for a week. They took Jenny and Junior camping in Yellowstone, negotiated to buy two horses from Ennis's friend in Riverton, then drove up to Lightning Flat so that Jack could introduce Ennis to his parents.

Jack's father's reaction, as Jack suspected it would be, was only two steps away from grabbing a shotgun and running them off the ranch. He called them both fucking queers and told them to "never darken my doorway again." Jack had offered that they could stay a day or two to help with some repairs around the ranch, but Jack's father was of the opinion that because his son was now a queer, he had lost all his abilities to hammer, saw, paint, or take care of animals. Jack's mother, on the other hand, adhered to Jack's philosophy of mothers. "Yer happy now, son, ain't ya?" she said to them as they got back in Jack's truck after their all too brief visit.

"I am mama," he said. "Very happy."

"Mebbe I could come see you in Texas," she said. "I'd like t'meet my grandson, y'know." Her comment planted the seed of an idea in both their minds. Later that fall—in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas—Jack sent his mother a bus ticket and she came and visited for ten days. For Ennis, it was like having the mother he had missed for twenty years come back into his life. They put up a Christmas tree, bought presents, and baked cookies. She taught them the right way to do laundry (sorting light and dark) and gave Ennis some pointers on how to properly wax the kitchen floor. When she said goodbye, they all had tears in their eyes. While Jack never saw his father again, his mother came to visit once or twice a year until she died in 1997. Ennis still grieves her.

They travel, but are selective about where they go and what they do. Ennis frets every time they leave the horses, even though they have reliable help to watch them in their absence. They have gone fly fishing in Alaska a few times, which they both enjoyed. They usually go hunting for a week in Wyoming in November, finishing their trip at Junior's house for the Thanksgiving holiday. Jenny is in New England and they love to visit her in the summer—enjoying the rich green foliage, the mountains, and the ocean. There, they act like tourists—going to crafts fairs, antiquing, and eating fried clams and baked beans. One year, they rented a cottage on Deer Isle, Maine for a week. They ate lobster, chowder, and blueberry pie at Eaton's Lobster Pool, learned to sea kayak, and went hiking on Isle Au Haut. In the evening, they'd sit on the porch of their cottage and watch the sun slip past the horizon, sending long orange rays across the blue of Penobscot Bay. "Y'know, En," said Jack, "I've watched the sun set hundreds of times in Quanah, but I don't think it's ever as pretty as this."

Ennis agreed. "Even on Brokeback, it was beautiful, but somethin' 'bout the ocean…"

Jack turned to him, his eyes shining. "And t'think, without you, I prob'ly would never have seen this."

"That's right, babe," said Ennis, his voice soft. "It's our life. We built a life together."

The year they both turned forty, they decided to quit smoking. This was not an easy decision as they both liked to smoke and they liked to smoke together. But Ennis had developed a cough and Jack didn't like the way his complexion looked. "I want t'live t'be old and gray with you, En," he said, "not die of lung cancer."

They picked a quit date, threw out all the ashtrays and lighters, and then stopped—cold turkey. They decided that every time one or the other had a craving for a cigarette they would kiss, instead. They spent three weeks joined at the hip and did a lot of kissing—a lot. They had a little relapse at six months but got back on track fairly quickly—aided by much more kissing. Today, Jack and Ennis can proudly say they have been non-smokers for 22 years.

The year they both turned forty-five, Jack finally got his tattoo, and Ennis got one too. Jenny, the artist, designed one for each of them, and they both are unusual and striking. For Jack, she designed a stylized "brand" for the Circle E ranch. Jack remembered the day long ago at Don Wroe's cabin when Ennis had said, "I'm branding ya, cowboy." Jack had told Jenny bits and pieces about the day—he didn't want to get too explicit—but did allow that it was one of the happiest days of his life.

"Jenny," he said, "I was in the darkest place you can imagine and that next day was full of light and happiness." Her eventual design reflected all of those components. Jack had wanted to get it tattooed on his collarbone—Ennis's favorite spot—but the tattoo artist had been reluctant to do it right on the bone. They compromised on his upper right arm which had the advantage of being a little bigger than originally planned, showing off more of Jenny's detail.

For her father, she designed a variation on a sun with the words "That's it" in it, although you'd be hard pressed to see the letters. Ennis wanted something that remembered another happy day in their lives and their vow of love and commitment at the crafts fair. It is low on the front of his right hip and really meant for Jack's eyes only, although he did show it to Junior—shyly at first—when she asked to see it. Junior had been stunned at just how beautiful it was. "Jenny designed that?" she asked.

He nodded. "She did."

Junior ran her fingers over it. "That's it," she said, the words slipping out of her mouth unexpectedly.

Ennis smiled at her as he zipped up his pants and kissed her on the forehead. "That's what Jack says every time he touches it." He gave her a wink. "And you should see what happens when he kisses it."

Junior blushed bright red. "Oh, Daddy, please!" she said.

"Gettin' too personal for ya?" he said, with a laugh. "Okay, I'll stop."

Junior smiled. "Well, I was the one who asked to see it," she said. "I should've known I was playing with fire."

For Christmas in 2000, Junior, Jenny, and Bobby all chipped in to buy Jack and Ennis a computer. The children figured this was a good way to stay in touch—especially Junior and Jenny, who live further away and don't see Jack and Ennis as often as Bobby. Jack took to using it like a duck to water, tracking his investments, reading newspapers from around the world, and hanging out in online chat rooms. He even went through one of those obnoxious phases where he was forwarding jokes and sappy poems to everyone he knew, until Junior gently told him that it was driving everyone nuts. Jack took the hint. Ennis is less enthused about the online world but he likes getting email from old friends, especially Tom Lawrence. He has been known to google "gay sex" to see if he can come up with new ideas for fun with Jack—but that's his little secret. Jack thinks everything they do is from Ennis's imagination. If you want to write, you can: their address is LazyLFarm at gmail dot com.

In the fall of 2005, Jack started reading online articles and reviews about a new movie that was coming out in December. "It's about two gay cowboys," he said to Ennis. "It's winning a lot of awards, including first prize at a big film festival in Italy. Wanna go see it?"

"Sure, why not?" said Ennis. "You know I like movies."

Since they knew it would be months before it came to the little theater in Quanah, they decided to make a weekend of it in Dallas. They stayed at the Fairmount, had a delicious dinner at theTexas Land and Cattle Company (Jack likes the T-bone steak, but Ennis prefers the New York strip, medium rare) and went to the 9 pm show at the Magnolia. They held hands throughout the picture in the darkened theater and were transfixed by the story. As the credits rolled and Willie Nelson sang, Jack turned to Ennis. "That could've been us." Ennis nodded. "But we re-wrote the endin'."

"I like our endin' better," said Ennis.

"No shit, Sherlock," laughed Jack. "I ended up dead."

"Yeah, well what 'bout me?" said Ennis. "I prob'ly was gonna die of lung cancer in that fuckin' depressin' trailer."

They left the theater and started walking back to the trolley stop, their transportation back to the hotel. Their collars were pulled up against the wintry evening, stars bright in the sky above them. "One thing they got right," said Jack.

"What was that?" asked Ennis.

"We were a pair of good lookin' bastards," he said, with a laugh.

"We're still good lookin'," said Ennis, leaning over and giving Jack a little squeeze and a hug.

"Yeah, but I'm all gray now," said Jack.

"I don't call it gray, I call it silver," said Ennis, "and I like it." He ruffled Jack's hair. "Look how thick it is, and with yer blue eyes, ya look like a movie star. Least ya ain't goin' bald—silver's okay."

"Yeah, but look at you, En," said Jack, stopping to look at Ennis. "Still blonde, barely any gray. Lucky sonofabitch."

"Good genes, I guess," said Ennis with a wink.

They walked into the hotel and rode the elevator up to their room on the ninth floor, letting themselves in with the plastic card key. As they got undressed and ready for bed, Ennis commented, "One thing I didn't like about that movie—they made ya fat."

"I know," said Jack, patting his abdomen. "I took off that extra 15 pounds our first summer in Quanah, never put 'em back on."

"It's all the exercisin' we've done over the years," said Ennis, with a wink, pulling him in for a kiss.

Jack smiled at him. "I didn't like the moustache, either."

"Shit no," said Ennis. "I've always liked ya clean shaven, y'know that."

They settled in the bed, pulling each other close. "That's one thing I'm glad they didn't show," said Ennis.

"What's that?" said Jack, not following the comment.

"This," said Ennis. "Our personal life. The sex. It's kinda private, I think."

"Yeah," said Jack, "but I bet the audience wanted more. We were hot. That reunion kiss—shit! It got me goin' in the theater."

Ennis smiled at him. "I remember that kiss. It was hot. But guess what?" he said, as he leaned in.

"What?" whispered Jack, feeling Ennis's breath like fire on his face.

"This one's gonna be hotter."

* * *

If you happen to be near Quanah this July 4th, you might want to stop in at the Lazy L. Jack and Ennis are going to be having a big party—it's their 30th wedding anniversary, after all. 

Their anniversary parties started in 1986. That was the summer when Jenny was getting ready to go to Smith in the fall. She wanted to do something to thank Ennis and her Uncle Jack for their care and love over the course of her difficult year. Ennis had told her the story of their wedding at the crafts fair during their conversation in the tack room. A few weeks later, she asked her father, "Can I tell Junior the story? Or will you? It's such a nice memory, no need to keep it a secret."

Ennis considered that and then agreed with her. "Everyone else in the world has got photo albums and all kinds of shit from their weddins'," he said. "Why not tell people 'bout ours? Yer right, it was nice." Ennis told Junior and Jack and Ennis told Bobby together. Word started to filter out to close friends and before long it seemed like everyone knew of their spiritual wedding witnessed by Sarah the silversmith.

For that first party in 1986, Jenny somehow or another managed to keep it a surprise. The day started as usual, with Jack and Ennis watching the parade and then taking a swim in the river. In the mid-afternoon, Junior arrived from Boulder and Bobby drove over from Childress. "Sweetheart," said Ennis, not expecting Junior's visit, "what are you doing here?"

"Ask Jenny," said Junior with a smile. "It's her surprise."

"I'm throwin' you a party—Daddy and Uncle Jack," she said, hugging them both in turn. "A thank you from me and a celebration of your tenth anniversary."

She had arranged for platters of sandwiches and a variety of salads, and a small sheet cake that said "Happy Anniversary." As a special present, she and Junior had commissioned Sarah in Albuquerque to make two bracelets—one for Jack and one for Ennis—that complimented their rings. Jack and Ennis were totally overwhelmed with the party and the gifts as they never expected such a thing.

Since then, a party has become a tradition for the fifth year anniversaries: fifteen, twenty, and twenty-five. Word is out that this year will be especially memorable. Jack and Ennis are taking a bit different approach this time and are planning a fund-raiser for the local hospice—the same one that took care of Hal. They are having a chili cookoff with an entry fee of $25, and Jack and Ennis have decided to match all funds raised. All of their children and grandchildren will be there, plus their friends and neighbors from Quanah. Lureen is even considering coming up from Corpus Christi—she makes a mean chili and thinks she might have a shot at first prize.

The parade is at ten and after that, they'll be swimming in the river—that part is private, though. The cook off starts at three. Jack is making Cincinnati chili with spaghetti and Ennis just gets to sit back and be the judge. If you have the entry fee in your pocket…think about stopping by. I'll be there—I know it will be a good time. And, best of all—Jack and Ennis—they want t'meet ya.

* * *

_Author's Note: For an authentic downeast dining experience, consider dinner at Eaton's Lobster Pool, Blastow's Cove, Little Deer Isle, Maine; 207-348-2383. Open evenings, May 1 through October 31._


	23. Five Drabbles

A Love Born From Steel

Five Drabbles

Author's Note: Just for fun, written in response to various prompts. 250 word limit (one went over). Enjoy. MaineWriter

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Well, using the theme, forgetfulness, we have Jack and Ennis, at the Lazy L, having one of their skinny dipping afternoons down by the river. 248 words, just flew out of me... Enjoy...

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Jack and Ennis were lying on a blanket, listening to the sound of the river, the horses softly nickering where they stood, their reins looped over the branch of the tree.

"Hey, Mr. Memory," said Ennis softly.

Jack smiled at him. "What old memory do you want me to dredge up today?" he said.

"I was just thinkin'," said Ennis. "Remember that fishin' trip—not sure when, mebbe five years ago—when we found that big grassy meadow, spent the whole day lyin' in the sun, screwin' on that blanket of mossy grass?"

"Sorta like we do here, ain't it, cowboy?" said Jack, as he gave Ennis's cock a little tug.

"Yeah, but that day…" Ennis let his voice drift off. "That day got me through many a cold winter day, I hafta say Jack. Remembering the sun, how warm it was. One of the few fuckin' fishin' trips we ever had when we weren't in the fuckin' freezin' cold."

"Let's forget the bad parts, En. Let's only remember the good parts."

"Which bad parts, Jack?" said Ennis. "Were there bad parts?"

"Every time we fuckin' said good bye," replied Jack, "was a bad part. Lookin' in yer eyes and knowin' I wouldn't see 'em for four, five, six months…that was a fuckin' bad part."

Ennis pulled Jack in close, looking in his eyes. "Ain't got no more o'those, cowboy," he said. "No more bad parts, no more good byes. You can forget all that shit right now."

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The prompt for this was "going to the post office." Okay, so it's not exactly the post office, but it has to do with mail. Jack and Ennis, still at the Lazy L -- 242 words.

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Ennis came into the kitchen, the mail in his hand. "You got a post card, Jack," he said.

Jack wiped his hands on a towel, taking the card from Ennis. "Me?" he said. "Who's writin' me?" But before Ennis could answer, Jack was reading the card.

_August 17, 1976  
Dear Uncle Jack,_

_Thank you again for a wonderful visit. I had so much fun at the Lazy L and it was great to get to know you. It was great to see my daddy so happy, too. I miss you, Uncle Jack, and can't wait for our next visit._

_Love,   
Junior_

He looked at Ennis, smiling. "That's sweet, huh?" he said. "A thank you note."

Ennis nodded. "Nice polite girl, that Junior," he said. "Knows her manners."

Jack looked at him. "She had t'get it from somebody," he said.

"Whaddya mean?" asked Ennis.

"Yer always sayin' you were a lousy husband and mediocre father. The lousy husband part I can see, but I'm not so sure I agree with the mediocre father. Ain't nothin' mediocre 'bout the fatherin' job ya did while Junior and Jenny were visitin'."

Ennis thought about that for a minute, then looked at Jack. "Understandin' love is makin' a difference," he said. "Lovin' you is makin' me a better father t'them." He pulled Jack in for a kiss. "I love you, cowboy," he said, softly.

"And I love you too," said Jack, his words lost in Ennis's lips.

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And just for fun--this is the dinner conversation they had, the night that Jack made the famous "Crab Mongol." 265 words...enjoy!

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Ennis sat down at the table, looking at the serving dishes in front of him. He had had a long day of painting the house, it had been hot, he was tired, and he was hungry.

"What are we havin' tonight, Jack?" he asked.

"Somethin' new that I found in my cookbook," Jack replied. "It's called 'Crab Mongol.""

"Hmm," said Ennis, serving himself some rice, then spooning the Mongol on top. He pushed his fork around in the mixture, trying to figure out exactly what it was. The color was odd, he thought, never saw food that was such an unusual shade of … gray.

He took a bite and moved the food around in his mouth and as he swallowed, he realized it was the worst thing he had ever tasted. It was all he could do not to spit it out on the plate.

Ennis looked at Jack, trying to gauge his reaction. Jack had a strained look on his face.

"What's in this, anyway?" asked Ennis.

"Um, a can of tomato soup, a can of pea soup and a can of crab."

Ennis looked at him. "Yer fuckin' kiddin' me, right?" he said.

Jack looked at him, puzzled. "No, that was the recipe."

"Jack, I don't even know how to fuckin' cook, and I could tell you that anything with a can of tomato soup, a can of pea soup and a can of crab is gonna taste like shit. And this does. What were you thinkin'?"

"I was thinkin' it sounded easy," said Jack, with a sheepish look on his face.

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This was in response to a prompt to write something about buying a car. 244 words.

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"Y'know, cowboy, yer gonna be driving back and forth t'Riverton, four or five times a year t'pick up the girls, we might wanna think 'bout buyin' a car."

"A car," said Ennis. "I ain't ever owned a car."

"Yeah, well," said Jack, "I think it's a damned sight more comfortable for Jenny and Junior to have a back seat, not be squished three across in the front seat of a truck. Besides," he added, "we have a car, I might be able t'go with ya too, help with the drivin.'"

Ennis thought about this for a minute. What Jack said made sense. "Okay, then," he said. "What kinda car? And don't suggest no fuckin' Cadillac, I hate those flashy pieces o'shit."

Jack smiled to himself. He had never cared for Lureen's red Cadillac, either. He thought about cars he had seen on the road. "We could get a station wagon," he said.

Ennis frowned. "Station wagon? Too fuckin' domestic," he said.

Jack laughed. "Okay, how 'bout a Corvette."

Ennis looked at him, incredulous. "Last time I looked, cowboy," he said, "Corvettes only had two seats."

"How 'bout a Ford Pinto?" said Jack, with a small smile.

"A Ford Pinto?" said Ennis. "Are you nuts? That's a little matchbox piece o'shit. Not sure my legs could even fit in a fuckin' Ford Pinto. Why are ya even suggestin' this?" he asked.

"'Cause it's named after a horse?" said Jack, giving Ennis a poke in the ribs.

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Jack and Ennis, at the Lazy L, a few days after their visit to the Lubbock Furniture Store. The prompt was "something to do with furniture." 232 words.

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"Jack," said Ennis, "did ya happen t'notice at the furniture store the other day, there was a real nice livin' room set?"

"There was 'bout a dozen livin' room sets," said Jack. "Which one ya talkin' 'bout?"

"The one with the leather stuff," said Ennis. "There was a brown leather couch, and a big club chair with a foot stool…"

"Ottoman," said Jack, interrupting.

"What?" said Ennis, not understanding.

Jack looked at him. "I think that's what it's called—an ottoman, not a foot stool."

"Whatever," said Ennis, shrugging. "It was a nice lookin' set. I kept lookin' at that leather couch, picturin' you lyin' on yer back, yer black hair, yer white skin on the leather…picturin' me puttin' my cock up yer ass, yer legs in the air, you moanin' in pleasure, hands rubbin' smooth against that big leather couch…"

"You were thinkin' this in the furniture store?" said Jack. "I didn't notice."

"You didn't notice the big ol' hard on I had?" said Ennis. "That's why I kept shiftin' in the chair the whole time yer ol'boyfriend Ray was talkin' 'bout Dr. Fucker."

Jack shook his head. "Ya hid it well, cowboy, but I wish ya had told me."

"Why?" said Ennis.

"I woulda bought ya the couch along with the bed."

"Can we go back?" said Ennis, with a small smile.

"Ya doin' anythin' this afternoon?" Jack replied, with a wink.


End file.
